Title: No More Pretending
Author: Kora
Rating: R - serious - smut baby, smut…
Pairing: Lindsey/Darla
Genre: Romance/Angst
Summary: An AU twist on the episode 'Darla', with sexy results! ;-)
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment.
Author's Note: Kristen was also sweet enough to care when this chick ripped me off - big time! So for her I write this smutty drabble - hope she enjoys it!
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Darla shook her head and pushed away from the glass window in Lindsey's office, voice resigned, "No. Nobody understands. Nobody can understand - I can feel this body dying, Lindsey. I can feel it decaying moment by moment. It's being eaten away by this thing inside of it - It's a cancer, this soul!"
Lindsey looks at her, his mouth still humming from their kisses, his neck tingling from her teeth on it. Something that had started out so gentle had become so rough and the worst of it was - he wasn't sure which one he had enjoyed more.
But looking at her now, hearing her words and letting them sink in he knew that she needed gentleness far more than anything else despite what she felt and said - despite the way she acted.
He sighed and picked up his coat, wrapping it around her shoulders again as his own eyes cast out the window, "Coming here…the office…it was a bad idea. How about we leave?"
"And go where?" she whispered, "There's nowhere I can go that…I can't escape memories, Lindsey. Can't escape thoughts…him."
Him, naturally, was Angel. And for a split second an almost psychotic rage of anger stormed through Lindsey's veins, tightening his whole body. He hated the souled vampire now more than ever. Before it had been a mere job but when he looked at Darla…Jesus it became so personal. So personal when it shouldn't be.
Holland would be disappointed but what was new? Holland was more often than not disappointed with him. Not that Lindsey really gave a shit - the other man was playing him, using him as much as he was using Darla and that was the worst of it. He knew Holland was using him and did nothing to stop it. Knew he was using Darla and….
But no more. He would get her out of here.
"Come on, let's just go…"
"Where?"
"My place."
She turned and looked at him, a catty smile in place even though her eyes did not reflect the same emotion, "You really want to get that from me, don't you? You know, you could be more slick about it…"
He rolled his eyes, hands on his hips, "It's not like that. Swear."
Her vision cast to the desk he had earlier pushed her upon, obviously her thoughts reminiscing on the kisses they had shared but moments ago, then she turned to him, one eyebrow raised, "You sure."
He sighed, running a swift hand through his hair, "I won't lie. I want it. I'd be a fool not to. But that's not really the point. I want to get out of here. I want to take you with me. My place seems logical as it's close and you sort of wrecked where you're staying. Not to mention," He didn't want to suggest that not only Holland but Angel might end up keeping tabs on her place, so he struggled to continue, "Your place...it's just not a good idea."
"I don't know…"
Lindsey's eyes cast downward. Okay. Confession time.
"You talk about being sick, Darla? I am too. I'm sick of being in this office. I'm sick of thinking how I'm being played, being walked all over and letting it happen. I'm sick of-"
She cut him off, a finger pressing to his lips to hinder the flow of words. Understanding glittered in her gaze and she whispered in that little lamb-timbre of hers, "Let's go."
He gave one sharp nod and turned, ready to leave when suddenly he froze and turned back to her. She stood there, looking so small and fragile, his jacket wrapped around her shoulders. He reached out one hand and took hers in his own, lacing their fingers together and giving a squeeze.
Then he turned, her hand still in his and led her out, unaware that behind him she looked down at their joined fingers and had a small, genuine smile on her face.
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Earlier in the evening she had told him that he never talked about himself and now here she was in his home with a chance to learn all there was to know about him. His apartment was full of several interesting things - things that could be listed to his personality and to who he was.
And she knew innately, throughout her life no matter who'd she'd been - the dying whore, the vampire, the sickly human cursed with a soul after a vampiric death and resurrection - she had always been a curious individual.
Her fingers filled along a bookcase, reading various titles idly. Then they spied a collection of random CDs, flipping over the glossy cases to read song titles. Lindsey himself had gone to the kitchen, claiming he needed a good, strong drink.
