"Hey Mom!" I yell, hoping that she won't inquire about all the noise and thumping going on.
"What's that noise?" Mom yelled up. "Did you have party?"
damn.. there goes that wish! "No I didn't. I just had a couple friends over. We were just about to crash."
"You all left a mess down here and no one is sleeping until its cleaned up! DO YOU ALL UNDERSTAND?"
"Yes Ma'am" The Jedi yelled back.
"We'll clean up. I promise." I add.
"Please tell me that I'm just tired and I just didn't hear several men call down from my daughters bedroom." Mom said sighing. "Who all is up there?"
"I can't lie to her!" I looked at the Jedi and whispered.
I yelled back at mom, "Just some Jedi. Not to worry, I have been in good hands and well taken care of. I'm not hurt or tied to the bed and had weird sexual acts performed with socks, or funky things like that."
I heard footsteps up the stairs and soon, my mom emerged from the staircase. Her eyes stared at each of my guests, then she focused on me. "Well, Jedi or not, if you all don't clean up your mess, YOU'LL ANSWER TO ME!"
"Understand we do. Will clean soon, yes." Yoda said, shuffling over to mom.
Mom glanced down at him and rubbed her temples, "God I need to sleep off this jet lag! I could have sworn a puppet was talking to me!"
The Jedi look over to me, remembering I made the same slip. I shrugged and grinned at them.
Mom sighed and started down the stairs, yelling back over her shoulders. "Clean quietly. I'm exhausted and I'm gonna crash. If anyone wakes me up, I'll kill em!"
"We understand. Good nite mom." I yell back.
When mom had retreated downstairs, Qui-Gon turned to me. "Is she serious? Will she kill someone for waking her up?"
"OH yeah." I shake my head in affirmation. "Ok, now what do you all want to play?"
"Play?" Windy gasped. His eyes were as big as saucers, and his mouth was pursed tightly.
"Yeah?"
"We've been up all night! What makes you think that we would want to play something else?" Windy was nearly shouting.
Yoda hobbled over to me, "Sleep we must. Exhausted we are. Do not possess abundant energy like you. Will clean up the mess we will, then sleep. Quiet we will be. Yes" Yoda started towards the stairs. "Sleep we need."
I pouted and followed them one by one down the stairs.
Obi-Wan followed his master down and sighed, "Told you that she rarely sleeps. You can just imagine how she wore me out with all that running around and constant motion."
Qui-Gon perked his brow and grinned, "Oh, to be young again."
"Young? Young my ass." Obi-Wan snorted. "Hyperactive is the word I'd choose to describe it!"
Qui-Gon looked at Obi-Wan with a quizzical glance. "I can see her speech patterns have already imprinted on you. Just don't pick up anymore bad habits."
"Like what master?" Obi-Wan blushed slightly.
"You smack my butt and I'll kill you." Qui-Gon grinned.
"You'd kill me huh?" Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "Sounds like I'm not the only one with a 'speech imprint'."
We all separated up and began to clean up our messes. Furniture was returned, clothes and linens neatly refolded, and the waterguns were returned to the bin outside. Lucky for us, we were silent and didn't make any noise to wake mom up. we're still alive! Yeah!
It took about an hour to get the house back into decent shape. We all met in the kitchen and I started to make a light breakfast. Everyone was just about dead in the tracks and ate a few bites, then dragged their carcasses off to bed. I cleaned up the dishes then went upstairs to get a nap in.
After a few hours, I awoke, ready to start anew with my Jedi playmates. wonder what else we could get into? oh how the mischievous mind works!
I change and head downstairs. I peek in and see everyone still passed out. Obi-Wan is halfway off the bed, his hand precariously close to knocking over a small nightstand. I sneak in and push it back slightly, doing my best to not make any noise.
As I leave, I notice Qui-Gon's lightsaber lying on the other nightstand. I remember that I fried it out with the water hose. I felt bad about that incident, so I decided that I should get it fixed. I picked it up and took upstairs to begin some repairs.
After taking the saber apart, and drying off the mechanisms with a towel, there were a few places I couldn't reach, so I took the blow dryer and dried the troublesome places. I put the pieces back together and looked at the ones left over. ever finish a project there are a handful of really useful looking parts left over?
A shuffling interrupted my pondering over the pieces and I looked up to see Yoda coming towards me. He hopped up onto the small chair beside my desk and gasped when he seen what I was working on.
"Know how to make a saber you do?" He asked.
