dis: not mine, belong to Tolkien, etc, no harm intended and no money being made.
Warning: mpreg, slash (pfft).
a/n: This was written for the Lindir list er, Feb Challenge? March? Jan? Something like that. It was written for Estelle who requested Lindir/Thranduil. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lindir
Here's my small helpful thing:
Ethuil - spring
Laer - summer
Lavas - autumn
Firith - fading
Rhiw - winter
Echuir - stirring
Journal of Lindir, Elf of Imladris.
1st of Echuir
Erestor got me this for my begetting day, quite puzzling really, why do we celebrate my begetting day on /this/ day. I mean, no-one I know has met my parents (bar me, of course) yet they seem to have decided that today is the date of my begetting day. It's been like it for years, I suppose I never noticed before. Must ask Erestor why we celebrate my begetting day today.
This is an obvious hint from Erestor that he wants me to continue practising my letters. I practise them enough, alright, maybe not. Erestor seems to forget that I'm not his pupil anymore, I'm with the minstrels now. I'm not sure what else to write in here, so I'll just stop now.
I wonder how they know my age.
9th of Echuir
Some rangers arrived today and I was on my way to greet them when Erestor snagged me. He kindly offered me the duty of watching Arwen. And why, you may ask would an Elf such as myself watch an Elleth that is many times my age? Someone has to stay with Arwen and keep her distracted whilst Men are here, I've never really understood, Erestor says that it's because Lord Elrond has 'fore-sight'. How that relates to keeping Arwen away from Men I really don't know, but their appearance when Arwen is here makes him very nervous.
How can I refuse Erestor? The Elf that took me in? Besides, he looked rather desperate, I wonder what was so interesting about a group of Men? So I agreed, rather sad about missing the chance to meet the Men. I made my way to the family living rooms (rather a treat to spend time in those rooms). When I entered, Arwen started cooing and petting me like a, well, pet. I never understand Arwen, what I briefly remember of Celebrían she had been like this as well, but Celebrían had been gone many years now and there weren't many females in the Last Homely House. Were all Ellith like Arwen and Celebrían? From what I recall of my naneth she was like them, strange, none of the other /male/ Elves I know are.
The twins, when I see them, ruffle my hair and they used to poke fun at my attempt to learn to shoot a bow. Erestor treats me like his charge, which I am. Glorfindel treats me like any other Elf (quite pleasant really, to be treated equally). The other minstrels are much older than myself, so they just kind of sneer at me (Glorfindel and Erestor tell me they see me as a threat, I have no idea what those two think sometimes). Lord Elrond pats me fondly on the head and asks me to sing. But then they all ask me sing. It's not that I don't like singing, it's just all they seem to acknowledge me for, granted I've more than proved myself completely useless at most other things, but still. Minstrels don't sing all of the time, right?
So I sat with Arwen, listened to her babble on about what seemed (to me) random topics. She asked me about my studies (going well), she asked me if I had composed any new songs (I had) and then she proceeded to sit and talk all about someone called Mithlos. When I was 'captured' by Arwen, I had hoped Erestor would rescue me after a time. Except he didn't. I waited, and waited some more, and still no rescue. At least the dinner bell will toll, I thought, hopefully. Of course the dinner bell tolled, but Arwen /insisted/ I share my meal with her and eat in her quarters.
She let me go just before it would have become indecent to be spending that much time with me. Does Arwen really sit alone for all of those hours? Not one person came to check on her, if I'm not seen in that many hours there'd be a search party out looking for me. I felt rather sorry for her and have decided to try and see if I can find someone to spend time with her, maybe one of the Men wouldn't mind.
I fled rather swiftly and went to harass Erestor, I know it was late, but he left me alone in there! I made my way to his quarters raised my hand to bang on the door (thank Eru I decided to knock!) when I heard Erestor in a rather...strained...voice shouting, 'harder!' 'faster!' Cue hasty exit from vicinity of Erestor's quarters. I decided it was probably just best to go to bed, would harass Erestor in the morning.
Well, yet another day in the Last Homely House.
10th of Echuir
I forgot Arwen-duty would probably last more than one day. It would last as long as the rangers are here. I would have tried to catch Erestor at breakfast, except Glorfindel woke me up at the crack of dawn with a smile on his face that could only mean trouble for myself. He threw one of my nicer tunics at me and pushed me in the direction of the gardens. "You're breaking your fast with the Lady Arwen in the Gardens." He told me.
"But I have barely gotten to sleep!" I complained.
He shrugged and grinned, "Did the Lady keep you up so late? Why, Lindir, I thought she just thought you 'adorable'?"
I blushed and huffed, a fine situation this was. "Where is Erestor, why can he not do this?"
Glorfindel laughed. "Erestor is...otherwise engaged, and by that blush I suspect you knew that. Oh dear, where were they?"
So I shook my head and changed the subject, "Where am I supposed to meet Ar...Lady Arwen?"
Glorfindel chuckled and took me to meet her. Another day of being a pet for Arwen. Great.
The day passed as slowly as before, it must have taken me at least three hours to undo what she'd done to my hair. It's never been brushed so much. And I smell like an Elleth. I finally met one of the men! Except it wasn't under the best of circumstances. I was walking down one of the corridors (back to my room after my day with Arwen) when one of them accosted me! Me! Pulled me to the side, sniffed me, smiled and tried to kiss me. Thank God Glorfindel was walking down the corridor. They shouted at each other in Westeron for a while before Glorfindel told me to go to my rooms. He dragged the man off. Well, if that just isn't the perfect end to the perfect day.
11th of Echuir
The Men left today, I woke up praying to Eru that Arwen didn't want me to spend the day with her again and my wish was granted. Not talking to Erestor.
25th of Echuir
Still not talking to Erestor. Had decided to sulk for most of the day (Erestor is sulking, so I am sulking, albeit over different things), except that was all ruined when Glorfindel raced in and grabbed me this morning telling me that the men had left and I was needed. Apparently Erestor was feeling very guilty (over 'neglecting' me) and they had just found out that the King of Mirkwood was arriving. I asked why they needed me. Glorfindel said that they either needed me to make Erestor stop feeling guilty or to sing to Thranduil. Took what I thought was the easy option. Obviously wasn't.
I wanted Erestor to feel guilty for at least a little while longer so I decided singing to the King didn't sound that bad; I am a minstrel after all. I walked into the room and stopped dead, well, talk about imposing. I don't think I've ever seen a more regal Elf, not even Elrond. He oozed something, some sort of appeal, when I told Erestor later, he glanced at me and muttered, 'perhaps we should keep you away from Thranduil'. I was dismayed so I asked why.
'Because you are far too young to be near an Elf like Thranduil.'
I asked what he meant by that, Erestor fobbed me off with some silly answer. Hmpf.
The time I spent with Elrond and Thranduil was rather...enlightening. I don't think I've ever seen Elrond so haughty, it was like he was trying to match the King. Very non-Elrond behaviour. Elrond introduced me saying I was his best minstrel, especially considering my age. Thranduil asked my age and replied that I wasn't /that/ young. Was rather flattered and blushed. Thranduil smiled, have a feeling that might have been his intention.
Literally floated into Erestor's chambers after the day with Thranduil and Elrond. What a wonderful Elf! Erestor asked if that meant that he was forgiven, I asked him, 'for what?' He smiled and asked me what had me all happy. I told him about my day with Thranduil and Elrond. That's when Erestor glared and said he'd have to speak to Elrond. Really don't like Erestor sometimes.
26th of Echuir
Elrond seems to have gotten this strange idea that Arwen's 'interested' in me. He asked me if I was interested in her, I told him the truth: I thought she was rather lonely and needed company. Elrond grinned and seemed rather pleased with what I'd said. It wasn't until later that I realised what Elrond meant. Oh dear, think I may have to have a talk with Erestor and get him to speak to Elrond. Oh wait, have decided I'm not talking to Erestor, well, will have to speak to Glorfindel.
Elrond asked me to sing for Thranduil again today. He said seeing as Thranduil had been so taken with me yesterday would I mind keeping him occupied today. Erestor apparently hasn't spoken to Elrond; I readily agreed. Thranduil kept winking at me today. Have no idea what he was doing, asked Glorfindel. Glorfindel winced and told me that maybe Erestor was right and I shouldn't be allowed to sing for Thranduil anymore. I huffed. Have decided I'm not talking to Glorfindel either.
27th of Echuir
Thranduil was as pleasant as ever today, I have no idea what the others find wrong with him. Still can't fathom what he oozes, but have decided it doesn't matter. We took a stroll in the gardens. I sang some pieces about the beauty of Imladris and Thranduil attempted to teach me some songs about Mirkwood. Thranduil has a lovely voice. I really like his voice, and his lips, and his throat...
