*
I can't say you were always on my mind.
But…
You were always in my heart.
*
I didn't get the answers I was after right away. Aerith insisted that we eat first, told me that we would all think better once our bodies were fueled, so she had Rinoa help her finish preparing breakfast. I'm not sure how it all worked out, but somehow I ended up sandwiched between Squall and Cloud watching the morning talk shows.
I dared to look at them each only once. On these brief inspections, I found both sets of arms crossed, both brows furrowed, and both mouths set into deep and thoughtful frowns. I chose not to press them for information, and instead did my very best to pretend I didn't exist.
"You all don't talk too much, now," Rinoa teased, swooping down on Squall from behind and wrapping her arms around her neck. His body remained rigid, but from where I was sitting I could see surprise and then a hint of excitement flash in his eyes. He reached up to touch one baby blue sleeve of Rinoa's blouse.
The woman straightened. "Ahem. Breakfast is served."
She seemed much more relaxed than before, when she had been hugging her knees and rocking back and forth. I decided that Aerith must have offered her some words of better comfort than Squall's.
I was surprised when we walked into a Japanese style room, with a table low to the floor and tatami mats under our feet. We sat cross-legged on square cushions and Aerith served from one corner of the table, where she remained to distribute refills on tea and rice. I guess I must have appeared curious, for she explained that she preferred a more traditional way of life, and that their living room was the only Western-style part of the house.
Cloud mumbled something about a lot of expensive kimonos, but I could barely understand him. Aerith just laughed gently and reminded him that it was their sixth month anniversary soon.
"Were you married before? I mean, before you came here?" I asked.
She nodded. "We were married in Hollow Bastion soon after Ansem's defeat, but we didn't regain our memories for a while after coming here. When we came together again, we decided to get married right away. That was almost six months ago."
Aerith's emerald eyes were very bright when she talked about her marriage, and she positively beamed in Cloud's direction. I thought his cheeks looked a little pink, but he held up his rice bowl pretty high and that, together with his outrageous bangs, served to obscure my view.
"Marriage…something you should consider thinking about," Rinoa said quietly, prodding Squall in the ribs.
"Kairi-chan," Aerith said. "Do you know how you ended up in Japan?"
"Well," I started, thinking back. "This voice…" Was it normal to hear voices in situations extreme as these? I gulped and began again. "I fell into this world and this voice told me that I needed to help Sora—I'm pretty sure it's Sora that he meant, anyway, since he said 'the one who should open the Door.' The voice also said I shouldn't tell anyone the truth about my real identity." I frowned slightly. I had broken that rule right away.
I expected a nod or two, but that's not what I got at all. I looked around and all I could gather was that the adults were processing what I had just told them.
"It…it wasn't the same for you guys?"
"No…" Aerith refilled my teacup and pushed it across the table. "Don't worry, Kairi. You came later, so I might have anticipated some differences."
I sensed she was holding something back and said so.
"No," Aerith repeated, shaking her head. Her brown waves bounced. "We all came together, that's all."
"Do you know why you came here?"
"Well…us four, as well as Yuffie and Cid—Cid is not in Japan right now but somewhere in Europe—were summoned here from Hollow Bastion." Her eyes narrowed, like she was thinking very hard about something. "It's very blurry for some reason. Yes, but I'm fairly certain it was to do with Sora. Sora had some troubles and wound up here. We were sent to protect…"
The adults looked at each other as she trailed off.
"Tell me," I insisted. "Tell me! To protect what?"
"Kairi," Rinoa said, turning toward me and looking very serious. "I'm sure that, if Sora is your friend, the truth would upset you."
I licked my lips. I had sensed something was wrong with Sora. All those things he said…how he had acted…it wasn't right. It wasn't right at all. I just had to know what was really going on.
"Kairi, I'm sorry. Maybe it's best if we don't tell you everything," Aerith murmured, not meeting my intense gaze.
"Just because the truth might upset me doesn't mean I don't have a right to know it!" I exclaimed angrily. "I'm not just a child! I'm in the middle of this as much as any of you and I deserve to know what's going on!"
