Revan's mind slowly wandered out of the fog that enveloped her mind, "Ugh…" She groaned opening her eyes.
"Ugh… I hate hospitals…" she thought weakly, eyeing the busy staff as they hustled around the room and the corridors. She lifted one arm to rub her tired eyes and inspected the IV in her hand. Her eyes followed the tube to the humming machine by her bedside. She frowned as she watched it.
"I feel like I've been run over by a herd of Banthas…" she thought tiredly, shifting her gaze to one of the lady doctors as she huddled over data pad, carefully punching in something. Revan looked all around the room; there was only one other bed but it was unoccupied. On the far left was a doorway and a few nurses walked past, chatting pleasantly. Several machines were in Revan's room, the IV, a medical droid, and a small machine that hung on the wall next to Revan's bed. It appeared to be keeping track of her vitals.
Revan felt something shift at her right side and she looked over to see Carth asleep in a chair, his head resting on one arm, and his left hand resting on her right hand. She smiled as she watch him shift slightly in his sleep.
Doctor Mirria noticed Revan watching Carth and walked to Revan's bedside. "I'm glad to see you awake," The doctor said quietly, while checking the IV machine. "You had us quite worried for a while there." She was writing down Revan's vitals on the data pad and smiled.
"I feel like I've been run over by a herd of Banthas," Revan said smiling weakly at the doctor, "and I feel so groggy."
"I'm not surprised," Doctor Mirria frowned, "We had to dose you pretty high on meds."
"Oh…" Revan frowned, "How bad Doctor…"
"Mirria," Mirria commented, then she frowned, "It will be a while before you are on your feet, even being a Jedi and all."
"Evasive as usual," Revan thought… "Well, I'm glad to at least be alive…especially after what happened." Revan shivered slightly remembering that terrible "dream." "Or am I…" guilt still hung over her like a dark cloud, but the events of her poisoned "dream" forced her to come to an uneasy truce with herself, for the moment.
"Hmm, let me get you another blanket," Doctor Mirria smiled kindly.
Revan tried to prop herself up and immediately stopped, "ow.." she groaned.
Resting a hand on Revan's shoulder Doctor Mirria said, "Don't try to move yet, here, let me take a look at your side."
Doctor Mirria flipped up one corner of the covers and gently lifted a corner of Revan's hospital top. "Hmm, let me get you another Kolto pack, it should help with the pain."
"No wonder it hurts like heck to move," Revan frowned staring at the two, ugly puncture wounds. Her whole left side was a shade of black and blue. Doctor Mirria walked back over and opened a sweet smelling jar. It smelled of salty air and cool oceans. Dipping a gloved finger in the gel she careful smeared the stuff over Revan's wound. Revan hissed slightly and held her breath.
"I'm sorry," Mirria frowned at her, and then placed a cool pack over her wound. The pack stuck to her skin and soothed the pain.
"Thanks," Revan gasped slightly.
Doctor Mirria placed a comforting hand over Revan's shoulder and tucked the covers back over her. She also went and got a glass of water for Revan.
"Here you go," Doctor Mirria smiled, "Push this button if you need anything else." Mirria showed Revan a communicator and placed it on a tray.
Revan smiled as she watched Doctor Mirria leave the room. Turning her attention back to Carth she watched him sleep, he was starting to snore slightly.
"I wonder what time it is…" She thought dreamily "Ahh well…" and she drifted off to sleep.
******
Pain, fear, the coldness of the unknown takes me, stripping me of what I really wanted. What wishes I wanted crumples to dust in my hands… Haunted, staring eyes eat at my soul, and the darkness freezes my heart. The blankness of my mind is such a small comfort, never knowing what I did… what dreams I destroyed. What hope is there, for someone like me. Someone who never remembers the crimes she commented, how can I find forgiveness… when I can't even forgive myself…
Revan woke up suddenly and blinked a few times trying to detach herself from the nightmare. She shifted slightly and heard a mumble to her right. Carth opened his eyes slightly and passed a hand over his face. Revan smiled at him and tossed those two rebellious strands of hair that hung over his forehead. He sat upright.
"Hey, gorgeous, good to see you awake," he beamed at her.
Revan smiled tiredly at him, "I don't know about gorgeous," she eyed the hospital garb she was wearing.
"Ah, you look good in anything," Carth chuckled. The he frowned worriedly, "How are you feeling?"