33rd of Echuir
Was eating dinner peacefully when I felt this hand on my leg, I looked to Arwen and raise my eyebrows questionably. Of course she just looked at me rather confused and asked me what ever was the matter. I told her she knew exactly what the matter was and would she kindly remove her hand from my leg. She offered me both hands, except I clearly felt the hand still on my leg. I looked to the Elf sitting on the other side of me and gulped. Thranduil licked his lips suggestively and slowly removed his hand.
Erestor glared (again) and told Thranduil that that was no kind of behaviour for the dinner table and no sort of behaviour with an Elf that was his charge. I glared back at Erestor and told him to leave Thranduil alone. Lord Elrond hushed all of us and told us the table was not an appropriate place for any of this. He made Erestor apologise to Thranduil. Erestor not a very happy Elf at the moment. Thranduil...glowered and winked at me. I think I'm falling in lust...
34th of Echuir
Oh! I /had/ to post date this entry, really this is the 35th, but seeing as it happened on the 34th (and I do so want to remember that day) I've decided to post date it. Besides, other things happened today. Lord Elrond still doesn't know why Thranduil's here, I don't think he likes to ask because Thranduil just acts as if he should know. It's all very silly, but that's not why I'm writing in here!
Elrond, despite Erestor's and (now) Glorfindel's objections, still has me taking care of Thranduil. Elrond says that I'm doing a great job keeping him occupied and should cater to his every whim until Elrond figures out why he's here. I have no problem with this. Hang on, I'm digressing! Today Thranduil and I spent the whole day in his quarters...wait! That didn't come until later!
I went to collect him this morning and ask what he'd like to do, when he said that he wasn't feeling well and would I mind if he didn't go out today. Of course, I was heart broken! I was looking forward to my time with Thranduil more than anything. I sighed and said it would be alright, I turn to leave and Thranduil asks if I will stay and keep him company! Of all the luck! Bugger spending the day walking about with Thranduil, I get to spend a day with Thranduil in his chambers!
Alas, we spoke for most of the day, he asked if I would stay for dinner and before I knew it...Thranduil had jumped me and I was half undressed on his bed. I mean...how in Eru's name did /that/ happen. Not that I complained. Although as Thranduil was thoroughly ravishing me some thoughts did come to my mind...What about Erestor...Glorfindel...they won't be happy. I must have uttered it out loud because Thranduil looked up at me with the most sincere, innocent eyes and said:
'Elrond said cater to my every whim, didn't he?'
I laughed and well...it's mid afternoon on the 35th and I have just returned to my chambers.
35th of Echuir
Erestor and Glorfindel burst into my chambers today, apparently they had been worried for me. 'Why are you worried?' I asked, 'We live in a sanctuary!' Glorfindel then proceeded to drill me on where I had been yesterday, and who I had been with, I tried to lie, honestly, think I am too readable, must work on this. I told them that Thranduil had not been feeling well (recovered rather brilliantly, I must say) and I kept him company in his quarters, we talked all day and I returned to my room rather late. I slept in this morning. They didn't buy it, because:
a) I don't lie well at all.
b) My hair caught and they saw the love bite on my neck. Drat.
So then I tried to blame it on another Elf, not Thranduil, they almost bought this, until a maid came in with food and winked at me and asked how last night with Thranduil was. Drat. Glorfindel and Erestor stormed off in a rage to see Elrond. Decided to spend the night with Thranduil, what can I lose? It's not like it's a secret any more.
39th of Echuir
Apparently it took them three whole days to convince Elrond to throw Thranduil out. Of course this may cause political turmoil, but Elrond said that the happiness and immortality of his daughter were more important. Glorfindel and Erestor looked smug until he said that bit. I HATE them. They're obviously responsible for this, and they've probably convinced Elrond that Arwen is in love with me. This is unbelievable, the first Elf I fall in love with and those two go and rip him away from me. Deceitful, scheming, underhand bastards. Drat.
I was having such a wonderful time with Thranduil, very attentive and the things that Elf can do! But now he's all gone, and I really want to cry.
52nd of Echuir
I've had enough, I'm sick with grief I tell you! No-one believed me when I begged them not to be so stupid and let Thranduil stay because I was in love with him (definitely love, not lust, have now decided after a long talk with...never mind). They didn't listen to me and now I'm sick with grief. Erestor saw me throwing up and actually looked slightly remorseful and worried. His solution? Get Glorfindel to drag me to Lord Elrond.
Elrond said that I'd probably eaten something bad. Erestor told him Elves weren't affected by things such as that. Elrond said yes they were. Erestor said no they weren't. Elrond said yes they were, he'd had an upset stomach. Erestor reminded him that he was part mortal.
Elrond's not speaking to Erestor, at least that should get me some peace for a while, although it would have been nice for Elrond to tell Erestor that I was ill because of my grief at being parted from Thranduil. Ah well. 12th of Ethuil
Still being ill at the strangest times, am very tired, want Thranduil.
40th of Lavas
Knew I'd forgotten about something. Sorry journal! I suppose what with all that happened with Thranduil I completely forgot about you. It seems I stopped writing in you about the time I was throwing up constantly. At least that went away, granted, it only really went away just over a moon ago, but I was rather glad for that. I still miss Thranduil, and me and the others here still aren't really getting along so well. There are a few nasty rumours going around about Thranduil and I; have horrible feeling they're all true. Drat.
Erestor's being Erestor, I think he has a new lover. Lord Elrond seems to have forgotten any plans he may have had for me and Arwen - for the moment. Glorfindel has been gone with Elladan and Elrohir on an Orc hunt since the beginning of Laer, they should be back soon since it's Lavas now and Firith is soon approaching. I think the human blood in the twins makes them dislike the cold because I don't think I've ever seen them on an Orc hunt in Rhiw. They always insist it's something to do with the amount of daylight they have during Laer, I would have thought Orcs would leave easier tracks in the snow in Rhiw; but what do I know? I'm a minstrel.
I'm still speaking with Arwen every now and then, rather nice, almost beginning to think of her as a friend. Strange all this. Will never leave you without writing in you so long again.
41st of Lavas
I reached over for another pastry this morning during breakfast and Arwen tells me not to because I'm putting on weight as it is. Fat! She called me fat! I'm not fat, am I? I'm a slender youth, a /slender/ youth! How can /I/ be fat?! So I did the only logical thing, I burst out crying and fled the room. Don't want to sing. Don't want to make music. Don't want to do anything. It's mid-morning and I'm going back to bed.
Was woken up rather disgruntledly by Erestor about half an hour ago, he won't go away! I told them I didn't want dinner, I told them I didn't want company. Unfortunately seeing as I've spent most of the day asleep, I now can't get back to sleep (it's about mid evening, quite dark). I've refused company from everyone so now I'm stuck here. I think I might write Erestor a letter, to express my general hate and to show him how good my letters have gotten. Wait, that makes no sense. Nothing ever makes sense anymore. Maybe I'll try sleeping again.
42nd of Lavas
Finally got to sleep last night, don't think I've ever slept so much, and I was still tired when I woke up this morning. At least I don't feel as ill as I did when Thranduil left. I miss Thranduil, he wasn't here that long but it was nice to snuggle down in his arms and just be Lindir. He never asked me to sing, he never scolded me for doing things. He never actually made me do anything, he didn't...pressure me into anything, not like the others do. But now he's gone, just run off and left me and I'm with all of these...brutes. I've fallen out with nearly every Elf I'm close to and the rest don't particularly like me. I think I'll stay in bed again today, I don't feel like facing anyone.
43rd of Lavas
Dear Eru I was rather self pitying yesterday, wasn't I? And I think I just upset everyone else even more. I shouted at them through the door and just was rather...moody. In fact, I've been rather moody for a good few days, well, we'll have to do something about that! Today I'm going to go down to the kitchen, ask for a basket of food and take Erestor for a picnic. It will do him good, he will see me eating and we can have a nice long talk. And I can apologise.
That's it! I've had enough! I go all the way down to the kitchens, I spend a good half an hour letting the staff talk to me, and pet me and coo to me (silly females again). I think I've heard enough, 'are you alright, Lindir?' and 'you need to eat more, Lindir' to last me a lifetime. Well, a mortal one anyway. So I escape the kitchens (with the basket) I go to Erestor's study, knock politely and enter. I go in and Erestor's overjoyed to see my out of bed, I show him my harp and the basket and tell him about my plan. Suddenly he looks all regretful and tells me that he can't! That he has to work! I mean, he's Erestor! He can take a break anytime, surely I'm more important than his stuffy books and stuffier meetings! He said we could do it another day, and that he was glad to see me out of bed.
