*
The longer a secret is kept, the bigger the pain it causes.
Because, you know, no one can conceal the truth forever.
*
The windshield wipers sped back and forth, back and forth, disturbing the sheets of rain that poured continuously down. It was dark inside the car. I would not have known that it was really Riku draped over me—so limp, almost lifeless—save the fact I recognized him by his scent, something I had inhaled as recently as a few hours before, when, behind the shrine, I had stood close to him as he told me such cryptic things.
"I only hope that charm can protect your happiness…since I couldn't…"
So the rain continued to fall, and I persisted in ignoring it. I was still shocked after finding Riku's muscular form collapsed against my comparatively frail one. I was weak where he was strong. Why, then, wasn't I the one fallen against him?
Scenes emerged in my mind, although I did my best to will them away. They came just the same, showing me my two best friends wrestling as mortal enemies. I shivered then, not because of my cold, rain-soaked body, but because of those images. I saw the battle play out through its finish, an easy task since I already knew the victor.
And the loser…he had gone down trying to protect me…
Rinoa must have sensed something, either that or felt some chill of her own, for she diverted one hand from the steering wheel to click on the heater. Warm air blew over us. I took little notice of it, though I'm sure it felt quite nice.
Aerith turned around as best she could (the seatbelt restricted her) in order to face me. She directed me to loosen my shabbily made tourniquet for the sake of my leg. I did as was asked, noticing at the same time the state of my clothes. The kimono was ruined, the majority of it shred to pieces. Never again would those silvery white petals seem so peaceful against the indigo background. They were now stained with a mixture of blood and dirt splashed up by the rain.
I happened to glance back up. I could tell by Aerith's silhouette that she was studying me carefully. Most likely an expression of pity dominated her face. Knowing this, I was glad for the darkness.
"How is your leg?"
"A little better," I replied truthfully. Sensation was gradually flowing back into it. I could feel pain, but it wasn't as sharp as before. I figured I could probably walk on my leg when I had too, even though it might be difficult. Riku…both Rinoa and Aerith would be needed to carry him anywhere.
Riku wasn't moving at all now. He definitely wasn't going to go very far on his own. Every so often I could feel his warm, moist breath against my forearm, but that was the only sign he was even alive.
"Shouldn't we get him to a hospital?" I asked suddenly.
Aerith gave a start.
"This world…they don't have magic, but they have technology, right? They could help him!"
"And what do you propose we tell the doctors?" Rinoa broke in, her voice cynical. I could already tell how stressed she was by the way her fingers clenched the steering wheel, but her comment cemented my impression of her mood.
Aerith, as usual, was gentler. "The hospital is a last resort," she told me. "The doctors will be able to tell that his wounds came from a fight, and they will have to tell the police."
"The police? Why?"
"So they could catch the guy who did it." Rinoa slowed down for a red light. We were approaching a more populated part of the city now.
I was quiet for a moment.
"Yes, they would go after Sora—" Aerith said.
So they wanted to protect Sora?
"—who probably would become even more violent, and toward innocent people who have nothing to do with this conflict."
I remained quiet, and inside I grew yet number. For one instant I let my hopes soar and now my disappointment had me speeding toward a crash landing with earth. Of course they wouldn't change their minds! They were all about missions and completing their duty.
As the car started moving again, Riku's head began to slide off my leg. With a little effort, I pulled his body back up and hugged him close to me. For now, at least, I needed to think about him. I couldn't get too angry with Aerith and the others.
It was all right for now. I didn't doubt I would Sora again, and soon.
Now that he knew I had the Keyblade, he was after me, wasn't he?
*
I didn't really sleep, but instead dozed somewhat. When I came to my senses, we were parked outside some kind of all-night store. I looked throught the tinted window and saw Aerith hurrying through the rain with a plastic sack in her hand. Momentarily she was again seated in the car, and Rinoa began to drive.
"Did you get the bandages?" she asked.
"Yes."
I doubted they knew I was awake, for they began to talk rather candidly.
"If she was fighting all those Heartless monsters," Rinoa started, "then how come nobody noticed? How come nobody came out to see what was going on? How come they didn't even call the police?"
Aerith reflected for a few moments. When she spoke, her voice was low and serious. "They're scared, Rinoa. Don't you remember how we felt when Hollow Bastion was first taken over? It—"
"We were kids then," dismissed the driver. "Irresponsible and naïve."
