This is a sequel to "An Idiot In The Jedi Temple"
***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references.
......... denotes my thoughts.
(..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....sometimes they run together, things usually do around me anyway.
The actual names of some of my friends has been changed to protect them.....oh who am I kidding? You'll be able to figure out whose who....(Tammy is a slut. You'll see)
Disclaimer: I don't own the Jedi's, but they would have a fit if they heard they were "owned" by someone.(Love ya George) I don't own Tommy Hilfiger, Victoria's Secret or Gadooks. There is no infringement intended, In fact, they should happy I included them in this story. Free advertising.....so what ya bitching for?
Thanks: Thanks to all who encouraged me to continue and giving me great reviews. THANKS ALOT. :)
****Read "An Idiot In the Jedi Temple" to understand what's going on.
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Chapter One
A week went by without me absolultly screaming my head off. I wanted to tell someone, but who would believe me. Especailly after all the stories I concocted. I waited until mom would be gone for another business trip and I grabbed the stone. I wished to be back at Coruscant and see everyone again. I went to bed early, believing time would pass by quicker and I would wake up there. I was wrong. (Doesn't happen very often, no matter what Mags says.)
I woke up early the next morning and looked around for Jedi's staring back. No such luck. I got up and bitched awhile, finally calling Jackie back and discussing her "oh so wonderful love life". God, that's depressing The dog whined to be let out and I took my portable phone with me outside. The neighbors came out and started some chit chat and I opened the door to put the dog back in the house. The neighbor guy yelled at me and told me not to lay out this weekend, he's having workers to come and finish the roof.
I grinned and yelled back , "Yeah right!" I took a step and ran into the doorjam, smashing my nose and cheekbones. I held my face and screamed out obsenities,until I heard a gasp. I pulled my hands from the side of my face to see the Jedi council staring at me again.
"Hey ya'll. I"m back!" I screamed. I noticed I still had the phone in my hand, but there was no dial tone. I rubbed the side of my bruised face and winced at the sharp pain.
"Oh no, here we go again!" Obi-Wan said. He looked at me and smiled, eventually turning into laughter.
I was curious to what caused such a reaction from him, "What's so funny?"
Obi-Wan stepped in front of me and traced the red welt down the side of my face. I felt a shudder and it took all my faculties to keep from screaming my perverted thoughts. I didn't even mind the pain that accompanied his touch.I'm probablly going to get a black eye
I remembered why I wanted to come back, apart from the obvioushint hint, and I perked up."Do any of you want to come to my world and visit the locals?"
The Jedis looked at one another, I'm guessing using the force to communicate. Some shook their heads NO...others shook their heads YES. I wobbled my head and giggled at the dizzing sensation.
Yoda smiled," Decided we did on who shall go. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan will go. Joined by Masters Yareal Poof and Plo Koom."
I noticed the Masters bow their heads to their names and my eyes got really big. "I don't think it's wise. The people of my world are not ready to see alien life."
Windu looked at me with a frown, "Your race doesn't believe in the existance of other species?"
"Oh we believe, the truth is out there, but most people don't want to admit there is other life. They are too scared and don't want to face the fact that we aren't alone." I can't believe I said that! "I recommend people who look human, though I could hide Yoda."
Yoda looked at me weird, "Hide me? How you hide me?"
"I have a backpack that I can strap you to. Since there is a big Star Wars craze, you'll blend in no problem!" I smiled at the thought of backpacking Yoda.
"Then I will accompany Yoda, Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan to your world." Windu decided.
I pulled the blue stone out of my pocket and explained how it worked. They each nodded their understanding to come one at a time. The last person bringing the stone with them. I told them to give me two days to prepare for them. Thank God mom was gone for the week on the business trip! They agreed and I reached for the stone to make my wish to go home, hoping to get a headstart on housecleaning.
Obi-Wan grabbed my arm, "Do you have to leave so soon? I thought I'd take you on a tour of Coruscant."
How could I resist such a sexy escort? "As soon as I get back, I have to start on cleaning. I don't know when I'll leave, but I'll wish now and you can give me a tour until its time. OK?"
Obi-Wan nodded and we headed for the door. I made my wish and gave the stone to Qui-Gon as I passed. He slipped it into his cloak and smiled, bowing to the masters and then following us out the door. Windu and Yoda soon followed suit to begin perparing.
Obi-Wan took me to see some of the lower levels of Coruscant streets. I was surprised to look up and not be able to see the tops of the buildings. We wondered around for some time, and I got to sample all kinds of things. (I don't really like some of the food they have. It was some nasty tasting stuff...YICK!)
We circled the Temple block and made our way back up to the Jedi quarters. I recited the things that Qui-Gon told me when he gave me a tour of the temple. Obi-Wan was surprised to hear how much I remembered and all the details. I told him I wanted to find my way back, so he let me lead us around. I only got lost once, but lucky for me, Obi-Wan put us back on course. I blushed so much, I swear I felt my face on fire. He just laughed at me and lead me down the the healers.
The mark on my face from the doorjam had briused and blacked my eye. The healer took one look at me and started going on about how to avoid enemy strikes. I was confused, until I realized, she thought I got these marks from sparring. I stayed quiet and agreed with her tactics and allowed her to do her job. When she was finished I thanked her for her kindness and stratagy plans. She shooed me out the door and Obi-wan lead us back to my quarters. Thank God, I never would have found it!
We went in to my quarters and plopped down on the couch. I closed my eyes and stretched out, thanking Obi-Wan for the tour. I felt the couch move and I thought he was making a move. GUESS AGAIN! The dog jumped me and was licking my face. Not exactly the kisses I was wanting, but I heard the front alarm go off and pounding on the door.
I raced to my front door, shutting down the alarm and opening to door to see my neighbor and three police officers. They asked me if everything was ok and if I was in trouble. The neighbor explained he saw me leave in a bright flash of light and thought I was hurt. I assured them I was OK and there wasn't anything to worry about. They were a little suspicious when I refused to let them in to look around. (I still had house cleaning to do!)
I spent the next 9 hours cleaning up the house and putting away all my Star Wars things. I put my Obi-Wan calendar, stand up, and poster , along with the rest of my "incriminating evidence". I laid down for a nap and fell asleep in a matter of minutes. I woke up and searched for my Jedi visitors. No one was there.
I remembered I told them two days so I decided I would still have time, so I went to take a shower. Of course I done my usual singing all my fav songs, but no dancing in the shower.( I've learned my lesson!!) I stepped out of the shower to hear vioces talking amoungst themselves. I ran into my bedroom to see everyone standing there with confused looks on their faces. They seen me and I noticed their attention drift to my attire. I was still wearing a towel and I had a towel twisted up on my head like a turban.
"We are sorry. We didn't mean to disturb you." Qui-Gon said, slightly inclining his head.
"What are you all doing here? I said in two days." I said.
"We made our wishes two days after you left, I take it not that much time has passed here?" Mace Windu said.
"Actually only a day has passed, but its ok. This gives you more time here, to get in trouble and play around." I walked back into the bathroom and put on some descent clothes. (No since in scaring them with some of todays "fashions".)
"We don't intend on getting into trouble."Qui-Gon said, his face was the picture perfect expression of complete control. Let's see what I can get them into.
"Whatever. But I have a feeling there's a good chance there is going to be chaos, and you all will have fun. Even if it kills ya!" I put my foot down. I already had an idea of what to do, the approching summer months and store discounts factored into the equation too.
"Watch your people we will. Want to know how your people function we do." Yoda spoke up.
I was putting on my socks and pulling my Nike's out of their storage place while I explained my plans for them. "First we are going to the salon, and then you all are coming with me to the mall. Then we are going to the local skating place and I'm going to teach you newbies how to skate. I thought I'd take you all to the movies. A friend of mine is having a party tonite and I was invited. I can bring anyone I want and how many I want, so you four are my guests."