I'm never leaving my room again.
Erestor came by my room again tonight, he knocked and I didn't answer. He apologised and asked what I was doing tomorrow (apparently not getting the hint that me not answering the door meant I wasn't in or I didn't want to be disturbed). I shouted at the door that he should leave me alone and that I wish he'd left me in the ruins of my house.
Think I was rather harsh and I might have upset him.
Well I don't care! He upset me first!
45th of Lavas
I haven't eaten in four days. I'm hungry. I'm angry. And they're trying to starve me out. I know it. I just want things to be normal, or like they were when Thranduil was here. I want Thranduil here, it was much nicer then. Everyone was so focused trying to get rid of Thranduil, or figure out why he was even here in the first place that they didn't bother with me. I still have the picnic hamper packed with food, I wasn't going to eat it on principal because I've decided that every bite would taste like Erestor's betrayal.
Alright, now I'm just being overly dramatic. I'm annoying myself! What have things come to?!
I'm going to take the food and I'm going to go out in the forest (sneakily of course) and I'm not coming back until that food runs out, or until I feel better. Or until they come and apologise.
Maybe I am getting fat, funny though, I haven't eaten anything in ages.
52nd of Lavas
I've never been so embarrassed in all my life! They knew exactly what I had done and where I had gone and they left me there for a week! A whole week! This never used to be like this in Imladris; it's almost like they're not treating me like...a small Elfling anymore. Are they trying some strange form of punishment? Am I missing the point? Is this how adults are treated?
I was out there a solid week and nothing happened until I ran out of food. The first day I consider coming back and two guards show up, sneer at me and escort me back to the main house. Erestor looks at me with a 'bad-Elfling' look, Glorfindel shook his head sadly, Arwen...wasn't there and Elrond patted me fondly on the head. He said when I grow up a little I may be better suited to Arwen but that I was still too young. Glorfindel obviously hasn't spoken to him about the whole issue yet.
Erestor told me never to do something like that again. He also tried to have a talk to find out what was 'wrong' with me. Unfortunately, the twins came in halfway through my 'talk'. Apparently they arrived back from the wild shortly after I left. They ruffled my hair, laughed and told me I was a singer, not a warrior. Nice to know people care, isn't it?
Elrond was about to leave the room when he turned around and asked me to come and see him tomorrow. He also asked how long I'd known. When I gave him a blank look he asked how late I was. I still had no idea what he was talking about. He just said to see him in the healers quarters tomorrow. Very strange.
I ate dinner with the rest and made my peace with Arwen. I feel slightly better now. Glorfindel and Erestor seem v. worried.
53rd of Lavas
Elrond says some silly things sometimes. I mean, today he confused me with a female. He's seen me grow up, from a little Elfling. I'm pretty sure he's seen me running through the Last Homely House naked if all those stories Glorfindel tell are true.
He's tried to make me marry his daughter. Implying my maleness.
Now he goes and tells me I'm pregnant. He asked who the happy father was.
Elrond's completely lost it, I think I'll have to get Erestor and Glorfindel to do something about him.
54th of Lavas
Erestor went all pale when I told that Elrond had gone mad and we needed to do something about him before the whole of Imladris and the other Elven Kingdoms found out. I'm not really on good terms with Erestor at the moment, we're trying to just forget everything that's happened. Elrond seems to have thrown some sort of hurdle in the way.
So I tell Erestor about Elrond saying that I'm pregnant and he looked me up and down and muttered something that sounded like, 'that old canoe'. Could have been, 'oh my Eru'. In fact, now I think about it that sounds a lot more likely. It's nice to know that it's not just me that is concerned about the mental welfare of our Lord.
7th of Firith
I spent some time with Arwen today after a) not being able to find another suitable companion for our Lady and b) being in actual need of a companion that I can 'talk' about things to. You see, after my initial meditations on Ellith I had a talk with Glorfindel. Glorfindel told me that the cooing and petting is just their 'way'; and that they're good for lots of things. I asked, 'like what?'
Glorfindel replied, 'They're good for discussing problems with, more sensitive, they tend not to make as many lewd comments. They're like a more gentle, sensitive version of Erestor.' I asked why I would want to discuss things with one when I had Glorfindel. Glorfindel laughed and said Ellith were better. Am beginning to see his logic. So I spent a few hours talking to Arwen and telling her all that had happened. She started cooing and let me sit on her lap (I'm rather light, as I said, I am a slender youth!). She kept petting my hair and when she heard it all she told me it would all be alright. It's rather comforting. Of course it has to be when I'm sitting on Arwen's lap purring like a kitten that Elrond walks in. Typical.
Elrond now seems to be having an internal debate; of course all problems within the debate are figments of his own imagination. He seems to be deciding if he wants an Elf that's 'pregnant' with his daughter, or a Man. I think the fact that I'm 'pregnant' isn't dissuading him. Drat.
9th of Firith
Spent some more time with Arwen today, partially because I now like spending time with her and partially because I'm avoiding Erestor and Glorfindel as they're now convinced that I'm pregnant. I think Arwen is convinced that I'm pregnant as well, but she seems to want to make me feel better so avoids mentioning it. They're all mad I tell you. Mad!
12th of Firith
Have this horrible feeling that Erestor and the others might be right, I mean, what would that mean if they were? It's a thought too horrible to comprehend. Pregnant? But, but! I'm no more than an Elfling myself! Oh I just don't know what to do. Arwen's female, maybe it'd be better to talk to Arwen.
20th of Firith
Spoke to Arwen this afternoon, she told me not to worry, that Elrond, no matter how unstable he seemed, was actually a very good healer and would know what to do and how to take care of me. I'm really not too sure. There's something...living inside of me; had two leg cramps today. She said that she'd been around plenty of pregnant Ellith. I hastily reminded her I wasn't an Ellith. She said that the general pregnancy should progress the same, shouldn't it? She then described what a 'normal' pregnancy would entail. I'm really not looking forward to it.
Arwen said that at least I had gotten over nausea, she also said but didn't say that I must have gotten pregnant one of my first, *ahem* times with Thranduil. Bodes well for the future if I'll always be that fertile. Best not to think of these things. I've decided I'm going to treat it as a freak occurrence.
21st of Firith
A maid overheard myself and Arwen talking. Now the whole of Imladris knows that I'm pregnant. Great. I mean, it was bad enough before they knew, with just a few people I know knowing. It's horrid, I mean, truly horrid. It's worse than finding out that I was pregnant! I was walking through the main chamber and bear in mind I'm not showing that much. You'd only notice I was pregnant if I took my robes off, or of course, if someone pointed it out. This elf (I don't know him, I think he's a guard) turns around and shouts, 'Look at the submissive little whore!'
It really hurt, but I ignored it and walked off, there's no point even trying to fight; they're guards, I'm a minstrel.
I think I'm just going to stay in my room until all of this is over.
26th of Firith
First Erestor comes to see why I wasn't at breakfast, then Glorfindel, then Arwen. When I told the first two I just didn't feel well, they bought it. Arwen, however, didn't. She said I, 'wasn't going to fool her so easily.' I told her I didn't want to talk about it. She asked if it was a problem with the guards. Apparently Arwen's as much of a gossip as the other Elves in this horrid place. I told her no, and it didn't matter, that I just really did feel tired. She said of course; she then proceeded to tell me all different things, I think they were to cheer me up. Eventually I let her in.
She told me all about Elladan and Elrohir and a Marchwarden in Lórien. She told me more about Mithlos, quite interesting when you listen properly about him. Arwen even told me about the time she had walked in on Erestor and Elrond bent over a table in the Library. I made a 'yuck' face and asked how long they'd been together. She laughed and told me that was when Celebrían was in Lórien and before I came to live in Imladris, apparently they'd just been 'settling a dispute'. Or at least that's what they told Arwen. Feel better now and am determined to ignore any stupid Elf I meet.
31st of Firith
Glorfindel was making fun of me today at dinner! Therefore, he is a stupid person and I'm not talking to him. Arwen said he meant it in the kind sort of way. I asked her why, if he meant it kindly, the twins were laughing so cruelly at it. She actually conceded that I had a point, think she went to talk to Glorfindel because he came and apologised a short while ago. A few elves are still being cruel, am ignoring them, unfortunately the other minstrels have decided I'm not fit to sing with and refuse to go anywhere near me. That hurt, but, Elrond being the kind Elf that he is has said that they're not allowed to sing in the Hall of Fire until they apologise, which means I'm the only minstrel about there so it's getting quite dull. And they hate me more.
