Tara and Willow returned to Willow's dorm room after a long night of research, and Willow immediately fell back on her bed and closed her eyes.
"I'm all for studying. You know I'm study gal," Willow said, keeping her eyes closed. Tara took off her jacket and smiled at her. "But these all-night demon study sessions are going to be the death of me."
Tara's smile faded at that phrase. The death of me. It was a phrase that haunted her thoughts, especially with her recent decision. She hadn't told Willow about it yet. Willow opened her eyes when the room remained silent with no response from Tara. She noticed the look on Tara's face and sat up.
"Is something wrong?" Willow asked. She knew the answer to the question. She could sense it. She could always sense what Tara was feeling if she tried. It was a connection they had that made their relationship even more intense and more meaningful than Willow could ever have hoped for. But she knew Tara was nervous and worried. The question was a courtesy.
"I-I was just thinking about Dawn," she said, skirting the issue. She had to tell Willow. Giles had scheduled her first combat training session for the following afternoon. "It's weird, isn't it? I mean, you've known Dawn a lot longer than I have, but in reality you haven't. The monks just made it feel like you have."
"I know. It's hard to grasp," Willow agreed. "I remember things from when I was in high school with Buffy, and I'd go over to Buffy's house and Dawn would be there annoying Buffy and asking what we were doing. She was being a little sister. But she wasn't. None of that really happened."
"But Dawn's still...real. She's a girl now. Just like us," Tara said. She and Willow immediately exchanged a knowing smirk. "Well, maybe not exactly like us. But it doesn't matter how long she's been here. All that matters is what we feel. She's a person. She feels real. So we should think of her that way. Right?"
"Right," Willow said. She looked at Tara, confused. "But the Dawn thing isn't really what's bothering you is it? There's something else."
Tara moved over and sat on the bed next to Willow. She looked down at the floor as she spoke. "I told Giles and Buffy that I want to learn how to fight."
"Oh."
The briefness in her response and the tone in her voice suggested to Tara that Willow wasn't exactly pleased with that. She would pretend to be okay with it. She would act as if it didn't bother her. Tara looked to see what Willow's facial expression could tell her. She was looking at her hands, obviously trying to figure out what to say.
"I figured it would be the best thing to do," Tara explained. "Especially now that we know...about Dawn. I can't sit on my powers selfishly."
"No, you can't," Willow agreed quietly.
She stood and walked across the room. She fidgeted with some crystals on a shelf. There was one in particular that Tara had given her not long after they had met. She took that in her right hand and rubbed it with her thumb. She thought about what this meant. Tara fighting meant Tara fighting Glory. Buffy had made it abundantly clear that Glory was the worst evil she had ever faced. Couple that with the Watcher's Council revelation that Glory was a god, and Willow's stomach turned at the inevitable future in Tara's life.
"Sweetie?" Tara asked, standing and walking a few steps toward her. Willow looked up and offered an understanding smile.
"I get it," Willow said. "I would make the same decision. It's just...I don't wanna..."
She trailed off, but Tara knew what she was getting at. She moved over and stood in front of Willow, resting both her hands on Willow's shoulders.
"You won't lose me," Tara said. "Ever."
"You plan on being immortal?" Willow asked with a smirk. Tara smiled and placed her hand over Willow's heart.
"I will be to you," Tara said. She paused and then made eye contact with Willow. "Byth."
Willow looked confused. "What?"
"I found it in Giles' book about my species of demon," Tara explained. "It's welsh. It means forever."
Willow smiled and wrapped her arms around Tara, pulling her into a warm embrace. Tara continued talking, to reassure her.
"Besides, I'm just the defense. Buffy's totally the offense," she said. Willow chuckled.
"We're playing sports now?"
"Yeah," Tara said with a laugh. "Water polo."
"Polo?" Willow asked. "With horses?"
"Yes, horses in water," Tara replied. They separated from their hug finally and Tara gave Willow a mock-serious look. "Glory will be no match for us."
"Damn straight," Willow said confidently. "If she thought she was in trouble when she just had to fight Buffy, she doesn't know what she's got coming."