Obi-Wan looked at me questionally, "What is a mall? Skating? Newbies? Movies? What exactly are you going to do with us?"
I grinned evilly and I think they just about had a heart attack. The knew I was up to no good. (Doesn't take a psychic to figure that one out!) I glanced over their clothes and realized there was no way they would blend in anywhere. So I opened up my closet and some storage containers, shifting through clothes. Most of them from old boyfriends. I found some clothes and sorted them out and threw them at the Jedi's. They looked at me funny and realized they had to change clothes. I pointed to the bathroom and they went in, slamming the door shut. Yoda stayed with me while I rigged up a harness for him.
I heard the awfulest bunch of racket and apparent swearing coming from the bathroom. Evidently they didn't like my taste. Obi-Wan was the first to come out, wearing a white "wife-beater" and a pair of baggy jeans. He looked giddy at the change and shot me a happy glance. Windu came out next, un-thrilled with his clothes. He was wearing a tye-dye tee shirt, and a pair of black denim jeans that were just alittle snug. Qui-Gon came out wearing a baby blue "Tommy Hilfiger" tee shirt, and constantly adjusted his jeans, pulling and tugging at them. I guess he doesn't like pants that fit like that.
I grabbed a black beret and handed it to Windu and a gave Qui-Gon a beach comber hat. Obi-Wan looked at me suspectingly and I handed him a bandana. (He was totally clueless.) I folded it over and tied it around his head. He laughed and admired the change in my full length mirror. Qui-Gon and Windu reluctantly looked at their reflections, wincing at themselves. I rigged up the harness and Yoda walked over to let me adjust it. It slipped on easily and I picked him up, swinging him over my shoulder and looping my arms through the straps, securing him in place. He giggled a little at the "hippe/punk" Jedi's in front of him.
I motioned for everyone to follow me to downstairs and I gave them a tour of the house. There was only one spare bedroom with two beds, the "hide-a-bed couch" and a queen size inflatable mattress. They picked their sleeping places and I giggled, knowing they aren't going to get much sleep around me. I grabbed the car keys and wallet and started out the door. They followed me down to the carport and looked at the car with funny looks. I eased Yoda onto the car seat, careful not to hit his head on anything.
"OK, so it's not a new car, but it's my baby." I said. I don't like anyone to scruntize my wheels.
"It doesn't hover?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Nope, it has to stay on the ground, so no Jedi stuff. Don't want to attract any unwanted attention." I unlocked the rest of the doors.
"I think you should pilot this vehicle." Obi-Wan said, staring at the dash board.
"I was going to, unless any of you know where we're going or have a drivers license." I love sarcasm.
They were dumbfounded at my remarks and got in the car. I got behind the wheel and started the engine. I forgot I always have the stereo blasting and the Jedi's jumped, going on the alert. I turned off the music and apoligized over and over. Yoda was beside me, with Windu in the passengers seat. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were in the back, and looked surprised when I turned, placing my arm around the passengers seat and the car moved backwards.
"This is indeed a very strange place." Qui-Gon said, watching me back the car onto the road.
Obi-Wan looked out the window, "I would say so master. I don't think I would be able to navigate a ship in reverse."
I started laughing and put the car in gear, startling the other passengers."It only goes in reverse when I put it in gear. Who drives a car backwards?"
"A car?" Yoda asked, his ear brushing against my arm.
"Yes, this is a car. More precisly, its a Oldmobile Cutless Supreme." I said, heading down the road. "The first stop is the salon, which is in the next town. Then on to the mall, for some bathing suit shopping. No yelling kids, or I'll turn this car around and take you home." I joked, went over the Jedi's heads.
We got to the salon and Windu put Yoda on his shoulders.I explained what a salon was and some of what goes on. The Jedi's were going to wander around and look around while I went in. The beauticinist was really quick today and I got out in 20 minutes. I left and went searching for my companions. They were at the local shop, looking at the strange things in the windows. I yelled at them and they wandered back to the car, everyone piling in.
"That didn't take long." Obi-Wan said. "I don't see any differences in your features, what did you have done?"
I giggled and thought about leaving them in the dark, but decided they needed to be exposed to this world. "I had a bikini wax."
Qui-Gon looked confused, "A what?"
"A bikini wax. They take this really hot wax and apply it heavily to your groin area, then they take a strip of material and press down on it. They wait a minute or two and they grab the corner of the material and yank as fast as they can." I explained, noticing the reaction on their faces.
"THEY YANK OUT.?......" Obi-Wan pointed to his lap, but trailed off, obviously by embarasment and shock. Possibly horror, hard to tell.
"Yup, thats the place. And if there is any left behind they take a pair of tweezers and pluck out the remaining ones."I said.
The guys grimaced, even Yoda. I just laughed, and headed towards town and the mall. The parking lot was full, of course, and we had to park at the far end. Windu pulled Yoda onto his back and we made our way to the mall. I think their were impressed with the surroundings, but its so hard to figure out what Jedi's are thinking.
I lead the way into one of the smaller shops and looked over their selection of bathing suits. Lucky for me I had 4 opinions to help me make a choise. I decided there is only one place that has the clothes that I like and made my way to "Gadzooks". I went in and automatically found several outfits that I just loved. I motioned for the Four tagalongs to sit down and wait while I changed, wanting their opinion. They agreed and I modeled each one. I don't think they are used to seeing someone reveal so much skin. I ended up with three new swim suits, and a few other outfits I couldn't live without. (Bought some shades for my visitors, though they protested.)
We hit almost every store in the mall, I couldn't help but break out laughing hysterically when we walked by the "Victoria's Secret" store. Qui-Gon, playfully put his hand over Obi-Wan's eyes, and directed him away from the windows. As soon as we were passed the store, Qui-Gon removed his hand. Obi-Wan ran back and looked in the window, making Qui-Gon chase him down to retrieve his apprentice from his drooling spot in front of the panty display.
Alot of people commented on the "Yoda backpack", and had a habit of petting his ears. This really pissed him off, but thankfully he remained still and let everyone believe he was a backpack. The all day cinema was open and we headed to the ticket booth, debating on what to see. Didn't know to let them see a action, comedy, family, or horror. I choose on action and bought out tickets, then hit the consessions stand. Some people stared at us, maybe unsure of my companions. They seemed entertained during the movie and liked all the junkfood I bought. They inhaled most of it! (Obi-Wan has a thing for the "snowcaps", Qui-Gon likes "gummie bears", Windu loves nachos, and Yoda likes the "reeses cups".) GO FIGURE!
We ran around the second level for several hours and I could tell the Jedi's were starting to wear down. I promised one last stop, then we could hit the restraunts. That seemed to perk them up. We were heading towards the food plaza when everyone stopped and looked around suspiciously. Next thing you know, there was a skinny man running past us, clutching a woman's purse. The Jedi's closed their eyes and the man went flying across the berth of the mall, landing upside down against the wall. The mall police caught him and dragged him off, everyone was wondering what caused him to go sprawling.
The Jedi's had no clue how to read the menus and what the food was. I thought about letting them try a burger with fries, but with all the hormones and preservatives they inject into cows, its like eating chemicals, not meat. I choose fries, onion rings, grilled chicken, and salads. It was a site to see everyone picking off each others plates, but everyone got to sample the "fast foods" scene.
I threw all my stuff in the trunk and we made our way back to my house to drop off my stuff. I turned the radio on during the trip back to my town, putting "Enya" in the tapedeck. That did the trick for the worn out passengers, and next thing you know, they are leaning against the windows, drifting down into a easy slumber. Too bad the trip home is less than an hour. They aren't used to this kind of workout.