The suggestion caused a choked laugh to bottle inside her throat. A strong drink. What could be stronger than blood? If she thought really hard she could not only recall the taste but how it made her feel. Rushing throughout her system - making her feel so warm and fuzzy and alive. Better than love. Better than sex. Better than anything - the blood of those she drank. Especially the innocent.
And for all his actions, for all his words - she could see the innocent in Lindsey. He cared for her. He actually cared. He'd tried his hand at being tough at the office - kissing her with hungered abandon but even then he had cared. It was painful to think of, made her want to shake her head in denial. She should smack some sense into him.
Despite what he knew to be fact, despite what even he himself had said - she knew deep inside he saw her as a victim. A frail flower. He didn't seem to really understand the full capacity of who she had been and what she had done, what she was still capable of for all he knew. He needed to realize…
But then that was the dumb-founding thing. She had tried to show him - she had tried to smack sense into him when she'd 'bit' him. Her words had been cold, cutting but…tempered. She had wanted him to see that she wasn't really fragile but she hadn't gone as far as she could have.
Why?
What could she possibly get from him? What could she want?
Then she thought of his caring, really thought of it and how it made her feel…
God, she really was a monster.
Lindsey came out from the kitchen with a glass of brandy just as she looked over his movie collection. He tried his hand at smiling and failed, remarking, "I haven't seen any of those movies. I pick them out off handedly and buy them on my days off just because I can."
"Nothing better to do?" she returned, tapping a nail against one DVD case thoughtfully.
"Not lately. No."
"Mmm, that's right. You said you had no one." She muttered this almost to herself, eyes redirecting to the collection, a dry laugh escaping her, "Aren't we a pair."
"Do you…want to watch something?" he suggested, voice light and innocent.
She knew that he wanted to watch something. He wanted to do anything. He wanted to…spend time with her. That need to remind him yet again that this was all fake bolted through her but was squashed quickly. Was there really any harm in forgetting? Even if just for a little while?
Why not play pretend? Why not pretend she was human and normal and possibly interested in this prospective guy…he was a lawyer after all. And not bad looking. Another grim grin took her. Who knew she could have 'normal' thoughts?
She looked over her shoulder at him again and caught him staring. He immediately looked away, trying to play of as if he had not been watching her. Damn, he was precious. Who would have thought? The big bad lawyer - precious.
But he was.
At least with her.
Shit.
She picked out one movie, "How about this?"
"Anything's good." He said and took the case from her, "I'll just pop it in and we'll sit on the couch and - and watch. Relax."
She looked at him. Still thoughtful. And for some insane reason she felt the urge to smile. To genuinely smile as she had back at the office when he'd taken her hand. Never one to fight her impulses, she didn't deny its blossoming, "You've got it."
She curled up on his couch in front of the TV, mind still scattered. What was she doing? Sitting in this man's house, playing pretend…she shouldn't kid herself. But as she watched him fiddle with the electronics she couldn't help but feel…warm.
Almost like her memories of when she drank blood but different - better. Better because it was pure. Innocent. Innocent like he was inside and didn't know it. It was addicting. So what if this was a fantasy? She would play it out.
Lindsey looked at her now and then, sitting on the couch. No, not just any couch, his couch. She was in his apartment. Back at the office she'd practically nailed him about his 'taking her back to his place'. He felt like he was in college all over again. Wanting to impress her and please her and…
God, he should know better but every time he looked at her, spoke to her all his 'everything-I-should-do' flew out the window. Holland - fucker. He didn't want to think of him. Angel either. All he wanted to do was get lost in this little fake play date.
In his gut he knew this wasn't real. Knew she wasn't just some girl he'd picked up in the grocery store market. She was part of his business, she wasn't even of this plane, wasn't even really human but dammit - for now he'd delude himself into thinking she was.
He needed to relax. Needed to unwind and he needed to stop thinking so damn much.
He found a seat next to her and sat down his glass, taking hold of the remote, clicking the play button and then tossing it aside. She had shed his jacket but idly rubbed her arms, white bandages catching his gaze.
