I got the idea for this when I was watching Return of the Jedi. When Darth
Vader picked up Palpatine, I heard the song "We Are The Champions" playing,
and it reminded me of hockey players holding the Stanley Cup over their
heads. At the end, I included some hockey terms for those of you who aren't
familiar with them. So, here it is. The Stanley Cup Championship – Star
Wars style.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Luke Skywalker was sitting in an Ewok hut on Endor. He was trying to practice his Force skills, but the Ewoks were very loud and it was hard for him to concentrate. He tried to tune them out, and almost succeeded when a rock flew in the window. Luke picked up the rock and found a note tied to it.
Luke looked around for who had thrown the rock, but he saw no one. He took the note off of the rock and read it.
Dear Mr. Skywalker,
We would like to settle our conflict in a slightly less violent way. We would like to challenge you and your rebel friends to a game of hockey. If you accept the challenge, come to Imperial Center in a galactic standard week. You will need to have three lines and two goalies.
Love, Dad/Dark Lord of the Sith
Luke was very confused when he read the note. He thought it might be a trap, but he knew his dad would not do that to him. Luke thought that his dad was a very nice guy, just a little misunderstood. With a big grin on his face, he ran to find Leia. She was arguing with Han.
"Leia! Han! Look what I got!" He was jumping up and down, waving the note.
Han took the note from Luke and read it. Leia gave Luke a strange look and Han began to laugh. "Hey, kid, this can't be serious."
"Yes it is! Yes it is!" Luke started jumping again. "It's in my dad's handwriting!"
"I think it's a good idea," said Leia. "Fighting them on the ice would be easier than trying to blow up the Death Star."
"You got a point," said Han. "Let's go make our team."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One week later, Rebel and Imperial ships entered over Coruscant. Several shuttles were sent down to the planet. A large arena had been made so the game could be played. Once they were on the planet, both teams filled out a roster. The final forms read:
Team Rebel Scum:
Luke Skywalker (Center); Han Solo (Right Wing); Chewbacca (Left Wing); Leia Organa (Defenseman); Lando Calrissian (Defenseman); Wedge Antilles (Center); Wes Janson (Right Wing); Derek "Hobbie" Klivian (Left Wing); Tycho Celchu (Defenseman); Rogue Eight (Defenseman); Mon Mothma (Center); Admiral Ackbar (Right Wing); Kyle Katarn (Left Wing); Garm Bel Iblis (Defenseman); Crix Madine (Defenseman); Yoda (Goalie); R2-D2 (Goalie)
Team Imperial Whiners:
Emporer Palpatine (Center); Ysanne Isard (Right Wing); Mara Jade (Left Wing); General Veers (Defenseman); Royal Guard Guy (Defenseman); Darth Vader (Center); Boba Fett (Right Wing); Faceless Officer (Left Wing); Soon-to-be-dead Officer (Defenseman); Brakiss (Defenseman); Grand Admiral Thrawn (Center); Gilad Pellaeon (Right Wing); Rukh (Left Wing); Stormtrooper D-521 (Defenseman); Stormtopper D-614 (Defenseman); Bossk (Goalie); Darth Vader (Goalie)
Han and Luke were looking over the lists of the teams. Han did not say anything, but Luke began to whine about it.
"It's not fair! They got to hire bounty hunters! And why does Darth Vader get to be a center and a goalie! I want to be both too! And they didn't even put names down for some of their people!"
"You're only a Jedi, Vader is a Dark Lord of the Sith, so he gets to be two things. The Imps have more money than us so they can afford to hire Fett and we wrote Rogue Eight for one of our players."
Even after Han's explanations, Luke was not satisfied. He went to complain about it to someone else.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The teams were getting ready for the game. Luke was trying to get R2-D2 to hold a goalie stick, but he was not having much luck. He saw that Yoda was ready to go, so he decided not to worry about it. "You'll be the backup, okay Artoo?"
