AN: Oh dear… if you didn't like the end of the last chapter… don't look at the title for the next chapter (at this point you're supposed to zip down to the bottom and find out).

Anyway, the stupid bet is over and even though technically I didn't hold out for seven days – no one found out so I'm now twenty-five pounds up ^_^. Very happy girl now!

And for those who are wondering what auspicious means – look it up in a dictionary – that's what I did (come on, I'm not that literate).

Life Exchange

Chapter 11

An Auspicious Offer

Kagome gazed at her reflection in the mirror softly as she combed her hair slowly from root to tip in long smooth strokes. Her actions became mechanically… her mind had wandered off long ago.

She still didn't really begin to accept Inuyasha's death. Some small part of her was willing to bet that it was all some bad mistake. That Inuyasha wasn't the one who was in that urn beside the statue. That one day soon he would return – perfectly sane and normal and pleased to see her. She could imagine his excuse.

"Sorry about that – went out of my head and wandered off the island! But now I'm back, no need to worry!"

Then he'd go on to profess how lost he was without her – saying how he only just realised how much he loved and needed her when they were kept apart. And she'd fall into his embrace and they'd kiss and then they'd never be apart again.

In Kagome's fantasy, they would marry, have children – and their son would marry Reiko and their daughter would marry Fushi. And Inuyasha would kiss her every day and tell her how wonderful and beautiful she was and that he loved her more and more every day. And he'd keep saying it even when they were old and grey, when any son they had was the new King and Reiko was the new queen. And she would die a happy, happy woman, knowing that she was loved by the most perfect man in the world.

Kagome's hand had stopped working the comb and lay gently in her lap.

The other half of her was silently screaming. This was the larger half that was intent on crushing the small hopeful side of her consciousness. Inuyasha was dead. No mistakes. Mistakes were just to good to be true. Life wasn't fair, it was as simple as that. She'd had it good so far. Living in a palace, with great friends and not having to worry about money or where her next meal was coming from. It was just asking too much from the world to have the perfect man stay beside her for the rest of her unnaturally long life. Worse of all, she didn't even know if he loved her back. Did he care? Did he ever think about her that way?

No chance to ask him now. Dead men don't talk…

Unless you're a necromancer… Kagome thought dryly. Or a Kikyo… apparently…

She was disrupted from her thoughts by a knock at the door. "Come in." she called, setting her comb down and turning to face whoever would enter.

It was Sango, and the three royal advisors. She frowned in confusion. The advisors looked formal and slightly pleased, but Sango looked pale and uncomfortable. "We found a new ruler." She told Kagome, cutting straight to the point.

"Who is it?" Kagome looked between them. "Is it Bankotsu?"

Sango gave a small, weak smile. "It's you."

^_^

It wasn't very hard to locate the source of the trouble, the screams of 'help me' and variations thereof were frequent and loud. Inuyasha pushed his way through the dense foliage, making his way steadily and surely. He finally emerged from the thickets and into a small sort of clearing where ivy and ferns covered the floor in a thick layer. His gaze fell instantly on the auburn haired boy who sat amidst the ferns, struggling helplessly against something hidden in the ferns.

"And what the hell are you supposed to be?" Inuyasha announced behind the kid, making him start with alarm and fall onto his face as he tried to whirl around. Something below the ferns was holding him immobile.

"I'm a Kitsune!" The kid retorted angrily, shuffling around the glare at him. "And who do you think you are, sneaking up on me like that?! A predator?! Were you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

"You're a Kitsune?" Inuyasha taunted. "I thought you were a chipmunk."

"Well are you going to help me out or just dig at me all day?!" the young Kitsune snapped.

"I was actually hoping there was some kind of bad ass Youkai, so I could kick his butt." Inuyasha grudgingly withdrew Tessaiga back into its scabbard. "You were screaming so loud I figured you were being chased."

"Poachers – they've been laying their stupid doe traps out again."