43rd of Firith
Am getting rather larger. Am worried. And I feel like I've got butterflies in my stomach. I want someone to hold me tight and tell me everything is alright, and no matter how much I wish it were Thranduil, Arwen's beginning to smell just as nice. But it's not the same, Arwen's someone I like and trust, but it's not the same. I loved Thranduil, and I love Erestor, maybe not in the same way but I think their arms would be a thousand times more comforting than Arwen's.
17th of Rhiw
I felt her move today! I can't believe it, she actually kicked! And the minstrels apologised, was kind of hollow because I know they were just doing it because they wanted to sing in the Hall of Fire again. But she moved!
28th of Rhiw
Last night I did something I haven't done since I was the smallest of Elflings. I awoke in the middle of the night and my room was cold and so was my bed. I'd just had the most horrid dream about small balrogs with wings calling me 'naneth'. I left my rooms and walked to Erestor's, before entering I listened very carefully. I needed to be near someone and I could hardly sneak into Arwen's bed, could I? Erestor was asleep in his bed, all alone, I quietly crept in and as I was pondering how to get in without him feeling the cold. Erestor threw open the blankets (without even focusing his eyes) and I crawled in. I turned to say I was sorry, but he shushed me and held me closer. I really have missed Erestor.
When I woke this morning he was still there, all curled around me. He told me not to worry and no matter how dithery Elrond got, or how unpleasant the inhabitants were, I was still his charge and he'd always look after me. No matter what disaster I ended up in. He made me cry. I snuggled down and we both went back to sleep. When I woke up again it was late afternoon and he was gone, but a tray of fruit was left along with some clean clothes. Things have been different with Erestor for a while now and it's rather nice to have him back like it used to be. I wish everything could go back like it used to be. Except I don't think I'd turn in the time I spent with Thranduil for anything. The things that Elf can do!
I really don't know what's happening to me sometimes. I'm pregnant, I'll admit that, I miss Thranduil, I'll admit that too. I need help? I'd never admit that. I really want to know two things: how in the name of Manwe they're going to get this child out of me...it really doesn't bode pleasantly. And secondly, what'll happen to the poor soul if she ever does survive all of this; I hate to admit I'm more worried about her than I am myself and that's all rather silly.
Oh, did I mention? I've decided it's a she, it just doesn't seem like a he.
30th of Rhiw
Seeing as I don't like sleeping in my own rooms anymore I've almost semi moved into Erestor's. It's nicer here, it's more like when I was an Elfling. Erestor woke me today and asked if I would like to go for a picnic. He said that seeing as I had been inside for so many months and hadn't really done anything but sit and mope (his words, not mine) that we should go for a picnic. I agreed and we went for a walk and down near the Bruinen. I missed the Elves that almost live out here all of the time, they were up in the trees singing again. They said that seeing as I had the fairest voice they'd heard would I mind joining them for a while. Erestor said I wasn't allowed to climb the tree (as I probably couldn't) so some of them came down.
I think it's been too many years since I've sung with these Elves, maybe my daughter would like to come down here more when she's born. So I sang there into the night with Erestor and the Elves, haven't felt this good in a very long time.
36th of Rhiw
I can't believe Glorfindel sometimes! He does the most obscure things, honestly! He was right by Erestor (and Elrond, even though his motives were slightly misplaced) when they rather literally threw Thranduil out of Imladris and now he goes and invites Thranduil back! He said that Thranduil had a right to know...and even more important was the fact that we might be able to get something good out of him. I asked him what on earth he was on about, Glorfindel said, and I'm quoting here:
'Cheer up, you're carrying the heir of Mirkwood, aren't you? That's got to be good for something.'
I think Glorfindel sees my poor little baby as some sort of new bargaining chip. I had no idea that there was an argument or anything of the sort between Glorfindel and Thranduil. It's all very strange really.
41st of Rhiw
Minstrels have once again gone on the turn and have said that I am far too 'whiny' and like a pregnant 'female' to deal with them. I don't think I'll even bother Elrond with it this time, I know a group of Elves that sing far better than they do, and at least they're supportive. The Elves down by the Bruinen are already taking bets on the gender.
I hear Glorfindel's put quite an amount on it being a male. Hope he's prepared to lose.
46th of Rhiw
Erestor has me helping in the library copying texts, Arwen's even joined us. Erestor said that it's too far for me to travel down to see the Elves by the Bruinen every day and I needed something to occupy my time; Arwen agreed. It's quite nice to be here with the two of them, I haven't done things like this since I was an Elfling. Having this Elfling is like going back to when I was an Elfling; I think it's caused the others around here to realise that I'm not as much of an Elfling as they think I am.
53rd of Rhiw
AHHHHHH!!!! My eyes are burned! I thought Arwen was just being silly when she told me about Elrond and Erestor. But the /exact/ same thing just happened. Except it was the Hall of Fire. THE HALL OF FIRE! They just looked rather shocked and said that they were settling a very old dispute. Oh dear Eru! I'm mentally scarred...Although I never thought Elrond would look /that/ good under all those robes.
He actually suggested that I go spend some time with Arwen, alone. He winked at me...ugh!
59th of Rhiw
I was down with the Elves by the Bruinen singing today when Thranduil arrived. I can't believe how...cheeky they are sometimes!
O! What are you seeking?
What have you left baking?!
Babies are great to be keeping!
Wonderful things to be making!
O! tril-lil-lil-lolly
The valley is jolly,
ha! ha!
O! Where are you going
? With that party so lagging?
The Elf that's showing,
Is here so come grab him!
Thranduil and Lindir down into the Valley...
in Stirring!
ha! ha!
That's what they came up with, honestly. Thranduil looked a bit annoyed at first, then amused and then he looked rather shocked when he realised they meant I was up in the tree with them. So he calls,
'Lindir if you are a pregnant Elf, what are you doing singing in a tree?'
So I told him these were the only minstrels that would sing with me any more, he looked rather...I'm not sure what that expression was, sorry for me? He asked me to come down from the tree. This isn't like Thranduil was last time, then he was almost...predatory. This time he seemed kind and rather...gentle. All the other Elves that were travelling with Thranduil gasped when I made my way down from the tree, apparently they had no idea Thranduil was speaking the truth.
I bid the Elves goodnight and went with Thranduil and the Mirkwood Elves up to the main house. I told Thranduil all that had happened and what it had been like and do you know what he did? He hugged me. I really missed Thranduil.
4th of Echuir
Elrond's been arguing with Thranduil over getting Arwen's beau pregnant. Arwen saw how distressed everyone was and tried to tell Elrond that she was in love with Glorfindel. Glorfindel looked shocked for a moment but then played along and kissed Arwen. Phew, at least Elrond has stopped going on about me and Arwen now. Glorfindel's the new target, see how he likes it. I'm getting rather large and haven't left my room much, all of the others keep coming to see me. It's rather nice to have company.
5th of Echuir
Thranduil's asked if I would like to go to Mirkwood with him, to be his consort and minstrel. He says I sing sweeter than any minstrel he has, so it wouldn't be as if I wasn't wanted. I'm not sure what to do, I want to go with Thranduil, but I'm not sure that I want to leave Imladris. Erestor said that the move needn't be permanent, that I could come back to Imladris one day when the child was old enough to be without her...er...mother. Erestor even asked if I'd like him to come with me for the first year, just so I wasn't completely alone. I told him I'd never be completely alone now that I have my little one. I also told him Imladris would collapse if he left for a year. Elrond looks good, but isn't so good behind the scenes.
9th of Echuir
I told Thranduil that I'd go to Mirkwood with him when she was old enough to travel. Thranduil raised his eyebrows when I told him that it was definitely going to be a 'she'. He asked how I could be so sure. I told him that the child felt like Arwen, calm and gentle, not like Thranduil, Erestor, Glorfindel or any other male elf. Thranduil smiled and said that he couldn't remember an Ellith being born to his line, but there was always a first time for everything. If it wasn't for the constant need to pee and the rather large bump I'd be happier than ever.
24th of Echuir
Legolas Lindirion was born today, I really, really, don't want to talk about it. I'm so tired I can barely write this, but I really wanted to record his birth. Alright, yes it was a 'he' and Glorfindel won a lot of money. He still looks pretty enough to be a she to me.
34th of Echuir
Thranduil's gone, but I still have little Legolas. Thranduil said that he can't stay here too long (he had no idea he would be gone this long as he didn't believe Glorfindel's letter in the first place). It's been decided, when Legolas is old enough to travel we're going to Mirkwood to live with Thranduil. It'll be nice to live in the woods, my mother was a Nandorian Elf. Living in the woods will be like living like my Naneth did.
Two years is not such a long time to wait to travel. And I know I will be happy with Thranduil, thank Eru things worked out well.