The astromech beeped at him and rolled off. They were soon on the ice and ready to play. The Rebels sent Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, and Lando out as their first line. The Empire had Palpatine, Isard, Mara Jade, Veers, and the Royal Guard Guy on the ice. Wicket W. Warrick was the referee. He dropped the puck and skated away.
Luke won the face-off but Palpatine hit him with Force lightning. The referee did not see it. Han and Chewbacca were passing the puck between each other. They went all the way down the ice, and were about to shoot the puck in the net when Mara Jade hit Han and stole the puck.
She skated up with it and went out of her way to push Luke on the ice. Lando was on defense and was trying to take the puck. Isard yelled at Mara and told her to pass, but Mara just flipped her off. In the time it took her to do that, Leia took the puck from Mara and passed it to Luke.
"I have the puck! Ha ha ha!" Luke started acting stupid. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and he hit Veers. Veers took the puck, but Chewbacca checked him. Palpatine went crazy and started to electrocute everyone.
Wicket blew his whistle and sent Palpatine to the penalty box. No one knew what the penalty was called, so it was made up. Palpatine was sent to the box for five minutes for a Force Lightning Attack.
Both teams changed lines. Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Soon-to-be-dead Officer, and Mara Jade were out for the Imperials and the Rebels had Wedge, Janson, Hobbie, Tycho, and Rogue Eight. Luke whined when he came off the ice.
Darth Vader won the face-off by using the Force. He passed to Soon-to-be- dead Officer and he skated up. Hobbie took the puck and Janson whacked him in the face with his stick when the referee was looking away.
Vader skated up to him. "You have disappointed me for the last time," Vader said as he choked the officer. He died, and the body was left on the ice.
The Rebels were all playing offensively. They passed the puck often and the Imperials could not take it from them. Yoda was bored sitting alone, so he Force poked Vader and Mara, just to keep them annoyed. Rogue Eight had the puck and he shot it in. Bossk was shivering and the puck went in.
"He shoots, he scores! The Scum made the first goal of the game! Rogue Eight got the goal, assisted by Antilles, Janson, Klivian, and Celchu."
There were a few cheers, mostly from the Rebel bench. Palpatine got out of the box, and the game continued.
At the end of the first period, the score was Rebel Scum – 3, Imperial Whiners – 1. Wedge and Han got the other goals for the Rebels, and Stormtrooper D-521 got the goal for the Empire. There were many penalties, mostly on the Imperials, but the Rebels only had that first powerplay goal. The Empire put Palpatine, Vader, Mara, and Brakiss out together, and the Rebels could not score. Of course, Palpatine got several of the penalties, so he was replaced with Thrawn.
The second period was good for the Empire. They scored six goals, while the Rebels only had one. Boba Fett got a hat trick, Mara Jade got two goals, and Vader got the last one. Bossk was removed from the game, so Vader also played goalie. He turned the puck around with the Force every time it came towards the net. The Rebels got their goal, by Wes Janson, when Vader was yelling a Boba Fett for flirting with his daughter.
The third period was the most interesting. Almost everyone scored a goal. Palpatine did not because he was in the penalty box for most of the period, and Garm bel Iblis was arguing with Mon Mothma, so they did not score. Luke, Han, Chewie, and Wedge had hat tricks, as did Vader, Thrawn, and Faceless Officer.
Near the end of the period, the Rebels had 29 goals and the Imperials had 29 goals. There was less than a minute left in the game, the Empire was at full strength now that Palpatine was out of the penalty box, and the Rebels were tied. Palpatine, Vader, Fett, Thrawn, and Faceless Officer were out for the Imps, Luke, Leia, Han, Wedge, Lando, and Chewbacca were on the ice for the Rebels. R2-D2 had been the goalie for most of the period, but he was pulled so there was an extra player.
Luke and Vader faced off, Luke won. He passed to Wedge, he passed to Lando, he passed to Chewbacca, he passed to Leia, she passed to Luke, he passed to Han, he passed to Chewbacca, he passed to Wedge, he passed to Luke. Fett and Han started to fight. For the use of illegal weapons, both were ejected from the game where they continued to fight. Chewbacca smashed Faceless Officer into the boards and knocked him unconscious, then started to harass the Imperial bench. Leia and Thrawn began a violent political discussion. It was Luke, Wedge, and Lando against Palpatine and Vader.