They said nothing. They wouldn't even look at me.
"D-Don't I?"
"All right, Kairi," Aerith agreed, nodding her head. "If you truly want to know."
"I do!" I insisted, sounding much more certain than I actually felt.
"Kairi…" Aerith bowed her head. "Sora died."
"No!" I shouted before my thoughts caught up with my mouth. "No way… There's just…no way…" I remembered what Sora said back in the church.
'God… Where were you when I died?'
"It…it can't be…"
"I'm not lying to you, Kairi," Aerith assured me. "Whether you believe me or not, that is up to you. But what I just said is the truth—at least as far as I know it."
"And the truth can be a dangerous thing," I whispered, repeating the words of that voice from so many months before. I buried my face in my hands. "How could Sora have died? I saw him…"
"After death, he was somehow reborn in this world," the woman continued. I knew she was trying to be gentle, trying as best she could, and for my sake. "He lived a normal life here—unlike the rest of us, who were merely given our memories. And now his old self is…reawakening…"
"So," I said, raising my head, "you were sent to protect Sora?"
"No." It was Squall, and his eyes were ice cold. "We were sent here…to protect this world from Sora."
*
I arrived home around lunchtime. My mom was at work, of course, and had left me a note to fix myself something with the food in the fridge. But I wasn't hungry. I wasn't anything, not really—save stunned. I felt raw on the inside…as if something had been ripped out of me. It was a miserable, helpless feeling.
Sora…dead? No. No way!
There was a postcard for me on my desk—well, it wasn't for me. It was addressed to Suzuki Aiko. Aiko…who was that? My mother's name, I knew, was Sakura. So it wasn't for either one of us. I studied the postcard briefly, and noticed it was four months old.
"Dear Aiko-chan," it read, "how are things down there? Everyone in Sapporo really misses you! For the first few weeks of school it was strange to go to homeroom or drama club and not have you there. I guess I've gotten used to it now. You need to write us more! Well, I'm out of room, so I gotta go. Love, your friend forever, Yumi."
Yumi. Yumi and Aiko… Aiko… Aiko… I remembered the sterile florescent lights. I did not know why. Confused, I decided to put the note aside in my mind, at least for the moment.
There was a message from Yuffie on the phone. She wanted to see a movie that afternoon.
I didn't return her call. She didn't have her memories back yet. Besides, once she remembered…
She would be against Sora, too.
How could Sora, wielder of the Keyblade, be anything but a hero to those people? Their world had been destroyed, taken over by an evil maniac, and restored by Sora—but they were ready to turn against him so quickly?
How…how dare they!
My pain had quickly become anger. I put on fresh clothes, then climbed into my boots and coat and prepared to leave once more. I wasn't going to mope around my house. I was going to go and find Sora.
And then…and then I wasn't sure what I would do.
I didn't even know how I would find him. I guess I was just determined enough to call out to him. My heart, I mean. My heart would call out to him.
I closed my eyes and concentrated.
My heart must have called pretty loudly, for the moment I opened the door I came face to face with my intended destination.
Sora!
I didn't know if I should be overjoyed or…or afraid.
He shoved a paper bag at me, one overwhelming with tantalizing scents.
"H-Hello."
"I brought lunch," he said. "You like hamburgers?"
"Er, yeah," I lied, having not tasted one before in my life. I took the white bag with both hands. It did smell pretty appetizing…
"Good," he said, retrieving two cans of pop from his coat pockets.
Then he stood there.
"You want to come in an eat?" I offered, transforming myself into the polite, unafraid hostess when the silence became unbearable.
"Sure." He shrugged off his coat and removed his shoes. He had his eyes on his feet as I escorted him to the table in the kitchen and set the bag down. I got out some plates and we sat across from one another.
For a while we had the task of eating right there in front of us, but as the food disappeared into our mouths and was washed down with the last sips of cola, we no longer had any excuses not to talk.
"I came to apologize for last night."