Warning: mpreg, slash (pfft).
a/n: This was written for the Lindir list er, Feb Challenge? March? Jan? Something like that. It was written for Estelle who requested Lindir/Thranduil. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lindir
Here's my small helpful thing:
Ethuil - spring
Laer - summer
Lavas - autumn
Firith - fading
Rhiw - winter
Echuir - stirring
Journal of Lindir, Elf of Imladris.
1st of Echuir
Erestor got me this for my begetting day, quite puzzling really, why do we celebrate my begetting day on /this/ day. I mean, no-one I know has met my parents (bar me, of course) yet they seem to have decided that today is the date of my begetting day. It's been like it for years, I suppose I never noticed before. Must ask Erestor why we celebrate my begetting day today.
This is an obvious hint from Erestor that he wants me to continue practising my letters. I practise them enough, alright, maybe not. Erestor seems to forget that I'm not his pupil anymore, I'm with the minstrels now. I'm not sure what else to write in here, so I'll just stop now.
I wonder how they know my age.
9th of Echuir
Some rangers arrived today and I was on my way to greet them when Erestor snagged me. He kindly offered me the duty of watching Arwen. And why, you may ask would an Elf such as myself watch an Elleth that is many times my age? Someone has to stay with Arwen and keep her distracted whilst Men are here, I've never really understood, Erestor says that it's because Lord Elrond has 'fore-sight'. How that relates to keeping Arwen away from Men I really don't know, but their appearance when Arwen is here makes him very nervous.
How can I refuse Erestor? The Elf that took me in? Besides, he looked rather desperate, I wonder what was so interesting about a group of Men? So I agreed, rather sad about missing the chance to meet the Men. I made my way to the family living rooms (rather a treat to spend time in those rooms). When I entered, Arwen started cooing and petting me like a, well, pet. I never understand Arwen, what I briefly remember of Celebrían she had been like this as well, but Celebrían had been gone many years now and there weren't many females in the Last Homely House. Were all Ellith like Arwen and Celebrían? From what I recall of my naneth she was like them, strange, none of the other /male/ Elves I know are.
The twins, when I see them, ruffle my hair and they used to poke fun at my attempt to learn to shoot a bow. Erestor treats me like his charge, which I am. Glorfindel treats me like any other Elf (quite pleasant really, to be treated equally). The other minstrels are much older than myself, so they just kind of sneer at me (Glorfindel and Erestor tell me they see me as a threat, I have no idea what those two think sometimes). Lord Elrond pats me fondly on the head and asks me to sing. But then they all ask me sing. It's not that I don't like singing, it's just all they seem to acknowledge me for, granted I've more than proved myself completely useless at most other things, but still. Minstrels don't sing all of the time, right?
So I sat with Arwen, listened to her babble on about what seemed (to me) random topics. She asked me about my studies (going well), she asked me if I had composed any new songs (I had) and then she proceeded to sit and talk all about someone called Mithlos. When I was 'captured' by Arwen, I had hoped Erestor would rescue me after a time. Except he didn't. I waited, and waited some more, and still no rescue. At least the dinner bell will toll, I thought, hopefully. Of course the dinner bell tolled, but Arwen /insisted/ I share my meal with her and eat in her quarters.
She let me go just before it would have become indecent to be spending that much time with me. Does Arwen really sit alone for all of those hours? Not one person came to check on her, if I'm not seen in that many hours there'd be a search party out looking for me. I felt rather sorry for her and have decided to try and see if I can find someone to spend time with her, maybe one of the Men wouldn't mind.
I fled rather swiftly and went to harass Erestor, I know it was late, but he left me alone in there! I made my way to his quarters raised my hand to bang on the door (thank Eru I decided to knock!) when I heard Erestor in a rather...strained...voice shouting, 'harder!' 'faster!' Cue hasty exit from vicinity of Erestor's quarters. I decided it was probably just best to go to bed, would harass Erestor in the morning.
Well, yet another day in the Last Homely House.
10th of Echuir
I forgot Arwen-duty would probably last more than one day. It would last as long as the rangers are here. I would have tried to catch Erestor at breakfast, except Glorfindel woke me up at the crack of dawn with a smile on his face that could only mean trouble for myself. He threw one of my nicer tunics at me and pushed me in the direction of the gardens. "You're breaking your fast with the Lady Arwen in the Gardens." He told me.
"But I have barely gotten to sleep!" I complained.
He shrugged and grinned, "Did the Lady keep you up so late? Why, Lindir, I thought she just thought you 'adorable'?"
I blushed and huffed, a fine situation this was. "Where is Erestor, why can he not do this?"
Glorfindel laughed. "Erestor is...otherwise engaged, and by that blush I suspect you knew that. Oh dear, where were they?"
So I shook my head and changed the subject, "Where am I supposed to meet Ar...Lady Arwen?"
Glorfindel chuckled and took me to meet her. Another day of being a pet for Arwen. Great.
The day passed as slowly as before, it must have taken me at least three hours to undo what she'd done to my hair. It's never been brushed so much. And I smell like an Elleth. I finally met one of the men! Except it wasn't under the best of circumstances. I was walking down one of the corridors (back to my room after my day with Arwen) when one of them accosted me! Me! Pulled me to the side, sniffed me, smiled and tried to kiss me. Thank God Glorfindel was walking down the corridor. They shouted at each other in Westeron for a while before Glorfindel told me to go to my rooms. He dragged the man off. Well, if that just isn't the perfect end to the perfect day.
11th of Echuir
The Men left today, I woke up praying to Eru that Arwen didn't want me to spend the day with her again and my wish was granted. Not talking to Erestor.
25th of Echuir
Still not talking to Erestor. Had decided to sulk for most of the day (Erestor is sulking, so I am sulking, albeit over different things), except that was all ruined when Glorfindel raced in and grabbed me this morning telling me that the men had left and I was needed. Apparently Erestor was feeling very guilty (over 'neglecting' me) and they had just found out that the King of Mirkwood was arriving. I asked why they needed me. Glorfindel said that they either needed me to make Erestor stop feeling guilty or to sing to Thranduil. Took what I thought was the easy option. Obviously wasn't.
I wanted Erestor to feel guilty for at least a little while longer so I decided singing to the King didn't sound that bad; I am a minstrel after all. I walked into the room and stopped dead, well, talk about imposing. I don't think I've ever seen a more regal Elf, not even Elrond. He oozed something, some sort of appeal, when I told Erestor later, he glanced at me and muttered, 'perhaps we should keep you away from Thranduil'. I was dismayed so I asked why.
'Because you are far too young to be near an Elf like Thranduil.'
I asked what he meant by that, Erestor fobbed me off with some silly answer. Hmpf.
The time I spent with Elrond and Thranduil was rather...enlightening. I don't think I've ever seen Elrond so haughty, it was like he was trying to match the King. Very non-Elrond behaviour. Elrond introduced me saying I was his best minstrel, especially considering my age. Thranduil asked my age and replied that I wasn't /that/ young. Was rather flattered and blushed. Thranduil smiled, have a feeling that might have been his intention.
Literally floated into Erestor's chambers after the day with Thranduil and Elrond. What a wonderful Elf! Erestor asked if that meant that he was forgiven, I asked him, 'for what?' He smiled and asked me what had me all happy. I told him about my day with Thranduil and Elrond. That's when Erestor glared and said he'd have to speak to Elrond. Really don't like Erestor sometimes.
26th of Echuir
Elrond seems to have gotten this strange idea that Arwen's 'interested' in me. He asked me if I was interested in her, I told him the truth: I thought she was rather lonely and needed company. Elrond grinned and seemed rather pleased with what I'd said. It wasn't until later that I realised what Elrond meant. Oh dear, think I may have to have a talk with Erestor and get him to speak to Elrond. Oh wait, have decided I'm not talking to Erestor, well, will have to speak to Glorfindel.
Elrond asked me to sing for Thranduil again today. He said seeing as Thranduil had been so taken with me yesterday would I mind keeping him occupied today. Erestor apparently hasn't spoken to Elrond; I readily agreed. Thranduil kept winking at me today. Have no idea what he was doing, asked Glorfindel. Glorfindel winced and told me that maybe Erestor was right and I shouldn't be allowed to sing for Thranduil anymore. I huffed. Have decided I'm not talking to Glorfindel either.
27th of Echuir
Thranduil was as pleasant as ever today, I have no idea what the others find wrong with him. Still can't fathom what he oozes, but have decided it doesn't matter. We took a stroll in the gardens. I sang some pieces about the beauty of Imladris and Thranduil attempted to teach me some songs about Mirkwood. Thranduil has a lovely voice. I really like his voice, and his lips, and his throat...