"It's Summer. It's game season. Why weren't you on the look out for traps?" Inuyasha said, eyeing the wooden snap-trap around the kid's ankle. "No one goes for walks around the forest at this time of year – especially when you're that small."

The Kitsune clasped his hands in his hair, an obvious sign he was losing his small amount of patience. "Look – get me out or the poachers will come and skin me for my hide."

"They would be damned desperate poachers for a pelt as wiry as that." Inuyasha snorted.

"Get me out of here!"

"Jeez, with an attitude like that, I might just be tempted to let you rot." Inuyasha rolled his eyes, even as he moved forward and grouched down to push the ferns aside. A fairly strong spring kept the two wooden bars of the trap pinned tightly together against the kit's leg, whilst a chain attached to the trap and hammered with a pin into the ground made sure that escape was impossible. He reached down and swiftly cracked the two bars apart, allowing the kid to pull his leg free hastily.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you about traps, Kitsune?"

The kid didn't answer, he was watching Inuyasha suspiciously. "You look familiar somehow…"

"I have that kind of face." He didn't, but that was beside the point.

"No…" the Kitsune rubbed his sore leg as Inuyasha tactlessly smashed the trap completely with his fist. "Have we met before?"

"No." Inuyasha gave him a blunt 'just drop it' kind of look and stood straight again to head off.

"No – we have met before – it's on the tip of my brain!" Shippo lopped after him with an intent look. Inuyasha sped up a bit. "What are you called? I didn't catch your name."

"Maybe because I didn't throw it."

"Dog demon… dog demon… Inu… Inu…" Shippo babbled as he followed the taller creature. "Inu! Lord Inu!" he stopped dead and gaped at Inuyasha. "You came back! Or are you still looking for Inaki – cause four years is a heck of a long time to be lost, ya know!"

"I'm not lost and I'm not-"

"What the hell happened to your attitude?!" Shippo scrambled to draw up alongside him. "Last time we met you were all polite and smiley – I bet you're pissed that you're still lost, right?!"

"I'm not lost, I'm not pissed and I'm not Lord Inu!" Inuyasha snapped deliberately letting a branch snap back into the Kitsune who promptly fell backwards. "You have me mistaken for someone else."

Shippo sat up, rubbing his head and glared at the Hanyou. "Well you could've fooled me…" Actually, come to think of it, Lord Inu's look-alike didn't nearly have the same kind of power as a full Youkai…

Inuyasha looked behind him as he exited the trees and noted with relief that the Kitsune wasn't following him anymore. He turned back to face his horse and stopped dead as he locked glares with the kid now sitting between the horses ears.

"I get it now. You're only demi-demon." The kid smirked, flicking a finger towards Inuyasha's ears. "You ain't Lord Inu – you're one of his sons. And since you kinda have that evil look about you – you're that Sesshomaru one ain't ya?"

"If you don't know who the real Sesshomaru is, then you're no use to me." Inuyasha swung into the saddle and batted at the Kitsune. "So beat it!"

The kid ducked the blow and narrowed his eyes. "Not Sesshomaru? Well, then you must be the heartbroken one with a human half. Is that why you're so grouchy?"

"I'm always grouchy!" Inuyasha swiped at him again, but Shippo was too nimble.

"Somehow that wouldn't surprise me." Shippo quipped. "But you need help? I'll help."

"You can't even help yourself – so how can you help me?" Inuyasha barked, urging the horse to trot on, hoping that the movement would dislodge the parasite on the horse's head… but he only clung to the ears like handle-bars.

"You caught me at a bad moment!" Shippo shot back. "And since you're such an ass, I have my doubts about bothering to help you. Didn't your father ever tell you about me?"

Inuyasha gave him a dark look. "My father came here looking for Inaki. He never returned."

"You mean you're here because he's still lost?" Shippo stared at him. "Jeez…"

"Let me rephrase it." Inuyasha ground out. "He never returned, alive. He returned dead."

"Oh…" Shippo continued to stare. "So now you're seeking vengeance."

"Been there, done that, killed the dark miko to prove it." Inuyasha said shortly.

