Summary: An unexpected visit brings unexpected and unwanted memories back to Hermione. Will she go back to the world that she swore to stay away from, or will she face her past and heal old wounds?
Disclaimer: Although I am obsessed with Harry Potter and Co., I do not own them. Although I wish I could have just one pay check from JK Rowling, I don't get any money from them. I promise to be nice and play gently with them, since they are not mine.
Where We Live
Chapter 5- Silence and Serenity
He knew that he would never find peace. It had always eluded him. And as far as he was concerned, he was undeserving. He had too much to compensate for and would never accept any recompese, material or otherwise for the role he played. It was his penance for all the wrong he had done. It was a penance that would never fully be paid. He knew he was spending too much time dwelling on the last several months. It seemed as if time was standing still. The days dragged on, with one appearance, interview, staffing after another. It was all he could do to keep from retreating back into his bed chambers and never to come out again. How were they supposed to move on, when the world ignored the suffering of its heros? How were the wounds supposed to heal when they were ripped open day after day after day? It seemed that as each day passed, he envied her even more. How he wished he had the strength to leave this place behind. He was glad for her sake that she was able to escape. He knew that continuous prodding at her frail psyche would cause disasterous results. He wanted to ask her to stay but was releived when she made her choice. He knew that she would not have survived long in this climate.
It seemed that a day did not pass without thoughts of her plaguing his brain. He could still see the quiet resolution in her eyes and in the manner she held herself. She was leaving and not returning. She lost everything and everyone. There was nothing left for her. Nothing that she could see.
To entertain notions that maybe he should pay her a visit, seemed crazy. At times, it felt like he was going out of his mind. That the idea of her wanting anything to do with him was just absurd. His mind had a way of playing tricks on him. He had imagined that she needed him. That she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He hoped that she was faring well. He hoped that she was able to gather the shards of her life and piece them together. He had hoped that she was having an easier time than he was.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She loved to take walks in the morning. They helped her to process her dreams. Most of the time she woke three or four times in the night, either in tears or in a cold sweat. Since the war, sleep had not come easy. And if she could, she would do without.
After she had made her decision to leave the wizarding world, she felt relief. She knew it would not be easy to recover. She knew that couldn't have survived with the celebrity of being a heroine. Especially when she felt like a coward. She didn't survive. She just didn't die. Not the way everyone else did. Not the way she wished she would have. Death would have been easy. Living was the hardest thing she had ever done and some days she just didn't want to. She cursed under her breath. She hated that there were days when she thought she would be okay just to realize that she wasn't sure if she would ever be okay again.
It was days like these, that she found herself in her chapel. She could sit for hours in silence. She could sit for hours just so that she didn't have to think, to relive the gruesome end that had met her best friends. It was in this place that she could think about him and feel something other than the excruciating torment that seemed to shadow her everywhere she went. She could remember feeling safe in his arms. She could remember feeling accepted and strengthend. And most importantly she remembered feeling that she was normal.
She often wondered if she should contact him. She imagined that he was probably handeling himself better than she. She often imagined that he was still teaching, still inflicting his wrath on the school children. She laughed when she thought "school children". Wasn't it three months ago that she and her friends were a seventh years? She wasn't ready to return. She didn't know if she would ever be able to. The pain was too fresh. The pain was too deep.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He apparated into a field. He could smell the saltiness of the ocean and feel the damp coolness of the air through his robes. As he walked, he noticed a modest chapel in the distance. Drawn by its simplicity, he felt compelled to visit. Nearing the chapel, he noticed the small sign that hung above the door read Chapel of Life.
Disclaimer: Although I am obsessed with Harry Potter and Co., I do not own them. Although I wish I could have just one pay check from JK Rowling, I don't get any money from them. I promise to be nice and play gently with them, since they are not mine.
Where We Live
Chapter 5- Silence and Serenity
He knew that he would never find peace. It had always eluded him. And as far as he was concerned, he was undeserving. He had too much to compensate for and would never accept any recompese, material or otherwise for the role he played. It was his penance for all the wrong he had done. It was a penance that would never fully be paid. He knew he was spending too much time dwelling on the last several months. It seemed as if time was standing still. The days dragged on, with one appearance, interview, staffing after another. It was all he could do to keep from retreating back into his bed chambers and never to come out again. How were they supposed to move on, when the world ignored the suffering of its heros? How were the wounds supposed to heal when they were ripped open day after day after day? It seemed that as each day passed, he envied her even more. How he wished he had the strength to leave this place behind. He was glad for her sake that she was able to escape. He knew that continuous prodding at her frail psyche would cause disasterous results. He wanted to ask her to stay but was releived when she made her choice. He knew that she would not have survived long in this climate.
It seemed that a day did not pass without thoughts of her plaguing his brain. He could still see the quiet resolution in her eyes and in the manner she held herself. She was leaving and not returning. She lost everything and everyone. There was nothing left for her. Nothing that she could see.
To entertain notions that maybe he should pay her a visit, seemed crazy. At times, it felt like he was going out of his mind. That the idea of her wanting anything to do with him was just absurd. His mind had a way of playing tricks on him. He had imagined that she needed him. That she wanted him as much as he wanted her. He hoped that she was faring well. He hoped that she was able to gather the shards of her life and piece them together. He had hoped that she was having an easier time than he was.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She loved to take walks in the morning. They helped her to process her dreams. Most of the time she woke three or four times in the night, either in tears or in a cold sweat. Since the war, sleep had not come easy. And if she could, she would do without.
After she had made her decision to leave the wizarding world, she felt relief. She knew it would not be easy to recover. She knew that couldn't have survived with the celebrity of being a heroine. Especially when she felt like a coward. She didn't survive. She just didn't die. Not the way everyone else did. Not the way she wished she would have. Death would have been easy. Living was the hardest thing she had ever done and some days she just didn't want to. She cursed under her breath. She hated that there were days when she thought she would be okay just to realize that she wasn't sure if she would ever be okay again.
It was days like these, that she found herself in her chapel. She could sit for hours in silence. She could sit for hours just so that she didn't have to think, to relive the gruesome end that had met her best friends. It was in this place that she could think about him and feel something other than the excruciating torment that seemed to shadow her everywhere she went. She could remember feeling safe in his arms. She could remember feeling accepted and strengthend. And most importantly she remembered feeling that she was normal.
She often wondered if she should contact him. She imagined that he was probably handeling himself better than she. She often imagined that he was still teaching, still inflicting his wrath on the school children. She laughed when she thought "school children". Wasn't it three months ago that she and her friends were a seventh years? She wasn't ready to return. She didn't know if she would ever be able to. The pain was too fresh. The pain was too deep.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He apparated into a field. He could smell the saltiness of the ocean and feel the damp coolness of the air through his robes. As he walked, he noticed a modest chapel in the distance. Drawn by its simplicity, he felt compelled to visit. Nearing the chapel, he noticed the small sign that hung above the door read Chapel of Life.