Chapter Thirteen

Spoilers: Fallout

"The part of life we live is really short."

– Unknown

Samantha couldn't help but wonder who her next person would be. Would it be someone she met? Someone she helped? Someone from her past? Or just some random person with a story and a secret to tell? One thing that you can't do is predict the future. You are unable to see more then a few seconds into the future. Samantha knew that whoever she was about to meet would change something about the way she looked at her life, and the way that she lived her life. She had seen her father, Lindsay, Annie, Hunter, Jack's mother and now it was the time for her last person.

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Every moment it every persons life is planned from the day that they are born until the day that they die. Some think that there is something greater then luck helping them through everyday, some believe in God, some believe in Fate, and other seem to believe that they make their own ways.

When someone dies, you can't stop it. There is nothing that you can do to change it.

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"The day I died, was the day that I was going to find out I was pregnant, too," said a voice.

Samantha turned around surprised to find anyone else standing with her again. "You too?" she asked. "What is this? Can't someone grow up to know and love their child?"

"I did. I had two beautiful children before, Wendy and Peter. The pride and joy's of my life. My husband and I thought that we wouldn't be able to have children after we got married. The doctor told us it wasn't possible. But Barry didn't want to believe them, and neither did I. We just kept on trying. From that we got these two little angles, that I miss every day."

"I didn't have any kids before, but I did have these two beautiful step daughters. Katie and Hannah. We were on some testy ground at the start, but now I love them like they are my own," she said. "And as we are on the topic of family. I have only met the people that I have known before, or have been a part of my life. I don't ever remember meeting or knowing you."

"Oh, well I did expect you not to know me, but I didn't really except you to know me either, if that makes any sense. I am Nicole. Nicole Mashburn."

And that is when the reality set in. Mashburn. Barry Mashburn. Nicole Mashburn, Barry Masburn's wife. The one day of her life that she couldn't seem to get past, the one day that has replayed so many times in her head. The one day that changed everything. The memory of being shot began to re-play over and over in her head once again.

Nicole watched as the reality of who she was set in, and was prepared to handle any of the major fallout that would most likely occur with Samantha's new held information.

"Samantha," she tried. No response. "Samantha. Come one snap out of it," she said a little stronger this time. Still nothing. "Samantha!" she yelled. This time Samantha jumped out of her own world into the present.

"What?" she asked, startled.

"Are you okay?" Nicole asked.

"Yea, sure, why wouldn't I be?" Looking anywhere but at Nicole.

"Well I just told you who my husband was, and he was the one who shot you with you own gun," she replied as if she were having an everyday conversation with someone. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yea. Just woah. I wasn't expecting to see you. I don't really know who or what I was expecting though."

"Well that is why I am here. So that you can get out any of the anger you have towards me, my husband, to my family before you finish your journey. I am here to answer all the questions you might have," she said.

"I don't think I am so much mad at your husband, as I am at myself. I let the whole situation get to far before I actually did something. I was mad because Jack went back to his wife, I was mad that he didn't come and see me in the hospital, I was mad that I was who I was, and I allowed myself to get involved with a married man, that I allowed myself to fall in love with him," she said looking at the ground. "No, I don't think that I was mad at Barry. I was upset, yes. Annoyed, very. But mad, no. Mad wasn't a feeling I would allow myself to feel. I wasn't ready to deal with that emotion yet. It wasn't something that I was prepared to face by myself. I don't think that there was a time that I really ever truly dealt with it all. It just gradually rolled off of my shoulders and I filed it away until it all made sense and I was able to deal with the fallout one step at a time and on my own time."

"I want you to understand. Not everything in life is always going to made sense. People need to go through the motions until they are truly able to believe in themselves once again. Losing a loved one is probably one of the hardest things that anyone in life will have to go through. You have lost a lot of people in your life, and you still were able to deal with it all, you were still able to survive. The pain, the loss, the angst. These things are what make people feel real. Sometimes you may see the light, you may feel like you are in your own little universe looking out over the starts trying to figure out why this has happened to you, and how others have lived through this pain. But you have done it your own way. You have made it unique that no one can ever do the same as you. You set a standard for yourself that you, all throughout your life followed, no matter what life threw at you, you were able to beat the odds. You accomplished what everyone in life hopes to accomplish. Happiness."

"Happiness was the one thing that I never thought that I would see. I had a messed up childhood, then when I finally moved out it wasn't much better. When I entered the FBI I thought I was in heaven, I thought I was at home. But I wasn't. I wasn't home, where I was meant to be until I met Jack. Then, at those times were the times that I knew that I was truly at home. With Jack is when I felt the safest and when I felt totally okay with myself, and what was going on around me," said Sam taking a seat along side of Nicole.

"I don't really know what to say. There isn't really anything that I want or need to know. I want to go back home, go back to my life and the way that it was. But I know that can't happen. I know I want to be able to have my baby, and give it the life that I never had, I want to hold Hannah, Katie, and most of all Jack and tell them how much I love them, that they are forever in my heart. I want to know what my final stage is, and how come. I want to know what the end really is and if there really is that one place where everyone has everything that they could ever want," she said looking out to the sky.

"Well what I can tell you is that there isn't an end. There are no such things as endings. Nothing is ever really ended, it is just started over. Don't think of you life as ending, think of it as you have started a new beginning. As for telling you what your final stage is, I can't do that. That is for you to figure out. It is not where you started or ended. Is that one moment that you have stored deep into your memory. May it has been filed away so long that you don't remember when it happened. Or maybe it was last week sitting around talking with Hannah and Katie. Whatever moment in your life it is, it is going to be one where you were truly happy."

"Happy. But that could be anytime. How will I know what times was the most important?" asked Sam.

"Oh, you'll know. It might not click right at first, but it is one that you loved, and that you'll grow to love again, because when you are yourself, when your with Jack, with your friends and family that is when you were... are truly happy," she said glancing behind her.

"Your gonna leave now aren't you," asked Sam, following her gaze.

"Yea it's about my time to let you go on your way. Anything else you want to say or ask?"

"No. I think that I am ready," said Sam standing up. "Where do I go, or what do I do?"

"You'll see," said Nicole. "Hang tight. And don't worry. You'll be happy again. Promise. Bye now."

"Bye," said Sam, and again. Like the times before she began to fall.

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September 11. That date is forever imbedded in everyone's mind, in everyone's memory. Some seem to think that, that day never happened, that it was just some horrible dream, and oh how I wish it was. So many people died that day, a lot started to question God, to question themselves, their lives, what they have done and what they are living for. People started to wonder if they were really living for anything, and why if that they weren't living for anything.

If you didn't lose someone you still felt that pain that cut through your body, that numbing pain that takes over your whole body and shuts down all though except that which is evil, the thoughts that you shouldn't be thinking, ones that you knew would one day come back. The pain draws you in so far that you don't know where to turn, and what to do. You look for a light and you can't find one. There isn't anywhere that you want to be except your bed alone with your thoughts or surrounded by your friends trying to help them through the feelings that they are feeling that your feeling also, but are better at hiding. Because you've been there at that level where all good is sucked up and turned in to something evil. Something that you would rather not face, here in front of your friends, but alone, in you home, in your room, in your bed, away from everyone and all the pain that they are throwing in you face.