Luke and Vader started to fight with their lightsaber hockey sticks, Luke had the puck between his skates where no one could get it. Luke slashed Vader's hand and turned his stick off. A stray shot from Fett's blaster destroyed his hockey stick. Palpatine laughed evilly.
"Join me, or die!"
"I'll never join you!"
"So be it, Jedi!" Palpatine used his Force lightning on Luke, and he fell to the ice. Palpatine continued to electrocute him, and he almost died. Before Luke was killed, Vader picked Palpatine up and threw him into the Rebel bench where Janson and Hobbie beat him to death. Vader and Luke were both too weak to continue. There were only a few seconds left in the game, and Vader hit the puck towards Wedge.
Wedge took the puck, and skated up with Lando. Pointlessly, they passed the puck. They were the only ones on the ice who could do anything. Since Bossk was out and Vader was dying, there was no goalie. Wedge and Lando shot the puck in, and the net exploded.
The players still alive at the end shook hands with each other, even Han and Fett. The Rebel team skated around the ice, celebrating. Ewoks ran onto the ice, and started a party. They sang and danced, and some of the Imperials joined in.
And until Thrawn came back for a rematch and Mara Jade tried to kill Luke, they all lived happily ever after.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here are some of the hockey terms that I used.
Penalty box – When a player gets a penalty, they are sent to a box for a certain amount of time and the player's team must play with one less skater
Lines – This is a group of offensive players. It consists of a center, a left wing, and a right wing. Lines usually get mixed up during games.
Face Off – When the puck is dropped between the two players in the circle, they both try and get it for their team
Powerplay – When one team has a player in the penalty box, the other team gets a powerplay. The team that got the penalty has one less person on the ice, making it more difficult to defend.
Hat Trick – This is when a single player scores three goals in a game
Goalie Pulling – A team can pull their goalie during the game and have an extra player on the ice.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Luke Skywalker was sitting in an Ewok hut on Endor. He was trying to practice his Force skills, but the Ewoks were very loud and it was hard for him to concentrate. He tried to tune them out, and almost succeeded when a rock flew in the window. Luke picked up the rock and found a note tied to it.
Luke looked around for who had thrown the rock, but he saw no one. He took the note off of the rock and read it.
Dear Mr. Skywalker,
We would like to settle our conflict in a slightly less violent way. We would like to challenge you and your rebel friends to a game of hockey. If you accept the challenge, come to Imperial Center in a galactic standard week. You will need to have three lines and two goalies.
Love, Dad/Dark Lord of the Sith
Luke was very confused when he read the note. He thought it might be a trap, but he knew his dad would not do that to him. Luke thought that his dad was a very nice guy, just a little misunderstood. With a big grin on his face, he ran to find Leia. She was arguing with Han.
"Leia! Han! Look what I got!" He was jumping up and down, waving the note.
Han took the note from Luke and read it. Leia gave Luke a strange look and Han began to laugh. "Hey, kid, this can't be serious."
"Yes it is! Yes it is!" Luke started jumping again. "It's in my dad's handwriting!"
"I think it's a good idea," said Leia. "Fighting them on the ice would be easier than trying to blow up the Death Star."
