The third and maybe, if you're lucky, final story which is the product,
again, of a forever-bored Centaura Eblan.
The characters Link, Zelda, Ganondorf, and all those Hyrulian races are
copyright Nintendo.
Super-special tidbit at the end of the story.
Read, review, please be considerate and lay off the flames, and enjoy!
(Warning, explicit language ahead. I censored slightly to keep from
offending anyone, but if you are offended, just remember that I warned
you.)
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He had never though it possible, but it seemed to be, and it wasn't like he was complaining, that Ganondorf could ever have fans. Link, the Hero of Time, was staring into the screen of that computer contraption, that weird light-box that you could control by grabbing a mouse and scooting it around and clicking it's head.
And all he had wanted to do was research the history of Hyrule, because that's where he was from (well, the area at least), and he could do such a thing with this computer contraption, and so he went off into La-La-Land and started looking up the history of Hyrule. He found at first plenty of information, regarding mostly the battles between himself and the EEEEvil Ganondorf, and how he saved Hyrule and whatever, and he found that many people were still talking about Link as a hero. That made him happy, naturally, but soon he found a whole group of weird people who seemed to be on Ganondorf's side.
So Link thought he should put and end to this, but he didn't know how to do it. Until news of a Hyrulian (not Hylian 'cause it covered all areas) convention came to his pointy ears, and it all came together.
Of course, Ganondorf also knew of such a convention, and was just as ready as Link was to make himself present and enforce his EEEEvil influence upon the masses. He however had no idea that there was a following after him, and believed he was going to try and convert the crazy Link-Fans into Ganondorf-Fans.
So the day came when the convention was to begin, and Link brought along Zelda, both dressed in their traditional clothes - Link's green tunic of dOOOOOm and Zelda's princess-y garb - and Ganondorf showed up in his EEEEvil dark armor, ditching the blue lobster shirt for the day since he needed to be all EEEEvil and whatnot.
And naturally, all hell broke loose when these three entered the building.
At first, everyone who looked at any of them were all like, "WORD, awesome costumes!!" because there were others wearing similar clothes and hairstyles as if they were trying to look like Link, or Zelda, or Ganondorf, because they were fans and were actually dressing up like one of the three.
Also were Zoras and Gerudos and Kokiri and Gorons and Dodongos and all kinds of weird things, but it was soon obvious that none were actually the real thing, and this began to annoy the three genuines. Zelda of course was always relying on her Hero, Link, so she didn't do a damn thing but complain. Link never said a word ever unless he was terrorizing Ganondorf about his lobster shirt, so he didn't even say anything to anyone. Ganondorf, however, was an aggressive man, and was not about to let these weirdos get away with wandering around stupidly trying to look like himself when in fact they were sorry little weakling hUUUUUUmans.
So he got all high up on a staircase and started yelling in that Ganondorf way, calling attention from every single person in earshot, because his voice was just that f*cking intimidating.
"PITIFUL HUUUMANS!! I AM THE ONE TRUE GANONDORF! HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME WITH SUCH FOOLISH ATTEMPTS!!" And blah blah blah. Suddenly, there was a screech, because someone had realized that this guy totally for real, when he grabbed the nearest cosplayer and threw him across the f*cking convention center. Now, Link fans started becoming defensive and whatever and Zelda fans were all like, "AW HELL!" and the Ganondorf fans were all like "WHOA." One guy strolled casually up to Ganondorf and laid his stupid hand on Ganondorf's shoulder.
"Are you touching me?!" Ganondorf asked, all confused and irritated.
Link and Zelda had appeared sometime during the yelling fit, and he looked right at them.
"Is he touching me?!"
Link nodded.
The guy got all up in Ganondorf's face like he was his bestest friend ever and started chattering mindlessly about how f*cking cool Ganondorf was. And then suddenly he started calling Ganondorf by a shorter version of his name, which was not Ganon, which would have been alright, but instead he was calling him Dorf.
"So, Dorf-man, you totally gotta come chill wit' me sometime, alright?! And like we can totally get my revenge on all the people who called me a geek in high school." And blah blah blah.
Ganondorf looked at him in utter disbelief, and said, "Did you just call me that?"
The guy kept blah-ing, so Ganondorf looked at Link and asked him, "Did he just call me that?!"
And Link nodded again, kind of smirking this time. Zelda looked amused herself. But that all changed when Ganondorf glared at the man, with that "WHAT. in. the. F*ck?!" look, and then grabbed him when there was no answer still. Ganondorf tore the man into about seventeen separate pieces in an instant, splashing blood everywhere, and then proclaimed, "NO ONE EVER CALLS ME THAT!!!"