"So what are you doing here?" Shippo cocked his head to the side. "Are you still looking for the gem your father was looking for? It was from your dead lover, right?"

"Hang on – how well did you know my dad?" Inuyasha demanded sharply.

"Not long. He asked for directions, shared a few stories and then he was off again looking for Inaki."

"Nice to know everyone he asked for directions now knows my life story."

"Yeah, we all know you have no life!" He received a sound boxed ear for that. "Urgh… well… anyway, since I owe him one for old times sakes… I'll help you."

"I don't need help."

"What are you doing here?"

"Looking for a deserting, stupid, sinister asshole…"

"Your brother?"

"…yes."

"I can help you."

"I know – you keep saying that and-"

"You keep saying you don't need help, but any stupid fool can see your lost." He ducked another blow. "And since I know the woods like the back of my hand I can guide you." He looked at his hand to demonstrate before starting. "What the heck is that?!"

Inuyasha rolled at the kid who began picking at a mark on his finger. "You're a hindrance, kid. Someone's life depends on me finding Sesshomaru – I can't have you interfering!"

"Helping! Hell – Ping!" Shippo enunciated. "Jeez, if it's a matter of life and death then you need all the help you can get!"

Inuyasha couldn't really find an argument to that. "Fine…" he ground out bitterly. "Where are the silver mines?"

Shippo hissed through his teeth. "Well… it's a complicated journey that will involve many forks in the road, demons and lots of stops at inns where they give out free food to hopeless cases like you. Maybe I should accompany you?"

Inuyasha glared at him. But still found no argument to throw at him. Pride and dignity were once nothing compared to Kagome's situation. He'd rather keep Kagome than his dignity any day.

^_^

Another week later and Kagome was beginning to understand what had driven Inuyasha insane. Maybe with her weak human constitution, she'd go just as nutty in a shorter time.

"I swear to god… if you show me another accounting form I was crack your head in half and plant daisies in the mud that occupies the space where your brain should be!" Kagome all but screamed at the advisor standing before her throne.

The man blinked at her in surprise, but didn't seem all that offended.

Kagome realised what her rattled nerves had made her do and quickly apologised. She was such a hypocrite… and after all her nagging when Inuyasha had given his advisors a hard time… now here she was doing the same thing. Well… nice to know some part of Inuyasha would live on in her.

But it was beginning to strain on her mind. She needed sleep, but she didn't get any. She needed to eat, but she couldn't find the time anymore. She wanted to see her friends more often, but the advisors wouldn't let her. She was isolated from everyone and everything she enjoyed. The only familiar face she saw now and then was Bankotsu… and she was slightly nervous around him ever since he'd had the nerve to kiss her. Every time she was in the same room as him she caught him looking at her in a strange, gentle and loving way. The way Kouga looked at her (minus the hungry lusty part) and the way she wanted Inuyasha to look at her. Naturally, she was nervous.

She hated being regent Queen. And she couldn't get rid of her throne unless someone killed her, married her, or she gave birth to a son. And even then she would have to wait fourteen years for that son to grow up and come of age to take the throne. She didn't plan sticking around that long as queen anyway. She didn't plan to get killed just yet either. The only option left was to marry someone.

When she'd realised this, she had immediately thought of Inuyasha and felt a warm feeling… if he came back now he would have to marry her to regain title of King. Forcing him to say 'I do' brought a warm fuzzy feeling in her heart… that was quickly doused with a bucket of icy water. He's dead, moron, she berated herself again and again. And besides, even if he came back – who was to say he wanted the title of King enough to want to marry her. It drove him crazy before, it might do so again.

Kagome dropped her head into her folded hands as the advisors continued to talk around her about politics, who she should talk to and when to see the people. When to get taxes collected and how much she should demand in payment. Maybe she'd kill herself and leave everyone to rot…

But the way she saw it… it was going to be an awful long time to get herself out of this situation. Maybe Inuyasha could save her…

Yeah. He'd come flying through the door that very moment, strike a valiant pose and declare that she wed him within the next five minutes… or he would kill her in a very creepy, dream-like fashion.

