Hi,
This is my first song fic and my first fan fic so please R&R. I hope you like it. I tried to put details in it because I'm usually horrible with that. For those of you that are hoping for R rated scenes because this story is a romance story–you're not getting any. Not this time. Sorry.
Trekkie101
I'm so tired of being here
She sighed, as she sat down. The chair was normal, boring, yes, but comforting in its regularity. She held the seaming cup of tea in her hands and stared into its midst as if hoping to be lost in the swirling liquid.
Suppressed by all my, childish fears
Truth be told, she was afraid. Afraid of being alone, afraid of falling asleep, afraid of the nightmare that had haunted her since his death.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave,
Your presence still lingers here,
And it won't leave me alone.
His death. She still remembered every horrid detail of his body, his corpse. It was burned into her memory, each vividly gory wound–phaser burns, slashes, scratches, and a gaping hole through his chest. She shuddered and tried to think of happier things.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
She couldn't. Her mind kept flashing back, when a friend brought the news, when she told their child, when she went to see himhis bodyhis corpse.
Again she tried to cover up the picture of his pale face, marred by a single slash across his left temple.
When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,
And I held your hand through all of these years
She slipped into a sleep-like state and dreamt about him. His face appeared as her life flashed before her.
She saw him at his last birthday party, blowing out his candles as a young child bounced around him. She saw him as they sat on a picnic blanket, smiling as he bounced the child on his knee. She saw him when he came home from his first mission. He was crying on her shoulder because his friend had died. She saw him visiting her in the hospital when she had been in an accident. He had been so scared that he would lose her. Now he was gone
But you still have, all of me.
She woke up, suddenly, her cheeks wet with tears. She brushed them away but more spilled down as she remembered that he was gone. Gone forever. Yet she still thought of him, day after day, night after night.
You used to captivate me, by your resonating life
She remembered when she had first seen him. How he caught her eye across a room full of Starfleet officers. He had been talking animatedly in the middle of a group of men and women. When he saw her, he had stopped, cut a path through the crowd of onlookers and walked right over to her. "May I have this dance," he had asked, and without waiting for an answer, he had swept her onto the dance floor where they danced the whole night long.
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind,
Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams,
Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me
But now he would never dance again. He would never walk, never breathe, never lean down to kiss her goodbye or hello as he had so many times before.
Everything reminded her of him. Every picture, every moment, every memory, every place, held some part of him that she couldn't let go.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along.
She knew he was gone. She knew he wasn't coming back. She knew she would never be able to touch him or hug him or kiss him again. Yet she, like a young child, wouldn't believe it. She was trying to deny reality. Cold, unfeeling, reality.
When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,
And I held your hand through all of these years
It wasn't fair, really. She had comforted him, supported him, laughed at all of his jokes, cried for all of his losses, held him, let him go, and what did she get but an empty heart and a heavy soul.
But you still have, all of me.
Once again, she fell asleep, dreaming of him next to her, forever.