His hand flashed out and lightly snatched her wrist. Her vision shot to his, surprised. She didn't know he could move so quick. He turned her arm from side to side, blue eyes narrowed on the bandages, "You really cut yourself up."
His fingertips were touching her flesh and she fought the urge to shudder. His place was cold and his skin was hot, the contrast was not lost on her. His heat was intoxicating - making her want to crawl inside him, be in the circle of his arms. The crazy urge to be held and touched almost overwhelming her. Jesus, she had never wanted to cuddle before but she wanted it now. The idea was so ludicrous she was able to shove it off but the look in those eyes - that concern, that caring again.
"It doesn't hurt." She tried to sound casual but it came out more breathy than she would have liked.
His fingers trailed along the bandages and then her arm and then down again to her palm, her fingers. The caress made the shudder escape and he caught it, voice husky as he spoke, "I'm glad to hear that."
He continued to trailed his fingers along her for a few seconds, stroking, then drew away as he shifted in place, "We should…focus on the movie."
"Right," she returned, partially grateful he pulled away. If that had kept up, who knew what would have happened. She had accused him of wanting to screw Angel and in part he had admitted to it - but she'd be fooling herself if she thought he didn't want to screw her too. And hell, she was starting to want him to.
And even worse than that, she knew that with him it wouldn't be just a screw. Not with the way he looked at her. Not with the caring. God, it'd be so sweet. Too sweet. The innocence….something she could never have. It almost made her want to cry and she had not shed a tear in…had she ever shed a tear?
Her eyes landed on the screen, relief flooding through her. Ah, the mind-numbing fun of Hollywood films. This would help. Lindsey had wanted to forget. She had wanted to forget. They both wanted to escaped. Nothing did that better than a movie.
She snuggled in deeper to the couch, still cold and Lindsey noted it. He took the dark blue chenille throw from off the back of the couch and wrapped it around her, hands hesitant but sure. Another unpredictable yet unstoppable smile was his reward. He returned it with one of his own as he sat back.
"I haven't seen a movie in over a century," she mumbled almost more to herself than him, "Or maybe less. Or more. Or maybe never…dunno, thoughts are still sort of jumbled."
"Then don't press it."
Another smile, "Good idea."
There was some silence, only the film playing.
"So…what is this?"
Lindsey's eyes narrowed at the screen at her question, he'd just been thinking the same thing. The title soon came up and he read it aloud, "Rudy."
"Obviously."
The sarcastic humor in her tone was caused a white-toothed grin to form, "Hey, I haven't seen a movie in a long time either. Especially this movie…didn't even know I had it. But then like I said…"
"So you've seen this."
"Yeah."
"Is it any good?"
He shrugged, "Yeah. I think so. I remember the kid from 'Goonies' is in it. Now there's a movie I know is good. Everyone's seen that."
She was about to say, I haven't, but bit her tongue. Who cared if she hadn't? That wouldn't fit in well with this phony, Hallmark moment they were having. Better to just drop it and watch.
And make the occasional comment, a thought coming out of her mouth as she watched, "That guy's kind of cute."
"What guy?"
"The one on screen."
"You mean Rudy?"
"If that's his name then yeah, him."
"He's a dork."
She rolled her eyes, "You would say that."
They both froze and looked at each other. Then the most insane thing happened. They both laughed. Darla didn't think she had ever genuinely laughed but she was now. God, this was so stupid! This wasn't who she really was. This wasn't who he really was.
They weren't normal people. This wasn't a normal date. They didn't have a future. They weren't going to become a couple and live happily ever after and have stupid little arguments like this were she said some actor was cute and he got all jealous. It was ridiculous to even think…
And since it was so ridiculous they were both cracking up.
Stress, it has to be the stress of the past couple of days that's making me laugh this hard. That's making me act this way, Lindsey tried to tell himself but he knew it wasn't. Knew there was something more. But he was too afraid to begin to face it.
Instead he just let the laugh continue. Why stop it? It may be the last one he'd ever have in a long time. Eventually their giggles died. It had been an amazingly refreshing thing to do. The somber air was sure to return soon enough as they couldn't lose themselves like this forever but at this moment - everything was light and airy and good.