The sliding doors opened that very moment and Kagome snapped her head up to look towards the door with hope shining in her eyes. She was left disappointed… it wasn't Inuyasha… it wasn't even Sango or Miroku. Just Bankotsu.

"Your highness," he started off, but she'd never get used to such a title. "Lady Inu's condition is worsening. Her health is deteriorating little by little…"

"Can't the healers do anything…?" Kagome asked desperately. Not Lady Inu too. Soon there would be no one in the Inu family left… apart from Sesshomaru – and he was a big question mark at that moment in time.

"They've tried… but nothing seems to help." Bankotsu shook his head and turned those gentle eyes on her again. She quickly had to look away, down at her quietly trembling hands before her.

"Tell them to keep trying." She told him. "And if it's not any trouble, could you ask Sango to walk with me this afternoon?"

"I'm sorry, my lady, she's not available today. She's gone out to one of the local villages to market. She won't be back till evening."

Kagome thought about asking for an evening walk instead, but decided against it. Pregnant Sango got tired very easily these days. A whole day of market had knocked her off her feet last time… she wouldn't want any time with Kagome. She sighed miserably and gave a forced smile. "Thank you anyway, Bankotsu. You may go now."

He left quietly and Kagome laid her head back in her arms as the advisors droned on about their teachings.

She didn't know how much more of this loneliness she could take…

^_^

Kagome was finally free of the advisors when it came time to go to bed. Of course, if she hadn't dismissed them, they probably would have followed her in, watched her change and settle in bed and talked none stop about taxes again. Perhaps she'd abolish them completely and watch them all squirm…

Kagome grabbed her pillow, pressed her face into it and screamed as loud as she could. The sound was muffled, but at least she relieved herself of her pent-up anger and despair. She rolled back onto her back, suddenly feeling very empty and miserable.

"I hate my life. I hate taxes. I hate royalty. I hate it when I get out of a carriage and bang my head in the door frame. I hate it that Inuyasha died. I hate that I never got the chance to say goodbye. The last time I saw him, he punched me. I hate that. I hate everything and everyone in this godforsaken palace who isn't human and is a royal advisor." She listed calmly. "And I'm talking to myself… I hate that… I think I just might be starting to lose it too…"

All the misery, the loneliness and the pain were beginning to well up again, as they did now and then. The tears rose in her eyes, but she battled to hold them back and forced herself to swallow painfully past the lump that had formed in her throat.

There was a knock at the door and she panicked. She didn't want to see anyone with messy eyes and a strained voice… she sat up quickly and rubbed her eyes viciously, trying to dry them as quickly as she could. "Who is it?" she called, proud that her voice sounded normal and didn't betray her pain.

"Bankotsu."

Kagome stiffened and stared at the door uncertainly. It was well past midnight… what on earth could be so important? She looked down at herself and quickly tugged the quilts up around her body to conserve modesty. "Um… come in…!"

The door slid back and he entered one step, saw her face and then sighed. "You've been crying again."

"Only a little." She responded in a small voice, giving up on her firm posture and sagged slightly into herself.

"You still grieve then." He noted, walking towards the bed with a sympathetic sort of expression.

Kagome nodded slightly… before shaking her head. "It's all sorts of things… it's not just Inuyasha anymore…"

"What is it?" he frowned. "I thought you'd be happy as new Queen?"

"I'm not." She felt the tears rising again and slid her arms around her knees to hug them to her chest tightly. "I hate it… the constant nagging… the pressuring… all these people wanting different things – and I want to give them all they want – but I can't – the advisors won't let me and then… and then I feel I can't be a good queen…" her voice was weakening into a breathless whisper. "I can't be Queen, Bankotsu! God. I've tried, but I can't! I'll screw up if I go on and then where will that leave me and everyone else! All they talk about is war and taxes – how should they go about training a new army? How should they make it bigger? I don't know! I'm just the daughter of a poor farmer – I grew up thinking that the only thing I had to learn in life was how to sew rice and smile to attract the perfect husband!" she gave a choked sob. "And I can't even do that right, so how can I be Queen."