"You got a point," said Han. "Let's go make our team."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One week later, Rebel and Imperial ships entered over Coruscant. Several shuttles were sent down to the planet. A large arena had been made so the game could be played. Once they were on the planet, both teams filled out a roster. The final forms read:
Team Rebel Scum:
Luke Skywalker (Center); Han Solo (Right Wing); Chewbacca (Left Wing); Leia Organa (Defenseman); Lando Calrissian (Defenseman); Wedge Antilles (Center); Wes Janson (Right Wing); Derek "Hobbie" Klivian (Left Wing); Tycho Celchu (Defenseman); Rogue Eight (Defenseman); Mon Mothma (Center); Admiral Ackbar (Right Wing); Kyle Katarn (Left Wing); Garm Bel Iblis (Defenseman); Crix Madine (Defenseman); Yoda (Goalie); R2-D2 (Goalie)
Team Imperial Whiners:
Emporer Palpatine (Center); Ysanne Isard (Right Wing); Mara Jade (Left Wing); General Veers (Defenseman); Royal Guard Guy (Defenseman); Darth Vader (Center); Boba Fett (Right Wing); Faceless Officer (Left Wing); Soon-to-be-dead Officer (Defenseman); Brakiss (Defenseman); Grand Admiral Thrawn (Center); Gilad Pellaeon (Right Wing); Rukh (Left Wing); Stormtrooper D-521 (Defenseman); Stormtopper D-614 (Defenseman); Bossk (Goalie); Darth Vader (Goalie)
Han and Luke were looking over the lists of the teams. Han did not say anything, but Luke began to whine about it.
"It's not fair! They got to hire bounty hunters! And why does Darth Vader get to be a center and a goalie! I want to be both too! And they didn't even put names down for some of their people!"
"You're only a Jedi, Vader is a Dark Lord of the Sith, so he gets to be two things. The Imps have more money than us so they can afford to hire Fett and we wrote Rogue Eight for one of our players."
Even after Han's explanations, Luke was not satisfied. He went to complain about it to someone else.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The teams were getting ready for the game. Luke was trying to get R2-D2 to hold a goalie stick, but he was not having much luck. He saw that Yoda was ready to go, so he decided not to worry about it. "You'll be the backup, okay Artoo?"
The astromech beeped at him and rolled off. They were soon on the ice and ready to play. The Rebels sent Luke, Han, Leia, Chewbacca, and Lando out as their first line. The Empire had Palpatine, Isard, Mara Jade, Veers, and the Royal Guard Guy on the ice. Wicket W. Warrick was the referee. He dropped the puck and skated away.
Luke won the face-off but Palpatine hit him with Force lightning. The referee did not see it. Han and Chewbacca were passing the puck between each other. They went all the way down the ice, and were about to shoot the puck in the net when Mara Jade hit Han and stole the puck.
She skated up with it and went out of her way to push Luke on the ice. Lando was on defense and was trying to take the puck. Isard yelled at Mara and told her to pass, but Mara just flipped her off. In the time it took her to do that, Leia took the puck from Mara and passed it to Luke.
"I have the puck! Ha ha ha!" Luke started acting stupid. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, and he hit Veers. Veers took the puck, but Chewbacca checked him. Palpatine went crazy and started to electrocute everyone.
Wicket blew his whistle and sent Palpatine to the penalty box. No one knew what the penalty was called, so it was made up. Palpatine was sent to the box for five minutes for a Force Lightning Attack.
Both teams changed lines. Darth Vader, Boba Fett, Soon-to-be-dead Officer, and Mara Jade were out for the Imperials and the Rebels had Wedge, Janson, Hobbie, Tycho, and Rogue Eight. Luke whined when he came off the ice.
Darth Vader won the face-off by using the Force. He passed to Soon-to-be- dead Officer and he skated up. Hobbie took the puck and Janson whacked him in the face with his stick when the referee was looking away.
Vader skated up to him. "You have disappointed me for the last time," Vader said as he choked the officer. He died, and the body was left on the ice.
The Rebels were all playing offensively. They passed the puck often and the Imperials could not take it from them. Yoda was bored sitting alone, so he Force poked Vader and Mara, just to keep them annoyed. Rogue Eight had the puck and he shot it in. Bossk was shivering and the puck went in.
"He shoots, he scores! The Scum made the first goal of the game! Rogue Eight got the goal, assisted by Antilles, Janson, Klivian, and Celchu."
There were a few cheers, mostly from the Rebel bench. Palpatine got out of the box, and the game continued.