33rd of Echuir
Was eating dinner peacefully when I felt this hand on my leg, I looked to Arwen and raise my eyebrows questionably. Of course she just looked at me rather confused and asked me what ever was the matter. I told her she knew exactly what the matter was and would she kindly remove her hand from my leg. She offered me both hands, except I clearly felt the hand still on my leg. I looked to the Elf sitting on the other side of me and gulped. Thranduil licked his lips suggestively and slowly removed his hand.
Erestor glared (again) and told Thranduil that that was no kind of behaviour for the dinner table and no sort of behaviour with an Elf that was his charge. I glared back at Erestor and told him to leave Thranduil alone. Lord Elrond hushed all of us and told us the table was not an appropriate place for any of this. He made Erestor apologise to Thranduil. Erestor not a very happy Elf at the moment. Thranduil...glowered and winked at me. I think I'm falling in lust...
34th of Echuir
Oh! I /had/ to post date this entry, really this is the 35th, but seeing as it happened on the 34th (and I do so want to remember that day) I've decided to post date it. Besides, other things happened today. Lord Elrond still doesn't know why Thranduil's here, I don't think he likes to ask because Thranduil just acts as if he should know. It's all very silly, but that's not why I'm writing in here!
Elrond, despite Erestor's and (now) Glorfindel's objections, still has me taking care of Thranduil. Elrond says that I'm doing a great job keeping him occupied and should cater to his every whim until Elrond figures out why he's here. I have no problem with this. Hang on, I'm digressing! Today Thranduil and I spent the whole day in his quarters...wait! That didn't come until later!
I went to collect him this morning and ask what he'd like to do, when he said that he wasn't feeling well and would I mind if he didn't go out today. Of course, I was heart broken! I was looking forward to my time with Thranduil more than anything. I sighed and said it would be alright, I turn to leave and Thranduil asks if I will stay and keep him company! Of all the luck! Bugger spending the day walking about with Thranduil, I get to spend a day with Thranduil in his chambers!
Alas, we spoke for most of the day, he asked if I would stay for dinner and before I knew it...Thranduil had jumped me and I was half undressed on his bed. I mean...how in Eru's name did /that/ happen. Not that I complained. Although as Thranduil was thoroughly ravishing me some thoughts did come to my mind...What about Erestor...Glorfindel...they won't be happy. I must have uttered it out loud because Thranduil looked up at me with the most sincere, innocent eyes and said:
'Elrond said cater to my every whim, didn't he?'
I laughed and well...it's mid afternoon on the 35th and I have just returned to my chambers.
35th of Echuir
Erestor and Glorfindel burst into my chambers today, apparently they had been worried for me. 'Why are you worried?' I asked, 'We live in a sanctuary!' Glorfindel then proceeded to drill me on where I had been yesterday, and who I had been with, I tried to lie, honestly, think I am too readable, must work on this. I told them that Thranduil had not been feeling well (recovered rather brilliantly, I must say) and I kept him company in his quarters, we talked all day and I returned to my room rather late. I slept in this morning. They didn't buy it, because:
a) I don't lie well at all.
b) My hair caught and they saw the love bite on my neck. Drat.
So then I tried to blame it on another Elf, not Thranduil, they almost bought this, until a maid came in with food and winked at me and asked how last night with Thranduil was. Drat. Glorfindel and Erestor stormed off in a rage to see Elrond. Decided to spend the night with Thranduil, what can I lose? It's not like it's a secret any more.
39th of Echuir
Apparently it took them three whole days to convince Elrond to throw Thranduil out. Of course this may cause political turmoil, but Elrond said that the happiness and immortality of his daughter were more important. Glorfindel and Erestor looked smug until he said that bit. I HATE them. They're obviously responsible for this, and they've probably convinced Elrond that Arwen is in love with me. This is unbelievable, the first Elf I fall in love with and those two go and rip him away from me. Deceitful, scheming, underhand bastards. Drat.
I was having such a wonderful time with Thranduil, very attentive and the things that Elf can do! But now he's all gone, and I really want to cry.
52nd of Echuir
I've had enough, I'm sick with grief I tell you! No-one believed me when I begged them not to be so stupid and let Thranduil stay because I was in love with him (definitely love, not lust, have now decided after a long talk with...never mind). They didn't listen to me and now I'm sick with grief. Erestor saw me throwing up and actually looked slightly remorseful and worried. His solution? Get Glorfindel to drag me to Lord Elrond.
Elrond said that I'd probably eaten something bad. Erestor told him Elves weren't affected by things such as that. Elrond said yes they were. Erestor said no they weren't. Elrond said yes they were, he'd had an upset stomach. Erestor reminded him that he was part mortal.
Elrond's not speaking to Erestor, at least that should get me some peace for a while, although it would have been nice for Elrond to tell Erestor that I was ill because of my grief at being parted from Thranduil. Ah well. 12th of Ethuil
Still being ill at the strangest times, am very tired, want Thranduil.
40th of Lavas
Knew I'd forgotten about something. Sorry journal! I suppose what with all that happened with Thranduil I completely forgot about you. It seems I stopped writing in you about the time I was throwing up constantly. At least that went away, granted, it only really went away just over a moon ago, but I was rather glad for that. I still miss Thranduil, and me and the others here still aren't really getting along so well. There are a few nasty rumours going around about Thranduil and I; have horrible feeling they're all true. Drat.
Erestor's being Erestor, I think he has a new lover. Lord Elrond seems to have forgotten any plans he may have had for me and Arwen - for the moment. Glorfindel has been gone with Elladan and Elrohir on an Orc hunt since the beginning of Laer, they should be back soon since it's Lavas now and Firith is soon approaching. I think the human blood in the twins makes them dislike the cold because I don't think I've ever seen them on an Orc hunt in Rhiw. They always insist it's something to do with the amount of daylight they have during Laer, I would have thought Orcs would leave easier tracks in the snow in Rhiw; but what do I know? I'm a minstrel.
I'm still speaking with Arwen every now and then, rather nice, almost beginning to think of her as a friend. Strange all this. Will never leave you without writing in you so long again.
41st of Lavas
I reached over for another pastry this morning during breakfast and Arwen tells me not to because I'm putting on weight as it is. Fat! She called me fat! I'm not fat, am I? I'm a slender youth, a /slender/ youth! How can /I/ be fat?! So I did the only logical thing, I burst out crying and fled the room. Don't want to sing. Don't want to make music. Don't want to do anything. It's mid-morning and I'm going back to bed.
Was woken up rather disgruntledly by Erestor about half an hour ago, he won't go away! I told them I didn't want dinner, I told them I didn't want company. Unfortunately seeing as I've spent most of the day asleep, I now can't get back to sleep (it's about mid evening, quite dark). I've refused company from everyone so now I'm stuck here. I think I might write Erestor a letter, to express my general hate and to show him how good my letters have gotten. Wait, that makes no sense. Nothing ever makes sense anymore. Maybe I'll try sleeping again.
42nd of Lavas
Finally got to sleep last night, don't think I've ever slept so much, and I was still tired when I woke up this morning. At least I don't feel as ill as I did when Thranduil left. I miss Thranduil, he wasn't here that long but it was nice to snuggle down in his arms and just be Lindir. He never asked me to sing, he never scolded me for doing things. He never actually made me do anything, he didn't...pressure me into anything, not like the others do. But now he's gone, just run off and left me and I'm with all of these...brutes. I've fallen out with nearly every Elf I'm close to and the rest don't particularly like me. I think I'll stay in bed again today, I don't feel like facing anyone.
43rd of Lavas
Dear Eru I was rather self pitying yesterday, wasn't I? And I think I just upset everyone else even more. I shouted at them through the door and just was rather...moody. In fact, I've been rather moody for a good few days, well, we'll have to do something about that! Today I'm going to go down to the kitchen, ask for a basket of food and take Erestor for a picnic. It will do him good, he will see me eating and we can have a nice long talk. And I can apologise.
That's it! I've had enough! I go all the way down to the kitchens, I spend a good half an hour letting the staff talk to me, and pet me and coo to me (silly females again). I think I've heard enough, 'are you alright, Lindir?' and 'you need to eat more, Lindir' to last me a lifetime. Well, a mortal one anyway. So I escape the kitchens (with the basket) I go to Erestor's study, knock politely and enter. I go in and Erestor's overjoyed to see my out of bed, I show him my harp and the basket and tell him about my plan. Suddenly he looks all regretful and tells me that he can't! That he has to work! I mean, he's Erestor! He can take a break anytime, surely I'm more important than his stuffy books and stuffier meetings! He said we could do it another day, and that he was glad to see me out of bed.