God, it felt so good to feel good. They both thought this but neither said it aloud, attention focused on the film once more. Every now and then, Darla's gaze cast Lindsey's way. For all that had happened she had never really looked at him. She knew off handedly he was attractive but looking at him now.
He truly was remarkable.
Skin pale like her own, long dark hair hanging about his face and those eyes, so bright even for someone who tried so hard to be so tough. She noticed a slight shiver pass over him and knew he too was feeling the cold of his apartment. Another impulse took her. Once again she did nothing to stop it.
He felt her edge closer to him, his eyes casting her way. What was she doing? She couldn't possibly…
"You cold?"
Oh god.
"Um…"
He struggled, the I'm-in-college-again feeling started to creep over him once more. What to say, what to say…
Well, he could try not lying for once…it wouldn't be a lie…and so what if he capitalized in a way…
"…kinda."
"Want to - to share?"
She raised the blanket slightly.
He could see the outline of her hip thanks to the TV's glowing light. Even clothed the sight was oddly arousing. And suddenly his couch was too big and too comfortable. So easy to tip her back, lay atop her…
And if not the couch, they were in his apartment…
His bed was here…only a bit away …
It was cold.
"Okay."
He edged in, breath long gone from him. He shouldn't be freaking out so much. It was merely a gesture on her part. She must have noticed or sensed he was cold and just offered…
But Darla, even as she was now, was not the innocent type. And anything she offered and suggested could never be construed as such.
His body brushed hers just slightly. Oh god. He was only sitting next to her. Oh god. He could feel the heat from her body…oh god.
The apartment was suddenly freezing and she felt so good and hot and he was doing the same for her yet they were only sitting close to one another. Not even looking at each other, resolutely choosing to look at the screen, to watch the movie. The blanket was tossed over both of them, a connecting link.
And then, a boldness seized him, his fingers finding hers and then his hand holding hers again, squeezing it just as he had back in his office. Her throat constricted. She remembered their kisses. She'd been playing with him then. Wanted to show him who she was, wanted to make him stop fooling himself and now she sat here…wanting it. For real this time.
His mouth on hers…
It would be so much better than the mere 'nice' she'd given him earlier.
She squeezed his hand back.
He turned and looked at her, blonde hair glowing white, face forward, pixie like nose begging for a kiss on its petite tip, cupid-bow lips even more so, "Darla…"
Oh, he'd said her name! And in that voice…
"I'm glad, Lindsey…that I - that I came back with you to your place. It was a good idea."
Lord, did she say that aloud?! She had meant that as a thought, hadn't she? She was enticing him…
"Darla…look at me…please?"
The last part came out so quietly, squeezed out with the tiniest twinge of desperation. She took in a deep breath, oxygen filling the lungs of the human body she now resided in. This was supposed to just be pretend. This was supposed to be a fantasy…a fake play date…not real…not serious…she had come here to forget for a while. To escape…
But then she found her head turning of its own accord and he was so close and she was looking into that face - that young, handsome, secretly-innocent face. Then she knew the truth. She had escaped. She had escaped and gone some place so wonderful her new little human heart ached.
She wanted…so badly. Even if it wasn't real. Even if she couldn't keep it. Even if it was for just right now…the moment…this night…
And then there was an impulse and an action, her mouth covering his. Tears threatened briefly at the back of her eyes, as crazy as it was but then this whole evening was crazy. Hell, her life in general was madness but now it was all swept away and lost as he kissed her back, fingers threading through her hair greedily.
Her own arms wrapped around his back, fingers clutching his broad shoulders, bringing him closer. And the want she had before was fulfilled as she ended up in the cradle of his arms, being held and snuggled and kissed. And it was so good.
And then his head turned to one side and he had taken over the kiss, making it deeper and fuller and she could hear the soft wet sounds of their mouths meeting, a shudder having nothing to do with the cold passing through her, fingers digging deeper.
