Put your Faith in What you Must Believe In
(A/N: Here's another update! This has been sitting in my folder for such a long time, I thought that it needed a little more work! Thanks to those that reviewed. I hold a disclaimer to the title of this chapter, it's from 'Two Worlds' by Phil Collins.)
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The day was as busy as John and Alice had ever thought it to be. The vessel sounded off, its horn as mighty and profound as the long, wide ocean itself, and all around a deep rumbling echoed through the platform. The day was clear, sharp as a whistle and the sense of excitement was rushing everywhere.
People stood by the rails, waving and calling to those leaving on board. Many partings were made on the ramps, kisses goodbye and shrill squeals, sounds of crying and soft laughter mingled together on the air. The Claytons kept together, hands held and heads aloft with grand hats. They were waved at many times, and even once a young peasant girl had reached out and caught hold of Alice's hand.
Alice had smiled graciously, though slightly nervous as she gripped tighter onto John's hand. She had just been through a strange farewell with her mother, who had hung onto her and cried as if some mistake was being made.
"Oh, Alice – my young Alice!" she had cried. "Do not let this journey part us so sorrowfully! My heart is with you and John, and your hopes of distant future! Just you – you look after yourselves, you hear? And I'll be damned if this whole escapade is just a useless waste of your time together!"
Alice had been stunned. Her mother hardly ever used the word 'damn' unless she really meant something. How this journey must be troubling her! She had kissed her goodbye, and wished her well. "John and I will return in moment's time," she assured. "Look for us in those long months, Mother."
And those words hung limply in the air and tugged away at her breath, as Alice and her husband boarded the ship for Dover, and sailed away from the port to the open sea beyond. She felt John place his arm around her, and she settled into his warmth as the yonder clouds drifted by.
"Why must you go with him on this, Alice?" her father said. "Why?"
"Because I love him."
John smiled at his wife as he felt her in his hold. "It will be a long month, my dear Alice," he said. "Until we arrive at Freetown that is. Then we can chart our course from there."
"I know, John," Alice whispered softly, the fresh salt breeze tingling upon her cheeks and her red curls billowing beneath her hat. "I have full decision on this."
"Are you sure?" John turned her around to face her eyes, his heart suddenly growing heavy at the thought of snatching her away from something she would miss. She had not been brought up to be an outdoor girl at childhood, her mother had despised the idea of dirty gloves and soiled skirts, but there had been a light in her eyes that John had noticed…one that a caged animal held wanting to run free.
Alice nodded slowly, lost in the words of her parents but her mind made up. "Yes, John," she told him. "I am sure."
And as the foam spray shot up from the sides of the ship, Alice felt the notion again, somewhere below her stomach…a sharp kick of pleasure. She bit her lip tightly and crossed her arms over herself, confirming to her husband that she was only suffering from the cold weather, as the life within her continued to grow. A while now…she had thought back, when that the first signs had come.
But she couldn't speak of it, not now.
Though as the seagulls released their call, a circle of purest love floated about her, that if a sailor had been avoiding the sirens of his stories, he would have seen her glow, and mistaken her for a beautiful mortal, spinning into a new world.
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The night was still. Alice sat before the mirror, brushing back her hair; already in ringlets from the work her hours had taken her. Her dark eyes flashed in the small candlelight, and her prettiness shone out into the glass.
She had waited all her years for the time that her parents had spoken of. She had kept herself preserved, waited for marriage to unlock her beauty. She had been told that it should be special, kept for the one of your heart, and she had. The man she admired would be the one to keep her embraced, John Clayton…Lord Greystoke.
What was it that had drawn him to her? If told correctly she had detested him at a young age, had never liked him. Not for his manners, but of his attitude and his will to always speak first. But now, after these years she wanted him for her own, as he had changed and formed a place in her life. His own brown eyes entranced her, captured her in her own trance.
The night he had proposed was so beautiful and so alive. Her parents had always approved of John, a prominent man they said, with an illustrious jaw and a mind to it as well. But her sisters were wary, and told her so often that a young lady was not always gratified to spend the rest of her life with a predictable man. They had wedded more of the impulsive kind, different from expectations. But Alice could never deny her love for John, and now the night was ready.