I dropped my stuff off without disturbing the passed out occupants, and drove to the local skating arena. (I know the owner and he lets me use the floor for private lessons, as long as I take full responsibility for all accidents. So far, so good.) I woke the Jedi's up and they followed me inside the building, courious as to the purpose of this building. You should have seen the look on their faces when they seen the large floor and the ramps(for advanced skaters).
I grabbed my skates and measured off everyone for skates, except Yoda. He said he's too old for such foolishness. (Remember the scene when Bambi stepped onthe ice for the first time? This was SO similar!) The Jedi's legs went sprawling out in all directions and they fought to maintain their balance. Soon they were able to stand without holding on to the wall, I told them not to cheat by using the force, and learn the old fashoined way. They didn't agree and the scene of them trying to make it to the far wall was hysterical! They would get maybe one or two steps, then fall on their butts, cushioning themselves with the force, of course. I skated around them easily, showing off what I've learned through all the years. I only let them suffer through the skating lessons for an hour and a half. They hobbled out of the arena, nursing their bruised rear ends and possibly their egos. Do Jedi's have egos?
We got back home and they plopped down on the couch, easily due to their "conditions". I laughed and went to the kitchen for a snack run. I loaded a tray with a ton of snacks and when I went back to the living room, everyone was sound asleep! I guess I wore them out. I took everything back to the kitchen and grabbed extra blankets to cover them up with. I covered up my exhausted guests and turned on the stereo, with some soft music playing. (Needed to filter out all the outside noise and distractions.) I went back to the kitchen and started dinner. They're going to love the all night party tonite, they will need as much rest as possible!
The Jedi's woke up to the smell of my culinary wizardery and wondered into the kitchen. I'm glad they got up when they did, we only had an hour until the party. I felt bad that they had only an hour and a half nap, but they can sleep later on tonite. IF we get back home tonite!
"What smells so good?" Qui-Gon is the first to come in, sniffing the air and taking a place at the table.
"Uhmm....That's smells wonderful. What is it?" Obi-Wan asked as he sat down next to Qui-Gon.
"It's a baked ham, with mashed potatoes, green beans, homemade cornbread, and desert is "Mississippi Mud" brownies." I started piling all the food on table as Mace and Yoda wandered in. I had to get a booster seat for Yoda!
"Your feeding us mud?" Obi-Wan asked as he passed around the food.
I had to elaborate, "It's just a name, its not really mud. It's chocolate with marshmellows"
"Marshmellows?" Windu perked up.
"Never mind. Just eat because we leave in an hour to go to the party. Sorry you had such a short nap, but I figured you'll need all the extra sleep you can, where and when you get it." I said as I loaded my plate. I hope they don't get into anything while at the party
"Wondering I am, why you want to take us to a party. Been to many parties we have. Jedi know customs for formals, royals, and other social gatherings. Why have you a worried look?" Yoda sampled some of the food, and actually liked it.
"Have you ever been to a West Virginia party? Complete with "special brew" alcohol and lots of underage people pretending to be adults?" I tried to hint that most of the people won't be of legal drinking age, which is why this party was WAY out of town. ( Not to mention the guy hosting is a cops son)
Windu finished off his plate and continued the conversation. "Most of the Jedi's don't drink. But those of us who do can handle it. You need not to worry young one."
I gave him a weird look. He called me "Young One". Maybe he forgives me for going under his robe when we first met. I hope so. And I hope he forgot I bit him.
As soon as everyone was finished eating, we started out to the party. The house where it was being held was about 20 minutes from my house. (The house is actually a farm.) When we got there, the party was already well underway. (Probably been going on for at least a couple of hours. Some people were already puking or passed out on the front porch)
Obi-Wan perked up at the realization of the song that was blasting from the speakers in the windows. "Hey, I know this song. We danced to it. Remember?"
I just nodded and grinned. "Oh yeah, I remember well. My back still hasn't recovered."
Qui-Gon was looking around at everyone, "Where are all elders? I see only young adults here."
"This is an unchaperoned party. There isn't anyone over 21, except us! Most of the people here are still in high school, but the host is the son of one of the cops, so we should be safe. Afterall, he's the one that bought all the alcohol being consumed. Except for the "special brewery" he has set up." I explained while some guy ran by us, completely naked and being chased by another guy wearing a pillow case as a cape. "I suggest you stay close to me. I don't want any of you hurt."
"We can take care of ourselves." Qui-Gon said with a slight bow of his head. We'll see
I seen one of my friends and automatically ran at her. We squealed and hugged for a few minutes and she asked about my companions. I notied Tammy had already moved in on Obi-Wan. The poor boy didn't stand a chance!
Tammy was very drunk and hanging onto him like flypaper. She was petting his face and trying to talk sexy. Her other hand was trying to grab his ass and he was trying to be politite, but I could tell, he was in trouble. I discretly (bullshit) pulled her off of him and gave her a slight motion towards the floor. She landed on her ass and started yelling, but luckily she was so drunk she puked all over herself. Serves her right.....blasted hoochie. The nerve of that girl!
Obi-Wan sighed and turned to me, "Thanks. I didn't know what to do and she wasn't responding to mind control."
"That's understandable. She doesn't have a mind. And what little grey matter she does have, it's incapacitated right now." I turned Obi-Wan to follow me to meet some of my friends. ( They were too drunk themselves to know who he REALLY was).
Of course the major hugger of the group is Amanda. She had to make the "Newbie" feel welcome to the states and gave him a huge hug. Obi-Wan just grinned at her. Though Mags was alittle tipsy, she was still her sarcastic self. Elizabeth was more drunk and had everyone in hysterics with her attempts at talking. Poor girl slurred her words so badly, I had to "translate" some to Obi-Wan
I seen Qui-Gon, Mace Windu and Yoda over by some others. (I have NO idea who they were, but they looked to be ACTUAL drinking age.) Glad they found someone to talk to. I lead Obi-Wan to the living room, where the main speakers and makeshift dancefloor were. Alot of people would come up and introduce themselves and ask us if we wanted anything to drink. We refused of course and resumed mingling around.
Notice how time flies when your having fun? I realized we has been at the party for three hours. (I guess all the talking, dancing, mingling, and laughing I kinda lost track of time.) I noticed the other three Jedi in the dining room, acting very strange. I grabbed Obi-Wan and showed him the sight I was seeing. There was Qui-Gon sitting in a chair, with a woman sitting on his lap. He was laughing and had a cup of what appeared to be punch. Mace Windu was just walking in, soaked from head to toe. Yoda was standing on the table and several people were chatting around him while he "danced" around. (My and Obi-Wan's jaws dropped.)
We ran over quickly and Obi-Wan picked up Yoda and grabbed a hold of Windu's arm to lead him out. He didn't want to go and sat down on the floor, acting like a 2year old! I promised him candy and he agreed to get up and come with us to the car. Qui-Gon stood....or should I say staggered to his feet. I grabbed him and helped him out the door. I yelled at Obi-Wan that they can't get into my car in this condition. (I don't want to clean vomit out of my car.)
Tom came out with a towel and handed it to me, explaining that Windu was wet because he was showing off in the hottub. I thanked Tom and wrapped Windy up in the towel.
We took them down towards the field, next to a pond and the stables for the horses. Everyone plopped down on the tall grass, their heads swimming and a sick feeling in their stomachs. I heard someone hurl, not sure who because Obi-Wan and I were by ourselves and not really watching the drunk Jedi. After about half an hour, I heard someone talking and went to investigate. (WHAT A PICTURE!!)