Aerith shook her head. "I don't think it has to do with that so much. I have observed that it's basically the same on any world. When the Heartless start coming, no one knows what to do. These people, if they had any idea that it was the Heartless attacking, were probably terrified, just like us."
"This world is not like ours at all!" The black-haired woman paused. She said next, and darkly, "If Hollow Bastion fell so easily, do you think this place has any chance?"
"Maybe the differences will turn out to be for the better, Rinoa."
"Maybe…"
"As it was before, we only need to work together. At least Kairi has the Keyblade now. If we put our strength behind her—"
"Do you think she's strong enough, Aerith?"
I did my best not to move in response to their comments. It was a difficult thing.
"Mmhmm," Aerith murmured. "She must have the strongest heart in this world right now, since the Keyblade went to her. I was a little surprised that the boy, Riku, didn't get it, though…" She turned around in her seat and laid a hand on his cheek. I closed my eyes until I heard her turn back.
Rinoa wondered, "Should we take him to a hospital?"
"He's not unconscious now, only asleep. That's a good sign."
Indeed, Riku's breaths had grown deeper and more frequent.
"But…" Rinoa paused. "Kairi only cares about Sora, right?"
"It is a problem," the other woman replied. "Still, I do not believe she cares only for him—of course she cares for her other friend as well."
"But she blew up at us so bad before when we told her about Sora! In the end, will she really fight with us?"
"I can only pray, Rinoa. But I know that she will do what her heart leads her to do."
When she said that, because of the way she said it, I knew she was fully aware I was listening. Rinoa must have caught on, too; she checked the rearview mirror and focused on me for a few seconds.
We pulled into the driveway of Cloud and Aerith's house not long after the abrupt end to the women's conversation. I was "awakened" and helped out of the car. I went to stand on the back door step, as I had been directed, and watched the outlines of Rinoa and Aerith assist the sleeping outline of the injured Riku.
He awoke when the cold rain hit his face, and gave a confused shout. Aerith shushed him immediately, whispering something to calm him. When they came to the door, Riku lifted his eyes to focus on me. I smiled at him weakly. He returned the gesture before slipping from consciousness once more.
*
I washed all the blood away.
Then I climbed into the heated bathtub and enjoyed maybe half an hour's relaxation in the scented water. Aerith had added a mixture of herbs she said would be beneficial to my body and spirit. She spoke the truth; I did feel more peaceful.
I dried myself thoroughly and dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, clothing too big for me as it was the tall, slender Aerith who had loaned it. The washing, drying, and dressing took some time since I didn't have enough faith in my leg to stand on it for very long.
The clock in the hallway told me it was almost three in the morning. I felt tired, but I had no wish for sleep. There was too much to worry about. I limped to the living room.
Riku was stretched out on the couch, Aerith kneeling on the floor beside him wiping down his face. They had helped him into fresh clothes and wrapped his body in a heavy blue comforter. His hair was pulled back to reveal a badly bruised face. I cringed at the sight of it.
Upon noticing me, Aerith rose. The present deepness of her emerald eyes betrayed the sadness the woman felt. There were dark circles under her eyes as well.
"Could I sit with him for a while?" I asked.
"Sure," she told me, handing off the damp cloth as I approached. She paused in this gesture when our hands touched, those tired eyes of hers studying me with concern. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I took the washcloth from her and nestled into my new seat, first moving Riku's head so that I could sit under it. His features contorted for a moment, then relaxed once his head rested again on my good leg.
For several minutes after, Aerith bustled around, first bringing me tea, then turning on a small light at my side and turning off the overhead one. At last, I begged her to go rest, but she still approached the stereo system under the window and got a melancholy song playing to sooth us.
"Good night, Aerith."
She nodded at me and withdrew, closing the door behind her. Her footsteps melted away as she went to relax in her own bath. The music began to play, faint and sweet. First there was an instrumental song, and next the C.D. changed to one with words. For some reason, the lyrics resounded within me. I reflected upon them, at the same time quietly sipping my tea.
can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
we just keep dreaming of the land 'cross the river
I put the cup down and began to comb through Riku's damp hair with my fingers, carefully avoiding the various abrasions and bruises on his head. They hurt to look at, even if the wounds seemed on their way to recovery. Perhaps Aerith had gotten Riku to swallow some of her potion.
