I'm a dick.
And trust me, I know that.
Going out there when she specifically told me not to, nearly risking Anya's life. . . I'm surprised she didn't give it to me right there. She should have killed me for what I did.
I guess, in all honesty, I was trying to prove something to her. To prove that even if she didn't need me, I was there for her. And maybe bringing Xander along was the wrong thing to do, but. . . it's been so long since the Scooby Gang has done anything remotely together, I thought she might like it.
Then again, I've always been slightly delusion, caught up in my own fantasy's about how life should have been. It's not that I don't like the way our lives together have gone. There have been those moments, and they used to be in great supply, where I knew everything was the it was supposed to be.
But that look she gave me after killing the demon, before she disappeared into the shadows of the night, that glare that just made me realize that everything I had done was wrong. . . Yeah, Buffy's never been easy to deal with.
I don't know where she is, after the event I went home with Xander and we talked about really nothing. We both knew what should have been the topic of conversation, but neither of us had the courage to bring it up.
She's not home yet, and it's late. A quarter to one, I wonder where she is.
And I know she doesn't want me looking for her.
~ ~ ~
I'm half asleep when I hear her come in. She moves with cat like grace and I feel her slide in next to me. Her body curls next to mine, and she places a small kiss on my forehead.
"Riley, Riley, are you awake?" The voice is almost feeble, afraid. Of what scares her I don't know, usually I'm the tentative and cautious one in the relationship.
I expected her to be furious when she arrived home, and yet I'm greeted to something resembling love. "Yeah, Buffy, what's up?" Pulling myself out of sleeps embrace, I squint to make her out in the dark. Her lithe form hidden by shadows, but the dark is her natural element. It's here in the midst of the night that she feels most at home, the sun drenched locks of hair and bright smile are only a facade. This I know all to well.
She wraps her arms behind my neck and brings me into a kiss. It takes me a moment to realize it and I respond eagerly. It's been a long time since she's done something like this and I forgot how much I missed it.
Her lips leave mine before I'm ready, and she slides her hands down my shoulders and across my bare chest. They trail down to the elastic band of my boxers and then they stop.
"Do you want to?" She asks slowly, waiting for me to answer.
"I. . .I. . . Buffy. . ." I'm cursing myself for hesitating. Here I thought she'd never want to talk to me again, and now she wants to have sex? I shake my head to clear it. "Trust me Buff, I do, but. . . shouldn't we talk about what happened today?"
She smiles slightly and licks my neck seductively. To say I'm not reacting to this would be a major understatement.
"I overreacted." Buffy confesses, and positions herself so she's straddling me. Her heat positioned right over my cock, and she's knows I want it. It's so damn obvious. "I want things to be like they were before." Even in the dark I can see her eyes are slightly tearing, or maybe it's just my imagination. "Can we just forget about today, start over?"
I nod slowly at her pleading and I can see something flash through her face, I'm just not sure what it is.
Relief sweeps through me as she pulls off her shirt, and begins to work on my boxers. I never thought she wanted this to work, and yet, she's half way begging me to sleep with her.
I bring her into a passionate kiss and throw out my prior worries.
~ ~ ~
I roll off of her, exhausted by what had just occurred. It had been to long since we had been together like that.
"Buffy." I say slowly, her back is against me, but even with the contact, I want to see her face. "Buffy?" I repeat cautiously.
Apprehensively, she turns toward me. I pull my arms around her but make sure I can see her face.
"I-"
"I love you."
She cuts me off as I'm about to say something with those three words. They come out fast, almost pained and it takes me a moment to realize what she's said.
It's the first time she's ever said that.
"I love you too." I tell her, bringing her closer.
She sighs into me. "I know."
Neither of us say anything else.
And for once I fall asleep content.
And trust me, I know that.
Going out there when she specifically told me not to, nearly risking Anya's life. . . I'm surprised she didn't give it to me right there. She should have killed me for what I did.
I guess, in all honesty, I was trying to prove something to her. To prove that even if she didn't need me, I was there for her. And maybe bringing Xander along was the wrong thing to do, but. . . it's been so long since the Scooby Gang has done anything remotely together, I thought she might like it.
Then again, I've always been slightly delusion, caught up in my own fantasy's about how life should have been. It's not that I don't like the way our lives together have gone. There have been those moments, and they used to be in great supply, where I knew everything was the it was supposed to be.
But that look she gave me after killing the demon, before she disappeared into the shadows of the night, that glare that just made me realize that everything I had done was wrong. . . Yeah, Buffy's never been easy to deal with.
I don't know where she is, after the event I went home with Xander and we talked about really nothing. We both knew what should have been the topic of conversation, but neither of us had the courage to bring it up.
She's not home yet, and it's late. A quarter to one, I wonder where she is.
And I know she doesn't want me looking for her.
~ ~ ~
I'm half asleep when I hear her come in. She moves with cat like grace and I feel her slide in next to me. Her body curls next to mine, and she places a small kiss on my forehead.
"Riley, Riley, are you awake?" The voice is almost feeble, afraid. Of what scares her I don't know, usually I'm the tentative and cautious one in the relationship.
I expected her to be furious when she arrived home, and yet I'm greeted to something resembling love. "Yeah, Buffy, what's up?" Pulling myself out of sleeps embrace, I squint to make her out in the dark. Her lithe form hidden by shadows, but the dark is her natural element. It's here in the midst of the night that she feels most at home, the sun drenched locks of hair and bright smile are only a facade. This I know all to well.
She wraps her arms behind my neck and brings me into a kiss. It takes me a moment to realize it and I respond eagerly. It's been a long time since she's done something like this and I forgot how much I missed it.
Her lips leave mine before I'm ready, and she slides her hands down my shoulders and across my bare chest. They trail down to the elastic band of my boxers and then they stop.
"Do you want to?" She asks slowly, waiting for me to answer.
"I. . .I. . . Buffy. . ." I'm cursing myself for hesitating. Here I thought she'd never want to talk to me again, and now she wants to have sex? I shake my head to clear it. "Trust me Buff, I do, but. . . shouldn't we talk about what happened today?"
She smiles slightly and licks my neck seductively. To say I'm not reacting to this would be a major understatement.
"I overreacted." Buffy confesses, and positions herself so she's straddling me. Her heat positioned right over my cock, and she's knows I want it. It's so damn obvious. "I want things to be like they were before." Even in the dark I can see her eyes are slightly tearing, or maybe it's just my imagination. "Can we just forget about today, start over?"
I nod slowly at her pleading and I can see something flash through her face, I'm just not sure what it is.
Relief sweeps through me as she pulls off her shirt, and begins to work on my boxers. I never thought she wanted this to work, and yet, she's half way begging me to sleep with her.
I bring her into a passionate kiss and throw out my prior worries.
~ ~ ~
I roll off of her, exhausted by what had just occurred. It had been to long since we had been together like that.
"Buffy." I say slowly, her back is against me, but even with the contact, I want to see her face. "Buffy?" I repeat cautiously.
Apprehensively, she turns toward me. I pull my arms around her but make sure I can see her face.
"I-"
"I love you."
She cuts me off as I'm about to say something with those three words. They come out fast, almost pained and it takes me a moment to realize what she's said.
It's the first time she's ever said that.
"I love you too." I tell her, bringing her closer.
She sighs into me. "I know."
Neither of us say anything else.
And for once I fall asleep content.