I called for Obi-Wan and asked him if he could manipulate minds of animals. He said NO. He looked at me with a questioning expression, hinting on worry. He heard his masters voice talking about a pretty cat, and adjusted his eyes to see Qui-Gon on his knees, petting the little thing. Obi-Wan looked at me and shrugged. I gulped, hoping Qui-Gon wouldn't do anything stupid. (I was wrong)
Qui-Gon evidently got an overwhelming urge to puke, because he just let it fly, mainly on the "cat" in front of him. Before you know it, there was this horrible smell and everyone started to gag. Obi-
Wan helped steady Qui-Gon and I went for Windu and Yoda, who were already recovering from the alcohol.We got to my car and Obi-Wan was going to put Qui-Gon in, when I interrupted him.
"You think your putting him in my car while he stinks? THINK AGAIN!"I shouted.
"What do you want to do? Leave him here? And by the way, what in the name of the sith is the smell and what kind of creature secretes that kind of odor?" Obi-Wan asked, Windu and Yoda were still feeling ill. (The smell wasn't helping either)
"It's called a skunk and they spray like that to protect themselves from things that would hurt them." I started around to the other side of the car.
"Well, all I can say is, Its a great defence!" Obi-Wan spun around to meet me.
I started taking Qui-Gon's shirt off, when Obi-Wan grabbed my arm."Just what do you think your doing?"
"I'm taking his shirt off and leaving it here. It got most of the scent on it. He's not getting in the car with it, that's for damn sure!" I was fuming at this point. I got pissed and just ripped the thing off. Unfortunatly the smell was all over my hands and all the bacterial washes I had in the car wasn't going to get rid of the smell.
Obi-Wan was stunned at my actions and stood there dumbfounded. I snapped him out of it and helped him get Qui-Gon into the car. We peeled out of that place so fast, I think I left marks.
When we got home, Windu and Yoda went inside and crashed. I told Obi-Wan to keep the still smelly(but not as bad) Qui-Gon out on the patio while I went and got something to clean up with. He sat Qui-Gon down in a chair and checked to see if he was still out of it. (he was)
I came back out with a bucket of warm water and several large cans of tomato juice. Obi-Wan took one look at everything and put up his hands, "You have got to be kidding? Your not actually going to give him a bath out here, are you?"
I smiled wickedly, "Yeah I am. This is the only stuff that gets out that smell. And there is NO way he's coming in my house smelling like that!"
I dumped a can over Qui-Gon's head and grabbed for another, when Obi-Wan's hand stopped me. "I can do this. He's my master and my resposibility. I can do this, please, let me."
"Just work the juice into his skin where he got sprayed and then dump the water over him. I'm going to go and see if I can find some extra clothes for him. You will be the one to change his clothes, I don't think he'd appreciate me doing it." I grinned.
Obi-Wan smiled back, "No I think not. Thank you."
I went inside and found some clothes for the drunk Jedi and helped Obi-Wan clean him up and get rid of that nasty smell. He changed Qui-Gon's clothes and put him to bed, then came looking for me. I was upstairs watching TV and checking email.
Obi-Wan peeked his head up, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you back at that party. I guess I blamed you for their behavoir."
I glanced over from the puta and smiled, "Don't worry about it. All's forgiven. I'd say they had a blast, don't you?"
"I don't think "blast" is quite the term I'd use. I know they will regret this in the morning, let's hope the other Jedi's don't find out." He said as he climbed the stairs and stood beside me. He looked at the screen and watched me type. "What are you doing?"
"I'm answering an email that my sister sent me." I explained.
Obi-Wan grabbed a spare chair and pulled it up beside me, "Email?"
"This computer is hooked into the world wide web. I can have my sister on the other side of the world to send me a message or picture and I'll get it in just a few seconds. Like now." I was explaining, then one of my cyber sisters came on and sent me a message.
I spent the next couple of hours explaining the internet, chat rooms, URL's and adopting a cyber family. He thought it was odd to adopt someone you never met. I told him, you have met them, just not in the physical sense. (When you spend over 8 hours talking to someone in one nite, you tend to know them) He caught on pretty quick and compared it to Coruscant's interface systems.
The next afternoon, I was in the kitchen making brunch when who should wake up and come in? The drunk Jedi trio! I had pills laying out for them and they each took their seats at the table. I poured them some orange juice and Qui-Gon kept smelling his skin and hair.
"What is that smell?"Qui-Gon sniffed his shirt. "And how did I get in these clothes?"
Windu and Yoda sniffed to and admitted they didn't have any recollection of the previous nite. I just shook my head. They were warned, but they didn't listen.
"Qui-Gon, that smell is tomato juice. Obi-Wan and I gave you a bath in it last nite." I set some food on the table and everyone turned away.
Qui-Gon's eyes got really big, "YOU GAVE ME A BATH?"
"Relax. I didn't strip ya naked. It was the only way to get the skunk smell off of you." I had to hold back my laughter at the memory.
"What smell?" All three chimed in.
"Go stand on the patio. Qui-Gon's clothes are still out there and the smell will still be strong." I said, motioning towards the back door. They agreed and went out on the patio, soon returning with their hands over their faces and holding their noses.
"What in the force is that smell?" Windu asked, fanning himself to help disapate the odor.
"It was a skunk. That's its natural defence against predators. Qui-Gon was petting it and puked on it. It got scared and sprayed him." I told them everything, trying my best to hide my smile.
Qui-Gon was about to say something, but Obi-Wan came downstairs and sat down at the table. He started eating and looked over at everyone else before asking, "How do you feel masters?"
"Hit by a speeder I was" Yoda groaned and rubbed his head.
"What exactly did we get a hold of?" Windu asked, noticing Qui-Gon staring at Obi-Wan suspiciously.
"Well, as far as I can tell, I seen you with a cup of "punch". That was no ordinary punch. It's spiked with moonshine." I sat down beside Obi-Wan and began to eat.
"What's moonshine?" Qui-Gon asked, pulling his attention away from Obi-Wan.
"I told you there is a "special brew" that some people around here drink. Most liqueor is around 200 proof. West Virginia moonshine is about 300+ proof. One of my relatives had a distillerary and had it checked. The guy that checked it said it was "high octane". I laughed between bites.
"Remind me to never play drinking games with anyone from your "West Virginia". Windu said, standing up and stretching out. He slightly bowed his head and excused himself to go and take another nap. Yoda soon followed him out, leaving Qui-Gon with me and Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan, where were you?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Master?" Obi-Wan was just as confused as I was.
"When you came downstairs a little bit ago, you were acting like you just got up. Where were you last nite?" Qui-Gon's eyes were like daggers.
I spoke up, "He was with me. I showed him how to surf the web. We watched a movie, a couple of TV shows and I taught him how to play video games. We were up almost all nite. We had a food fight too, in fact there is still popcorn all over my floor!"
Obi-Wan blushed, "I'm sorry. I'll help you clean it up. Afterall, I help make the mess."
I noticed Qui-Gon was swaying slightly and I told him to go back to bed. I escorted him back to bed and put extra pain killers and anti-hangover pills beside his bed. I grabbed an extra blanket and turned the AC on to circulate some air. I checked on Windu and Yoda, both were sleeping comfortably, and returned to the kitchen. I cleaned up the dishes and put the leftovers away, in case the slumbering ones would get hungry.
"Wanna watch one of my favorite shows?" I asked hopfully.
"What's it called?" Obi-wan asked.
"Stargate. It's about travelling to other planets and fighting the Gou'ald." I explained as we headed back upstairs.
"Sure, sounds great. One more thing..." Obi-Wan trailed off.
I turned around to face him, "What?"
"Thanks for not telling Qui-Gon everything." He grinned and started to climb the steps again.
THE NEXT DAY........coming soon.