"Right," Tara said. Willow could hear the nervousness behind her voice. She brushed Tara's hair out of her face and rested her hand under Tara's chin. Tears formed in Tara's eyes and she realized she couldn't keep up the brave face anymore. She closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against Willow's. Her voice was shaking as she spoke. "I'm so scared."
Willow didn't say a word. She gently brushed her fingertips along the left side of Tara's face, letting her lean into her hand. Tara opened her eyes and let her tears fall. Willow brushed them away with her thumbs and leaned forward. Their lips brushed briefly and they just hovered there for a moment. When they finally kissed, Tara and Willow felt everything start to melt away. All their fear and doubt and worry disappeared as they found comfort and strength in each other.
They moved toward the bed slowly. When Tara's legs hit the edge of the bed she moved to sit and Willow leaned forward with her, the two of them not parting from their kiss. Tara laid back on the bed and finally their lips parted as Willow moved to kiss Tara's neck.
Tara's senses went into overdrive. As Willow's lips touched her skin, it was as if she was being touched for the first time. Her skin felt like it was vibrating. She took in the scent of Willow. It was intoxicating. She had never felt this way before, nearly overwhelmed by how powerful every sensation was. She knew this had to be her demon powers. She just hoped that she wouldn't lose control. She feared it.
"Willow," she gasped breathlessly as the red-head continued. She wanted to tell Willow to stop, that she wasn't ready for this. But she couldn't form the words. Her mind was blocked by all the new sensations she was experiencing. Slowly her hands made their way up Willow's body and she gripped Willow's shoulders. Then suddenly and without warning she flipped Willow over onto her back on the bed.
Willow yelped in surprise as Tara knelt over her. She saw that Tara was as surprised as she was. They held eye contact for a while, panting in anticipation. Willow could sense that Tara was waiting for her approval. So she nodded her head, assuring her that it would be all right. It was as if they were sleeping together for the first time again, except this time Tara was the inexperienced one.
Tara leaned down and they kissed roughly as they fumbled blindly with the buttons on each other's shirts. A couple buttons broke off, but neither of them noticed as they threw their shirts aside.
She began to kiss along Willow's neck and shoulder, moving toward her chest as she brushed her bra straps off. Willow gasped at every touch. Tara was intentionally using her powers now, focusing the energies of the earth into every kiss and every caress. The energy between them was electric, surging through their very being. By the time all their clothes were off they were both on the verge of ecstasy.
Tara had never felt more alive in her life. At this moment her fear of death felt insignificant. She felt unstoppable, stronger than ever. She could hear both her own heart beat and Willow's heartbeat in her ears, beating almost on pace with each other. Their lives were joined together, Tara realized. Alone she wouldn't help defeat Glory. With Willow by her side, she would.
Her eyes closed and she cried out as she was thrown over the edge. Not only did the bed shake, but the entire room shook as Tara's concentration on her powers faltered a little. Neither of them cared as a bookshelf on the other side of the room fell over. Once the tremors had stopped they collapsed in each other's arms. They laid together in the rumpled sheets of Willow's bed, trembling from the aftershocks of what they had just experienced. They were both out of breath and glistening with sweat. They just laid in silence for a moment, letting the feelings they had just experienced settle in.
"Wow," Willow gasped, finally breaking the silence. Tara smiled.
"I know."
"That was...wow," she said, at a loss for words.
Tara laughed and ran her hand along Willow's arm gently. "I know."
Willow opened her eyes finally and noticed the bookshelf that had fallen over. "Oh, we've got a mess to clean up."
Tara looked over to the books and smiled sheepishly. "Oops. I think I kind of caused a little earthquake there."
Willow sat up a little and made eye contact with Tara, smiling coyly. "You sure did."
"I wasn't sure what would happen," Tara said. "I was afraid of what would happen. That's why we haven't...since I became a demon." She paused. "I was afraid I would hurt you."
Willow ran her hand through Tara's hair and then laid back down, resting her head on Tara's chest. "You could never hurt me."
She kissed Willow on the top of the head and closed her eyes. "That's a promise."