So apparently, my computer eats things without telling me. Good thing I have a jump drive. That little thing saves my life. You know, the little 32 MB things that plug into USB ports that are the equivalent of 22 floppys? Love em.
Here's a little piece, alternate C/M hook-up, from TOW the Jellyfish. All Friends fans know which one I'm talking about…of course, most people reading this…nevermind, on with the story.
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Out on the beach, Monica and Chandler were laid out, trying to get some sun. Suddenly, Chandler propped himself up on his elbows and looked over at her. "All right, there's a nuclear holocaust. I'm the last man on earth. Would you go out with me?"
"Eh…" she replied disinterestedly.
"I've got canned goods!" he tried one more time. Before she could answer, Joey stood up in his hole, only his head and shoulders visible.
"Hey you guys, take a look at this!" Chandler and Monica stood on the edge, looking down at him. "Check this baby out. Dug me a hole!"
"Excellent hole, Joe," Chandler said before a wave crashed onto the beach and partially filled the hole.
"Oh no! My hole!" Joey cried. Suddenly, Monica screamed out in pain.
"Ow! Ow!" Joey jumped out of his hole as Chandler grabbed her arm.
"What, what is it?!"
"Jellyfish sting! Oh it hurts! It hurts! It hurts!"
Chandler looked around frantically, "Well, can we help? You want us to take you back to the house?"
"It's like two miles!" she answered, grimacing in pain.
"Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole," Joey put in. Monica screamed in pain again, and Chandler exhaled.
"I don't care, she's in pain!" He took his shirt off and handed it to Joey. "Soak this down," he ordered, and Joey ran to the ocean with the shirt. Chandler moved back to Monica's side and lifted her in one fell swoop. Joey ran back, a little startled at Chandler's display of strength.
"What's with the wet shirt?" he asked.
"Wrap it around her foot." Joey did as he was told, but removed it quickly when Monica wailed in pain. "I know it hurts, sweetie, but trust me, you'll thank me. Do it Joe." Joey replaced the shirt securely around her now-swollen ankle, and Chandler began walking.
"Wait! What about me?"
"Just…bring our stuff back with you when you come!" Chandler called, moving briskly but without any apparent discomfort. Joey nodded and watched helplessly as they disappeared.
"Chandler, it hurts," Monica whimpered from his arms. He squeezed her a little in comfort as he walked.
"I know, Mon. It's only a little ways; we'll be back before you know it." He sighed to himself, beads of sweat already beginning to show on his forehead. He looked down at her briefly. Her eyes were closed and her head rested against his shoulder.
"Tell me a story," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck for added support.
"What?" he asked.
"You know, to pass the time." Her eyes remained closed, but she smiled. He thought for a moment before shrugging a little.
"Mon, I don't think there's anything you don't know about me," he said honestly.
"What about your senior prom?" she offered, her eyes opening. He grimaced, and she laughed. "Oh, now I have to hear it."
"Nah, it's really not…oh alright!" he caved at her pleading look. She smiled like a kid on Christmas.
"My mom really made me go. I wanted to just sit in my room and…well, do nothing most likely. It was like a day before the prom, and Mom had convinced me to go with the neighbor's daughter. I think it was because the guy was new to our block and a widower, and she thought he was cute. So I did it as kind of a favor to Mom. Right," he added at Monica's look. "The story. Well, I picked her up and we went. No big deal, except that when we got there, every other person we saw made some kind of comment." Monica lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him in question.
"She wasn't the most fashion-knowledgeable person in the world, let's just say that. Well, pretty soon it was time for us to all go to our tables and our overpriced entrees. I had gotten my tickets for the Prom very late in the game so we pretty much had no choice of where we were going to sit. I didn't give much thought to it however," he rambled, "I mean, what was the worst that could happen?" Chandler laughed bitterly as he remembered that night. "And that was how I found myself seated at a table near the back with just about every guy that ever beat me up in gym class." Monica laughed a little, and Chandler smiled. He was glad she wasn't in as much pain, or at least wasn't paying attention to it.
"It was like that thing they do every 100 issues of Batman, when they have every one of his villains show up at once. They were all there: The Giggling Thug, The Muttonhead, and The Frat Boy Trainee - and their dates of course.
"I remember I mumbled 'Hello.' Then my date and I took our places at the table. 'Do we know you?' the Muttonhead asked." Chandler distorted his voice for the question, and smiled when Monica laughed again. "So I told him that we were in gym class together, but he was like 'No I don't remember you.'" He paused for a minute, and Monica sniffed.