***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references.
......... denotes my thoughts.
(..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....sometimes they run together, things usually do around me anyway.
The actual names of some of my friends has been changed to protect them.....oh who am I kidding? You'll be able to figure out whose who....(Tammy is a slut. You'll see)
Disclaimer: I don't own the Jedi's, but they would have a fit if they heard they were "owned" by someone.(Love ya George) I don't own Tommy Hilfiger, Victoria's Secret or Gadooks. There is no infringement intended, In fact, they should happy I included them in this story. Free advertising.....so what ya bitching for?
Thanks: Thanks to all who encouraged me to continue and giving me great reviews. THANKS ALOT. :)
****Read "An Idiot In the Jedi Temple" to understand what's going on.
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Chapter One
A week went by without me absolultly screaming my head off. I wanted to tell someone, but who would believe me. Especailly after all the stories I concocted. I waited until mom would be gone for another business trip and I grabbed the stone. I wished to be back at Coruscant and see everyone again. I went to bed early, believing time would pass by quicker and I would wake up there. I was wrong. (Doesn't happen very often, no matter what Mags says.)
I woke up early the next morning and looked around for Jedi's staring back. No such luck. I got up and bitched awhile, finally calling Jackie back and discussing her "oh so wonderful love life". God, that's depressing The dog whined to be let out and I took my portable phone with me outside. The neighbors came out and started some chit chat and I opened the door to put the dog back in the house. The neighbor guy yelled at me and told me not to lay out this weekend, he's having workers to come and finish the roof.
I grinned and yelled back , "Yeah right!" I took a step and ran into the doorjam, smashing my nose and cheekbones. I held my face and screamed out obsenities,until I heard a gasp. I pulled my hands from the side of my face to see the Jedi council staring at me again.
"Hey ya'll. I"m back!" I screamed. I noticed I still had the phone in my hand, but there was no dial tone. I rubbed the side of my bruised face and winced at the sharp pain.
"Oh no, here we go again!" Obi-Wan said. He looked at me and smiled, eventually turning into laughter.
I was curious to what caused such a reaction from him, "What's so funny?"
Obi-Wan stepped in front of me and traced the red welt down the side of my face. I felt a shudder and it took all my faculties to keep from screaming my perverted thoughts. I didn't even mind the pain that accompanied his touch.I'm probablly going to get a black eye
I remembered why I wanted to come back, apart from the obvioushint hint, and I perked up."Do any of you want to come to my world and visit the locals?"
The Jedis looked at one another, I'm guessing using the force to communicate. Some shook their heads NO...others shook their heads YES. I wobbled my head and giggled at the dizzing sensation.
Yoda smiled," Decided we did on who shall go. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan will go. Joined by Masters Yareal Poof and Plo Koom."
I noticed the Masters bow their heads to their names and my eyes got really big. "I don't think it's wise. The people of my world are not ready to see alien life."
Windu looked at me with a frown, "Your race doesn't believe in the existance of other species?"
"Oh we believe, the truth is out there, but most people don't want to admit there is other life. They are too scared and don't want to face the fact that we aren't alone." I can't believe I said that! "I recommend people who look human, though I could hide Yoda."
Yoda looked at me weird, "Hide me? How you hide me?"
"I have a backpack that I can strap you to. Since there is a big Star Wars craze, you'll blend in no problem!" I smiled at the thought of backpacking Yoda.
"Then I will accompany Yoda, Qui-Gon, and Obi-Wan to your world." Windu decided.
I pulled the blue stone out of my pocket and explained how it worked. They each nodded their understanding to come one at a time. The last person bringing the stone with them. I told them to give me two days to prepare for them. Thank God mom was gone for the week on the business trip! They agreed and I reached for the stone to make my wish to go home, hoping to get a headstart on housecleaning.
Obi-Wan grabbed my arm, "Do you have to leave so soon? I thought I'd take you on a tour of Coruscant."
How could I resist such a sexy escort? "As soon as I get back, I have to start on cleaning. I don't know when I'll leave, but I'll wish now and you can give me a tour until its time. OK?"
Obi-Wan nodded and we headed for the door. I made my wish and gave the stone to Qui-Gon as I passed. He slipped it into his cloak and smiled, bowing to the masters and then following us out the door. Windu and Yoda soon followed suit to begin perparing.
Obi-Wan took me to see some of the lower levels of Coruscant streets. I was surprised to look up and not be able to see the tops of the buildings. We wondered around for some time, and I got to sample all kinds of things. (I don't really like some of the food they have. It was some nasty tasting stuff...YICK!)
We circled the Temple block and made our way back up to the Jedi quarters. I recited the things that Qui-Gon told me when he gave me a tour of the temple. Obi-Wan was surprised to hear how much I remembered and all the details. I told him I wanted to find my way back, so he let me lead us around. I only got lost once, but lucky for me, Obi-Wan put us back on course. I blushed so much, I swear I felt my face on fire. He just laughed at me and lead me down the the healers.
The mark on my face from the doorjam had briused and blacked my eye. The healer took one look at me and started going on about how to avoid enemy strikes. I was confused, until I realized, she thought I got these marks from sparring. I stayed quiet and agreed with her tactics and allowed her to do her job. When she was finished I thanked her for her kindness and stratagy plans. She shooed me out the door and Obi-wan lead us back to my quarters. Thank God, I never would have found it!
We went in to my quarters and plopped down on the couch. I closed my eyes and stretched out, thanking Obi-Wan for the tour. I felt the couch move and I thought he was making a move. GUESS AGAIN! The dog jumped me and was licking my face. Not exactly the kisses I was wanting, but I heard the front alarm go off and pounding on the door.
I raced to my front door, shutting down the alarm and opening to door to see my neighbor and three police officers. They asked me if everything was ok and if I was in trouble. The neighbor explained he saw me leave in a bright flash of light and thought I was hurt. I assured them I was OK and there wasn't anything to worry about. They were a little suspicious when I refused to let them in to look around. (I still had house cleaning to do!)
I spent the next 9 hours cleaning up the house and putting away all my Star Wars things. I put my Obi-Wan calendar, stand up, and poster , along with the rest of my "incriminating evidence". I laid down for a nap and fell asleep in a matter of minutes. I woke up and searched for my Jedi visitors. No one was there.
I remembered I told them two days so I decided I would still have time, so I went to take a shower. Of course I done my usual singing all my fav songs, but no dancing in the shower.( I've learned my lesson!!) I stepped out of the shower to hear vioces talking amoungst themselves. I ran into my bedroom to see everyone standing there with confused looks on their faces. They seen me and I noticed their attention drift to my attire. I was still wearing a towel and I had a towel twisted up on my head like a turban.
"We are sorry. We didn't mean to disturb you." Qui-Gon said, slightly inclining his head.
"What are you all doing here? I said in two days." I said.
"We made our wishes two days after you left, I take it not that much time has passed here?" Mace Windu said.
"Actually only a day has passed, but its ok. This gives you more time here, to get in trouble and play around." I walked back into the bathroom and put on some descent clothes. (No since in scaring them with some of todays "fashions".)
"We don't intend on getting into trouble."Qui-Gon said, his face was the picture perfect expression of complete control. Let's see what I can get them into.
"Whatever. But I have a feeling there's a good chance there is going to be chaos, and you all will have fun. Even if it kills ya!" I put my foot down. I already had an idea of what to do, the approching summer months and store discounts factored into the equation too.
"Watch your people we will. Want to know how your people function we do." Yoda spoke up.
I was putting on my socks and pulling my Nike's out of their storage place while I explained my plans for them. "First we are going to the salon, and then you all are coming with me to the mall. Then we are going to the local skating place and I'm going to teach you newbies how to skate. I thought I'd take you all to the movies. A friend of mine is having a party tonite and I was invited. I can bring anyone I want and how many I want, so you four are my guests."