"You're really suffering, aren't you?" he commented, sitting down on the bed and putting a hand to her shoulder. She tensed instantly, but didn't throw him off. "I would try persuading Lady Inu to choose someone else… but she is too far gone with illness now…"

Kagome pressed her forehead to her knees and took shuddering breathes. "Lady Inu is dying… Inuyasha is already dead… I can't see my friends and I can't cope with all this pressure!" she cried and felt the sobs take her freely now. "I didn't ask for this! I feel like I'm going to explode with all this emotion inside me – but then again I feel so empty at the same time! What is this?!"

"It's depression." Bankotsu told her gently. "The worse suffering of emotional pain, I think you'll find."

"I want it to go away… I want to be happy again – but how can I do that without forgetting Inuyasha – and I have to be Queen! I hate being queen… I can't do this… I think I'll just die… and I don't want to forget Inuyasha, even if it means I'm free from this pain…"

"He's only recently died, Kagome. It's natural to grieve this seriously." His hand was squeezing her shoulder again, and she noted the lack of formality when he used her name. "It hurts now, it always does when you lose someone dear… you can't help but feel the loss and remember how they left you. But trust me… in time you'll remember their life before they died. And when you think of him you'll smile, remembering your shared time together instead of the pain you suffer now. Inuyasha wouldn't want you to suffer at his expense."

"Well too bad. I suffer because of him… I have had nothing but suffering since I heard his name!" Kagome said in a burst of anger. "Because of him I fell in love with a complete moron who is too wussy to love someone twice – someone who floats around on a cloud all day and ignores me! And now he's dropped the biggest bombshell of all! He leaves me to rule the country and cope alone!"

"You don't mean that." Bankotsu told her softly.

"I do…" she whimpered. "I do… when he hated me… it broke my heart… and when he said he couldn't trust me again… it broke the pieces of my heart into tiny little shards… And before him – Kouga broke my heart and shattered it… my family broke my heart and shattered it… now Inuyasha's died and my heart is shattered again… and again…" she silently shook as the sobs tore her slight frame. "There's only so many times this heart can break – and Inuyasha complains that Kikyo broke his heart and that I broke his heart too – well here's news for him – I'm more hurt than he could even imagine or feel!"

"You're turning pain to anger, Kagome. Don't." he warned lightly.

"What would you know – you don't love Inuyasha like I do – you don't know what happened between us! You don't know what it's like to have your heart torn out repeatedly! And all the small things too, you know! Every time he pulled away from a hug, or when we held hands – it ripped at my heart! Every cold glance he sent me made me feel so deflated! All the tactless remarks and forgotten birthdays and when he forgot to meet me and gave the excuse that work was running him silly I felt like I died a small death!"

Why was she spilling her heart to Bankotsu of all people? Maybe because he was the only one available to her… maybe because she was running short of energy and suffering from lack of sleep. But it was all coming out. All the stuff she wanted to shout at Inuyasha was being flooded to Bankotsu instead. He just sat and listened, not interrupting or perhaps cheering her on like Sango would have done.

"Sometimes I thought he still hated me… and sometimes I thought he could still love me yet…" she shook her head and sniffed. "It wasn't supposed to be this way… my sucky life was supposed to get better. But it seems like I've just been shoved from one kind of hell to another – except the last three years have been such sweet torture that maybe this grieving thing is nothing compared to all that I've been through."

"You're just very depressed." Bankotsu pulled her over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders like an older brother would comfort his sister. "It'll go away. I promise you. Don't look back in hate for Inuyasha… you loved him. Respect that."

Kagome was still incredibly tense against him, but she was getting worn out with tensing so much. She relaxed slightly against him and stared dully at her fingers vaguely noticing ink smudges on her pads. "You seem so familiar with grieving…" she whispered. "Have you lost someone you cared for too?"

"More than one person." He said seriously. She couldn't see his face, but he sounded distant. She felt sort of sorry for him.