Her body was molding to his, writhing slightly to try and get the whole feel of him and he groaned, drawing away from the kiss to trail his open mouth over her forehead, her eyebrows and cheeks and then lower, finally along her neck, tongue lashing out to taste her flesh.
Her head tipped back and a full throttle moan escape her. God, now the apartment was suddenly on fire - cold long forgotten as the blanket slipped off them soundlessly to puddle on the floor. Her fingers had left his shoulders and curled into the depths of his hair, pressing that luscious mouth closer.
His own teeth trailed now - running along her neck teasingly, and then, a slight bite.
She cried out, body bucking.
She couldn't remember the last time she'd done something like this and didn't want to. She was sure the last time she'd had anything close to sex it had been carnal and hard and rough but this - this was just sweet and good and perfect. Innocent. Maybe the fantasy had never needed - maybe this was just another part of it. She didn't care - all she knew was she didn't want it to stop and she said so.
He responded to her words by drawing her closer still, if it was possible, arms around her waist, lips fastened to the juncture where her neck met her shoulder, sucking with just the right amount of pressure to leave a mark. And she wanted that too, fingers tightening in his hair.
His mouth trailed a little lower, brushing her collarbone and he drew away, voice thick, "Bed?"
The question didn't even need to be asked, she rocked against him as response and he took firm hold of her, lifting her in his arms and carrying her there. How long had it been since a woman had been in his bedroom? Who cared - no one in the past, nothing in the past - could compare to this.
He had never felt lust knife so viciously through him as he set her down on his bed, drawing away all her clothes swiftly, kicking off his own shoes and socks, loosening his tie and then pushing her back, falling on top of her. He realized he had wanted this forever. Ever since he first saw her.
And he wanted to say it was just for this. Just for sex but it wasn't…god, he knew if he was thinking more clearly he'd want to stop himself. Want to save this for later. Like a young girl he had foolishly dreamed that if this ever happened between them it would be more special but who knew when they'd have this chance again.
Like she kept telling him and like he had to keep reminding himself, it was foolish to think otherwise. They weren't normal people and things between them would never be so. But at this moment he didn't feel like who he knew he was. And it seemed she felt the same.
Right now they were just two nameless, past-free people whose sole purpose was this…
His hands were damp but felt amazing as they scoured all over her body. He wanted to touch everywhere, not content to merely rest on one spot but then he was tracing the straps of her bra and going lower, finding the muslin cups and squeezing what was beneath.
Another sound peeled out of her, head tipping back again, freeing her neck once more for his mouth and she kept moving beneath him so. Caressing without touching and…
His hand squeezed again and he lifted her up slightly, unhooking the offending piece of material and then tossing it aside, nimble fingers going not to the parts that strained for him but instead the sides, brushing lightly, teasingly.
"God…Lindsey…touch…"
The gasps didn't sound like her own but she knew they were hers because it was what she wanted. But he denied her, hands still resisting the goal she knew even they wanted, instead brushing down to her legs, passing over her kneecaps.
She could feel his clothes against her practically naked body and she wanted them off. Her own hands finding the buttons of his shirt and tugging, tearing - wanting him as undressed as her.
His free hand swooped up her inner thigh, going higher…
A keening cry left her in frustration, hips arching up, hands still fighting and clutching to his shirt. He finally acceded, helping her, the shirt and tie soon a memory. Her hands were greedy for his bare flesh and pressed against it hard, memorizing the feel. Then up to his front, finding his own nipples and teasing them the way she wished he would hers, her mouth now following the exposed curve of his neck, feeling the thrill and rush of his blood against her tongue.
Finally his hands rested over her breasts fully, doing an exact imitation of what she had done to him and a gasp escaped her.
"Darla…god…"
The words rumbled out of him and his hands skimmed down her sides again, over her legs once more, snagging on her underwear, tugging it off even as she worked on his pants, fingers curling under them as well as his briefs and soon they were both naked and wrapped around one another.
Had the apartment ever been cold?
