This is a sequel to "An Idiot In The Jedi Temple"
***WARNING : This is my minds ramblings. It's how I am and how I think. If you aren't strong...GET OUT NOW! Have a shrink nearby, you may need it. Everything runs together, SO DEAL WITH IT! There are several things that are linked to this, tons of references.
......... denotes my thoughts.
(..........) tidbit info....things ya might wanna know, or don't....sometimes they run together, things usually do around me anyway.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Jedi's, but they would have a fit if they heard they were "owned" by someone.(Love ya George). There is no infringement intended. Free advertising.....so what ya bitching for?
****Read "An Idiot In the Jedi Temple" to understand what's going on.
Special Appearance by my friend "Beth" she made me, I swear!
All I can remember is a gruff voice saying something in the distance, and I rolled over onto my back. My voice wasn't as loud as it usually is, cause I was still half asleep, and I croaked out my words. "Obi, are you starting another fight?"
"WHAT?" A very loud, deep voice boomed.
I wasn't used to such a wake up call, and jumped, startled, and fell out of bed, flat on my face. I looked up into the very stern face of a Jedi Master, who was NON-thrilled and VERY pissed. His hands were on his hips, and his lips were pursed so tightly together, they disappeared. we're dead Did I fail to mention there was another THUMP at the same time as me crashing to the floor?
Well, evidently, Obi-Wan was passed out on the other side of the bed, it was innocent, I swear and fell off upon hearing his pissed master yell. But he rebounds faster and was standing within a few seconds of landing on the carpet. He was stammering and straightening his clothes, completely oblivious to the fact his hair was standing straight up on his head.
"Explain! Now!" Qui-Gon commanded.
"Well master, it was.. I mean, we were just… It was…" Obi-Wan struggled to find words. he just has a thing with words, don't ya think?
"It was nothing Qui-Gon. Really. We stayed up all night and I showed Obi-Wan all about the internet and we went into a few chat rooms and there were some people that said some bad things about Jedi and he took offence and next thing you know, there is a verbal battle going on. Ok, so I tend to ramble But good news, We won! We kicked their asses and left them writhing in agony on the floor!" I got a little too carried away imagine that and got funny looks from Mace and Yoda coming into my bedroom. Obi-Wan looked like he was about to rupture a blood vessel, and was trying to quiet me down.
Qui-Gon looked skeptical and then glared over at Obi-Wan. "You started a fight in a 'chat room' over someone's opinion?"
Obi-Wan's head lowered, "Yes master."
I felt bad about Obi-Wan getting into trouble, afterall, I'm the one that took him into the chat room. "He was only defending himself, which I'm sure that you and the other masters have taught him. Did you want him to lay down and take it, or stand up for himself and for you and your 'honor'?"
"What do we have to do with this?" Mace asked, clueless as to what the scene was before he and Yoda joined us.
"Some people were badmouthing you Jedi and what you stand for. Obi-Wan tried to rationally communicate with them, but they got a little too vivid and out of control so Obi-Wan and I gave it back to them. We sent them packing for their behavior." I gave Obi-Wan a wicked grin and he flushed. "He'll probably end up with TONS of email now, most of them flaming him."
"Email?" Yoda perked up, looking somewhat rested and not as hung over as he was.
"I set him up an email account at yahoo. He is 'jedi_peepers'…" I giggled at Obi-Wan's bright red face.
"What is 'peepers'?" Qui-Gon asked, now worried his padawan did something that I was involved with. I don't think he trusts me all that much ya think?
"Peepers are what we call the frogs in the creek, but they are also referring to eyes. I told Obi-Wan he has beautiful eyes, so I started teasing him and calling him 'Peepers'. So when we went to make an account, we finally agreed and got 'Jedi_peepers'." I explained, though I think they were confused. d'oh
"Yahoo? Explain that you will." Yoda perked up.
I sighed, "Its an internet site to play games, chat, join groups of similar interests, and to send email. Likes to crash. Loses your mail. Messes up your accounts. All in all, a BIG PAIN IN THE ASS! can I get an amen?
"Sounds like you have been busy padawan." Qui-Gon smirked.
Obi-Wan flushed, "She rarely sleeps, and has been showing me EVERYTHING about this planet. She eventually fell asleep, and I kinda dozed off myself. I don't know where she gets the energy." Obi-Wan shook his head and yawned. I think I wore him out
"Where I get the energy? Oh that's easy!" I giggled, then grabbed a chocolate bar and tossed it at Obi-Wan. He turned a little pale and groaned. "Opps, sorry. Forgot you got an upset stomach last time."
"Upset stomach?" Mace asked, still feeling the effects of his hangover, and not remembering if Obi-Wan had any alcohol or not.
