*
Fate is a cruel mistress.
*
I called Riku that Sunday night following a long bath. After sleeping for the bulk of two days, I felt better and even had a touch of cabin sickness. Although I was uncomfortable concerning the recent developments between my friend and myself, I still trusted him. Because he was Riku, I guess. He had betrayed Sora and me once before, true, but I knew that deep down he was a good guy and he cared for the two of us. Maybe that's why.
"Hello. Is Riku there, please?"
"Oh, is this Kairi?"
"Yes…"
"Ah! So good to hear your voice, Kairi! Riku told us you weren't feeling well. How are you now?"
I had no idea who I was talking to. His mother? Older sister? A maid?
"I'm feeling a lot better, thank you."
"Riku's not home. He's at judo right now. Hmm…let me see. It gets over in just a few minutes. Why don't you go meet him there? I'm sure he'd like that."
She gave me the address. I finished getting dressed—a purple sweater and heavy dark jeans were my attire—after asking my mother if it was all right for me to go out (she agreed after taking my temperature one last time). At the door I slipped on my black boots and coat, as well as some gloves.
"I'm leaving now!" I called.
"Have a good time—and don't push yourself in the cold!"
*
I found the dojo without too much trouble, but as I approached the gates I found myself burdened with an overwhelming feeling of ignorance. What was the proper etiquette for the situation? Was I allowed to go in, or not? Would I offend someone?
I ended up following a woman and little girl inside. I bowed my head to everyone I saw; I figured I couldn't go too wrong with that. I eventually followed the woman inside the dojo, where we removed our shoes and sat down before a group of sweaty boys in open white jackets and loose white pants. I searched the crowds of the large room.
I recognized a few boys from school, but more often than not a face I saw did not conjure any response. I remembered Riku had said something about Sora taking lessons with him. Maybe…maybe Sora was there too.
You're horrible, Kairi! You came here to see Riku, didn't you?
I eventually found Riku and I watched him throw his opponent down on the mat again and again. I sat perched on my knees politely. I noticed he really looked older than I remembered. His hair had grown a little longer in the past months, just as mine had. But something in his eyes was very different, especially when he was in the middle of an attack. My eyes were locked on him, his glistening form, his muscles. How old was he now? Sixteen? Almost seventeen? He seemed much older, both in mind and body.
A man called out that it was time to leave. The other spectators rose so I followed them to the entrance, where I concentrated on putting on my shoes and, when that became ridiculous, on buttoning up my coat. Several boys passed by, going to join their parents, some of them older and some younger than I.
"Kairi?"
Riku was in the midst of fastening his own coat. He had a duffel bag slung over one shoulder. "How did you get here?"
"I called your house," I said. "They said I could find you here."
He smiled hugely. "So, you better then?"
I nodded.
We left together and he took my hand. It was probably colder than Friday afternoon when I had walked home from school, but, somehow, my body was tolerating the chill better. Maybe it was seeing another person be so happy because of my actions that warmed my heart.
"It's not very late," Riku said. "Let's go downtown and walk around."
We stopped at his house to drop off his things. I called my mother to inform her of our plans. Riku talked with his own parents and soon the two of us boarded the train toward downtown.
The main streets were aglow with holiday lights of all different colors. Many people were popping in and out of stores, and some just strolled as Riku and I planned to do. He first took me to a candy store and bought us each a truffle, an amazingly delicious treat that melted in my mouth and filled me with lighter-than-air ecstasy. After seeing my reaction, Riku had me wait for a moment. He ran back to the store and returned with an entire box for me to take home.
After window-shopping for maybe half an hour, the two of us bought a warm milk drink at a booth and proceeded into the park area. We took a bench under a yellow streetlight decorated with red ribbon. We sipped our drinks and Riku slipped his arm around my shoulder and held me close.
"Kairi," Riku said. "Tomorrow's Christmas Eve, did you know that?"
"I didn't realize it was so soon," I said, which was technically true. My mind filled in the details. Christmas was a holiday of some foreign religion, but in Japan most people didn't celebrate it beyond decorations, parties, and gift giving. New Year's was a bigger deal.
"My family is leaving for a trip tomorrow, so I won't see you until Friday. We can make our plans for New Year's then, but…" He rummaged around in his other pocket and withdrew a small box wrapped in pink paper and a white bow.
Inside—he urged me to open it right away—I discovered a bracelet not too much unlike my necklace: it was a silver loop of metal with three small sapphires imbedded in it. He helped me fasten the thing around my wrist.
"You like it?" he wondered.
"It's beautiful," was all I could say. I held up my bare hand in the light. My wrist sparkled with the gift. I noticed that a few puffy flakes of pure-white snow were beginning to descend upon us. I looked up at the sky to find a blanket of warm grayness wrapped around the city. Everything was beautiful that night.
I admired the bracelet once more. Then I looked at Riku. "I'm sorry, but I haven't gotten you anything yet…"
"Don't worry," he told me. His face was very close to mine then, and his arm was pulling me even closer. What a different person he was now than the one I had known on Destiny Islands! He seemed at ease around me. He seemed very in love with me and not worried in the least about showing it.
