A/N : Back to this story on the merry-go round of Ultra's fic updates! Oh, I'm also working on a little Christmas ficlet which will be set in the ARILY-verse (AU following 'Always Remember - I Love You'), but I have so much going on at the moment I don't know when I'll get a chance to finish it and post it. Anyway, back to this fic, thanx to everyone who reviewed; SouthernRain, SpIkEs AnGeL [you always make me laugh, and not in a 'I'm gonna call security' kind of way, just in the 'I think this girl might be as crazy as me' kind of way ;)], DiStUrBeD-GuRl*57, RougeCrayon, ms trick, B/S Rox, Veggie-Babu-chan [actually, I have first dibs on Spike's phone number ;)] Oh and the song from chapter 8 is called 'Will The Sky Fall?' and I wrote it myself a while ago, not actually for this fic, but I realised it fit so I put it in. I think that's everything, so here's the new chapter...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 10 - Thinking and Feeling

Buffy stood in the centre of her bedroom, a small piece of paper held in front of her face, unnecessarily by both her hands, given the size of the paper. On it, it said simply 'Spike' and then a row of digits that were the number of his cellphone.

Just the sight of his name on the page made Buffy feel strange, but a very excellent kind of strange. As ridiculous as it seemed after just two evenings spent in this young man's company, Lady Joyce's daughter was sure she was in love, with someone she knew simply as Spike.

It was only now it occurred to the blonde just how little she really knew about this guy and at the same time, how little it really mattered. She did not know his real name, where he lived or where he came from, and at the same time he knew just as little about her. She'd mentioned she had a brother, but there was no mention of his family at all, in any of their conversations.

Of course, it was the times without words that were most memorable and exquisite for Buffy. She flopped backwards onto her bed with a dreamy smile on her face as she hugged the paper to her chest and sighed. The pictures in her mind's eye were accompanied by feelings that were burned into her, emotions summoned up by Spike's presence, the glorious feeling of his lips upon hers as they'd kissed, and his hands on her body as they'd danced.

She wanted to call him. Buffy wanted to pick up the phone and call the number she held in her hand, to let this guy know she'd done nothing but think of him for hours and wanted nothing more than to be with him. She wanted to let those three special words slip out and she wanted to hear them said back to her in that beautiful accent of his...but in that laid the catch.

Was Spike as head over heels for Buffy as she was for him? She knew he had to at least like her, what with all the kissing and him not wanting her to leave the club and everything, but Buffy wasn't familiar with how these things worked. The kind of people who went to these clubs, did they behave differently to her? Was she supposed to just forget this man after a few days and move on? 'Well,' she considered, 'he wouldn't have given me his number if he didn't want to see me again'

Deciding to bite the bullet and just call, Buffy moved for the phone and took the receiver from the cradle. She'd half dialled the number with a shaking hand when something stopped her.

"Elizabeth?!"

It was Lady Joyce, coming down the corridor yelling for her daughter. Buffy quickly replaced the handset, shoved the sacred paper she held underneath her mattress and hurried from her room into the hallway where she met her mother who was about to knock on the door.

"Did you want something Mom?" Buffy asked, as innocently as she could.

"Yes, dear" her mother sighed, "I wondered what your plans were for this evening, I was considering inviting some of my friends over for dinner and drinks, I wondered if you and your brother would like to join us?"

'Dinner with Mom and her old lady friends?' Buffy forced back the look of disgust at the very idea and pushed forward a very fake smile that thankfully, Lady Joyce took as a real one.

"You know I'd love to come" she lied, she decided in that split second that calling Spike would not do, she had to see him again tonight "but I'm going out tonight" she said truthfully, before adding the final lie "...with Angel"

"Oh" Joyce looked a little disappointed for a second, but soon brightened, "Not to worry, dear" she smiled, "I'm sure we'll be fine without you, and besides I'm sure you'll have much more fun with your young man than you would with us here"

As the older woman glided off down the corridor, Buffy smiled to herself and spoke softly.

"Oh mother, you have no idea"

Xander had spent the whole day thinking about Willow. Last night he'd been upset and confused and it had helped a lot to talk to the red-head, but her help had turned into a whole lot more when he'd kissed her and she'd kissed back. What was worrying Xander was the feelings he could not identify. He'd spent all this time with Cordelia and now he had finally realised what an idiot he'd been. She'd cheated on him and Xander had almost not cared at all. As he thought back over his relationship with Miss Chase, Buffy's brother realised that kissing her had been nice but not spectacular, talking to her had been interesting but not wholly captivating, and whilst Cordelia was obviously gorgeous on the outside, beneath the skin-deep beauty, she was not so pretty on the inside, where it counted.

Now there was Willow. Not rich like him, not really an obvious beauty, not experienced with boyfriends or particularly popular, but the house-keeper's daughter was kind and considerate, she listened and she cared, and when Xander took time to look he noticed she was far from unattractive, with a little make-up and the right clothes he was sure she could be competition for Cordelia and Harmony and the other beauties of Sunnydale.

What was really confusing Xander was the feelings he'd felt when he'd kissed his sisters secret best friend. Something, this unidentified emotion, moved within him. Was it a lust thing, maybe just a comfort thing, he couldn't be sure, or was it more than that? Did he care about her? Could he maybe be on that road toward loving her? Was that even possible?

The young brunette felt like he was drowning in his deep thoughts and the only person he could think of who might understand him was the one person he couldn't tell...Willow. Sure, there was Buffy, but with the girl in question being her best friend, he doubted she'd be too comfortable with it. In that case he'd have to solve his problems on his own for a change...

"Buffy, you can't" Willow protested as she watched her friend slip into the third and final 'wild' top she had purchased, the skirt from two nights ago and the boots she bought for her first occasion of escape.

