*
I have lost something…
Now, where do I begin looking for myself?
*
On one of my most pessimistic days, I pondered on identity—not mine specifically, just anyone's and everyone's. I came to the humbling, demeaning conclusion that a person is nothing.
A person's life is nothing more than a collection of random events he experiences, and he is nothing but the result of the interpretation of these memories. His personality—this 'unique individual' each one of us is supposed to be—is a farce. He merely acts on the interpretations he has made of events that could have happened to anyone.
That night beneath the freezing sleet, my mind—my precious collection of memories—left me.
I ran to Sora.
He took me out of the cold and into the abandoned interior of the building. Again I found sanctuary from the elements in that sacred place, and again Sora was with me. However, it was different from the other time. Sora held my hand now.
He inspected the Oathkeeper, raising it effortlessly with only one hand. He executed a few practice swings that whistled sharply through the air.
My collection of memories almost rose up to protest, but failed.
"You'll teach me to fight the Heartless?" I asked tentatively.
Sora nodded. "You'll never lose to them again."
"I didn't—" I began. I stopped because his unspoken accusation was almost the truth. I almost had lost, and would have been taken again to the dark underworld of the Heartless.
So Sora was against the Heartless… Then he wasn't evil!
"First, I'll show you how to hold it," Sora said. He came up behind me and arranged my fingers around the Keyblade's handle. He kept his hands clasped over mine. I had not been close to Sora like this since Hollow Bastion, when he returned from being a Heartless. Our first embrace…it seemed so far away now as he held me once again.
It took me a while to get the grip right, and to be comfortable with it. Sora was a patient instructor. He taught me two basic swings and mentioned I needed a lot of work on my coordination as we were wrapping things up. I took a look at my watch.
"What time is it?"
"A quarter to ten," I replied. The Keyblade dissolved away into my heart. "I'd better get home…"
Sora stared for a moment at the air where the weapon had been, and then nodded. "I'll walk you to the station."
"Okay."
He did as he said he would, and gave me a parting embrace just before I boarded the train home. "See you tomorrow!" he called as the door whizzed shut between us.
Tomorrow? That was right; school was to begin again. The third trimester of our freshman year was only hours away.
*
I arrived home at ten thirty. To my surprise, Riku was racing down the steps just as I began to ascend them.
"Where've—you been?" he breathed.
"Just…out," I said, suddenly resenting his suspicion. My eyebrows rose a few centimeters. "What are you doing here so late?"
"My parents and I…had a talk. They gave me some money and I moved out," he said. "I'm going to live here from now on."
Shocked, I could say nothing for a quite a while. At last my voice returned.
"They kicked you out?"
"No, no, it wasn't like that. I just can't stand living with them right now. That and…" He trailed off, as if I knew exactly what he was talking about. I had some idea, but did not wish to think about it.
"I'm tired," I announced, trying to push past him.
"I'll be only a floor below you," Riku called as I left. "I'll be right there if you need anything."
I didn't feeling like answering.
*
The doorbell rang not too long after I arrived home from school the following afternoon.
Riku?
I was worried. I had purposely avoided speaking to him all day long—not an easy task. What kind of mood would he be in?
I checked the peephole. My visitor certainly wasn't Riku. He (or she?) was much too short to be Riku. I opened the door and found Yuffie standing before me, a big black bag over one shoulder.
"Hi!" she said.
"Hello," I replied. "What's going on?"
She gestured to her burden. "Where's your TV?"
"TV…?"
Already Yuffie was inside and pursuing her announced target. She withdrew a moderately sized black box and placed it next to the television. Then in a flurry she was connecting wires and pressing buttons. She took out a large plastic mat and spread it on the floor. On the mat were four large arrows pointing in each cardinal direction, and in the top corners were symbols—a circle, and an x.
Fast-paced music began blasting from the speakers and Yuffie turned to me excitedly. "So, have you played before?"
I shook my head. Played what? What was this contraption?
"Ohh!" my friend squealed. "It's the best game ever!" She held up a small shiny case with the silhouette of a dancing woman on it.
"Dance…Dance…Revolution?" I didn't know what that last word meant. It hadn't been on the vocabulary list for English class yet.
Yuffie took off her coat and—to my surprise—her pants and sweater too. Underneath she had on a loose black t-shirt and the tight orange shorts we wore for volleyball and gym class. She leaned forward. "You seriously haven't heard of it?"
Again, I could only shake my head.
"Okay, okay, I'll show you!"
I sat down on a cushion and watched her step onto the pad. Her feet moved quickly from symbol to symbol until a new song was playing and a computer-generated image of a girl was on the screen, swaying back and forth to the beat.
An announcer from within the television set asked Yuffie it she was prepared.
"Ready!" my friend cried.
Arrows scrolled over the image of the dancing girl and Yuffie began to move. She stared intently at the screen, but I could only watch her in amazement. She hopped and jumped on the pad. Her entire body was in perfect harmony with the song. She was grinning until her foot missed the back arrow. The screen booed her and my friend cursed.
In a few minutes the song was over and Yuffie watched as her score was tabulated. Her grade was a B. She jumped up and down and shook her fists in celebration. Then the ninja turned to me. "Your turn!"
I hesitated.
"C'mon, it's fun!"
"But…I don't know how…and…"
Yuffie grabbed my wrists and yanked me to my feet. "C'mon, Kai-chan! Heartless couldn't scare you, but a little dancing does?"
"The Heartless did scare me, though." I looked at her and I looked at the dance pad. I had hardly danced in my life. I couldn't play this game!
Still…my thoughts ventured. Sora had told me I didn't have much coordination. A game like this would surely involve plenty of that!
I agreed to let Yuffie show me how to play.
She had me start with a beginner song and was with me through its duration, yelling, "Right! Left! Jump! Good job, Kairi!"
I'm afraid I wasn't very good at first. Yuffie had to leave after an hour, but she allowed me to borrow the game. After she left, I changed into a baby blue spaghetti strap top and short flannel shorts I wore to bed during the summer. I mastered the lessons the game had to offer and moved back to the song Yuffie had had me begin with.
The song was over and I earned a passing grade for it. Happily exhausted from the exercise, I was content to take a glass of water to my desk and dive into homework.
Yes, I kept telling myself. I would master this game. Then, when Sora gave me another lesson, he would be so surprised at how well I could move!
I imagined that very special smile Sora used to wear back on the islands. That little secret he revealed only to me—when I had done something of which he was very proud. When I could swim around the island faster than anyone, when I jumped down from the seagull's nest and landed on both feet. Those times were far away, but similar achievements and Sora's pleased grin were now within my grasp…
***
all i can do for this chapter is apologize for it. it's way too short and…dumb. agh. life has kept me very busy lately…but i have not stopped thinking about codename. i've basically planned out the rest of the story. there'll be more chapters to come, and a lot faster, i hope! -_-