And instead of screaming and running away, the people just nodded stupidly. But just then the most strangest thing happened. A girl came flying out of the crowd, not at all frightened, and glomped the EEEEvil Ganondorf, and squeezed, and was all giddy and everything. Ganondorf, although a little freaked out, wasn't really complaining either, because this time the assailant was a girl, and she wasn't calling him Dorf, and she was obviously a little f*cked up.
So she lets go, and goes, "EEEEE!" and whatever, and Ganondorf is all like, "Whateva."
Link was getting upset now because this was too strange and stuff like this isn't supposta happen ever, and Zelda was all confused because she thought Link was the sexiest thing ever to set foot upon the earth, and this girl was all like, "WHOA! It's Gaaaaanondorf!!"
Needless to say, the girl was one of many fangirls.
Link remembered his discovery of Ganondorf fans, but he had thought they were more of the follower variety, and mostly male. And here was this weird f*cking girl glomping him, and he was starting to get all weirded out, and finally pulled her off of him and stared at her stupidly.
The girl blinked a few times. "Wow," she said. "You're as buuuuff as they books say."
And Ganondorf turned all flushed and red and got quiet because now the girl was chattering on about how strooooong and buuuuff and seeeexy he was, and that was just f*cking STRANGE AS HELL.
But he wasn't complaining.
As if seeing this moment as a challenge, another girl strutted up to Link and kissed him full on the lips, ignoring Zelda, and when the liplock was broken, she yelled to the masses (especially the Ganondorf-girl) that "LINK IS THE SEXIEST BEAST EVER TO HAVE LIVED!"
The Ganondorf fangirl was all annoyed now, because her glory was stolen and really, Link was too short for her, and she didn't like the looks of the Link fangirl, so she decided to accept the challenge and roar out, "WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING, BIIIIZNITCH?? GANON IS TOTALLY THE SEXIEST BEAST EVER TO HAVE LIVED!!"
And Link and Ganondorf were getting very frightened, because this was serious, and these girls were obsessed, and they were really mad at one another, but they looked at one another (Link and Ganondorf that is) with smug looks as if to say, "Haha, I got me a fangirl."
And Zelda whined.
Now there were two sides to the room, because the Link fans were going off to one side and the Ganondorf fans were all on the other side, and glaring at one another but not actually doing anything, and the Zelda fans were all with the Link fans, and in there were some weird guys who had wanted to do Zelda since they heard of her even though she was supposed to be all dead by now, and they were very excited to see her in the flesh.
The Link fangirl pointed angrily at the Ganondorf fangirl, and started screeching like a f*cking mad cow, and was all ready to fight. The Ganondorf fangirl stood smugly and confidently as if she knew if she were attacked Ganondorf would protect her, but even if he didn't she knew Kung Fu and could Kick. This. Girl's. ASS!
So naturally there was this fight ready to break out, and then the Link fangirl said something like, "I'll bet you're a Ganon fan just because you're too f*cking ugly for Link!"
And the Ganondorf fangirl gasped and said, "Hah! Well, it's not my fault you're not good enough to handle Ganondorf! Stick with the girly-boy, biiiiznitch!!"
The Link fangirl was horrified. "Gack! Are you saying GANON is BETTER than LINK??"
Zelda's eyes widened.
"That's it! Let's settle this once and for all!" screamed the Ganondorf fangirl. She turned to Ganondorf. "HEY! Let's show this BITCH the truth!"
And the Link fangirl turned to Link and said, "That's right! Let's prove it to that stupid HO who's the REAL MAN here!!"
And Ganondorf spoke for both himself and Link when he said, "Um, actually wouldn't that be more appropriate if it were Link and I having this argument?"
The fangirl whined.
The Link fangirl laughed. "Hah! That proves it right there! He doesn't even wanna be seen near you!"
But that annoyed Ganondorf. "Hey, I'm saying that...well...THIS IS BETWEEN YOU TWO NOT US!!"
The Ganondorf fangirl sighed sadly. "I suppose you are right."
And the Link fangirl saw the look in Link's eyes, and also sighed sadly. "I guess this just won't work out. I mean, Link's got Zelda anyways."
"And Ganondorf's not in the market for a girl, anyway," said the Ganondorf fangirl.
Ganondorf kind of pouted.
The fangirls lowered their heads and started to walk away. But suddenly, a strange guy from the crowd grabbed Zelda and ran off, screaming happily.
The fangirls looked at one another, then back at their objects of admiration, and smiled.
Link was free now, and Ganondorf was definitely pouting.
"This isn't over," the Link fangirl declared.
"Let's settle this," the Ganondorf fangirl agreed.
And the fangirls set out on their "quest" to prove whose object of admiration was more worthy of such admiration.
Needless to say, Link and Ganondorf weren't seen for a few hours...
