Disclaimer: We do not own the Harry Potter characters, Will Turner from Pirates of the Caribbean, the 'mole' joke from Austin Powers, or Alan Rickman (no matter how much I ~Crystal~ want him). We do however own the characters of Carmen, Crystal, Malya, Trinity, and Ben.
A/N: Wow we actually weren't expecting such good reviews. We'd just like to say that if we get flamed, then it would bring the wrath of Carmen down on you. So we're warning you now.
Chapter Two
Crystal awoke slowly to feel something heavy on her leg. She looked down and screamed. She shook Malya.
"What?" asked Malya, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. But she kept her eyes closed, for they felt heavy. Crystal pointed to a boy on her leg.
"Ben," she said in a deep voice.
"What?" asked Malya, thinking she had heard wrong.
"Ben!" repeated Crystal.
"What?" frowned Malya, opening her eyes.
"Ben!" cried Crystal. "It's a Ben, it's a big, bloody Ben." Malya looked at Ben, who was lying peacefully on Crystal's leg. She screamed as well. Ben opened his eyes.
"It's a bloody Ben blinking me right in the face!" cried Malya. Ben, scared by all the yelling, jumped high into the air and landed in Crystal's arms. He looked at her.
"You have beautiful eyes," he said.
"PervBoy!" cried Crystal, throwing him to the ground.
"There's a few more things to worry about," said Carmen. It turned out they weren't alone. In fact they were in what appeared to be a wizard strip club.
There was a strip that jutted out from the stage that was obviously for the fashion show of wizards and witches who walked it.
"I don't want to be here," said a frantic Malya.
"Who wants a drink?" asked Trinity, four glasses of butterbeer already in her hand. Each girl grabbed one.
"What about me?" whined Ben.
"Hush NevilleBen!"
"I'll get you for this," he growled.
"For what?" asked Crystal scornfully.
"For being cruel and dragging me here," growled Ben.
"Like we had a choice," frowned Carmen.
"Oh yeah? I bet it was you who brought me here, and I'll tell the police you kidnapped me."
"Now…why would we want to kidnap you?" asked Trinity after a sip of butterbeer. "Hey! This stuff is good."
"You're the criminal masterminds, not me!" Suddenly the corniest music imaginable began to play. A voice came on the speaker and an announcer began to speak.
"Ladies and gentlemen, wizards and witches. I am pleased to introduce you to the star of our show. Here he is Lucius Malfoy." While others clapped, the San Jaghettoans had a different reaction. Crystal spit out her butterbeer. Trinity and Carmen looked shocked, then laughed hysterically. Malya began to choke on a peanut from the bowl on the table. Ben didn't pay attention. He was too busy trying to think of a good comeback for anything else said to him.
Lights were flashing and the music turned up even higher than before. Out walked a tall man with blonde hair and very fashionable set of robes. He walked with an air and sense of knowing who he was. There was no doubting it. It was Lucius Malfoy, Draco's dad. He was a stripper.
"Oh…my…gosh," gasped Malya.
"No freaking way," laughed Trinity.
"Are you serious?" asked Carmen. Then, Lucius began to sing. It was a song in some other language.
"He is serious," groaned Crystal.
~*~ (half an hour later)
All five walked out, either shaking or twitching.
"That was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed," said Ben.
'You're taking it better than Malya is," sighed Carmen. Everyone turned to see Malya throwing up in a nearby bush.
"I don't blame her," frowned Crystal, rubbing her stomach. "Who knows wizards wore tightie whities."
"I'm just glad there was something underneath," sad Trinity.
"What I want to know," said Malya, whipping her mouth as she returned to her group, "is how and why we ended up in that club."
"Well, we know how," said Carmen. "Something happened at the theater that caused us to go into the movie."
"I admit I haven't read the book in quite a while," said Malya. "But I defiantly do not remember Lucius Malfoy as the star stripper in it. The third book contained things like Sirius, the Marauder's map, and Snape being called a greasy git."
"Well," said Trinity, "we won't get anywhere by arguing."
"Yeah, Malya," said Ben. "Don't hate, celebrate."
"Shut up, Ben," frowned Crystal.
"That wasn't very lady-like," Ben frowned.
"And it won't be very lady like it if I shove my foot up your ass, now would it?" asked Carmen.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," said a deep voice from behind them. They turned to see Lucius Malfoy, staring down at them. "That is not Hogwarts standard language."
"First of all," smirked Carmen, "we don't go to Hogwarts. Second of all, I would not be saying anything if I were you." Lucius looked at her, confused.
"I'll have to agree with Carmen, here," smiled Trinity.
"What are you talking about?" asked Lucius. His eyes narrowed.
"I don't think it would be Hogwarts standards to 'shake your groove thang'," smirked Ben. He pretended to strip while Lucius stared in horror.
"What will Draco say when he discovers that his father isn't perfect?" smiled Crystal.
"He…already knows," replied Lucius.
"Yeah, right," laughed Malya. "As if you would allow your son to know you spend your time stripping in front of the lowest of wizarding society." The others laughed when Lucius turned a dark shade of red.
"If you mention this to anyone, I will make your lives a living nightmare." Lucius thought for a moment. "Do I know your parents?"
"Sorry," said Malya, "but my parents do not associate with those who show off their Fruit of the Loom panties." The other four laughed.
"Yet they allow you to attend a wizards strip club?" Lucius drawled.
"Father," came a voice. It was Draco. He came running up to his father.
"Hello, Draco," smiled Lucius. "I was just…breaking up this filthy trash spot."
"Again?" asked Draco. "This is the third time this week." There were many stifled laughs among the group.
"Who are they?" Draco asked, looking from one to the other.
"Just some riffraff I have been questioning." Lucius turned and called for Draco to follow.
2nd A/N: Despite all the Lucius bashing that takes place in this story, I ~Crystal~ really do love Jason Isaacs. Please read and review.