Obi-Wan looked at me questionally, "What is a mall? Skating? Newbies? Movies? What exactly are you going to do with us?"
I grinned evilly and I think they just about had a heart attack. The knew I was up to no good. (Doesn't take a psychic to figure that one out!) I glanced over their clothes and realized there was no way they would blend in anywhere. So I opened up my closet and some storage containers, shifting through clothes. Most of them from old boyfriends. I found some clothes and sorted them out and threw them at the Jedi's. They looked at me funny and realized they had to change clothes. I pointed to the bathroom and they went in, slamming the door shut. Yoda stayed with me while I rigged up a harness for him.
I heard the awfulest bunch of racket and apparent swearing coming from the bathroom. Evidently they didn't like my taste. Obi-Wan was the first to come out, wearing a white "wife-beater" and a pair of baggy jeans. He looked giddy at the change and shot me a happy glance. Windu came out next, un-thrilled with his clothes. He was wearing a tye-dye tee shirt, and a pair of black denim jeans that were just alittle snug. Qui-Gon came out wearing a baby blue "Tommy Hilfiger" tee shirt, and constantly adjusted his jeans, pulling and tugging at them. I guess he doesn't like pants that fit like that.
I grabbed a black beret and handed it to Windu and a gave Qui-Gon a beach comber hat. Obi-Wan looked at me suspectingly and I handed him a bandana. (He was totally clueless.) I folded it over and tied it around his head. He laughed and admired the change in my full length mirror. Qui-Gon and Windu reluctantly looked at their reflections, wincing at themselves. I rigged up the harness and Yoda walked over to let me adjust it. It slipped on easily and I picked him up, swinging him over my shoulder and looping my arms through the straps, securing him in place. He giggled a little at the "hippe/punk" Jedi's in front of him.
I motioned for everyone to follow me to downstairs and I gave them a tour of the house. There was only one spare bedroom with two beds, the "hide-a-bed couch" and a queen size inflatable mattress. They picked their sleeping places and I giggled, knowing they aren't going to get much sleep around me. I grabbed the car keys and wallet and started out the door. They followed me down to the carport and looked at the car with funny looks. I eased Yoda onto the car seat, careful not to hit his head on anything.
"OK, so it's not a new car, but it's my baby." I said. I don't like anyone to scruntize my wheels.
"It doesn't hover?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Nope, it has to stay on the ground, so no Jedi stuff. Don't want to attract any unwanted attention." I unlocked the rest of the doors.
"I think you should pilot this vehicle." Obi-Wan said, staring at the dash board.
"I was going to, unless any of you know where we're going or have a drivers license." I love sarcasm.
They were dumbfounded at my remarks and got in the car. I got behind the wheel and started the engine. I forgot I always have the stereo blasting and the Jedi's jumped, going on the alert. I turned off the music and apoligized over and over. Yoda was beside me, with Windu in the passengers seat. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan were in the back, and looked surprised when I turned, placing my arm around the passengers seat and the car moved backwards.
"This is indeed a very strange place." Qui-Gon said, watching me back the car onto the road.
Obi-Wan looked out the window, "I would say so master. I don't think I would be able to navigate a ship in reverse."
I started laughing and put the car in gear, startling the other passengers."It only goes in reverse when I put it in gear. Who drives a car backwards?"
"A car?" Yoda asked, his ear brushing against my arm.
"Yes, this is a car. More precisly, its a Oldmobile Cutless Supreme." I said, heading down the road. "The first stop is the salon, which is in the next town. Then on to the mall, for some bathing suit shopping. No yelling kids, or I'll turn this car around and take you home." I joked, went over the Jedi's heads.
We got to the salon and Windu put Yoda on his shoulders.I explained what a salon was and some of what goes on. The Jedi's were going to wander around and look around while I went in. The beauticinist was really quick today and I got out in 20 minutes. I left and went searching for my companions. They were at the local shop, looking at the strange things in the windows. I yelled at them and they wandered back to the car, everyone piling in.
"That didn't take long." Obi-Wan said. "I don't see any differences in your features, what did you have done?"
I giggled and thought about leaving them in the dark, but decided they needed to be exposed to this world. "I had a bikini wax."
Qui-Gon looked confused, "A what?"
"A bikini wax. They take this really hot wax and apply it heavily to your groin area, then they take a strip of material and press down on it. They wait a minute or two and they grab the corner of the material and yank as fast as they can." I explained, noticing the reaction on their faces.
"THEY YANK OUT.?......" Obi-Wan pointed to his lap, but trailed off, obviously by embarasment and shock. Possibly horror, hard to tell.
"Yup, thats the place. And if there is any left behind they take a pair of tweezers and pluck out the remaining ones."I said.
The guys grimaced, even Yoda. I just laughed, and headed towards town and the mall. The parking lot was full, of course, and we had to park at the far end. Windu pulled Yoda onto his back and we made our way to the mall. I think their were impressed with the surroundings, but its so hard to figure out what Jedi's are thinking.
I lead the way into one of the smaller shops and looked over their selection of bathing suits. Lucky for me I had 4 opinions to help me make a choise. I decided there is only one place that has the clothes that I like and made my way to "Gadzooks". I went in and automatically found several outfits that I just loved. I motioned for the Four tagalongs to sit down and wait while I changed, wanting their opinion. They agreed and I modeled each one. I don't think they are used to seeing someone reveal so much skin. I ended up with three new swim suits, and a few other outfits I couldn't live without. (Bought some shades for my visitors, though they protested.)
We hit almost every store in the mall, I couldn't help but break out laughing hysterically when we walked by the "Victoria's Secret" store. Qui-Gon, playfully put his hand over Obi-Wan's eyes, and directed him away from the windows. As soon as we were passed the store, Qui-Gon removed his hand. Obi-Wan ran back and looked in the window, making Qui-Gon chase him down to retrieve his apprentice from his drooling spot in front of the panty display.
Alot of people commented on the "Yoda backpack", and had a habit of petting his ears. This really pissed him off, but thankfully he remained still and let everyone believe he was a backpack. The all day cinema was open and we headed to the ticket booth, debating on what to see. Didn't know to let them see a action, comedy, family, or horror. I choose on action and bought out tickets, then hit the consessions stand. Some people stared at us, maybe unsure of my companions. They seemed entertained during the movie and liked all the junkfood I bought. They inhaled most of it! (Obi-Wan has a thing for the "snowcaps", Qui-Gon likes "gummie bears", Windu loves nachos, and Yoda likes the "reeses cups".) GO FIGURE!
We ran around the second level for several hours and I could tell the Jedi's were starting to wear down. I promised one last stop, then we could hit the restraunts. That seemed to perk them up. We were heading towards the food plaza when everyone stopped and looked around suspiciously. Next thing you know, there was a skinny man running past us, clutching a woman's purse. The Jedi's closed their eyes and the man went flying across the berth of the mall, landing upside down against the wall. The mall police caught him and dragged him off, everyone was wondering what caused him to go sprawling.
The Jedi's had no clue how to read the menus and what the food was. I thought about letting them try a burger with fries, but with all the hormones and preservatives they inject into cows, its like eating chemicals, not meat. I choose fries, onion rings, grilled chicken, and salads. It was a site to see everyone picking off each others plates, but everyone got to sample the "fast foods" scene.
I threw all my stuff in the trunk and we made our way back to my house to drop off my stuff. I turned the radio on during the trip back to my town, putting "Enya" in the tapedeck. That did the trick for the worn out passengers, and next thing you know, they are leaning against the windows, drifting down into a easy slumber. Too bad the trip home is less than an hour. They aren't used to this kind of workout.