"Then what?" she asked, genuinely interested in the story.
Well, then I said, 'Come on, you beat me up every Tuesday. Are you saying those beatings meant nothing to you?' Apparently they could only recognize me when I was cowering in fear or curled up into the fetal position." Chandler shifted her a little, ignoring the blazing sun on his back and the growing pain in his shoulders.
"Only when there was near-silence in the room did the Frat Boy in Training yell, 'Hey I know you! You're that gay-looking kid!' Everyone laughed at that, except me of course. I was too busy considering the irony of the guy that set the school record for pantsing nerds was questioning my sexuality."
Monica chuckled tiredly, but could not lift her head from Chandler's shoulder. "How much farther?" she asked, and Chandler looked around, gaining his bearings. "Do you want me to walk?"
"Absolutely not," Chandler insisted rather vehemently. "It's less than a mile," I think, he added to himself.
"My foot really is feeling better," Monica lied. Chandler stopped for a moment and lowered her to the ground. He placed her foot in his lap and carefully pulled his shirt away. Though she tried to cover it, Chandler heard her small whimper. Grimacing, he noted that her foot was twice the size of the other, and he could see the angry red marks of the jellyfish that had stung her. He glared pointedly at her as he wrapped it back up, and she grinned sheepishly as he stood and lifted her again.
"Thank you," she whispered abashedly, looking down at her stomach. Without thinking, Chandler kissed her forehead and smiled.
"Don't mention it," he started. "It's not everyday I get to have a beautiful woman in my arms." Chandler couldn't tell if it was the sun or his comment, but he suddenly noticed her flushed skin and her shy smile. When she didn't respond, Chandler assumed the heat was getting to her, and he continued on in silence.
"There's the beach house," Chandler said finally. Monica shifted her head and sighed in relief as they approached the two story building. As they neared, they noticed Phoebe exiting the house with her suitcase.
"Phoebe!" Chandler yelled, getting her attention. She looked up and waved with a big grin on her face, but it faltered when she saw Monica's pain-filled expression.
"What happened?" she called out causing Ross and Rachel to emerge in a hurry. Ross panicked when he saw Monica in Chandler's arms and he rushed over to help his friend.
"Oh my God, Monica," Chandler carefully shifted her into Ross' arms, his muscles screaming out in pain.
"She got stung by a jellyfish," Chandler explained, "She couldn't walk, and Joey had just finished digging his hole." At their looks, he gestured toward Monica. "Do you want me to explain or get her into the house?" As they walked, Rachel mumbled under her breath.
"Both, preferably." Ross set Monica down on the couch and Rachel went to get water for them.
"Okay, so what do we do?" Chandler asked, looking at Ross after he downed his water.
"Why are you looking at me?"
"Because you're the one with the doctorate! Aren't you supposed to know about this stuff?"
"I'm not a real doctor!" Ross pointed out unnecessarily. "Wait, I saw this thing on the Discovery Channel! Oh no…wait a minute…"
"What?" Monica said, grimacing in pain.
"Well, you're not gonna like it," Ross continued.
"She's in pain!" Chandler screamed. "What?"
"Ok, well, um…you have to pee on it."
"Gross!" Monica and Rachel screamed.
"Vodka," Phoebe said simply.
"Oh, I could use some of that now," Monica said, adjusting herself on the couch.
"No, you're supposed to soak a jellyfish sting in vodka. It disinfects and alleviates the pain," she explained as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"But we don't have any," Rachel pointed out. Chandler moved toward the door.
"Pheebs, gimme the keys; I'll go get some." As he turned his back to them, they all yelled out in alarm. "What?" he asked, turning around. Rachel moved over to him as he noticed the shocked looks on Monica and Ross' faces.
"Oh my God," Monica whispered. Rachel turned him back around and frowned at the severe redness of his back. She lightly brushed her hands over his shoulder blades, causing him to hiss out in pain. Rachel grabbed the keys from him and threw Ross a look before running out to the taxi. Ross walked over and carefully grabbed Chandler's arm.
"Rachel will go get the vodka, you need to…uh, Phoebe?"
"Sunburns…I know this! Aloe Vera!" She looked very happy with herself as Ross rolled his eyes.
"Thank you," he turned back to Chandler. "Go upstairs and lay down on your stomach. Do it!" he added at Chandler's protest. Dejectedly, Chandler threw one last worried look at Monica and did as he was told.
"He didn't complain once," Monica said softly as Ross joined her on the couch. He lifted her foot into his lap and unwrapped it, dropping the soaked shirt onto the floor.