"Well, I kinda rented some movies and we kinda pigged out." I started. "Obi-Wan never had anything like the junk food from Earth, so he ate everything and got a little sick."
Qui-Gon looked over at Obi-Wan amused, "You gave yourself a tummy ache little padawan?"
Obi-Wan blushed and rubbed his stomach, "More than a little. Master, have you ever tried double dutch extra fudge devils food cake with semi-sweet chocolate icing?"
"And sprinkles. And ice cream." I added, watching Obi-Wan turn a few shades of green.
Qui-Gon looked confused, "Had it? I don't even think I could pronounce it!"
"It's great. But Obi-Wan ate like 4 slices and then downed two bottles of pepsi, then ate almost the entire bag of doritos!" I put my hands on my hips and frowned. "Then he had to eat half of every candy bar I have, then we had a fight."
"A fight?" Qui-Gon eyes narrowed down again.
"Popcorn master. Not a real fight. We just threw popcorn at each other." Obi-Wan explained, then turned to Master Windu. "Master, we seen someone who looked just like you! He was ate by a BIG fish. Then I seen someone that looked like Master Qui-Gon and he was attacked by a statue and had a house to come alive and try to kill him and his friends."
The other Jedi just looked at one another and rolled their eyes.
"Oh masters! They have technology here that will be useful to us!" Obi-Wan's face beamed. isn't he a cutie when he beams? highs or lows? oh shut up and get on with it!
I look over at him, confused. duh
"They have a device that can teleport you to one place to another in a matter of seconds. And they have a large circular doorway that can take you to another planet!" Obi-Wan explained.
I caught on and boy did I feel like a black cloud on his parade. "Obi…dear…precious. Those things weren't real. They are TV shows. Star Trek and Stargate SG1 are only shows, that stuff isn't real. waits to get beaten by other Trekkers and Gaters
Obi-Wan frowned, "But I seen it! Your TV showed all those amazing things!"
"They aren't real. They are actors pretending to be characters and all that wonderful imagery you see on there is mainly sound stages and digital pictures projected onto a blue screen." I hate to disappoint him, but he is old enough to know the truth.
"So things like those snakes and other species aren't real?"
I shake my head. "Sorry. No."
"Then I guess all those pictures of those giant fish and creatures aren't real. HUH?"
"Actually, the fish is a shark and yes, they are real. Some of things are real on those TV shows. It's a fine line to figure out what's real and what isn't." geesh! Look who I'm explaining this too!!!
Yoda sighs and hobbles over to me, "Explain all this you can at another time. A new day this is and explore we must."
"So, where are we going?" Mace asks me.
"Well, I was going to take you all back to the skating arena, but I changed my mind." fancy that! Think I'll find one with keeping someday? I think not
I hear the doorbell ring and the Jedi go on the defensive. I laugh my ass off as I head downstairs to answer the door, telling the boyz to stay outta site and to keep out of trouble.
I check out the peephole and see Beth standing there ringing the blasted bell over and over. I wait until the boyz are out view and earshot, and open the door.
"Hello Beth!"
"Hey Gurl, what ya doing?"
We hug and Beth is trying to wiggle her way into the house. something I cant have cause if she sees the boyz, she'll tell everyone!
"I'm sorry Beth, but I was just about to leave and meet some of my friends out of town for a 'bonding' time at the mall." I have to find a polite way to get rid of her.
"Oh, not a problem. I'll just drop my stuff off and hitch a ride with you." Beth says and then pushes me aside and drops her stuff on the floor. I see her suddenly jump, then turn to me with a wicked gleam in her eye. "You little devil woman! You got someone here don't you?"
"No Beth." I hardly get the words out when there is a loud CRASH in the kitchen. Beth grins wickedly then sprints for the kitchen. I scream out "Whammy her!"
Beth throws open the door and stands in quiet shock. one of the rare times she IS quiet Qui-Gon steps forward and bows politely, introducing himself. I come in, terrified of what this scene could play out to.
"Boyz, you have exactly 3 seconds to whammy her into leaving and NOT remembering a thing she seen here!"
Mace hands Beth a glass of water, "Why would we do that?"
Suddenly Beth is screaming this high pitched, kill a bat, shrill noise and is trying to form coherent words. She stammers and is barely able to breath, but unfortunately she is getting enough air to her HUGE lungs and screeching so loud that I swear dogs on the other side of the world are howling.
I have my hands over my ears. "WHAMMY HER!"
Qui-Gon flinches and waves his hand in front of her eyes and she calms down some. He does it again and she is totally in his spell. He makes her forget what she has seen and Beth mindlessly goes to her car and leaves.
"Why tell him to do that?" Yoda asks.
"She is one of the BIGGEST loud mouths in the country. If she would have got on her cell phone, you would have found over half of the female population over here and drooling all over you guys."