I'm never leaving my room again.
Erestor came by my room again tonight, he knocked and I didn't answer. He apologised and asked what I was doing tomorrow (apparently not getting the hint that me not answering the door meant I wasn't in or I didn't want to be disturbed). I shouted at the door that he should leave me alone and that I wish he'd left me in the ruins of my house.
Think I was rather harsh and I might have upset him.
Well I don't care! He upset me first!
45th of Lavas
I haven't eaten in four days. I'm hungry. I'm angry. And they're trying to starve me out. I know it. I just want things to be normal, or like they were when Thranduil was here. I want Thranduil here, it was much nicer then. Everyone was so focused trying to get rid of Thranduil, or figure out why he was even here in the first place that they didn't bother with me. I still have the picnic hamper packed with food, I wasn't going to eat it on principal because I've decided that every bite would taste like Erestor's betrayal.
Alright, now I'm just being overly dramatic. I'm annoying myself! What have things come to?!
I'm going to take the food and I'm going to go out in the forest (sneakily of course) and I'm not coming back until that food runs out, or until I feel better. Or until they come and apologise.
Maybe I am getting fat, funny though, I haven't eaten anything in ages.
52nd of Lavas
I've never been so embarrassed in all my life! They knew exactly what I had done and where I had gone and they left me there for a week! A whole week! This never used to be like this in Imladris; it's almost like they're not treating me like...a small Elfling anymore. Are they trying some strange form of punishment? Am I missing the point? Is this how adults are treated?
I was out there a solid week and nothing happened until I ran out of food. The first day I consider coming back and two guards show up, sneer at me and escort me back to the main house. Erestor looks at me with a 'bad-Elfling' look, Glorfindel shook his head sadly, Arwen...wasn't there and Elrond patted me fondly on the head. He said when I grow up a little I may be better suited to Arwen but that I was still too young. Glorfindel obviously hasn't spoken to him about the whole issue yet.
Erestor told me never to do something like that again. He also tried to have a talk to find out what was 'wrong' with me. Unfortunately, the twins came in halfway through my 'talk'. Apparently they arrived back from the wild shortly after I left. They ruffled my hair, laughed and told me I was a singer, not a warrior. Nice to know people care, isn't it?
Elrond was about to leave the room when he turned around and asked me to come and see him tomorrow. He also asked how long I'd known. When I gave him a blank look he asked how late I was. I still had no idea what he was talking about. He just said to see him in the healers quarters tomorrow. Very strange.
I ate dinner with the rest and made my peace with Arwen. I feel slightly better now. Glorfindel and Erestor seem v. worried.
53rd of Lavas
Elrond says some silly things sometimes. I mean, today he confused me with a female. He's seen me grow up, from a little Elfling. I'm pretty sure he's seen me running through the Last Homely House naked if all those stories Glorfindel tell are true.
He's tried to make me marry his daughter. Implying my maleness.
Now he goes and tells me I'm pregnant. He asked who the happy father was.
Elrond's completely lost it, I think I'll have to get Erestor and Glorfindel to do something about him.
54th of Lavas
Erestor went all pale when I told that Elrond had gone mad and we needed to do something about him before the whole of Imladris and the other Elven Kingdoms found out. I'm not really on good terms with Erestor at the moment, we're trying to just forget everything that's happened. Elrond seems to have thrown some sort of hurdle in the way.
So I tell Erestor about Elrond saying that I'm pregnant and he looked me up and down and muttered something that sounded like, 'that old canoe'. Could have been, 'oh my Eru'. In fact, now I think about it that sounds a lot more likely. It's nice to know that it's not just me that is concerned about the mental welfare of our Lord.
7th of Firith
I spent some time with Arwen today after a) not being able to find another suitable companion for our Lady and b) being in actual need of a companion that I can 'talk' about things to. You see, after my initial meditations on Ellith I had a talk with Glorfindel. Glorfindel told me that the cooing and petting is just their 'way'; and that they're good for lots of things. I asked, 'like what?'
Glorfindel replied, 'They're good for discussing problems with, more sensitive, they tend not to make as many lewd comments. They're like a more gentle, sensitive version of Erestor.' I asked why I would want to discuss things with one when I had Glorfindel. Glorfindel laughed and said Ellith were better. Am beginning to see his logic. So I spent a few hours talking to Arwen and telling her all that had happened. She started cooing and let me sit on her lap (I'm rather light, as I said, I am a slender youth!). She kept petting my hair and when she heard it all she told me it would all be alright. It's rather comforting. Of course it has to be when I'm sitting on Arwen's lap purring like a kitten that Elrond walks in. Typical.
Elrond now seems to be having an internal debate; of course all problems within the debate are figments of his own imagination. He seems to be deciding if he wants an Elf that's 'pregnant' with his daughter, or a Man. I think the fact that I'm 'pregnant' isn't dissuading him. Drat.
9th of Firith
Spent some more time with Arwen today, partially because I now like spending time with her and partially because I'm avoiding Erestor and Glorfindel as they're now convinced that I'm pregnant. I think Arwen is convinced that I'm pregnant as well, but she seems to want to make me feel better so avoids mentioning it. They're all mad I tell you. Mad!
12th of Firith
Have this horrible feeling that Erestor and the others might be right, I mean, what would that mean if they were? It's a thought too horrible to comprehend. Pregnant? But, but! I'm no more than an Elfling myself! Oh I just don't know what to do. Arwen's female, maybe it'd be better to talk to Arwen.
20th of Firith
Spoke to Arwen this afternoon, she told me not to worry, that Elrond, no matter how unstable he seemed, was actually a very good healer and would know what to do and how to take care of me. I'm really not too sure. There's something...living inside of me; had two leg cramps today. She said that she'd been around plenty of pregnant Ellith. I hastily reminded her I wasn't an Ellith. She said that the general pregnancy should progress the same, shouldn't it? She then described what a 'normal' pregnancy would entail. I'm really not looking forward to it.
Arwen said that at least I had gotten over nausea, she also said but didn't say that I must have gotten pregnant one of my first, *ahem* times with Thranduil. Bodes well for the future if I'll always be that fertile. Best not to think of these things. I've decided I'm going to treat it as a freak occurrence.
21st of Firith
A maid overheard myself and Arwen talking. Now the whole of Imladris knows that I'm pregnant. Great. I mean, it was bad enough before they knew, with just a few people I know knowing. It's horrid, I mean, truly horrid. It's worse than finding out that I was pregnant! I was walking through the main chamber and bear in mind I'm not showing that much. You'd only notice I was pregnant if I took my robes off, or of course, if someone pointed it out. This elf (I don't know him, I think he's a guard) turns around and shouts, 'Look at the submissive little whore!'
It really hurt, but I ignored it and walked off, there's no point even trying to fight; they're guards, I'm a minstrel.
I think I'm just going to stay in my room until all of this is over.
26th of Firith
First Erestor comes to see why I wasn't at breakfast, then Glorfindel, then Arwen. When I told the first two I just didn't feel well, they bought it. Arwen, however, didn't. She said I, 'wasn't going to fool her so easily.' I told her I didn't want to talk about it. She asked if it was a problem with the guards. Apparently Arwen's as much of a gossip as the other Elves in this horrid place. I told her no, and it didn't matter, that I just really did feel tired. She said of course; she then proceeded to tell me all different things, I think they were to cheer me up. Eventually I let her in.
She told me all about Elladan and Elrohir and a Marchwarden in Lórien. She told me more about Mithlos, quite interesting when you listen properly about him. Arwen even told me about the time she had walked in on Erestor and Elrond bent over a table in the Library. I made a 'yuck' face and asked how long they'd been together. She laughed and told me that was when Celebrían was in Lórien and before I came to live in Imladris, apparently they'd just been 'settling a dispute'. Or at least that's what they told Arwen. Feel better now and am determined to ignore any stupid Elf I meet.
31st of Firith
Glorfindel was making fun of me today at dinner! Therefore, he is a stupid person and I'm not talking to him. Arwen said he meant it in the kind sort of way. I asked her why, if he meant it kindly, the twins were laughing so cruelly at it. She actually conceded that I had a point, think she went to talk to Glorfindel because he came and apologised a short while ago. A few elves are still being cruel, am ignoring them, unfortunately the other minstrels have decided I'm not fit to sing with and refuse to go anywhere near me. That hurt, but, Elrond being the kind Elf that he is has said that they're not allowed to sing in the Hall of Fire until they apologise, which means I'm the only minstrel about there so it's getting quite dull. And they hate me more.