She felt his shadow behind her, and his usual soft kiss on her neck, the touch of his beard never bristly on her skin but that of gentle fur. His voice husky and deep, she had no doubts not to care for him, as the protectiveness in his eyes and speech always made her comfortable.
"You are a vision," John smiled. "You are beautiful."
"Thank you, John," said Alice. Her heart melted inside, as it often did sometimes.
"Are you sure?" It was a question he often asked.
"Quite," she answered.
He had carried her in his arms to their bed, soft and inviting and ever so warm. It had been a long evening of ardour, of love and beauty, and the warmth of another. Alice had cried too, her heart singing and her nerves reeling of finally making the right choice in her life. His strength had surprised her, as she felt it but he had the will to tame it, and was gentle with her when he could be rough. The moon had been full.
"I – I love you, Alice," John said, kissing her upon the neck and her cheeks, and all upon her forehead and lips, so rosy and soft. Her skin was alight in the shadows, and glowed of a rare wonder as her arms, weak from desire took him in her hold, soothing and weeping into his shoulder.
"John, I have never loved anyone more," she replied, so happy to be married to him, to be bonded with him this way. That night, no one slept happier than Lady Alice Rutherford Clayton, who lay in her husband's arms and would have no idea that a new life had been created.
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The month to Freetown was indeed long and tiring. John and Alice rested their time there, waiting for their next porting journey. At times there were tears, essence of missing home and family and yet, some days there was excitement of the day that lay ahead for them. Their room was homely and lit, and John and Alice spent much time together.
One morning, Alice awoke feeling terrible. She stumbled about and often had to grab onto things to steady herself. John noticed her ill way and spoke to her calmly.
"My darling Alice, you are ill," he stated.
Frightened and shocked at the thought of John seeing her so unwell, Alice immediately refused his prediction and shook her head, her eyes waving and her muscles tense and weak. "I am fine, John," she whispered.
"But you are shaking…and you are warm to the touch," he noticed, an alarm stretching him inside as hopes that his wife was not too grave. "For me, Alice, rest a while. You cannot walk about like this as you do."
"It ought to be only seasickness," Alice replied. "We stop by the port everyday to watch the boats."
John felt concerned. "I wish you to rest, I would not want your condition to be serious. I should fetch the doctor near here for you, if you do not progress, my dear. Here," He sat her down on the bed and lay her in a comfortable position. "I will fetch you some tea, something hot for your fever."
"But I do not have one," Alice begged, afraid of the doctor coming in and discovering her other condition, that she had not shared with John right away. Would he think of her any different? He had been delaying the subject ever since the expedition came in range. "Please, John. A few moments' rest and I shall be well again. It is just dizziness, I expect. Probably from all of the rushing about."
This still did not satisfy John, and so he made arrangements for his wife to see the doctor sometime in the week. Alice silently wept that next night, her understanding of her illness strong in her mind. It was the life that she carried, the secret life. Her child that was growing inside her was only known alive by her alone.
By mid-morning, a fright of queasiness overcame her and she fled to the bathroom, trapping herself from John with only a stable door. Here morning sickness came, with a strong desire to scream Alice was done with it in under an hour. Her eyes poured tears as her hand found her mouth, and her knees fell beneath her, sinking her frail frame to the floor.
What was she to tell John? A few months had passed, what if her birth arrived far too soon, while on the port to Africa? She couldn't bear to think of what would happen. Oh! Why had she agreed to come with John, when her family at home would support her, and assist her baby?
John is my family.
It was another hour before Alice found the strength and courage to return to bed. And even then, her sleep haunted her, of new beginnings and travels, of sudden changes that may occur because of what was to come. Her love proved strong, but what if…what if everything were to stop, because of one result?
Her tears were her only support that night, as her heart wept for her love's true sake. And when the morning came, she was just as ill. It would prove hard for her and John, but it would have to be discovered sometime, prone with consequences.
To be continued
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(A/N: Poor Alice. That's all I can say, except I'm really sorry about such a wait. I had to check up on a bit more research, and it took a while so…I have no excuses except I've been busy with other stories. I hope you liked this chapter! Please R&R!)