I do not own CCS or any characters from the show, CLAMP does.
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I can't believe it, she's gone... she's actually gone. No more of her loving smile, her happy attitude, or our friendship. They all died with her.
I sit in the waiting room with Syaoran, he's looking at the double doors that lead to Tomoyo's body, and I look at the insides of my hands, trying to stop the tears.
But they won't stop, I don't think they will ever stop.
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Eventually, Syaoran takes us home. We didn't talk at all on the way home. I could tell he was coming to terms with her death just as I was, but, it looked like he was thinking about something else. I don't know. I just keep remembering the withered body of Tomoyo on the hospital bed. I wish I didn't see her on that bed. I don't want that to be our last memory together...but it is. Seeing her that weak, that depressed with our unhappiness, it made me sick that I was the cause of all this.
I...it's my fault. If I didn't make her feel guilty about what she did with Syaoran, she never would have jumped. She wouldn't, I know she wouldn't have.
This was supposed to be a happy time, Syaoran and I are back together, but it's not. We just lost one of our best friends in the worst way, and...I know it's not Syaoran's fault, but I don't think he knows that. It looks like a war is raging inside of him. You can tell by his face... the sad face of guilt and misery.
But I don't care about what's he's thinking, just that I will never see my best friend again. The friend I grew up with, the one that I shared all my secrets with, my friend that I relied on when things were down, was gone.
We reach home and the first thing I see is the mess of pictures and frames on the floor. The tears keep going as I fall unto our bed, and I lay there...all night.
Syaoran never comes to bed. It's 1:00 but he's not here. I don't even think he's in the house.
And I don't care.
I get up and go over to our closet. I dig through clothes, boxes until I find what I wanted. It was a photo album of Tomoyo and I. I open it and start looking through the photos.
There was a picture of us in our kimonos when I caught the GLOW CARD, and every other costume I wore when I caught a CLOW CARD, and a few extras. Birthday party pictures of each of us, I saved, and other special moments.
My tears start again. It seems that the only thing I have been doing for the past two days is crying. I cried over finding Syaoran in bed with Tomoyo and Tomoyo's death.
It's depressing. I knew that I was going to have my ups and downs in life, but I have hit rock bottom. I don't know what to do. Nothing could get worse in my life right now...nothing.
I flip through the album until I find a picture of Tomoyo and I at my wedding.
I start to laugh. It was a picture of us dancing at our favorite song, and my father caught it on camera. That was a great time we had together, and she was so happy that Syaoran and I were getting married, so happy. I remember the days before the wedding when all she talked about was how I was doing the right thing, how we are soul mates, and how our love is going to be the strongest in the world.
My tears come through the laughter as I drop the photo album and bury my face in my hands.
Why did you have to do it Tomoyo? Why?
I just sit in our closet for the rest of the night looking at though the pictures and crying.
She's dead, she's actually dead... and I can't do anything about it.
Nothing.
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I can't believe it, she's gone... she's actually gone. No more of her loving smile, her happy attitude, or our friendship. They all died with her.
I sit in the waiting room with Syaoran, he's looking at the double doors that lead to Tomoyo's body, and I look at the insides of my hands, trying to stop the tears.
But they won't stop, I don't think they will ever stop.
$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^$^
Eventually, Syaoran takes us home. We didn't talk at all on the way home. I could tell he was coming to terms with her death just as I was, but, it looked like he was thinking about something else. I don't know. I just keep remembering the withered body of Tomoyo on the hospital bed. I wish I didn't see her on that bed. I don't want that to be our last memory together...but it is. Seeing her that weak, that depressed with our unhappiness, it made me sick that I was the cause of all this.
I...it's my fault. If I didn't make her feel guilty about what she did with Syaoran, she never would have jumped. She wouldn't, I know she wouldn't have.
This was supposed to be a happy time, Syaoran and I are back together, but it's not. We just lost one of our best friends in the worst way, and...I know it's not Syaoran's fault, but I don't think he knows that. It looks like a war is raging inside of him. You can tell by his face... the sad face of guilt and misery.
But I don't care about what's he's thinking, just that I will never see my best friend again. The friend I grew up with, the one that I shared all my secrets with, my friend that I relied on when things were down, was gone.
We reach home and the first thing I see is the mess of pictures and frames on the floor. The tears keep going as I fall unto our bed, and I lay there...all night.
Syaoran never comes to bed. It's 1:00 but he's not here. I don't even think he's in the house.
And I don't care.
I get up and go over to our closet. I dig through clothes, boxes until I find what I wanted. It was a photo album of Tomoyo and I. I open it and start looking through the photos.
There was a picture of us in our kimonos when I caught the GLOW CARD, and every other costume I wore when I caught a CLOW CARD, and a few extras. Birthday party pictures of each of us, I saved, and other special moments.
My tears start again. It seems that the only thing I have been doing for the past two days is crying. I cried over finding Syaoran in bed with Tomoyo and Tomoyo's death.
It's depressing. I knew that I was going to have my ups and downs in life, but I have hit rock bottom. I don't know what to do. Nothing could get worse in my life right now...nothing.
I flip through the album until I find a picture of Tomoyo and I at my wedding.
I start to laugh. It was a picture of us dancing at our favorite song, and my father caught it on camera. That was a great time we had together, and she was so happy that Syaoran and I were getting married, so happy. I remember the days before the wedding when all she talked about was how I was doing the right thing, how we are soul mates, and how our love is going to be the strongest in the world.
My tears come through the laughter as I drop the photo album and bury my face in my hands.
Why did you have to do it Tomoyo? Why?
I just sit in our closet for the rest of the night looking at though the pictures and crying.
She's dead, she's actually dead... and I can't do anything about it.
Nothing.