And if you know the twisted mind of the author, you know just why not.
THE END!!
SUPER-SPECIAL TIDBIT!!! I'm the Ganondorf fangirl, and yes I do know Kung Fu :P
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He had never though it possible, but it seemed to be, and it wasn't like he was complaining, that Ganondorf could ever have fans. Link, the Hero of Time, was staring into the screen of that computer contraption, that weird light-box that you could control by grabbing a mouse and scooting it around and clicking it's head.
And all he had wanted to do was research the history of Hyrule, because that's where he was from (well, the area at least), and he could do such a thing with this computer contraption, and so he went off into La-La-Land and started looking up the history of Hyrule. He found at first plenty of information, regarding mostly the battles between himself and the EEEEvil Ganondorf, and how he saved Hyrule and whatever, and he found that many people were still talking about Link as a hero. That made him happy, naturally, but soon he found a whole group of weird people who seemed to be on Ganondorf's side.
So Link thought he should put and end to this, but he didn't know how to do it. Until news of a Hyrulian (not Hylian 'cause it covered all areas) convention came to his pointy ears, and it all came together.
Of course, Ganondorf also knew of such a convention, and was just as ready as Link was to make himself present and enforce his EEEEvil influence upon the masses. He however had no idea that there was a following after him, and believed he was going to try and convert the crazy Link-Fans into Ganondorf-Fans.
So the day came when the convention was to begin, and Link brought along Zelda, both dressed in their traditional clothes - Link's green tunic of dOOOOOm and Zelda's princess-y garb - and Ganondorf showed up in his EEEEvil dark armor, ditching the blue lobster shirt for the day since he needed to be all EEEEvil and whatnot.
And naturally, all hell broke loose when these three entered the building.
At first, everyone who looked at any of them were all like, "WORD, awesome costumes!!" because there were others wearing similar clothes and hairstyles as if they were trying to look like Link, or Zelda, or Ganondorf, because they were fans and were actually dressing up like one of the three.
Also were Zoras and Gerudos and Kokiri and Gorons and Dodongos and all kinds of weird things, but it was soon obvious that none were actually the real thing, and this began to annoy the three genuines. Zelda of course was always relying on her Hero, Link, so she didn't do a damn thing but complain. Link never said a word ever unless he was terrorizing Ganondorf about his lobster shirt, so he didn't even say anything to anyone. Ganondorf, however, was an aggressive man, and was not about to let these weirdos get away with wandering around stupidly trying to look like himself when in fact they were sorry little weakling hUUUUUUmans.
So he got all high up on a staircase and started yelling in that Ganondorf way, calling attention from every single person in earshot, because his voice was just that f*cking intimidating.
"PITIFUL HUUUMANS!! I AM THE ONE TRUE GANONDORF! HOW DARE YOU MOCK ME WITH SUCH FOOLISH ATTEMPTS!!" And blah blah blah. Suddenly, there was a screech, because someone had realized that this guy totally for real, when he grabbed the nearest cosplayer and threw him across the f*cking convention center. Now, Link fans started becoming defensive and whatever and Zelda fans were all like, "AW HELL!" and the Ganondorf fans were all like "WHOA." One guy strolled casually up to Ganondorf and laid his stupid hand on Ganondorf's shoulder.
"Are you touching me?!" Ganondorf asked, all confused and irritated.
Link and Zelda had appeared sometime during the yelling fit, and he looked right at them.
"Is he touching me?!"
Link nodded.
The guy got all up in Ganondorf's face like he was his bestest friend ever and started chattering mindlessly about how f*cking cool Ganondorf was. And then suddenly he started calling Ganondorf by a shorter version of his name, which was not Ganon, which would have been alright, but instead he was calling him Dorf.
"So, Dorf-man, you totally gotta come chill wit' me sometime, alright?! And like we can totally get my revenge on all the people who called me a geek in high school." And blah blah blah.
Ganondorf looked at him in utter disbelief, and said, "Did you just call me that?"
The guy kept blah-ing, so Ganondorf looked at Link and asked him, "Did he just call me that?!"
And Link nodded again, kind of smirking this time. Zelda looked amused herself. But that all changed when Ganondorf glared at the man, with that "WHAT. in. the. F*ck?!" look, and then grabbed him when there was no answer still. Ganondorf tore the man into about seventeen separate pieces in an instant, splashing blood everywhere, and then proclaimed, "NO ONE EVER CALLS ME THAT!!!"
And instead of screaming and running away, the people just nodded stupidly. But just then the most strangest thing happened. A girl came flying out of the crowd, not at all frightened, and glomped the EEEEvil Ganondorf, and squeezed, and was all giddy and everything. Ganondorf, although a little freaked out, wasn't really complaining either, because this time the assailant was a girl, and she wasn't calling him Dorf, and she was obviously a little f*cked up.