"Uh-huh…"
Sora scratched his head. He then proceeded with a most rushed and tumbled explanation. "Last night, I, uh, I mean I don't know what happened. I had no control over what I was doing! I know this sounds like some stupid, made-up excuse, Suzuki-san, uh, I mean, I know I hardly know you at all… But please believe me when I say I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry if I scared you," he finished, bowing his head.
It wasn't quite my Sora yet. But it wasn't the frightening Sora from the church, either, so I forced myself to be happy. To be happy with Takahashi Sora, the boy who didn't know me.
Me, Kairi…his best friend in all the world…
"So, uh…" He stood up, bunching up the paper wrappers from our lunch in one hand. "I guess I should go now."
"No!" My hand shot out.
"Suzuki—?"
My cheeks went red. I had been talking without thinking again. It was a habit that was in dire need of being broken. Some part of me pushed forth the memories from the church. I was trying to warn myself of that which lurked inside of him.
But the greater part of me wouldn't lose Sora, not once I had him that close.
I murmured, "If you don't have anything to do right now, how about staying for a while? We could listen to music, or watch some T.V.—"
"Or work on homework?" he broke in eagerly, leaning over. The light danced in his blue eyes.
I nodded, trying to force my cheeks to cool themselves.
Sora's mouth broke into its usual large and toothy grin. "All right! My mom made me start my homework already, and I got really stuck on this one math problem! I bet you could do it!"
I could only giggle in response to his excitement.
We went to my desk. I turned on my stereo and dug out the homework packets from my bag. Sora pulled up a chair from the kitchen table and we sat together. I found I was able to answer his questions fairly easily. I worked out a few of the more difficult problems for him on a scrap piece of paper, which he eagerly pocketed. His grin was still big—perhaps bigger.
"Thanks, Suzuki. You're a life saver!"
This was funny, since Sora had saved so many people's lives himself. He had saved me more than once, while growing up on the islands and on our adventure. Sora asked what I was smiling about.
"Just happy to help," I replied.
Sora pushed the books and packets aside. "Enough of that. There's still most of vacation left."
"What do you want to do now?"
He shrugged.
I got out a few cushions and laid them on the tatami floor in front of the television set, which wasn't on. My music was still going. Sora sat down and I beside him, leaning back on my palms. I felt comfortable. I felt good. My companion was spacing off about something, so I daydreamed a little of my own.
If only you would kiss me the way Riku did…
It was an embarrassing thought, but I had it. I might have been entangled with otherworldly events, but I was still a teenage girl and I still had hormones pulsing through my veins. It's embarrassing to admit, but I was imagining Sora taking me close and kissing me, telling me he loved me. Riku had done it, but it wasn't right.
I wanted Sora.
It was laughable, though. I was with someone who could count the times we'd spoken on one hand.
I wasn't with the boy who had always been there. He hadn't been the one playing, swimming, racing, laughing, singing with me from sunrise to sunset every single day. We hadn't played cards evenings or on rainy days. He hadn't played tricks on me, pretending he was the ghost from one of his awful stories, and then patiently taken the beating I delivered to him in all my panic.
"You know, Suzuki-san…"
I came back to myself, having just been on a mental visit to Destiny Islands.
"Yes?"
Sora turned to me. "I don't know you at all, but sometimes…sometimes I get the feeling that I've known you forever." He scratched his head. "Weird, huh?"
"Mmhm…"
He turned back to look again out the window.
My heart skipped a beat. Somewhere inside, he really did remember! Sora's heart was connected to mine. I almost threw my arms around his neck, ready for a good wrestle on the floor, just like old times. But that would have been inappropriate, if only for the fact that we were now both sixteen. Too old for games like that. Games like that were for ten years ago.
Still… Sora knew me! I promised him then, quite silently, that I would be on his side no matter what. That, no matter the hardships, no matter who turned against us, I would be his best friend, I would fight by his side. I would be plain old Kairi, and he plain old Sora, as in the inseparable Kairi and Sora from Destiny Islands.
I would be his. No matter what.
No matter what monster lurked inside him.
***
Author's notes: Sorry, but no lesson for today. I'm just…not feeling up to it at the moment…
I'll make up for it somehow, 'kay? I promise.