"No. This is Qui's. I dried it out and now I'm trying to put it back together." I answer, hoping he didn't see the extra piece I hid under a pile of papers.
"A Jedi is never without their weapon. Return it you will before alarmed Qui-Gon becomes."
I look over at the troll, pissed off cause I got the impression he thought I was going to steal it! "Look, I was just trying to help him by drying it out and making it work again. I wasn't gonna keep it!"
"Meant to accuse I did not. Only wanted to warn you. Upset Qui-Gon will be if missing his weapon is." Yoda placed his clawed hand on mine.
Yoda's hands feel funky, let me tell ya! All gnarly, cold, and those claws…. "I will return it. He knows its in safe hands."
Yoda rolls his eyes, "Safe around you it is not. Safe we are not."
I frown and look over to see Yoda smiling at me. "Are you saying I'm dangerous?"
Yoda winks, "Dangerous, no. Sometimes careless, yes."
I throw my hands in the air, "Well, I KNEW that!" I look over at the little muppet and grin, "Do you want to watch some TV while I take Qui's saber and put it back?"
"TV? Know of this I do not."
I grin wickedly and grab the remote and switch channels around, showing Yoda how to manipulate the contraption. He nods and smiles, grabbing the remote and starting to surf the channels.
I head back downstairs to put Qui-Gon's saber back at his bedside, hoping that little piece I left behind isn't important. if it is, I'm a dead woman!
When I get down to the spare bedroom, I hear mumbling and the rasp of papers and other things being moved around. I peck on the door and hear a muffled 'What?' while I open up the door a crack.
Qui-Gon is standing by the nightstand, scratching himself, yawning, and moving everything around on the table. He turns, sees me, jumps, and quickly puts his hands behind his back. "I'm sorry, I thought you were Master Yoda."
I grin, "Everyone confuses us. I think it's the hair."
Qui-Gon chuckles softly then spies his lightsaber in my hand, "So you are the one that took it."
I put the saber in his outstretched hand, "I felt bad about frying it out and all, so I dried it out."
I stood beside him and watched as he moved the handle around, examining it thoroughly. Qui-Gon held the saber out from himself a little ways, then hit the power switch. Instead of a long blade, the saber hissed out in a wide berth, singing me and Qui-Gons arms. Both of us gasped, Qui-Gon dropped the saber as pain shot up his arm from the scorched skin along his arm. The saber deactivated and lay on the floor.
Obi-Wan jumped upon hearing the saber ignite and then the painful growls of his master and me. He glanced at the two of us, confused, "What's going on? Master! You're hurt!"
I look over at him mockingly, "I'm just peachy, don't mind me over here bleeding." I hold onto my forearm, the pain so bad I can't touch the actual wound.
Master Windu comes in and scans the two of us. "You better get to the healers. Those burns look nasty."
"We don't have healers, we have doctors." I correct as Mace checks over my burned forearm.
"It's the same thing." Obi-Wan says with a sigh while trying to assess the damage to Qui-Gon's arm.
"No its not. Your healers will try to save people and do everything in their power to prevent suffering. The doctors here only care if you have insurance. No insurance. Last priority." I grind out as pain shoots up my arm. this shit hurts, let me tell ya!
"You two still need medical attention. Now, where do you go to get help?" Obi-Wan asks.
"To the hospital. Someone write a note telling mom where we're going and then tell Yoda. He's in my room watching TV." I say, leading the way out the door.
"I'll do it." Obi-Wan offers, scribbling something down on a notepad, then running upstairs to inform Yoda what happened.
"I'll drive." Windy offers, grabbing my keys. "Don't worry. I seen how you operated the vehicle and I know that I can pilot the craft with efficiency."
I groan, knowing that he's right. And if I wake mom up, a burned arm will be the last of my worries. Then after she's done disposing of my body, she'd go after my guests, and that wouldn't go very well with George or the story line he already wrote. course its better than qui dying in ep1.. that was just wrong takes a few minutes to cry
Obi-Wan comes back down just as I get over my stroll down memory lane. "Master Yoda said you did it again. What does that mean?"
I shrug, "Beats me. Probably means I was careless again, but it wasn't me this time. It was Qui."
Qui-Gon looks over at me, cradling his arm, "I have ignited my saber for years, I don't understand why it did that."
I grin sheepishly, "Maybe that little piece that I didn't put in earlier has something to do with it."
Qui-Gon takes a deep breathmy guess, he's focusing the force to NOT kill me "We will discuss this later. Right now we need medical attention."