"Please." Mace scoffs. "We don't even know others from this world. And I think 'drooling' would be a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"
"I don't think. Too painful." I snicker. "Well, they may not have actual drool coming from them, but they would at least stare at you for long periods of time and quite possibly try to molest you."
"You have GOT to be kidding!" Mace said in awe.
"Nope. Jedi are the 'in' thing." I laugh.
Qui-Gon's brow furrowed and he huffed, "We aren't IN anything."
"I know several people that would change that." I mumble. come on now.. admit it.. you would if you could!
Yoda started giggling, "Hot stuff you are. Babe magnet you three are."
I am laughing so hard that I'm leaning against the wall for support! Qui, Obi, and Mace are pouting, well, Obi looks confused and maybe a tad bit scared. Yoda continues his ribbing of three blushing Jedi.
Qui-Gon gets this 'don't mess with me' look and then comes to stand in front of me. "This is not funny. We are not sex objects."
I quit laughing for a bit, wipe the tears off my eyes, search for my ass that fell off during the laughing fit and stare at him. I barely come up to his shoulder, but I'm like a Chihuahua, little and feisty. His expression hasn't changed and he just glares at me. "I'm sorry Qui-Gon. You aren't sex objects, that's true."
"Thank you." Qui says and turns slightly to the others.
That left him WIDE OPEN and I took advantage. I smack him on the ass and yell, "But you are awfully cute!" Then I run like hell!
I don't get very far when Long Legs grabs a hold of me. I automatically crumple to the floor and roll myself up into a ball, all the while laughing my ass off and wondering if I'll live through the next few minutes.
Qui looks down at me all rolled up like an armadillo and holds back a laugh. "That was uncalled for young lady!"
Next thing you know I feel a hand strike across my ass cheek and I come up out of there squealing like a banshee. did I mention, I don't like to be punished? I did the first thing that comes to mind, I jumped him. We both fell end over end and I think I laughed so hard I burst a blood vessel!
Pulling away, we both ended up on our feet, squared off. I grab an oven mitt and walk over to him and swat him across the chest with it, and say in my most southern accent, "I challenge you! We duel when I feel like it!"
Qui laughs and gives me a funny look, 'When you feel like it?"
"Yes." I answer. "I'm not a morning person, so the dawn duel is out of the question and the afternoon is just too booked up with other things to do, so I guess we'll duel sometime this evening."
Everyone is laughing and shaking their heads. "What's the weapon of choice? I hope its not food, cause my master can take us all out with his cooking."
"Why you little….." Qui yells and chases after Obi.
"Actually, I have an idea." I grin wickedly and hear all Jedi gulp.
"You know," Mace starts. "I never been scared of anything in my life, my training doesn't allow room for things like fear. But you know, when she gets that look, I get this sense of dread and for the first time in my life, I'm scared to find out what's going on with her."
I giggle and start to make mental preparations. "Have you all ever played 'Capture the Flag'?"
Everyone shakes their heads no and I grin even broader.
"Uh oh." I hear everyone say.
"Ok boyz. The rules are this. You may hide a 'flag' anywhere on the grounds, don't worry, I'll show you around the area first and show you boundaries. We will separate into two teams. The first person to put their 'flag' out my bedroom window, is the winner. We can take prisoners and interrogate them to tell where their flag is hidden. Nothing big guys, don't go threatening each other and hurting each other. We will have weapons on this game, but no sabers. I don't want to jump out to capture someone and get my head cut off!"
"What will be the weapons?" Mace asked, this look of fear on his face.
"Supersoakers. They will be filled once with water, and if you run out you're out of luck. You don't get anymore. So make them last. If you get soaked, you have to surrender to the one that shot you. We have all night, starting at 20:00 hours. We play until something is hanging out of my bedroom window by 08:00." boy if that doesn't leave me open for wisecracks and bad jokes
"Sounds like a good game to teach strategy and combat skills." Qui said, shaking his head. "How do we decide whose on what team?"
"Well, how about the masters against the kids?" I snicker.
"Who you calling a kid?" Obi-Wan grins back.
"Well, I'm not a padawan, technically, so I couldn't say that. Sides, I'm not exactly a kid either, well, not physically, mentally is another matter." I go off on another rambling session with myself.
Qui-Gon leans over to Obi and whispers, "Are you certain you are safe with her?"
"Yes master. Perfectly safe." Obi grins.
"I hope so. I just hope she doesn't do anything strange."
"AHH HAAA!" I scream. "Come gentlemen, we have flags to make, schemes to plan, weapons to load and a tour to do before supper!"
"OH force help us!" Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, and Master Yoda say in unison as we head out of the kitchen.
TBC……
Who do you think will win? Who will get captured? Who will get caught cheating? Who will be caught naked?
These answers and more in the next chapter!! ;P