"I can, Will" the blonde assured her with a smile, "and I have to, I have to at least tell Spike how I feel"

"But what good will it do?" Willow shook her head, thinking equally as much about herself and Xander as Buffy and Spike when she explained, "I mean, even if you tell him you love him, even if he loves you too, you know that you can never be together"

Buffy sighed and sat down on the bed beside Willow.

"I know it's hopeless" she admitted, "but even the word hopeless has hope in it, right?" she joked with a smile, but Willow wasn't laughing.

"Be serious, Buff" she urged, "You know this is gonna end badly"

"I know" she said again, "but I've never felt anything like this Will, and it's not just the going out and it's not just Spike, it's the whole thing..."

"Maybe that's it" the red-head interrupted, "Maybe you like him cos you know you can't have him"

"Is that why you like Xander?" Buffy shot back and Willow's eyes went wide, did her friend know what had happened last night? "I mean, you told me you like him and you said you couldn't be with him..." Willow sighed inwardly as she realised Buffy had no idea about the kissage.

"It's not the same" she said firmly, knowing damn well it was, "but I guess whatever I say isn't gonna stop you going tonight, is it?"

Buffy smiled at her friend.

"Nope, nothings gonna stop me"

With Lady Joyce believing Buffy was going out with Angel tonight, she planned on still asking her son to join her little party, but for some reason she couldn't find him anywhere in the house. There was a reason for this of course and it was that he was hiding and seeking at the same time. As he hid from his mother, he also sought out Willow in the servants quarters, he really needed to talk to her about the night before. He had to know how she felt so he could work out how he felt himself, the whole situation was slowly driving him crazy.

"Xander?" he heard behind him and he turned to see the girl he'd been looking for standing right behind him, "Buffy isn't down here" she told him with a shake of her head.

"I wasn't looking for Buffy" he said, also shaking his head, "I was looking for you"

"Oh" was the only answer she gave, not daring to move, hardly daring to breathe. She'd thought of nothing but this man and the kisses they'd shared last night, convincing herself that it all meant nothing and that she would forget it in time. The honest part of her knew she'd never forget her first ever kiss with this man she knew she was in love with and had been for years.

"Can we talk?" he asked her after a moments silence, "somewhere private?"

Willow nodded once and they headed to the basement stairs where they had spent their time last night. Despite the fact her heart was racing and her breathing was erratic, Willow spared one thought for Buffy, knowing she was probably just as nervous about certain things she needed to say to Spike...

When Buffy arrived at the Bronze, she headed straight toward the bar, almost certain that she would find Spike there. She was a little later than she'd planned to be, who knew there was so much traffic on the roads on a Sunday night in Sunnydale? But there he was, the guy she'd be daydreaming about all day, even looking at him from the back was giving her the shakes.

"I'm gonna call it a night, Willy" she heard him sigh as she came up right behind the stool he sat on and leant in close to his ear.

"You gonna leave me here all alone?" she said, all girlish innocence as he glanced to his left and she moved to his right, hopping up onto the stool beside him and silently ordering two drinks from Willy.

"Buffy" a huge grin spread across Spike's face when he finally saw her there beside him "I've been thinking about you all day" he cursed inwardly at what a ponce he must sound like 'Nice one, Spike' he said to himself, but Buffy didn't seem to be looking at him like he was stupid, even though he felt it.

"I've been thinking about you too..." she said shyly, looking down at her hands and then glancing back up at him through her long lashes "that's kind of why I'm here..." she trailed off and she had no idea what she was doing to the man in front of her. She was such a contradiction, so sweet and innocent that he wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and keep her safe, and at the same time so sexy as hell that he wanted to do a whole lot of other stuff to her that he knew for certain he shouldn't say out loud.

"Before you say anything else..." he said quickly before she could interrupt, encouraging her to put down the glass she had recently picked up. She did so a little warily and stood as he tugged on her hand. Before she knew it they were kissing like the night before, her arms as tightly around him as his were around her.

"Wow" she gasped, gulping in air, when they finally broke apart.

"Yeah, I needed that" Spike smiled and Buffy couldn't help but do the same as they sat down on their stools by the bar again.

"Me too" Buffy admitted, shaking her head slightly to clear the haze that had descended and wondering if the alcohol on the bar in front of her was necessary, since Spike could make her feel all the effects of it without even trying, but it made her all the more sure of what she was about to say "I know it sounds crazy" she began, concentration fully on her glass "and I can't really believe I'm saying this but...I think" she made herself look at him now, right into those eyes that tried to drown her everytime she dared to steal at glance at them "I think I'm falling in love with you" she admitted, waiting without breath or heartbeat for some kind of response.

For a moment he was silent, but his eyes never left hers. It was an intense and terrifying few seconds for the girl who'd just laid bear her heart, until Spike finally made some kind of reply...

"Well, I'm not falling in love with you, Buffy" he said too seriously and Buffy thought her heart would break until he smiled and added "I've already fallen. I fell so hard the first moment I saw you I'm surprised I don't have bruises" he grinned and Buffy allowed herself to laugh, not just because of his lame joke but also with pure relief that he did feel the same way about her.

"I know the feeling..." she assured him, their eyes locking once again as she turned deadly serious "but it's ridiculous, we don't even know each other properly, and yet..."

"It feels right" he stated more than guessed, knowing it was true.

"Yeah, it really does" she agreed, her voice fading away as he stood and moved toward her again. She knew what was coming and the anticipation of it almost killed her. If possible, the beautiful feelings that erupted when his lips hit hers were even better this time than before, because she knew without a doubt that she was kissing the man she loved and that he loved her too.

To Be Continued...

[Next Update will be 'Trouble With Boys' - Chapter 11 - Better The Devil You Know]