"Shh, just try to rest until Rachel gets back," he replied, tenderly assessing the damage to her foot. Monica closed her eyes, and seconds later she succumbed to the exhaustion set on by the sting.
Rachel raced in moments later with a bottle of vodka and Aloe Vera. Ross motioned for her to grab a bowl from the kitchen but be quiet about it. She handed him the bowl and the vodka as he carefully lifted Monica's leg and placed a pillow under her foot.
"How is this gonna work?" Rachel asked as he filled the bowl with vodka.
"Well, I guess we're going to have to wait until she wakes up. The real question is: who wants to go rub Aloe Vera on Chandler's back?" Rachel made a face at Ross and darted up the stairs to her room. Ross thought for a moment, then smirked, turning to Phoebe.
"Hey, you're a masseuse," he stated.
"Very good, Ross, and you're a…dinosaur…man…guy."
"Uh huh," Ross took it in stride, "Say Phoebe, since you give Chandler massages anyway, could you go put this on his back?" He held out the bottle, and she smiled.
"Sure thing!" she grabbed it and scurried up the stairs, carefully opening the last door on the left. Chandler had splayed himself out on the bed, stomach down, and given in to his exhaustion.
"Hey, Chandler," she whispered, tapping his head.
"Wha?" he asked groggily.
"I have to put this on your back," she wiggled the Aloe Vera in front of his face. He blinked a couple times and nodded before falling back to sleep. Shrugging, she set to her task, humming softly to herself.
Hours later, Monica awoke in a very uncomfortable position with her right leg hanging off the couch and her foot in a bowl on the floor. Ross had fallen asleep against the bar with Rachel leaning up against him, and Phoebe was playing cards with Joey.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Phoebe greeted. Ross jumped up from his light slumber, sending Rachel sprawling in the sand.
"Mon, how do you feel? Are you okay? Do you need anything?" He assaulted her with questions until Rachel pulled him back by his ear.
"She doesn't need that!" she pointed out. Monica sat up slowly, careful to ignore the dull throbbing in her ankle.
"My foot feels better, thanks. Where's Chandler?" She looked around, then back to Ross.
"Upstairs, sleeping," Phoebe put in, "Man was his back red." Ross glared at her. "I mean…umm. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live in it?" She smiled, obviously pleased with herself. Monica chuckled a little and tried to stand, but Ross placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Uh, what are you doing?"
"Well, most people call this standing, Ross." She shrugged his hand off and limped to the stairs.
"Where are you going?" he followed. Monica turned around and peered into Ross eyes.
"Joey? Are you in there?" she asked incredulously.
"Actually," Joey said raising his hand, "I'm right here."
"Seriously, Ross, my foot feels a lot better, thanks to you guys. I need to go pack, because I know the rest of you didn't touch my stuff." Joey threw his hands up, and Ross backed off.
"No!" they all chorused.
"Didn't think so," Monica replied as she made her way slowly up the stairs. When she reached her room, she looked down the hall at the closed door at the end. Silently, she hobbled over and opened the door, smiling slightly at the sight of Chandler sleeping soundly. She fought the urge to lift the satin sheet that Phoebe had draped over his back and made her way back to her room to pack, leaving her door open in case he awoke.
Chandler woke up as his door shut, and he grimaced as he stood. He removed the sheet and turned to look at his back in the mirror. Frowning, he stretched, nearly yelping at the pain that shot through his shoulders. Okay, note to self: do not carry someone two miles in the blazing sun without stretching first.
He carefully shrugged a silk shirt on, whining a little as the fabric rubbed up against his sunburn. And applying sunblock!
After throwing his stuff back into his bag, he decided to get Joey or Ross to carry it downstairs for him. He exited quickly, hoping to check on Monica before the others accosted him with questions. Much to his delight (and surprise), her door was open and he poked his head in. She was diligently packing her suitcase, limping slightly on her right foot.
"Hey," he said softly, alerting her to his presence. She turned and smiled brightly, nearly bounding over to hug him. He barely lifted his arms, and jumped away in pain as she touched his back.
"I'm sorry," she said quickly, stepping back as well.
"No, it's not your fault," he shot her a small smile. "Damn jellyfish." She smiled and he chuckled.
"How bad is it?" she asked, returning to her packing. He tried to shrug his shoulders as if to say "not bad," but he hissed as a jolt of pain tensed his muscles. "What's wrong?" she asked worriedly, rushing back over to him.
"Oh, I just discovered that carrying someone two miles was not the best thing for my muscles. I mean, I didn't have the chance to go to the gym these past couple of days," he chuckled as she threw him a mocking glare and carefully slid her arms around his neck, kissing him on the cheek.