At the end of the first period, the score was Rebel Scum – 3, Imperial Whiners – 1. Wedge and Han got the other goals for the Rebels, and Stormtrooper D-521 got the goal for the Empire. There were many penalties, mostly on the Imperials, but the Rebels only had that first powerplay goal. The Empire put Palpatine, Vader, Mara, and Brakiss out together, and the Rebels could not score. Of course, Palpatine got several of the penalties, so he was replaced with Thrawn.
The second period was good for the Empire. They scored six goals, while the Rebels only had one. Boba Fett got a hat trick, Mara Jade got two goals, and Vader got the last one. Bossk was removed from the game, so Vader also played goalie. He turned the puck around with the Force every time it came towards the net. The Rebels got their goal, by Wes Janson, when Vader was yelling a Boba Fett for flirting with his daughter.
The third period was the most interesting. Almost everyone scored a goal. Palpatine did not because he was in the penalty box for most of the period, and Garm bel Iblis was arguing with Mon Mothma, so they did not score. Luke, Han, Chewie, and Wedge had hat tricks, as did Vader, Thrawn, and Faceless Officer.
Near the end of the period, the Rebels had 29 goals and the Imperials had 29 goals. There was less than a minute left in the game, the Empire was at full strength now that Palpatine was out of the penalty box, and the Rebels were tied. Palpatine, Vader, Fett, Thrawn, and Faceless Officer were out for the Imps, Luke, Leia, Han, Wedge, Lando, and Chewbacca were on the ice for the Rebels. R2-D2 had been the goalie for most of the period, but he was pulled so there was an extra player.
Luke and Vader faced off, Luke won. He passed to Wedge, he passed to Lando, he passed to Chewbacca, he passed to Leia, she passed to Luke, he passed to Han, he passed to Chewbacca, he passed to Wedge, he passed to Luke. Fett and Han started to fight. For the use of illegal weapons, both were ejected from the game where they continued to fight. Chewbacca smashed Faceless Officer into the boards and knocked him unconscious, then started to harass the Imperial bench. Leia and Thrawn began a violent political discussion. It was Luke, Wedge, and Lando against Palpatine and Vader.
Luke and Vader started to fight with their lightsaber hockey sticks, Luke had the puck between his skates where no one could get it. Luke slashed Vader's hand and turned his stick off. A stray shot from Fett's blaster destroyed his hockey stick. Palpatine laughed evilly.
"Join me, or die!"
"I'll never join you!"
"So be it, Jedi!" Palpatine used his Force lightning on Luke, and he fell to the ice. Palpatine continued to electrocute him, and he almost died. Before Luke was killed, Vader picked Palpatine up and threw him into the Rebel bench where Janson and Hobbie beat him to death. Vader and Luke were both too weak to continue. There were only a few seconds left in the game, and Vader hit the puck towards Wedge.
Wedge took the puck, and skated up with Lando. Pointlessly, they passed the puck. They were the only ones on the ice who could do anything. Since Bossk was out and Vader was dying, there was no goalie. Wedge and Lando shot the puck in, and the net exploded.
The players still alive at the end shook hands with each other, even Han and Fett. The Rebel team skated around the ice, celebrating. Ewoks ran onto the ice, and started a party. They sang and danced, and some of the Imperials joined in.
And until Thrawn came back for a rematch and Mara Jade tried to kill Luke, they all lived happily ever after.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here are some of the hockey terms that I used.
Penalty box – When a player gets a penalty, they are sent to a box for a certain amount of time and the player's team must play with one less skater
Lines – This is a group of offensive players. It consists of a center, a left wing, and a right wing. Lines usually get mixed up during games.
Face Off – When the puck is dropped between the two players in the circle, they both try and get it for their team
Powerplay – When one team has a player in the penalty box, the other team gets a powerplay. The team that got the penalty has one less person on the ice, making it more difficult to defend.
Hat Trick – This is when a single player scores three goals in a game
Goalie Pulling – A team can pull their goalie during the game and have an extra player on the ice.