Ha, you really know I'm insane when I write this... read on and shake your head with pity.
Disclaimer: I don't own either Les Mis or Oliver Twist. I hate disclaimers.
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The Girl was in Science class. The Girl was bored. The Girl had re-read Oliver Twist for the fourth time and re-read her favourite scene from Les Mis for the umpteenth time the night before. The Girl decided to bring her favourite characters, Gavroche and The Artful Dodger, together, and let them play (please note that The Girl is supposed to be doing a very important English assignment at this very moment). The Girl has spoken. The literary world is plunged into despair.
Note: this is written in the format of a play.
Dramatis Personae:
GavrocheThe Artful Dodger (alias Jack Dawkins)
Les Amies:
Enjolras
Courfeyrac
Marius
Grantaire
Eponine
Javert
Charlie Bates
Oliver Twist
Fagin
Scene 1.
A Paris street. Gavroche enters.
Gavroche: Je suis tombe pas terre, c'est la faute a Voltaire...
Suddenly there is a crash from above. Enter The Dodger from the sky, falling on his behind.
The Dodger: Bugger!
Gavroche (suddenly breaking into perfect English): You okay there, buddy?
The Dodger (inspects Gavroche visually and decides he has nothing worth stealing): No. There I was, calmly robbing a well-to-do gentleman (minding my own business), when this insane girl runs me over, saying I have to go to France to meet up with some kid. And then lo and behold, here I am, with a very sore butt.
Gavroche (sympathetically): Ah, bugger.
Gavroche and The Dodger decide that they have reached an understanding. They no proceed to figure out why The Dodger has miraculously fallen from the sky. Enter Eponine.
Gavroche: Ah, there's Eponine.
The Dodger: Oh, I see. Girlfriend of yours?
Gavroche ( horrified): Hell, no! She's my sister! How dare you accuse me of incest?
The two beat each other up using baguettes.
Eponine: Gav, why are you beating up some kid with a weird accent- WITH A BAGUETTE?!?!?
Gavroche: No idea. It just miraculously appeared in my hand.
Enter Javert. Enjolras and Marius enter from the opposite side of the street.
Javert: Ah-ha! Violence in the streets! You are all under arrest!
Marius (looking around dreamily): Who me, sir?
Javert: Yes! You could have all been part of this conspiracy! What would happen if I let you run free, huh? You could become habitual offenders, like Jean Valjean!
Enjolras: Oh, not this thing again. Isn't a whole book and musical enough for you two? You ALWAYS hog the spotlight!
Javert (about to break into inspirational song): Stars... in your multitude...
Gavroche (interrupting rudely): Hey, this is supposed to be MY fic! You guys are taking over! I was the one who was first placed in this fic! Look, it even says it in the title!
He points frantically to title up above. He is ignored.
The Dodger: Forget it. You know, don't tell anyone, but old Charlie, that's my Author, he was originally going to call my story "Jack Dawkins", but then that brat Oliver HAD to come in and ruin it all, didn't he. As soon as he came up to the Character Casting Office and charmed everyone by saying "Please sir, may I have some more?" at the canteen, I knew it was the end of it. And sure enough, before the day was up, the title was changed to his name and I was stuck wearing this top hat.
Gavroche: Yeah, why do you wear that top hat?
The Dodger: Wish I knew. That's how my Author wanted it, I suppose.
Gavroche and The Dodger shake their heads at the Author's stupidity.
Enjolras: Will you two stop taking away all my fame? I'm the good-looking hero! I'm supposed to be holding long inspirational speeches round about now!
He breaks into song.
Do you hear the people sing, singing a song of angry men...
He is pounded by flying baguettes, which have been hurled by every character, including those still waiting in the wings.
Enjolras (melodramatically): Owwwwwwwww...
All other characters: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yes, that was Scene One... Scene Two will be posted shortly (oh god, this means there will be THREE fics I have to update on now. Oh man...)