"Well, it it's any consolation, I appreciated it very much." They looked at each other for a moment until Chandler backed away awkwardly, stepping out of the room.
"Hey, I'll let you get back to packing. Okay, bye." He hurried down the stairs, reprimanding himself for the thoughts that were running through his head.
"Hey man," Joey greeted as Chandler descended the stairs into the kitchen. Rachel steered him to the table and sat him down as Ross handed him a Yoo-hoo.
"What's going on?" Chandler asked as everyone joined him at the table. Ross looked at the others before answering.
"Well, first off, I wanted to say thanks for, um, helping Mon back to the house." Everyone agreed quickly as Chandler opened his Yoo-hoo and took a drink.
"And second off?" he questioned.
"Umm…" Again, Ross looked to the others, and Rachel leaned in.
"Anything you wanna tell us?" she asked, peering at him strangely.
"Yeah, did you guys drink the rest of that Aloe Vera?"
"Oh come on!" Ross put in. "You offering to be her boyfriend? Carrying her two miles back here?"
"Not to mention every time she breaks up with someone, it's always you she goes to," Rachel said, a little hurt.
"So we're really close?" Chandler said, standing quickly, "Is that a crime?" Phoebe stood with him and placed her hand on his shoulder.
"No, that's not," she winked at him. "But harboring a secret crush for someone without telling her is."
"Isn't that why it's secret?" Chandler asked, then realized what he said. "No, no, no…" he tried, but Phoebe smiled triumphantly.
"I am the queen," she stated, curtseying and sitting back down.
"Dude," Ross smiled, "seriously, it's okay." Chandler sat back down and stared at him.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I mean, you're one of my best friends, and I've known you for forever. I know you wouldn't hurt her or anything."
"Are you actually…?" Chandler raised his eyebrows inquisitively.
"Yeah," Ross said after a moment. Joey clapped Chandler on the back.
"Dude!" he said joyously before seeing his friend's face contorted in pain. "I'm sorry!"
"What's going on?" Monica asked, coming down the stairs as Ross and Rachel helped Chandler to the couch.
"Well, Joey just learned that slapping someone on the back whilst they have second degree sunburn is not good!" Chandler growled in pain. Monica moved to his side immediately, not noticing the looks the others were shooting each other.
"Okay," Ross said after a few moments, "who's ready to go?" Phoebe and Joey raced for shotgun as Monica and Rachel helped Chandler stand up.
"Well, I'll drive first since Monica and Chandler obviously can't," Rachel said, eyeing Ross for further input.
"Yeah," he said, looking out the window to see who had actually won the front passenger seat. Seeing Phoebe looking dejected and sad, he added, "I have to talk to Phoebe about – something – so Mon, you and Chandler can have the backseat." Chandler managed to throw Ross a look that was half questioning and half a glare.
"That's fine," Monica said smiling, "but you'll have to go get our bags. Neither of us is in great condition here." She motioned to Chandler's back and her foot. Ross nodded and darted up the stairs as Rachel climbed in the driver's seat. Phoebe locked the beach house door behind Ross as Chandler helped Monica inside the cab. Once they both made it inside, Chandler squirmed uncomfortably as his back kept rubbing the seat. Monica smiled to herself at how cute he was, then shook her head clear. Wrong, wrong, wrong! She kept telling herself. Chandler finally decided to lean forward, and placed his elbows on his knees and sighed, prepared to ride the entire way home in that position.
"Come here, Chandler," Monica said, holding her arm out to him. He asked the question with his expression, and Monica grabbed a pillow from the floor, placing it in her lap. He laid down with his head in her lap and his feet up in the seat. She rubbed his arm comfortingly, careful to avoid his back. Ross smiled at Rachel in success and gave her a quick kiss before they headed out, Phoebe waving goodbye to the house.
Chandler realized he had fallen asleep as someone shook his shoulder gently. He looked up into Monica's face and smiled.
"Good morning," he said softly, thinking about what Ross had told him.
"Well, night, actually, but yeah," he sat up slowly and realized they were back in the city and it was dark.
"What time is it?"
"About nine," she answered, throwing the pillow back into the floor. Phoebe and Ross have been annoying the hell out of everyone." She gestured to the pair in front of them, who were glaring at each other unwaveringly.
"What are they doing?" Chandler whispered, as if he didn't want to disturb them.
"Staring contest, I think," Monica replied. "They've been at it for an hour, right after Phoebe beat Ross at the license plate game…again."