It was blisteringly hot now and his heat was pressing into her thigh, his fingers finding the center of her, making her cry out his name again and he loved it, the sound making him grow harder if it was possible. There was so much he wanted to do to her, so much he wanted her to do to him. He had thought of this before - imagined it. Wanted it forever…
But there was just not enough time…
No time…
He all ready felt close and he wasn't even inside…
His hand was moving and she was thrashing beneath each touch, her whole body quivering but not enough that she'd lost complete sense as her hand sought him out, wrapped around him and moved clumsily but enough - just enough to…
"Darla! Please, god…please…" He half sobbed, desperate and he drew his hand from her, easing her hand away from him and a sound of loss and despair left her lips.
He hushed her with a kiss then showed why he'd stopped, easing himself fully between her legs and then moving in so slowly, so sweetly…
"Lindsey!" Her fingers, clutched to him, drew him in deeper, urged him further.
His forehead pressed hers, their panting breaths mingling as he rested but a minute before starting to move. He wanted to relish the feeling of her around him, the heat and pressure but he couldn't…he had to…
And she was only encouraging him, hips arching to him, shifting, lifting up, begging…
And he answered, each soul-consuming plunge deeper than the last and they both became wild with wanting, reaching for it and his eyes never left hers, looking into them. God, she was amazing and so beautiful and so…
In that moment, so much bliss written on her, she was innocent too.
And he had to see her find release first, had to see it because he wanted to. Because he cared, oh god, how much he cared. His fingers found life again and reached for the center of her once more, lovingly brushing, pressing…
A cry broke out of her, brow beaded in sweat as she came apart so beautifully in his arms, trembling, voice full of so much anguished pleasure that he moaned and fell apart himself, teeth clenched, white bolts exploding in front of his eyes.
Then he was in the cradle of her arms, breathless and spent as was she and he felt her arms tighten around him and squeeze, her face pressing into his neck, kissing lightly, fingers stroking the curve of his spine.
Earlier she had fought tears and now one escaped. So much emotion was tumbling through her now, and she heard the words leave before she could stop them, "Oh Lindsey…"
"Shh," he whispered softly, tiredly as he shifted upwards, propping himself on one elbow to lean down and kiss her again. His bed had been unmade when they'd fallen upon it and it was even more unmade now. He rose and moved enough to take hold of a sheet, covering them. He gathered her into his arms, breath returning and falling into a somewhat normal pace.
He tucked her head under his chin and kissed the top gently, squeezing her close again and she let him, burrowing in deep. She wasn't going to think. She wasn't going to let reality return. Not after that.
Instead she wrapped her arms around him, holding him and closing her eyes. Letting sleep come and take her away. Lindsey soon followed suit.
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Darla was dressed and staring down at him. He was fast asleep, curled up in sheets and the bed where they had…god, they had made love hadn't they?
She'd only slept an hour or two at most. She wished it could have been longer. Lindsey looked so content and again that little human heart in her ached. She reached out, fingers pushing aside errant strands of hair in his face. He sighed dreamily and smiled in his sleep, shifting slightly and drawing a pillow into his grip, hugging it tightly.
Did he think it was her?
Of course not, she thought, shaking her head and leaving the room while she still had the power to force herself to do so. It would be ridiculously and overly romantic to think…
She had to stop escaping. Stop running. She began to bite her nails as she entered his living room. The film had long since ended and she spied his phone. She felt a shaky sigh leave her as she went to it. She picked it up clicked it on.
She looked towards Lindsey's bedroom.
She clicked it off.
She almost tossed it aside, one hand reached out as if for Lindsey's room but she felt the weight of the phone in her hand. No more pretending.
A heavy, sad sigh left her and she clicked the phone back on, picking it up and dialing quickly. She heard a woman's voice at first then his, "Darla?"
Angel.
She sighed, voice coming out wearily, "My boy. My darling boy."
*Added Notes: Am I a stinker or what?! Angst Ends R' Us, baby!
*I slipped in Rudy on purpose - oh my Seanie! *^_^*
*I'm usually all about promoting safe-sex (even though I've never had sex) and usually slip condom usage somewhere into my sex stories but chose to starve off here - just keep in mind if you're going to do it, protect yourself - okay, my motherly moment is over - swear!