43rd of Firith
Am getting rather larger. Am worried. And I feel like I've got butterflies in my stomach. I want someone to hold me tight and tell me everything is alright, and no matter how much I wish it were Thranduil, Arwen's beginning to smell just as nice. But it's not the same, Arwen's someone I like and trust, but it's not the same. I loved Thranduil, and I love Erestor, maybe not in the same way but I think their arms would be a thousand times more comforting than Arwen's.
17th of Rhiw
I felt her move today! I can't believe it, she actually kicked! And the minstrels apologised, was kind of hollow because I know they were just doing it because they wanted to sing in the Hall of Fire again. But she moved!
28th of Rhiw
Last night I did something I haven't done since I was the smallest of Elflings. I awoke in the middle of the night and my room was cold and so was my bed. I'd just had the most horrid dream about small balrogs with wings calling me 'naneth'. I left my rooms and walked to Erestor's, before entering I listened very carefully. I needed to be near someone and I could hardly sneak into Arwen's bed, could I? Erestor was asleep in his bed, all alone, I quietly crept in and as I was pondering how to get in without him feeling the cold. Erestor threw open the blankets (without even focusing his eyes) and I crawled in. I turned to say I was sorry, but he shushed me and held me closer. I really have missed Erestor.
When I woke this morning he was still there, all curled around me. He told me not to worry and no matter how dithery Elrond got, or how unpleasant the inhabitants were, I was still his charge and he'd always look after me. No matter what disaster I ended up in. He made me cry. I snuggled down and we both went back to sleep. When I woke up again it was late afternoon and he was gone, but a tray of fruit was left along with some clean clothes. Things have been different with Erestor for a while now and it's rather nice to have him back like it used to be. I wish everything could go back like it used to be. Except I don't think I'd turn in the time I spent with Thranduil for anything. The things that Elf can do!
I really don't know what's happening to me sometimes. I'm pregnant, I'll admit that, I miss Thranduil, I'll admit that too. I need help? I'd never admit that. I really want to know two things: how in the name of Manwe they're going to get this child out of me...it really doesn't bode pleasantly. And secondly, what'll happen to the poor soul if she ever does survive all of this; I hate to admit I'm more worried about her than I am myself and that's all rather silly.
Oh, did I mention? I've decided it's a she, it just doesn't seem like a he.
30th of Rhiw
Seeing as I don't like sleeping in my own rooms anymore I've almost semi moved into Erestor's. It's nicer here, it's more like when I was an Elfling. Erestor woke me today and asked if I would like to go for a picnic. He said that seeing as I had been inside for so many months and hadn't really done anything but sit and mope (his words, not mine) that we should go for a picnic. I agreed and we went for a walk and down near the Bruinen. I missed the Elves that almost live out here all of the time, they were up in the trees singing again. They said that seeing as I had the fairest voice they'd heard would I mind joining them for a while. Erestor said I wasn't allowed to climb the tree (as I probably couldn't) so some of them came down.
I think it's been too many years since I've sung with these Elves, maybe my daughter would like to come down here more when she's born. So I sang there into the night with Erestor and the Elves, haven't felt this good in a very long time.
36th of Rhiw
I can't believe Glorfindel sometimes! He does the most obscure things, honestly! He was right by Erestor (and Elrond, even though his motives were slightly misplaced) when they rather literally threw Thranduil out of Imladris and now he goes and invites Thranduil back! He said that Thranduil had a right to know...and even more important was the fact that we might be able to get something good out of him. I asked him what on earth he was on about, Glorfindel said, and I'm quoting here:
'Cheer up, you're carrying the heir of Mirkwood, aren't you? That's got to be good for something.'
I think Glorfindel sees my poor little baby as some sort of new bargaining chip. I had no idea that there was an argument or anything of the sort between Glorfindel and Thranduil. It's all very strange really.
41st of Rhiw
Minstrels have once again gone on the turn and have said that I am far too 'whiny' and like a pregnant 'female' to deal with them. I don't think I'll even bother Elrond with it this time, I know a group of Elves that sing far better than they do, and at least they're supportive. The Elves down by the Bruinen are already taking bets on the gender.
I hear Glorfindel's put quite an amount on it being a male. Hope he's prepared to lose.
46th of Rhiw
Erestor has me helping in the library copying texts, Arwen's even joined us. Erestor said that it's too far for me to travel down to see the Elves by the Bruinen every day and I needed something to occupy my time; Arwen agreed. It's quite nice to be here with the two of them, I haven't done things like this since I was an Elfling. Having this Elfling is like going back to when I was an Elfling; I think it's caused the others around here to realise that I'm not as much of an Elfling as they think I am.
53rd of Rhiw
AHHHHHH!!!! My eyes are burned! I thought Arwen was just being silly when she told me about Elrond and Erestor. But the /exact/ same thing just happened. Except it was the Hall of Fire. THE HALL OF FIRE! They just looked rather shocked and said that they were settling a very old dispute. Oh dear Eru! I'm mentally scarred...Although I never thought Elrond would look /that/ good under all those robes.
He actually suggested that I go spend some time with Arwen, alone. He winked at me...ugh!
59th of Rhiw
I was down with the Elves by the Bruinen singing today when Thranduil arrived. I can't believe how...cheeky they are sometimes!
O! What are you seeking?
What have you left baking?!
Babies are great to be keeping!
Wonderful things to be making!
O! tril-lil-lil-lolly
The valley is jolly,
ha! ha!
O! Where are you going
? With that party so lagging?
The Elf that's showing,
Is here so come grab him!
Thranduil and Lindir down into the Valley...
in Stirring!
ha! ha!
That's what they came up with, honestly. Thranduil looked a bit annoyed at first, then amused and then he looked rather shocked when he realised they meant I was up in the tree with them. So he calls,
'Lindir if you are a pregnant Elf, what are you doing singing in a tree?'
So I told him these were the only minstrels that would sing with me any more, he looked rather...I'm not sure what that expression was, sorry for me? He asked me to come down from the tree. This isn't like Thranduil was last time, then he was almost...predatory. This time he seemed kind and rather...gentle. All the other Elves that were travelling with Thranduil gasped when I made my way down from the tree, apparently they had no idea Thranduil was speaking the truth.
I bid the Elves goodnight and went with Thranduil and the Mirkwood Elves up to the main house. I told Thranduil all that had happened and what it had been like and do you know what he did? He hugged me. I really missed Thranduil.
4th of Echuir
Elrond's been arguing with Thranduil over getting Arwen's beau pregnant. Arwen saw how distressed everyone was and tried to tell Elrond that she was in love with Glorfindel. Glorfindel looked shocked for a moment but then played along and kissed Arwen. Phew, at least Elrond has stopped going on about me and Arwen now. Glorfindel's the new target, see how he likes it. I'm getting rather large and haven't left my room much, all of the others keep coming to see me. It's rather nice to have company.
5th of Echuir
Thranduil's asked if I would like to go to Mirkwood with him, to be his consort and minstrel. He says I sing sweeter than any minstrel he has, so it wouldn't be as if I wasn't wanted. I'm not sure what to do, I want to go with Thranduil, but I'm not sure that I want to leave Imladris. Erestor said that the move needn't be permanent, that I could come back to Imladris one day when the child was old enough to be without her...er...mother. Erestor even asked if I'd like him to come with me for the first year, just so I wasn't completely alone. I told him I'd never be completely alone now that I have my little one. I also told him Imladris would collapse if he left for a year. Elrond looks good, but isn't so good behind the scenes.
9th of Echuir
I told Thranduil that I'd go to Mirkwood with him when she was old enough to travel. Thranduil raised his eyebrows when I told him that it was definitely going to be a 'she'. He asked how I could be so sure. I told him that the child felt like Arwen, calm and gentle, not like Thranduil, Erestor, Glorfindel or any other male elf. Thranduil smiled and said that he couldn't remember an Ellith being born to his line, but there was always a first time for everything. If it wasn't for the constant need to pee and the rather large bump I'd be happier than ever.
24th of Echuir
Legolas Lindirion was born today, I really, really, don't want to talk about it. I'm so tired I can barely write this, but I really wanted to record his birth. Alright, yes it was a 'he' and Glorfindel won a lot of money. He still looks pretty enough to be a she to me.
34th of Echuir
Thranduil's gone, but I still have little Legolas. Thranduil said that he can't stay here too long (he had no idea he would be gone this long as he didn't believe Glorfindel's letter in the first place). It's been decided, when Legolas is old enough to travel we're going to Mirkwood to live with Thranduil. It'll be nice to live in the woods, my mother was a Nandorian Elf. Living in the woods will be like living like my Naneth did.
Two years is not such a long time to wait to travel. And I know I will be happy with Thranduil, thank Eru things worked out well.