I composed a mental apology to my friend, but dared not speak it aloud. If I spoke, it might wake him, and I would feel even more ashamed. He had been injured in a fight to protect me—after every blow of rejection I had dealt him.
Poor Riku…
we are always on the way to find the place we belong
wandering to nowhere, we're paddling
down the raging sea
My friend did awaken then. Perhaps it was the music. Perhaps it touched his heart, too.
When I saw his eyes, I was surprised: they were clear and bright. His voice, however, was strained.
"Kairi…?" Riku's arm lifted, he untangled it from the covers. I took it, wrapped my fingers around his.
He squeezed my hand tightly.
I squeezed back.
"You're…all right…"
"Yes, I'm just fine," I said. It was hard to look down upon him and fight my tears at the same time.
Why did my body want to cry? Relief, fatigue, guilt…?
who can cross over such raving wind and water?
on the rolling boat we sit, shivering with coldness
come by an island, come by a hillock,
it's just another place, we paddle on
down the raging sea
"You sad, Kairi?"
"A little."
"Yeah," Riku said. His eyes were losing their sharpness.
"Go back to sleep," I murmured, stroking his hair again.
"Mmm…" He closed his eyes, allowed his head to slip so his cheek pressed into my palm. He squeezed my hand again before his grip loosened, before his breathing slowed again to the gentle rhythm of sleep. He seemed more at peace than before.
The melody filling the room grew. I listened carefully to the next few words:
but in one morning we'll see the sun
bright shining morning dew singing
they who will search will find the land
of evergreen
I thought then I might turn off the light. I was quite comfortable where I was and now, feeling Riku would be all right, I was content enough to rest. I groped the table beside me for the light switch. My hands first found something else. I looked and discovered it to be a manila file folder, like the ones my mother brought home from work sometimes.
I held it up and began to bring it over to look at, but I accidentally was holding the thing upside down and the contents promptly slid out onto the floor. I let go of Riku's hand so I could scoop them up, finding the papers to be photocopies of newspaper articles. I leaned over to the light with one.
"Father, Daughter Die in Tragic Airplane Crash," was the headline of the short story. In the background, the sweet song was drawing to a close. I started scanning the article, wondering why it was important enough for Cloud or Aerith to copy and file away.
can you hear the calling of the raving wind and water?
we just keep paddling down the sea, up the river
"Businessman Suzuki Kazuo and fifteen-year-old daughter Aiko were among those killed in the recent Japan Skies crash in the mountains of northern Honshu…. They were on their way to join wife and mother Suzuki Sakura just outside Tokyo. Mrs. Suzuki, who had taken an earlier flight in order to visit her parents, has reportedly been driven to the point of near insanity due to this huge loss. She is now being treated at an undisclosed mental institution in the Tokyo area…."
no destination, but we are together
The paper fell from my hand to the floor. My eyes next found next to its landing spot a photograph of a grinning family. Smiling father and mother were embracing smiling daughter. The parents I recognized easily, and the girl too. How could I not have known her, this Suzuki Aiko?
I had stolen her life.
in the silent sadness we're paddling
down the raging sea
down to nowhere
[ "To Nowhere" is sung by Yuki Kajiura and can be found on the .hack//SIGN OST 2. ]
***
Go through my profile to the omake section of my website. I put up a sketch of Aerith, Yuffie, and Rinoa from Chapter 12. I plan to fix it up and color it.
Kimono Lesson (a longer version will appear on my Japan website, which I finally have begun work on):
Kimono. I'm sure everyone has heard that word a lot. The word kimono simply translates to "clothing," but things, of course, get much more complex than that. There are many different types of kimono.
Today, not many Japanese wear kimono on a regular basis. They are reserved for festivals, weddings, etc.
The type of kimono worn depends on many things. Kimono patterns change with the seasons—light, bright colors are for spring and summer, with seasonal flowers or fruits, while darker fabrics featuring things like bamboo or plum blossoms are worn in winter. For summer festivals, yukata, or light cotton kimono, are worn. For more formal events, a young, unmarried woman will wear a furisode, which has long sleeves that sometimes reach as far as the ankles. A married or older woman will wear the short-sleeved tomesode. The furisode usually have more vibrant patterns than the tomesode. Men's kimono, which are also worn only for special events, usually feature masculine themes like dragons or the fish koi.