"Give me advice… tell me what to do to make it better…?"

"Accept it. Move on. You have stopped to grieve your loss, but meanwhile the world is rushing on… if you fall too far behind you may not be able to catch up again."

Good advice. It gave her some resolved strength for the time being.

"And… don't forget him. That's the worst mistake you can make." He told her.

"I can get over it." She said, with some certainty. "But being the ruler of half an island, at a time of war is going to break me, I swear… you're captain of the guard… you must know a way out of this for me."

"Well… someone could kill you and take the throne for himself?"

She shook her head slowly, but scarily, she seemed to contemplate that idea before disproving it.

"You could have a child… fifty percent chance it's a boy… wait thirteen or so years until the boy is a man and can handle the throne for you?"

Kagome sighed. "I can't wait that long. I'll be dead by then… and I can't possibly even consider loving anyone else enough to… bear children with them."

"The only other option is to marry… Kagome." He said with such thoughtfulness that she stopped and thought as well. She was a desperate woman… how far was she willing to stoop to relieve herself of this burden? Could she marry someone for political gain, not love?

She'd always disrespecting women who married for nothing but money… married men they didn't love and spent their lives having affairs and wishing they could marry the simple stable boy instead…

Here she was… Kagome the hypocrite again.

Ever so slowly she pulled away from Bankotsu and raised her gaze to meet his steadily. "I'm desperate…" she said flatly.

He raised an eyebrow in questioning.

"I… I have to get rid of this throne… if I don't then I will either go insane or I will kill myself… I want to do neither." She swallowed and briefly flicked her gaze to her lap, frowning hard, before looking back up at him again. "You… you were the one everyone expected to be King. And now that I'm Queen… do you hate me for it?"

"Never." He said with a smile.

"But don't you want to be King?" she asked.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But I don't turn green with envy for you." His smile faded slowly.

"You'd make a better ruler than me any day…" she said truthfully. "You should have gotten the title, not me… I want to make it up to you…"

He sat, attentive.

"If… if I marry you…" she started quietly. "You would have to understand that… even though you are a good, dear man… I don't love you… I can't love you… not ever… I would simply be handing over my role as ruler to you… and with that done… I'd divorce you."

He nodded slowly.

She looked guiltily to her lap. "I'm sorry if it seems like I'm teasing you, or playing with your feelings – I really don't mean to! But I don't want to lead you on either! Because Inuyasha is my heart and all I can love is him… I spent all my love on that idiot and now there's nothing left to love you or anyone else the same way."

Bankotsu smiled gently and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "You have my word as an honoured captain that I will do as you wish. I won't seek your love in return. I will just marry you, take away your burden and then divorce you and let you free again." He stood and turned back towards the door. When he reached it he looked back at her seriously. "And trust me, you'll find room in you shattered, unstable heart to love someone new… even if it won't be me."

With that said, he left her room and gently shut the screen door behind him. Kagome sat on the bed, thinking over her decision. Was it the right thing to do? Marry Bankotsu and let him take over as ruler? She didn't love him… she loved Miroku more than she loved that man… and that wasn't saying much. He seemed honest and nice… sort of elusive and distant from the other people in the palace… but if he could ease this pain somewhat then she would become the selfish bitch to rid herself of this pressure…

Inuyasha would be furious… He got mad enough when someone just looked at her the wrong way… what would marriage do to him?

"He's dead… nothing can reach him – especially with that thick skull…" she insulted mildly as she lay back down to sleep and once more, fretted more than ever over her choices and her decisions.

Marriage… it sounded so final and binding… but it was just a scapegoat. Way to cheapen the bond of marriage, Kagome, she congratulated herself dryly.

Eventually she settled down enough for sleep to eventually claim her… but before she succumbed to the drowsiness completely she sighed sadly and whispered quietly to her silent room…

"I love you…"

AN: They will be reunited some time soon I hope. Hold your breath (but stop when you start turning blue) Next chapter – 'Wedded Bliss' So sorry….