Windy helps us to the car and surprisingly enough, drives the car very well. He sucks at taking directions though, and nearly got us killed going up the wrong end of a one way street!!
We finally make it to the hospital ER, a few more white hairs on our heads from the fright, but nonetheless, we're alive. don't EVER let Master Windu drive!
The ER nurse sees Qui and me, shakes her head and shows us to those nasty little white beds. reminds me of a sanitarium and we WONT get into that subject She goes to pull that annoying see-through white partition curtain and I interrupt her.
"Its ok Miss. We got burned together, we'll get treated together."
The nurse rolls her eyes and agrees, looks over our burns, then tells us the doctor will be right with us. YEAH RIGHT! My arm throbs and I can imagine Qui-Gon's does as well. He doesn't show he's in pain, just sits there with a slight scowl. Obi-Wan stays at his side, Windu at mine.
Windy is tapping his foot after half an hour goes by, "What is taking that healer so long? They should have been here by now!"
I sigh, holding my arm over my head to help alleviate the pain, "They should be coming around in another hour or so." I mock.
"An hour? We'll see about that!" Mace goes to the nurses' station and has a quick chat with a mean looking nurse. He comes back, sits down, sighs, and begins to tap his foot again.
"I take it that the doc is going to be a bit longer?" I ask the impatient Jedi.
Windy just crosses his arms and scowls. We hear a few other patients come in at the same time, the nurse's bark out orders and do their best to keep everyone calm and get them situated to a bed. One nurse tells a small boy that everything will be fine and he needs to relax. Another one tells some man that the doctor will be with him shortly. Me and the three Jedi scoff loudly, Windu starts to sarcastically chuckle.
The nurse comes around to us and glares at us. I stare right back and hold out my arm, "Do I get medical care today, or do I have to wait to see if infection sets in and it ferments?"
Obi-Wan cracked a smile and looked over to see his master grinning too.
The nurse looked at my arm, then at Qui-Gon's, "The burn doesn't look that bad. I guess I can wrap it and send you home."
"Awww would you really?" I sarcastically quip. "Are you sure we shouldn't wait to see the doctor? I mean, we have been here an hour now. We've waited this long, course I may have grandchildren by the time he gets around to seeing us." I look over at Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan grinning, "Oh, what's a girl to do when she's surrounded by such stud muffins?"
The nurse draws down her beady little eyes at me and grinds her teeth together, pulling the curtain and separating me from Qui and Obi.
I look at Windu and wink, then say loud enough for our obnoxious nurse to hear, "Gee… a little private room to ourselves. This is nice."
The nurse pulls back the curtain, glaring at me, behind her, Obi-Wan is burying his face against his master to keep from laughing. Qui-Gon's lips are pursed together, fighting a smile of his own. "Keep this up, and you will be thrown out of this hospital! This curtain is to protect you." Then she slides that annoying curtain shut, blocking out me and Windy's view of the other two Jedi.
I shrug at Windu and yell, "Some protection that curtain offers! I'm not safe with it! I'll still have grandchildren! I mean, come on lady, you know what good of swimmers those suckers are!"
The nurse yanks the curtain back, glowering at me, "The doctor is on his way! Keep quiet to not disturb our other patients!" Then she storms off.
I look over at Qui and Obi and see them with red faces. don't know if its from lack of oxygen or embarrassment I sigh, wanting to kick myself to getting us into this situation in the first place.
As if knowing my melancholy, Qui says, "Its ok. It was just an accident. You didn't intend this to happen."
"Oh gods, I can just imagine what she COULD do if she wanted to!" Obi exclaimed in an over-exaggerated way.
I grin wickedly, "I'd scare you with what I could come up with."
"I'm surprised you haven't killed anyone!" Qui-Gon jokes.
"You'd be amazed what the human body can live through." I quirk my eyebrows in a cheeky way.
Everyone laughs, but our jocularity is interrupted by that small little boy, whining and crying. We can hear his mom telling him to settle down and that he is a brave little boy. I perk up, concentrating on what she's saying and what the nurse is consoling him over.
Its all I can do to hold back my laughter, and the Jedi look at me with confused expressions. They know the boy is crying in pain, they just don't know WHATS causing that pain.
I burst out giggling, then explain, "That idiot shoved a rubber wheel off of a 'hot wheels' car up his nose and got it stuck!"
Everyone looks at me, shaking their heads in disgust and muttering 'unbelievable'.
