*
This isn't right…
It doesn't feel right to me.
Am I too weak for this? Should I just give up?
Maybe…
What? I shouldn't?
You…don't want me to?
Okay. I will keep trying, then.
Maybe just a little longer…
*
The high school entrance ceremony edged continuously closer. I was nervous for several reasons. For one thing, I had been in Japan, an entirely different world, for less than one week. For another, I had never been to school in my life. I had studied on my own out of books, and then only when it was raining and I couldn't go enjoy the beach with my friends. I had barely had any kind of organized lesson in all fifteen years of my life and was suddenly regretting that fact very much.
Would I fail school—whatever the heck that meant?
Failing school…it sure didn't sound like a good thing to go about doing. I finally summoned the courage to share my fears with my mother, and, when I did, she took my hand inside her own warm palms and said, "You are not going to fail. I bet you'll be at the top of the class, just like in junior high!"
I know she was trying to comfort me, but the butterflies in my stomach multiplied ten fold upon hearing this declaration. Did she say top of the class? Somehow, I knew responsibility would come with such a distinction. It wasn't that I minded responsibility, but I had no idea what a Japanese school was even like! I had no idea what any school was like… How could I possibly take a leadership position?
As the days raced by, I began to dread school more and more…
I was surprised when Mom took me on the train to a department store in Tokyo that Saturday afternoon. We walked past rows and rows of very similar clothing. My eyes drifted over the sea of navy and black pleated skirts and blazers, but my mother kept walking, occasionally checking a slip of paper.
We finally stopped at a clothing rack near the back of the store. My mother ventured down it and picked up one of the identical skirts, holding it up to my waist.
"Is that your size?" she murmured to herself.
"What is this, Mom?" I wondered, staring down at the skirt.
She eyed me strangely. "Your uniform…?"
My mind was instantly filled with images of girls dressed in identical jumpers, jackets, or sailor outfits. Yes, all junior high and high school students wore uniforms… And this would be mine starting Monday.
"Oh, oh," Mom said. "I get it. This one's way too big. I misread the label. I forgot your body stretched out when you got taller," she was really mumbling to herself, not even making eye contact with me. She replaced the skirt on the rack and headed back down the row in search of a smaller one.
I went along with her quietly, letting her hold up various articles of clothing over me. She shooed me into the changing room when all this was done, and I came out for her inspection when I had achieved the best fit.
My mother clasped her hands together over her chest, and her eyes sparkled with admiration. "You look so good in it, honey. It really suits you."
She pulled me to the mirror and I had a chance to look at myself. Apparently, the girls at my school would all be wearing the same pleated skirt that ended at the knee and was so dark of an orange it was practically red. It reminded me of sunsets on Destiny Islands, it truly did. The top part of the uniform consisted of an open black blazer (it didn't even have buttons), and a white dress shirt worn underneath. From below the collar dangled a pair of long ribbons, the same vibrant red-orange of my skirt. I knew (somehow) that I would also wear white socks and shiny black shoes issued by the school.
My mother hugged me tightly. She told me again she was proud of me. I changed back into my regular clothes (jeans and a white t-shirt that had the kanji, or Chinese character, for "friendship" on the back.) I was surprised at the expense of the uniform, but my mother removed the thousands of yen from her purse and handed it over to the store clerk without altering her expression. I knew that we didn't have much money at all, and promised myself I would take special care of the uniform.
After picking up a black briefcase that would be my school bag, Mom treated us to green tea at the café on the bottom floor of the department store and then we headed back to the station. My mother had another surprise. We got off two stops too early. I followed her without a question, and then realized where we were.
My school.
It was twilight then, so the building looked much more surreal to me than it would later. It was a mammoth and startling thing in that odd light, a huge concrete structure set at the back of a large sandy field. The four stories of school had a shadow that swallowed me as I stood trembling at the front gates, which were, at this time, closed.
"Which one will be your classroom, I wonder?" my mother said, putting one hand on the closed metal gate. She turned her face to me and smiled her gentle smile. "Do you have a guess?"
I gulped. "Probably on the second floor, since I'll be a freshman," I stammered out. I was so frightened at that moment… I thought that I would surely fail everything at school, since I had no knowledge of any of the subjects. I would not know how to act around my peers or my teachers or anyone.
I began to cry.
My mother did not hold me, nor did she take my hand as the tears streamed silently down my face. She kept smiling, looked back at the school, and said, "Take a good look at it now, Kairi. Not so scary, is it? You're a strong girl. You can handle it."
I did as she said. I looked at that building—no, I stared it down. Twilight was ending, and the school building was slipping into the shadows. The four stories did not seem as daunting as they had five minutes before. I wiped the tears from my face and stood up a little straighter.
"Yeah. I can take it."
"That's my daughter," Mom whispered. It was then that she took my hand and we walked home.
I loved her.
*
Monday arrived. I awoke, surprised at myself for getting any sleep. I wiped the drowsiness from my eyes, folded up the futon and stashed it away. My mother was at the kitchenette on the other side of the room, fixing me a large breakfast.
I checked the clock. 7:00. I would be leaving in a few minutes, since the walk to school and back took half an hour. Mom gave me a quick hug and a few last words of assurance before she had to leave for the 7:15 train. I took a shower and dried my hair, and then pulled on my crisp new uniform. I turned around in the mirror a few times, hoping I was wearing everything correctly.
I'm sorry to say I hardly was able to taste the breakfast my mother had so generously prepared for me. It was practically a miracle when I was able to push the nervousness in my stomach down enough to eat. Then it flared up and I had to drink a whole glass of orange juice until everything in my insides finally calmed down.
I plucked up my briefcase, deciding I would take care of the dishes after school. I did not want to be one minute late. I could sense that something important was going to happen today.