So she lets go, and goes, "EEEEE!" and whatever, and Ganondorf is all like, "Whateva."
Link was getting upset now because this was too strange and stuff like this isn't supposta happen ever, and Zelda was all confused because she thought Link was the sexiest thing ever to set foot upon the earth, and this girl was all like, "WHOA! It's Gaaaaanondorf!!"
Needless to say, the girl was one of many fangirls.
Link remembered his discovery of Ganondorf fans, but he had thought they were more of the follower variety, and mostly male. And here was this weird f*cking girl glomping him, and he was starting to get all weirded out, and finally pulled her off of him and stared at her stupidly.
The girl blinked a few times. "Wow," she said. "You're as buuuuff as they books say."
And Ganondorf turned all flushed and red and got quiet because now the girl was chattering on about how strooooong and buuuuff and seeeexy he was, and that was just f*cking STRANGE AS HELL.
But he wasn't complaining.
As if seeing this moment as a challenge, another girl strutted up to Link and kissed him full on the lips, ignoring Zelda, and when the liplock was broken, she yelled to the masses (especially the Ganondorf-girl) that "LINK IS THE SEXIEST BEAST EVER TO HAVE LIVED!"
The Ganondorf fangirl was all annoyed now, because her glory was stolen and really, Link was too short for her, and she didn't like the looks of the Link fangirl, so she decided to accept the challenge and roar out, "WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING, BIIIIZNITCH?? GANON IS TOTALLY THE SEXIEST BEAST EVER TO HAVE LIVED!!"
And Link and Ganondorf were getting very frightened, because this was serious, and these girls were obsessed, and they were really mad at one another, but they looked at one another (Link and Ganondorf that is) with smug looks as if to say, "Haha, I got me a fangirl."
And Zelda whined.
Now there were two sides to the room, because the Link fans were going off to one side and the Ganondorf fans were all on the other side, and glaring at one another but not actually doing anything, and the Zelda fans were all with the Link fans, and in there were some weird guys who had wanted to do Zelda since they heard of her even though she was supposed to be all dead by now, and they were very excited to see her in the flesh.
The Link fangirl pointed angrily at the Ganondorf fangirl, and started screeching like a f*cking mad cow, and was all ready to fight. The Ganondorf fangirl stood smugly and confidently as if she knew if she were attacked Ganondorf would protect her, but even if he didn't she knew Kung Fu and could Kick. This. Girl's. ASS!
So naturally there was this fight ready to break out, and then the Link fangirl said something like, "I'll bet you're a Ganon fan just because you're too f*cking ugly for Link!"
And the Ganondorf fangirl gasped and said, "Hah! Well, it's not my fault you're not good enough to handle Ganondorf! Stick with the girly-boy, biiiiznitch!!"
The Link fangirl was horrified. "Gack! Are you saying GANON is BETTER than LINK??"
Zelda's eyes widened.
"That's it! Let's settle this once and for all!" screamed the Ganondorf fangirl. She turned to Ganondorf. "HEY! Let's show this BITCH the truth!"
And the Link fangirl turned to Link and said, "That's right! Let's prove it to that stupid HO who's the REAL MAN here!!"
And Ganondorf spoke for both himself and Link when he said, "Um, actually wouldn't that be more appropriate if it were Link and I having this argument?"
The fangirl whined.
The Link fangirl laughed. "Hah! That proves it right there! He doesn't even wanna be seen near you!"
But that annoyed Ganondorf. "Hey, I'm saying that...well...THIS IS BETWEEN YOU TWO NOT US!!"
The Ganondorf fangirl sighed sadly. "I suppose you are right."
And the Link fangirl saw the look in Link's eyes, and also sighed sadly. "I guess this just won't work out. I mean, Link's got Zelda anyways."
"And Ganondorf's not in the market for a girl, anyway," said the Ganondorf fangirl.
Ganondorf kind of pouted.
The fangirls lowered their heads and started to walk away. But suddenly, a strange guy from the crowd grabbed Zelda and ran off, screaming happily.
The fangirls looked at one another, then back at their objects of admiration, and smiled.
Link was free now, and Ganondorf was definitely pouting.
"This isn't over," the Link fangirl declared.
"Let's settle this," the Ganondorf fangirl agreed.
And the fangirls set out on their "quest" to prove whose object of admiration was more worthy of such admiration.
Needless to say, Link and Ganondorf weren't seen for a few hours...
And if you know the twisted mind of the author, you know just why not.
THE END!!
SUPER-SPECIAL TIDBIT!!! I'm the Ganondorf fangirl, and yes I do know Kung Fu :P