No. Love? He couldn't love me, because… Because I didn't love him…
I loved someone else.
Somehow I had forgotten that Sora was out there somewhere. Somehow I had let Riku's deep voice and handsome face sweep me in. Somehow his gentle touch and generous and sincere heart had been allowed to distract me from the person for whom I most cared.
Soon Riku was holding me against him and kissing me tenderly, the moist warmth of mouth penetrating my lips. Any wooziness I felt then was not caused by the Darkness or any germ in my body. His passion was being delivered in such a sweet form. I had never been kissed in such a way—admittedly, now, I had never really been kissed—and I felt weak inside. I feared for a second that I would melt in his arms.
But what about that other person?
The one for whom I most cared?
I pulled myself away from the heat and the terribly sweet moisture of Riku's lips. I did this as gently as possible, but, still, I had to push him away from me. I couldn't let his warmth suck me in, so luring in the face of the cold and snowy night. I looked at his confused and worried features then, the hair above covered with a delicate layer of snow. I wondered if I was so adorned with Nature's touch.
"Riku, I'm sorry," I whispered.
He breathed in sharply. "I'm sorry, Kairi, did I…go too far?"
"No, no, it's not that at all," I explained hurriedly. How could I explain my predicament in a way that made sense?
"Kairi…" He touched my cheek with the back of his hand. "What's happened to you? Friday after school…you acted like you hardly knew me. And on the phone that night. And now. Kairi, what's wrong?"
"I don't know how to explain it!" I cried out, my words echoing into the chilly night.
Riku took his hand away.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I don't remember being with you—not this way at least…" I could not look at him. I did not want to look at that face that had so recently shown me pure love… Now, almost surely, it was filled with puzzlement and sadness.
I stood up and left the bench, approaching the edge of the pool of light.
"Wh-What? What do you mean you…don't remember?"
"I don't remember the last seven months, all right? Not…not since April and the second day of school..."
I heard him inhale again, sucking in air through clenched teeth. I bit my own lip. Silence descended upon us, gentle and lingering like the soft flakes of snow.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Yeah, you've been saying that a lot."
His words stung me.
"I have to go now, Riku. I have to go find Sora."
"You told me you loved me!"
"I said no such thing!"
I gasped at myself, a chill racing itself up and down my spine until I was completely frozen in my place. My heart failed to beat. Had I just snapped at Riku, saying such a cruel thing?
"Damn it," I heard him mutter. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him punch the light post; he had moved to stand by it, behind the bench. He shook out his knuckles and then balled them up into another fist, ready to strike again.
Riku looked at me then and forcefully, or so it seemed, kept our gazes locked on one another. His eyes seemed to glow with rage. "What kind of girl are you, anyway? You can't just break up with me? You have to make up some story about losing your memory?"
He punched the light post again. It shook. The light around me danced an angry dance.
"It's not like that!"
No response.
"Can't you at least try to understand?"
No response at all.
"I didn't mean for this to happen, you know! You think I'd go and lose my memory on purpose?"
"So the person I've been in love with all this time…doesn't remember loving me?" he mused to himself, studying his undoubtedly bruised knuckles.
"No—Riku—I mean—"
"You said you never told me you loved me. Maybe we should just forget this whole thing ever happened—or, rather," he interrupted himself, smirking, "I should, since you've already done your part."
"Don't be like this, Riku. Don't let it be like this," I pleaded in whispers that I knew he had no hope of hearing. "Please don't."
"You," he said in a low roar, lifting one arm and pointing his index finger straight at me. "You don't have to do anything for me anymore, Kairi. But do something for yourself: Stay away from Sora. You hear me?"
"S-Stay away from him? Why?"
"I can't explain it now. Just listen to me. For…" His rage seemed to have left him. "For your own sake."
I was shocked more than anything else. But my emotions were still running high. "I can take care of myself," I replied smugly.
I left.
***
Lesson #7: Cell phones. You know how they're always coming out with the latest technology, like camera phones that can play games and do email and probably cure cancer? You can thank Japan for that. Japan is leagues ahead of us in terms of technology, since they're the ones producing it. When I was in Japan, many people were going around taking pictures with their cell phones. These didn't get to the U.S. for a good 6+ months, and then everyone was raging about them (and I was like, "big deal…")
You're thinking they're everywhere around here, I bet, but cell phones are incredibly popular in Japan. Out of my host family, all but the son had their own (and he was in elementary school). Once at dinner the phone rang and my host mother, father, and sister all scrambled up to see whose it was. Funny funny… According to a 2000 survey, 60% of high school students own a cellular phone. Half of those people used their phones at least four times a day. 40% of boys and 50% of girls use their phones to send/receive email more than ten times a day. And that was three years ago…I hate to think how those numbers could have gone up.
Technology has a price, however. In the past, while riding the trains or subways to and from school, school-aged children would be reading…but now they're just messaging back and forth staring at little screens. Sad, really…
Oh, yes, and I happen to be among the few people left—in a developed country, at least—without a cell phone. My family doesn't even have one. I'm sure teenage girls in Japan wonder how I keep breathing X_x