At first, the journey was a bit lonely. I waved to a few neighbors whose faces had become familiar during the walks I had taken investigating my area. As I got closer to the school, I began to see more and more people that looked my age and that were dressed as I was, or, in the boys' case, in a black outfit consisting of slacks and a high-collared shirt that buttoned toward one side. Some of these boys were more casual, with their jackets unbuttoned to reveal the white dress shirt underneath.
Many of the students were walking in twos and threes, and sometimes in as much as fives or sixes. I held my schoolbag down in front of me, kept my gaze fixed straight ahead, and walked quietly, trying not to draw attention to myself. I succeeded, but had mixed feelings about it…
I followed the stream of people, figuring that was my best bet for getting where I needed to be. There was a big banner over the large gymnasium doors that read, "Welcome Freshman Students." I knew then I had probably arrived at the right place. There were many other hand-painted signs set up inside. "Sit By Homeroom," one of them read.
I followed a group of girls and boys to a bulletin board where there were six lists of names, homerooms A-F. I found my name under the heading "1-B." The ceremony seemed apt to begin at any moment, so I squeezed through a cluster of boys and found a seat in one of the rows of metal folding chairs that had a 'B' plastered on the back.
The gymnasium filled quickly until all one hundred and fifty freshman students were shifting nervously in the twelve lines of folding chairs (two lines for each homeroom; one for girls, one for boys.) Even though a sharp breeze blew outside, it was stuffy in the gym, and I found that I wanted to rid myself of the heavy black jacket. I did not feel comfortable with such an act, though, as a few other girls apparently did. They sat back in the short-sleeved white collared shirts, and some even crossed their legs.
I followed suit when everyone around me stood and bowed as a row of men and women in business suits made their way onto the stage. We sat again and the room was eerily quiet compared to the chaos of mere moments earlier.
"Good morning," boomed a voice. For half a second I was startled, remembering the loud voice that had echoed inside my head as I fell from Destiny Islands into Japan. No, the voice wasn't the same at all… It was only the principal, standing on the stage before us. He was speaking into a microphone. I breathed a sigh of relief, my mind filling in the blanks concerning exactly what a microphone was.
The principal commended us all on being accepted to such a fine institution, and illuminated some of the highlights that would certainly thrill us during our three-year stay. He spoke a lot in metaphors, being especially fond of comparing life to a road with a one-way sign, and then assured us we were all headed the right way. He was obviously very pleased with his school.
A few other administrators spoke, each one congratulating us on our accomplishment and praising the school with enthusiasm. After the better part of an hour, when the students were again shifting in our seats, a female teacher came up and explained that she would be announcing the top scorers for the entrance exam, and therefore the two lucky individuals who would be the two representatives of the freshmen class.
I froze. Please, please… Let me not have gotten the highest score, please. What the heck is a class representative? I don't even know!
I didn't even hear her speaking, vaguely processed that there was a tie for first place… Please, not me, I kept repeating over and over inside my mind, balling my hands into tight and nervous fists.
My pleading with the celestial forces was for naught.
My name was called.
My cheeks turning about the color as my skirt, I stood and walked toward the stage. Another student from close by was doing the same, but I barely paid attention. I found my new shoes quite interesting as I stood in front of my one hundred and fifty peers shifting in their seats.
Someone nudged me in the shoulder.
"Hey…we have to make a speech, you know," he whispered out of the corner of his mouth. My fellow class representative, I knew.
I lifted my head to show him how helpless I felt, but once I raised my eyes I had to step back and gasp.
My fellow class representative…was none other than Riku.
***
Author's notes. I'm glad Codename is being so well received! I appreciate all the encouraging reviews. I'm glad you guys think it's almost as awesome as I do :p
This chapter… I'm not sure it's as accurate… I don't know all the details concerning how uniforms are issued, only that they're sold in department stores. The entrance ceremony…I only know that it's held at the beginning of the year… I only realized later that it might be held before the official start of school, but honestly I have no idea. So I left it as it was in the story. And the class representative thing…I stole straight from Kare Kano… ^.^;; I don't know if that's how it works with all schools or just theirs (the high school in the show/manga). Ah, well… Details, details…
And to answer Aniiston's question: sadly, no. I am nowhere close to being fluent in Japanese. I can't even read or write it yet—although I did see the kanji for "Hikari" (light) the other day, and it's pretty! I've studied on my own some, picked it up from subtitled anime and J-drama, as well as J-pop… Right now my sister and I are studying with a very nice lady from Japan. In fact, last night we went over to her apartment and had a Japanese dinner (I love Japanese food~~!) and watched a music show and two episodes from Kimutaku's latest drama!!! ^________^
Time for Lesson #2! For those of you who have never seen much anime in your life (you poor souls!) you might not be at all familiar with how Japanese schools work. They have elementary, just as we do, and then three years of junior high and three years of high school (as some places in the U.S. do, too, but not me… I personally like my four-year high school…) In order to get into a prestigious high school, students must pass a difficult entrance exam for that school. Therefore, they study during junior high. Then, in order to get into a good college/university, they have to pass another difficult exam (not standardized tests like the SATs or ACTs that are accepted at colleges and universities nationwide, but separate tests for each institution.)
Seventy percent of students in public and fifty percent in private junior high schools attend cram school, or juku, in the evenings (I didn't find the statistics for high school, I apologize.) These schools might specialize in one course, such as English, or offer a wide range of subjects. It depends upon the school. There are also yobiko, college preparatory schools, which are usually attended by people who have failed the college entrance exams and are preparing for their next try (exams are offered only once a year!) These people are known as ronin, which were "masterless samurai" during the feudal period. College students often kick back once they're in, since they've had six years of study study study. Poor guys.
Oh, and high school and junior high school students wear uniforms. I think you could kinda get that from the story, though… ^^