"I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "You could have woken me up."
"Actually, I fell asleep too," she said, indicating the jacket that was wadded up under head against the door. They pulled up to the Village and let Monica, Chandler, and Joey out.
"Rach?" Monica asked, eyeing Rachel.
"Yeah," Rachel threw a glance at Ross, "Actually, Ross and I…kind of…got back together at the beach. So…you know…"
"Oh my gosh! That's so great! Well then, have fun!" she winked at them as they drove off and Joey grabbed all three bags.
"Are you sure you got 'em, Joe?" Chandler asked as he helped Monica climb the stairs. She had her arm draped carefully around his upper shoulders, trying to avoid his back. He didn't tell her that the sunburn not only covered his entire back, but that his shoulders were screaming in protest from the pressure put on them.
"Yeah," Joey replied in a macho tone. "You sure can't lift 'em with your shoulders in so much pain." Monica froze, removing her arm as Chandler glared at Joey.
"What?" she asked, and Joey continued up the stairs quickly, trying to escape from Chandler, who watched him go, then turned to Monica.
"It's nothing," he said, grabbing her arm, "We only have one more flight to go." She shrugged her arm from his grasp and braced herself with the railing. She stubbornly hobbled to her door and unlocked it, ignoring the fact that he followed her inside. Joey walked over, already in his boxers and Knicks T-shirt, and deposited her bag in her room.
"Okay, goodnight," he left quickly, feeling the palpable tension in the room. Once he had closed the door behind him, Monica turned on Chandler.
"I can't believe you never told me you were in pain!" she started, falling down on the couch. He walked over and sat on the edge of the table, facing her.
"Look, it's not –" he started, but realized there was something deeper bothering her. "What's wrong?" he tried again.
"I just don't get it," she said after a few seconds of silence. "Carrying me back to the house, ignoring your own pain…is all this to try and prove how you're 'boyfriend material?' Because you know –"
"No," he interrupted, finally understanding what was wrong. "Mon, it's not about proving anything, okay? You're my best friend, and I absolutely hate to see you in pain."
"What about Joey?" she shot back.
"Well, he's my best guy friend. He's the guy I can hang out and drink beer with, and pick up chicks with…" she glared at him. "Okay, so he does most of the picking," he conceded. "But with you," he moved to sit beside her, "You know all my secrets, everything about me that I've never told anyone. That prom story? You are the first person to ever hear that story, including Ross. All that stuff," he gestured vaguely, "that wasn't about being boyfriend material, or me trying to be macho. Because let's face it, it's me." She smiled a little, and he returned it.
"That right there," he said, brushing his fingers against her face lightly. "I love making you smile, and I can't stand it when you're in pain. Every guy that has ever put you through hell, I've hated more than anyone in my life." He noticed she was about to cry, and he knew that it was now or never. "I guess I offered to be your boyfriend because…" he took a deep breath and took her hand. "Because I knew that I would rather die than hurt you the way they have." Finally, a tear spilled over and down her cheek, and he brushed it away lightly. "What's wrong?" he asked softly, his heart pounding in his ears.
"I had no idea…" she scooted a little closer to him and squeezed his hand as he closed his eyes.
"What, that I had the capability to utterly humiliate myself in front of one of my friends?" he stood. "Can we just…just forget I was even here?" He started to move for the door when she called his name. He turned in despair, knowing their friendship had been ruined, and it was his fault.
He was completely surprised, then, when she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He stood frozen for a moment before realizing that his dream was actually happening. His right hand found her waist as the other caressed her face tenderly. After several moments, he pulled back, laying his forehead against hers, trying to catch his breath.
"Oh my God," she whispered as she leaned into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her back and tucked her head under his chin.
"What are we going to tell everybody?" he asked after a brief moment of silence. Giggling a little, she pulled back, extending her arms and looking him in the eye.
"I guess we tell them you're boyfriend material after all," she said as she moved in to kiss him once more.
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Ok, is everyone's blood sugar level officially off the charts now? Was that too sappy? I'm sorry, I just love C/M, so that's pretty much all you'll see from me. Maybe a little off-piece here and there.
Okay, poll time…I was thinking of doing a 9-11 piece. I have a friend in NYC whose read my stuff, and he said that if anyone could do it, I could. I know because of the sensitivity of the time, Bright-Kaufman-Crane decided not to do an episode on it. But I always wondered what our fave six people would have been doing at the time. Right, anyway…do you think it's a good idea? Please let me know…oh, and go ahead and tell me what you thought of this one while you're at it.