"Like I just had a bad encounter with a Krayt Dragon," Revan mumbled, "Don't worry I'll be ok."
A moment of understanding passed between them before Revan asked, "What time is it?"
Carth looked at something he pulled out of a pocket, "Morning," he said.
"Oh, hmm, guess it wasn't as bad as I feel.." Revan pondered.
"Revan… you've been out for four days." Carth said wincing at the terrible memories on the Rakata beach.
Revan's eyes widened, "Oh." She mumbled.
She frowned at him, noticing his tired expression, "You haven't been sitting there," she pointed to the chair, "the whole time, have you?"
He chuckled, "Only left when those nurses chased me out and insisted I get something to eat."
Revan stared at him, "wow," she thought "not many men would do that…but then Carth isn't like most men I've met."
Revan placed her right hand on the side of his face, "Thanks, for being there for me…" She let her emotions shine through her blue eyes.
Carth couldn't help himself, all that stress and emotion overwhelmed him and he bend forward and kissed Revan. They lingered until someone interrupted them.
"Ahem," Bastila commented stepping into the medical room.
Carth stared at her reproachfully. Bastila only stared back.
"Hi Bastila," Revan smiled at her. "I hope that wasn't planned…" Revan thought.
Bastila walked over to Revan and eyed Carth, raising an eyebrow. "May I speak with Revan alone, please."
Carth shifted uncomfortable for a minute. "I'm fine, maybe you can go check on the others." Revan commented.
"Alright," Carth commented and walked hesitantly out to go find the others.
Revan watched Bastila, waiting for the reason why she needed to talk to her. Bastila shifted slightly. She had dark brown hair that was pulled into two small braids behind her head. Bastila was wearing Jedi robes and her eyes were downcast.
"Well?" Revan asked in a kindly voice.
"Revan…" Bastila said, grabbing a chair and sitting next to Revan, "I think it's time we talk, before the universe decides to throw something else our way."
"Ok.." Revan grimaced slightly, "Oh great… please, not another lecture," Revan thought.
"What? Is something wrong?" Bastila asked sternly
Revan shifted slightly, "Why do you ask?"
"Well, its just your face keeps squishing up like a Kinrath puppy," Bastila smiled jokingly.
Revan laughed, remembering when she had called Bastila that on Dantooine.
"I can't believe I actually called you that," Revan smirked.
"Well seriously, what did you want to talk about?" Revan asked.
A dark shadow crossed Bastila's face, "Well, first I'd like to say I'm very glad you are doing better. When… when you almost died… I felt so guilty and it made me face a few things."
Revan frowned slightly, remembering the pain and despair, "Why do you feel guilty, it wasn't your fault."
"Yes, but when your mind was trapped I didn't help the council… I just watched… even when I felt you reject them… I didn't help," Bastila mourned
"Let me ask you something?" Revan pondered, "Do you forgive me? Even knowing what I have done… what I was."
Bastila stared at Revan, "Yes, if you had asked me that when we first met… after you were captured I would have said no… but now, after what you have done for everyone, how many people you helped, and how many people you healed, how you rescued me from the dark side, of course I forgive you."
"Then, if you can forgive someone like me, you can find it in your heart to forgive yourself for falling to the dark side, I certainly do." Revan smiled quietly.
"How ironic," Revan thought "I'm giving her advice to forgive herself when I can't even take that advice…but the situation is different."
Bastila frowned at her, "How about you?"
"Huh?" Revan said.
"Don't play coy, I can still read your mind once in a while, even though the bond is fading…" Bastila sighed.
"I'll be fine Bastila…" Revan looked away.
"Will you?" Bastila tilted her head her worried eyes staring at Revan.
"Yes… I'll be ok," Revan watched Bastila, "Now what's wrong?"
Bastila smirked, "You seem to have a talent for turning the Jedi council on it collective ear."
Revan chuckled, "So I've noticed… I'm sure that incident… actually two incidents with Carth didn't help."
"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll be just fine." Bastila smiled at her.
"What are your plans?" Revan asked.
"I'm not sure, I guess it will depend on the Council, but I suspect they will take me back for retraining, which may not be a bad thing." Bastila said, cocking her head.
"Yes, I suppose…" Revan said thoughtfully. "I wonder what they plan for me…" she thought.
"Well I should let you get some rest. Frankly, you look awful," frowned Bastila.
"Thanks," Chuckled Revan, "Come and visit me later."
Bastila smiled, "Of course."