"You know," I start up. "Its scary to think that idiots like that reproduce. Can you imagine how intelligent their kids will be?" I sit there, shocked and dumbfounded at the stupidity of the world.
"Now, now." Mace says, patting my good arm, "Everyone has the right to have children."
It was a dumb stroke of luck cause at that exact moment, we heard the doctor talking to another patient. The patient was a male and explained that he was out hunting 3 days ago, accidentally shot himself in the foot, and now his foot was swelled 10 times its normal size and slightly green, and it just occurred to him this morning to come into the hospital.
Windu shook his head, "Then again, some people just need to be sterilized!"
I shake my head in agreement, Obi and Qui do the same.
We hear that 'wheeled nose' boy squall that he wants the doctor NOW and starts throwing a temper tantrum. Qui-Gon leans against Obi, my guess he's thanking the force that Obi didn't do that, or maybe he's happy cause he missed those wonderful years.
The nurse goes to calm the boy down, and we hear the doc approach the next patient beside us. we're next! We overhear that the patient, female this time, had a headache and wanted some drugs. Evidently she was a regular cause we hear him call her by her first name and tell her that she knows the rules and that she isn't getting anymore medications. She starts screaming and next thing you know, there is equipment being hurled around the ER.
The security guards come and subdue her and then the doc pulls back the curtain to me and Qui. He glances us over and asks Qui, "What you name?"
Qui frowns, but obliges, "I am Qui-Gon Jinn."
The doc gives the big burned Jedi a quick once over, then turns to Obi, "What you here?"
Obi-Wan's brow furrows, "I beg your pardon?"
I interrupt them before they embarrass themselves that's my job anyways. "We had a little accident with a stove and got burned."
The doc looks at the Jedi, then to me, then shakes his head, "To many men…."
The doc prattles on about something I have NO CLUE what he's talking about, but he's pointing to the three Jedi with me and I think I can fill it in with what he's saying. I shrug, act non-amused and snap my fingers in front of him, "YO! Do we get medical attention now or after the arms fall off?"
"Be back in a minute." The doc says, then goes over to the next patient.
I sigh and lean back against the bed. My arm hurts, I'm sure Qui-Gon's does too, my head is starting to pound, and I hear Windu tapping his foot again. This is definitely NOT the fun time I had planned for my guests. I groan, closing my eyes and pulling the pillow up over my head.
The nurse comes in with some bandages, " I've come to clean your burns and when I'm finished the doctor wants to have a quick look at you two. What are you doing?"
"Trying to suffocate myself with these lame excuses as a pillow." I rise, checking my pulse and sighing dramatically, "So far, no luck on killing myself. I'm still alive. I think I need another 2 hours under the pillow."
Obi-Wan giggles and the nurse shoots him a dirty look. He quiets and she returns her attention to me, "If you are suicidal, I will have to call security and alert the police."
I lower my eyes to her and growl, "Well, with your all's track record, my guess is, I'd have a good 5 hours before anyone gets here! But I may mess up the suicide.. mind if I practice on you?"
The nurse roughly grabs my arm and dumps some really cold stuff over it and takes some spongy things and dabs over the burned area. I grit my teeth, my breath hisses as she continues her torture. After a thorough peeling of my flesh, she puts some sort of smelly ointment on the burn, then wraps it up. She glares at me, then heads over to Qui-Gon to administer his 'treatment'.
She carefully dabs at his burn, all the while making small talk and just batting her eyelashes. I swear it was like 'gone with the wind!" if she would have started screaming "mistress I know nothing about birthing babies".. I would have punched her!
Obi leaves his masters side, getting grossed out by the mushy talk the nurse is laying onto him. And the weird this is… he seems to enjoy it! And was even giving it back! boy if that doesn't just ruffle ya feathers!!!
After the nurse finished wrapping Qui's arm, she looked over at me and the other two Jedi, 'The doctor will be back shortly to see if you need a prescription, then you may go."
We all nod and prepare ourselves for another long wait.
Hours pass.
Windu's nerves are shot and he pulls the car keys out of his pocket and growls, "Come on! I'm tired of waiting!"
I look at the clock and realize that we've been there for 6 hours! I shake my head and start out the door, my Jedi in tow. The nurse asks me where I was going and I told her I was heading to Cuba to get some medical attention, I don't care if they use a chicken foot and bat testicles, at least then I would be treated! probably for nausea
She tells me that my insurance will be charged double, then she 'backed up' the reason why with a bunch of medical jargon. I just shrug and grin, "Who cares? My card died last month anyway! Have fun getting that company to pay anything! Why do you think I changed?" I laugh and trot out the door, leaving the ER from hell behind. Now I remember why I hate hospitals and ER's!!
