*
Responsibility comes with privilege.
But why can't that privilege be exploited?
*
I was listless beneath the rippling surface of the endless blackening ocean. The setting moon was before me. It should have been that same huge white pearl, but it wasn't. It was a red moon, a gigantic ruby tossed carelessly onto the horizon. The water surrounding me sparkled with the eerie, blood-tinted light. I thought maybe I should close my eyes.
I saw it then, the cross. The sparkling cross was now fiercely golden and it hung in the air above the water. I reached my arm through the barrier between ocean and sky and closed the pendant within my fist.
But the chain was around something this time. No, not something—someone. Someone's neck.
Two hands clasped themselves around mine. I stared straight up into the distorted vision of Aiko's face. She was floating above me, hovering in the air. The cross's chain was suspended from her fragile neck. She wore a billowing white dress to match mine.
I heard her voice for the first time.
"Save me, Kairi," Aiko whispered. "Before it's too late."
This was just another dream, wasn't it?*
I was awake in a moment. I became aware of the real world once more. I was lying beneath a heavy wool blanket, and sweat glued the bare skin of my back, arms, and legs to a leather couch beneath me.
Leather couch? Where the heck was I?
Riku…?
I looked around for him, but he was nowhere to be found. My shirt was folded on the floor next to the couch, so I sat up and pulled it back on. I stood and straightened out my skirt and hair.
What was I doing in Riku's apartment on the couch with no shirt and so much sweat? I started pacing around the living room. Feelings began to course through me. I remembered something of what had happened before I had gone to sleep. I had made dinner with Riku, and then…
My legs gave out beneath me. I fell backwards and landed on the floor with a thump. I would have ended up with bruises in rather sensitive places, but I was saved by Riku's luxurious carpet.
What was I thinking? What got into me?
I heard a key turn in the lock on the front door.
Oh no, he's back…
I scrambled up on the couch and pulled the blanket around me. God, what was there to say? I had…We had…What had I been thinking?
"Kairi, you up?" Riku called tenderly as I heard him shuffle out of his shoes. I heard the door click shut, and then the sound of his footsteps melted into the carpet that had so recently saved my behind.
There was no use trying to hide. "Yeah…right here."
A bouquet of white roses appeared in front of my face. I looked up to see Riku's expectant eyes focused on me. I smiled shyly and took the flowers from him. All right…I could do this…be neutral about everything.
"You cold?" Riku asked as he came around the couch.
"A little," I lied, keeping my lips stretched out into a nervous grin.
"In that case…" He slid up next to me and pulled me onto his lap. "Let me keep you warm."
Shivers ran through my body. I was torn, now. Torn between perpetuating the strange attitude from the night before and letting him know how confused I was.
Riku made like he meant to kiss me. I put my hand over his mouth and turned away.
"Ach, but I have morning breath…"
Riku just laughed gently and pressed his lips to my cheek. "I don't care. I want to kiss you." He began stroking my hair around my ear.
"It'll taste bad!" I shrieked as he drew near to my face. Soon he was tickling my sides without mercy and I was screaming and kicking and laughing so much I could hardly breathe.
"You meanie," I accused when the torture ended, my body slipping so my legs extended over the edge of the couch and my head sliding to rest on his knee.
Riku just smirked and resumed combing my hair with his fingers.
I frowned playfully up at him.
"You're cute. I'd kiss you no matter what your breath tasted like."
Blushing, I pulled away. "I feel kinda grungy…I'd like to wash off and brush my teeth."
"You'll come back soon?"
"Sure."
Upstairs I found my mother asleep in her bed. She must have figured out where I spent the night… What did she think? I shut her bedroom door quickly and got through with my shower fast.
When I went back to Riku's apartment I wore a long-sleeved orange t-shirt and dark jeans. My hair, still a little damp, hung loosely down to scrape my shoulders. I found Riku in khaki pants and a blue, short-sleeved collared shirt. His long hair framed his face beautifully, I thought. His honest, hopeful, sincere face.
As soon as I was inside he had me against the door and he kissed me with enough passion to make me melt. I placed my hands on his shoulders just to keep myself standing up. Dragging my hands down his arms, feeling his muscles against my skin…I was beginning to understand that me from the night before who had wanted so desperately to seduce him…
Beginning to.
Riku must have sensed something was wrong, because he released me and asked gently what was the matter.
"My mom…I'm worried about what she must be thinking," I told him.
"She called last night after you went to sleep—twelve thirty maybe? Don't worry, Kairi. She just wanted to know you were safe and happy. I said you were asleep on the couch and she told me not to wake you, that she'd see you later."
I felt relieved. I didn't want my mother to be disappointed in me for doing what I had—even if it was not entirely me who had done it.
Riku cradled me in his arms. "I'm sad you woke up already, though. I wanted to bring you breakfast in bed."
I shrugged.
He took my hand and led me by the hand, smirking. We entered his bedroom, which I found to have just as beautiful cherry wood furnishings—the guy even had a four-poster bed! The carpet was the same as in the main room, rich and blue, and fancy black and sapphire curtains and blankets accented the windows and the bed.
"What's going on?" I laughed.
"Just get into bed and I'll bring you some breakfast." He kissed my forehead and left.
I smiled to myself as I approached the bed. I walked, leaning forward just slightly, and I had my hands clasped behind my back. I strolled like this, just thinking.
My smile faded quickly. I wasn't committed to Riku as I apparently used to be. Last night I had been lonely and I had decided to use him.
I placed one hand over my heart. Perhaps I was imagining it, but I swear this was a quiet, throbbing pain in there. Almost like severe wounds that go numb so the injured party wouldn't go crazy from the pain.
What was this wound, then? This wound I wasn't noticing?
Do not feel guilty.
"What?" I looked around. No one there.
You wanted something from the boy, and he willingly gave it to you.
That voice…I hadn't heard it for…for about a year. Now it was inside my head.
Do not be afraid. You have been granted the power of the Keyblade. You can have anything you desire.
I cautiously planted on the side of the bed and sunk down into the mattress. I gulped a little, but again I touched my heart. I did have the Keyblade now, didn't I? It had chosen me. Something was special about me. Why couldn't I have what I wanted?
The power is yours…
I sensed the presence had left. Good, I was by myself. I lay across the bed, arranging the silken pillows into a great pile. I rested my head on them and pulled one of the comforters over my legs.
Riku came in with a tray of pancakes. I ate them and drank the juice he had squeezed for me. When we were through eating, Riku took off his slippers and climbed under the blanket with me, pulling my face against his chest and beginning to stroke my damp hair.
He was pampering me like a princess. No one was making him.
Why shouldn't I enjoy it?
I was having such a good time letting him kiss me that, at first, I didn't notice the Heartless spilling from within the closet.
***
Author's Notes—er, Apologies: Gosh, I'm always coming up with excuses for you guys…!! Just…life has been such a stress lately. I really, really meant for more stuff to happen in this chapter, but I'm leaving tomorrow morning for two weeks at my grandmother's house. So everybody have a great holiday season, even if it's just a break from school!
P.S. Thank you all so much for your sympathy. I really appreciate it. My friend's funeral was less than a week and a half ago. It was the more sorrowing experience in my life. I just…I thought I would be attending all my friends' weddings long before their funerals, you know?
Well, thanks again. 'Love ya! See you all in 2004!