I dropped my stuff off without disturbing the passed out occupants, and drove to the local skating arena. (I know the owner and he lets me use the floor for private lessons, as long as I take full responsibility for all accidents. So far, so good.) I woke the Jedi's up and they followed me inside the building, courious as to the purpose of this building. You should have seen the look on their faces when they seen the large floor and the ramps(for advanced skaters).
I grabbed my skates and measured off everyone for skates, except Yoda. He said he's too old for such foolishness. (Remember the scene when Bambi stepped onthe ice for the first time? This was SO similar!) The Jedi's legs went sprawling out in all directions and they fought to maintain their balance. Soon they were able to stand without holding on to the wall, I told them not to cheat by using the force, and learn the old fashoined way. They didn't agree and the scene of them trying to make it to the far wall was hysterical! They would get maybe one or two steps, then fall on their butts, cushioning themselves with the force, of course. I skated around them easily, showing off what I've learned through all the years. I only let them suffer through the skating lessons for an hour and a half. They hobbled out of the arena, nursing their bruised rear ends and possibly their egos. Do Jedi's have egos?
We got back home and they plopped down on the couch, easily due to their "conditions". I laughed and went to the kitchen for a snack run. I loaded a tray with a ton of snacks and when I went back to the living room, everyone was sound asleep! I guess I wore them out. I took everything back to the kitchen and grabbed extra blankets to cover them up with. I covered up my exhausted guests and turned on the stereo, with some soft music playing. (Needed to filter out all the outside noise and distractions.) I went back to the kitchen and started dinner. They're going to love the all night party tonite, they will need as much rest as possible!
The Jedi's woke up to the smell of my culinary wizardery and wondered into the kitchen. I'm glad they got up when they did, we only had an hour until the party. I felt bad that they had only an hour and a half nap, but they can sleep later on tonite. IF we get back home tonite!
"What smells so good?" Qui-Gon is the first to come in, sniffing the air and taking a place at the table.
"Uhmm....That's smells wonderful. What is it?" Obi-Wan asked as he sat down next to Qui-Gon.
"It's a baked ham, with mashed potatoes, green beans, homemade cornbread, and desert is "Mississippi Mud" brownies." I started piling all the food on table as Mace and Yoda wandered in. I had to get a booster seat for Yoda!
"Your feeding us mud?" Obi-Wan asked as he passed around the food.
I had to elaborate, "It's just a name, its not really mud. It's chocolate with marshmellows"
"Marshmellows?" Windu perked up.
"Never mind. Just eat because we leave in an hour to go to the party. Sorry you had such a short nap, but I figured you'll need all the extra sleep you can, where and when you get it." I said as I loaded my plate. I hope they don't get into anything while at the party
"Wondering I am, why you want to take us to a party. Been to many parties we have. Jedi know customs for formals, royals, and other social gatherings. Why have you a worried look?" Yoda sampled some of the food, and actually liked it.
"Have you ever been to a West Virginia party? Complete with "special brew" alcohol and lots of underage people pretending to be adults?" I tried to hint that most of the people won't be of legal drinking age, which is why this party was WAY out of town. ( Not to mention the guy hosting is a cops son)
Windu finished off his plate and continued the conversation. "Most of the Jedi's don't drink. But those of us who do can handle it. You need not to worry young one."
I gave him a weird look. He called me "Young One". Maybe he forgives me for going under his robe when we first met. I hope so. And I hope he forgot I bit him.
As soon as everyone was finished eating, we started out to the party. The house where it was being held was about 20 minutes from my house. (The house is actually a farm.) When we got there, the party was already well underway. (Probably been going on for at least a couple of hours. Some people were already puking or passed out on the front porch)
Obi-Wan perked up at the realization of the song that was blasting from the speakers in the windows. "Hey, I know this song. We danced to it. Remember?"
I just nodded and grinned. "Oh yeah, I remember well. My back still hasn't recovered."
Qui-Gon was looking around at everyone, "Where are all elders? I see only young adults here."
"This is an unchaperoned party. There isn't anyone over 21, except us! Most of the people here are still in high school, but the host is the son of one of the cops, so we should be safe. Afterall, he's the one that bought all the alcohol being consumed. Except for the "special brewery" he has set up." I explained while some guy ran by us, completely naked and being chased by another guy wearing a pillow case as a cape. "I suggest you stay close to me. I don't want any of you hurt."
"We can take care of ourselves." Qui-Gon said with a slight bow of his head. We'll see
I seen one of my friends and automatically ran at her. We squealed and hugged for a few minutes and she asked about my companions. I notied Tammy had already moved in on Obi-Wan. The poor boy didn't stand a chance!
Tammy was very drunk and hanging onto him like flypaper. She was petting his face and trying to talk sexy. Her other hand was trying to grab his ass and he was trying to be politite, but I could tell, he was in trouble. I discretly (bullshit) pulled her off of him and gave her a slight motion towards the floor. She landed on her ass and started yelling, but luckily she was so drunk she puked all over herself. Serves her right.....blasted hoochie. The nerve of that girl!
Obi-Wan sighed and turned to me, "Thanks. I didn't know what to do and she wasn't responding to mind control."
"That's understandable. She doesn't have a mind. And what little grey matter she does have, it's incapacitated right now." I turned Obi-Wan to follow me to meet some of my friends. ( They were too drunk themselves to know who he REALLY was).
Of course the major hugger of the group is Amanda. She had to make the "Newbie" feel welcome to the states and gave him a huge hug. Obi-Wan just grinned at her. Though Mags was alittle tipsy, she was still her sarcastic self. Elizabeth was more drunk and had everyone in hysterics with her attempts at talking. Poor girl slurred her words so badly, I had to "translate" some to Obi-Wan
I seen Qui-Gon, Mace Windu and Yoda over by some others. (I have NO idea who they were, but they looked to be ACTUAL drinking age.) Glad they found someone to talk to. I lead Obi-Wan to the living room, where the main speakers and makeshift dancefloor were. Alot of people would come up and introduce themselves and ask us if we wanted anything to drink. We refused of course and resumed mingling around.
Notice how time flies when your having fun? I realized we has been at the party for three hours. (I guess all the talking, dancing, mingling, and laughing I kinda lost track of time.) I noticed the other three Jedi in the dining room, acting very strange. I grabbed Obi-Wan and showed him the sight I was seeing. There was Qui-Gon sitting in a chair, with a woman sitting on his lap. He was laughing and had a cup of what appeared to be punch. Mace Windu was just walking in, soaked from head to toe. Yoda was standing on the table and several people were chatting around him while he "danced" around. (My and Obi-Wan's jaws dropped.)
We ran over quickly and Obi-Wan picked up Yoda and grabbed a hold of Windu's arm to lead him out. He didn't want to go and sat down on the floor, acting like a 2year old! I promised him candy and he agreed to get up and come with us to the car. Qui-Gon stood....or should I say staggered to his feet. I grabbed him and helped him out the door. I yelled at Obi-Wan that they can't get into my car in this condition. (I don't want to clean vomit out of my car.)
Tom came out with a towel and handed it to me, explaining that Windu was wet because he was showing off in the hottub. I thanked Tom and wrapped Windy up in the towel.
We took them down towards the field, next to a pond and the stables for the horses. Everyone plopped down on the tall grass, their heads swimming and a sick feeling in their stomachs. I heard someone hurl, not sure who because Obi-Wan and I were by ourselves and not really watching the drunk Jedi. After about half an hour, I heard someone talking and went to investigate. (WHAT A PICTURE!!)