On the way back home, we stayed fairly quiet. Qui-Gon and I would groan when we would move our arms or if something bumped against us.
"I think we would be able to help heal the burns." Mace said as an afterthought.
"Do you think you could?" I ask, wincing at the pain. I'd kill for some Tylenol!
Windy nodded as he pulled the car into the garage. "I think Master Yoda and myself can heal you, Obi-Wan can assist his master."
Qui-Gon nods and hisses as he moves his arm. "With Obi-Wan and I, it shouldn't take too long."
We enter the house and I led everyone up to my room to get Yoda, and in case someone made noise, mom wouldn't be disturbed. When we got to the top of my stairs, we stared in disbelief.
Yoda was stretched out across my bed, junk food all over the place and he's laughing, pointing at the TV and yelling obscenities. "Kick his ass you will! Beat the bitch you can. Take that hoochie! Cheaters and liars they are. Need that you do not!"
I cringe and flip the TV off of 'Jerry Springer' and glare at Yoda in a disapproving manner. "Shame on you! Watching that IQ lowering filth!"
"Watching that I was! Kick your ass I will! Hold me back Qui-Gon will!" Yoda snaps, jumping up and putting up his clawed fists.
Qui-Gon looks over at me, "I will? What's going on here? Why is master Yoda acting so strange?"
I shake my head sadly, "I think the TV trash got to him. Not to worry. This will only last a short time. Just be glad he didn't watch the most horrific thing on TV."
Obi-Wan gulped and looked over at me. "And that would be?"
I close my eyes and mock whimper, "Soap Operas."
Windy shrugs, "What's so bad about soap?"
I bite my lip, thinking of an easy way to explain this, but I change my mind and decide to just confuse the hell out of them. "If Yoda was watching those, right now he would be protesting his undying love to Qui, saying he's pregnant by Obi, and will want to run away with you Mace."
The three Jedi widen their eyes in surprise and shake their heads in horror.
"Buck up guys, it could have been worse than that!" I offer.
"Yeah right! ME!? Getting Master Yoda pregnant? What could possibly beat that?!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.
"Easy." I start. "He could have watched Barney or Teletubbies and start singing and dancing and hugging everyone like a sex starved maniac!"
Qui-Gon frowned, "That IS bad. I didn't know your 'TV' had such an influence. Now I worry about what Obi-Wan was exposed to."
Obi-Wan put his hands up defensively, "Nothing like that master! I swear, I don't feel the need to hug, sing, dance, or any of that other gross stuff."
Qui-Gon sighed, then turned to Yoda, "Master, snap out of it! We need your help!"
Yoda blinked a few times glancing around the room. "Back you are. Hurt you still are. Need help you do."
"Yes Master." Qui-Gon confirmed. "Obi-Wan can assist me in healing my arm. Could you help out Troublemaker over there?" Qui pointed at me.
I huff up and look hurt, pouting. "I'm not a troublemaker. I'm just misunderstood by the general population."
Obi-Wan snickers and Qui-Gon asks me, "Where is that missing part to my lightsaber?"
"Right here." I go to the desk and pull out the small piece and hand it to Qui-Gon, "Is it an important part?"
Qui-Gon looks over the piece, grins and mockingly says, "No, it was only the focusing crystal. Didn't need it….. unless I wanted to fricassee my body!"
"Oh, but Qui, that charred look is SOO you!" Windu laughed.
"Oh great," Mumbled Qui-Gon. "Another one influenced."
I laugh, then whimper as pain shot up my arm. Windu and Yoda converged on me and I watched as Obi-Wan concentrated on Qui-Gon.
I giggled as the tingling took over me…..
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Authors Note: No offence to hospital workers. In fact, my mom is a RN in real life and has to put up with stuff like this from people all the time. I got the 'patients' attitudes included from ACTUAL REAL CASES … some of the most STUPIDIST things people go to the ER for. Its enough to make you sick.. or at the very least… BONKERS!
Ps… I should tell you that this isnt a 'finish fic'… it's ongoing… for as long as I visit the Jedi, or they visit me.
Sorry this one isnt as funny as the others, but I'm backed up with TONS of stuff and my time is just getting shorter and shorter. Bear with me.. I'm going back with them for a vacation here pretty soon. WEG