I called for Obi-Wan and asked him if he could manipulate minds of animals. He said NO. He looked at me with a questioning expression, hinting on worry. He heard his masters voice talking about a pretty cat, and adjusted his eyes to see Qui-Gon on his knees, petting the little thing. Obi-Wan looked at me and shrugged. I gulped, hoping Qui-Gon wouldn't do anything stupid. (I was wrong)
Qui-Gon evidently got an overwhelming urge to puke, because he just let it fly, mainly on the "cat" in front of him. Before you know it, there was this horrible smell and everyone started to gag. Obi-
Wan helped steady Qui-Gon and I went for Windu and Yoda, who were already recovering from the alcohol.We got to my car and Obi-Wan was going to put Qui-Gon in, when I interrupted him.
"You think your putting him in my car while he stinks? THINK AGAIN!"I shouted.
"What do you want to do? Leave him here? And by the way, what in the name of the sith is the smell and what kind of creature secretes that kind of odor?" Obi-Wan asked, Windu and Yoda were still feeling ill. (The smell wasn't helping either)
"It's called a skunk and they spray like that to protect themselves from things that would hurt them." I started around to the other side of the car.
"Well, all I can say is, Its a great defence!" Obi-Wan spun around to meet me.
I started taking Qui-Gon's shirt off, when Obi-Wan grabbed my arm."Just what do you think your doing?"
"I'm taking his shirt off and leaving it here. It got most of the scent on it. He's not getting in the car with it, that's for damn sure!" I was fuming at this point. I got pissed and just ripped the thing off. Unfortunatly the smell was all over my hands and all the bacterial washes I had in the car wasn't going to get rid of the smell.
Obi-Wan was stunned at my actions and stood there dumbfounded. I snapped him out of it and helped him get Qui-Gon into the car. We peeled out of that place so fast, I think I left marks.
When we got home, Windu and Yoda went inside and crashed. I told Obi-Wan to keep the still smelly(but not as bad) Qui-Gon out on the patio while I went and got something to clean up with. He sat Qui-Gon down in a chair and checked to see if he was still out of it. (he was)
I came back out with a bucket of warm water and several large cans of tomato juice. Obi-Wan took one look at everything and put up his hands, "You have got to be kidding? Your not actually going to give him a bath out here, are you?"
I smiled wickedly, "Yeah I am. This is the only stuff that gets out that smell. And there is NO way he's coming in my house smelling like that!"
I dumped a can over Qui-Gon's head and grabbed for another, when Obi-Wan's hand stopped me. "I can do this. He's my master and my resposibility. I can do this, please, let me."
"Just work the juice into his skin where he got sprayed and then dump the water over him. I'm going to go and see if I can find some extra clothes for him. You will be the one to change his clothes, I don't think he'd appreciate me doing it." I grinned.
Obi-Wan smiled back, "No I think not. Thank you."
I went inside and found some clothes for the drunk Jedi and helped Obi-Wan clean him up and get rid of that nasty smell. He changed Qui-Gon's clothes and put him to bed, then came looking for me. I was upstairs watching TV and checking email.
Obi-Wan peeked his head up, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you back at that party. I guess I blamed you for their behavoir."
I glanced over from the puta and smiled, "Don't worry about it. All's forgiven. I'd say they had a blast, don't you?"
"I don't think "blast" is quite the term I'd use. I know they will regret this in the morning, let's hope the other Jedi's don't find out." He said as he climbed the stairs and stood beside me. He looked at the screen and watched me type. "What are you doing?"
"I'm answering an email that my sister sent me." I explained.
Obi-Wan grabbed a spare chair and pulled it up beside me, "Email?"
"This computer is hooked into the world wide web. I can have my sister on the other side of the world to send me a message or picture and I'll get it in just a few seconds. Like now." I was explaining, then one of my cyber sisters came on and sent me a message.
I spent the next couple of hours explaining the internet, chat rooms, URL's and adopting a cyber family. He thought it was odd to adopt someone you never met. I told him, you have met them, just not in the physical sense. (When you spend over 8 hours talking to someone in one nite, you tend to know them) He caught on pretty quick and compared it to Coruscant's interface systems.
The next afternoon, I was in the kitchen making brunch when who should wake up and come in? The drunk Jedi trio! I had pills laying out for them and they each took their seats at the table. I poured them some orange juice and Qui-Gon kept smelling his skin and hair.
"What is that smell?"Qui-Gon sniffed his shirt. "And how did I get in these clothes?"
Windu and Yoda sniffed to and admitted they didn't have any recollection of the previous nite. I just shook my head. They were warned, but they didn't listen.
"Qui-Gon, that smell is tomato juice. Obi-Wan and I gave you a bath in it last nite." I set some food on the table and everyone turned away.
Qui-Gon's eyes got really big, "YOU GAVE ME A BATH?"
"Relax. I didn't strip ya naked. It was the only way to get the skunk smell off of you." I had to hold back my laughter at the memory.
"What smell?" All three chimed in.
"Go stand on the patio. Qui-Gon's clothes are still out there and the smell will still be strong." I said, motioning towards the back door. They agreed and went out on the patio, soon returning with their hands over their faces and holding their noses.
"What in the force is that smell?" Windu asked, fanning himself to help disapate the odor.
"It was a skunk. That's its natural defence against predators. Qui-Gon was petting it and puked on it. It got scared and sprayed him." I told them everything, trying my best to hide my smile.
Qui-Gon was about to say something, but Obi-Wan came downstairs and sat down at the table. He started eating and looked over at everyone else before asking, "How do you feel masters?"
"Hit by a speeder I was" Yoda groaned and rubbed his head.
"What exactly did we get a hold of?" Windu asked, noticing Qui-Gon staring at Obi-Wan suspiciously.
"Well, as far as I can tell, I seen you with a cup of "punch". That was no ordinary punch. It's spiked with moonshine." I sat down beside Obi-Wan and began to eat.
"What's moonshine?" Qui-Gon asked, pulling his attention away from Obi-Wan.
"I told you there is a "special brew" that some people around here drink. Most liqueor is around 200 proof. West Virginia moonshine is about 300+ proof. One of my relatives had a distillerary and had it checked. The guy that checked it said it was "high octane". I laughed between bites.
"Remind me to never play drinking games with anyone from your "West Virginia". Windu said, standing up and stretching out. He slightly bowed his head and excused himself to go and take another nap. Yoda soon followed him out, leaving Qui-Gon with me and Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan, where were you?" Qui-Gon asked.
"Master?" Obi-Wan was just as confused as I was.
"When you came downstairs a little bit ago, you were acting like you just got up. Where were you last nite?" Qui-Gon's eyes were like daggers.
I spoke up, "He was with me. I showed him how to surf the web. We watched a movie, a couple of TV shows and I taught him how to play video games. We were up almost all nite. We had a food fight too, in fact there is still popcorn all over my floor!"
Obi-Wan blushed, "I'm sorry. I'll help you clean it up. Afterall, I help make the mess."
I noticed Qui-Gon was swaying slightly and I told him to go back to bed. I escorted him back to bed and put extra pain killers and anti-hangover pills beside his bed. I grabbed an extra blanket and turned the AC on to circulate some air. I checked on Windu and Yoda, both were sleeping comfortably, and returned to the kitchen. I cleaned up the dishes and put the leftovers away, in case the slumbering ones would get hungry.
"Wanna watch one of my favorite shows?" I asked hopfully.
"What's it called?" Obi-wan asked.
"Stargate. It's about travelling to other planets and fighting the Gou'ald." I explained as we headed back upstairs.
"Sure, sounds great. One more thing..." Obi-Wan trailed off.
I turned around to face him, "What?"
"Thanks for not telling Qui-Gon everything." He grinned and started to climb the steps again.
THE NEXT DAY........coming soon.