After all the tingling settled down in my body and it was DEFINATLY caused by the Jedi winkwink I began to feel the burn on my arm feel a lot better. The pain went away and I felt an odd itch/twitch/tingle all over my arm, then I felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over it.

When I opened my eyes, the wound was gone. I smiled to my Jedi nurses. "Thanks guys! Feels great!!"

Obi-Wan was just finishing with Qui-Gon and turned, shaking his head at my reactions.

I shrugged at him, "What? I've never been force healed before. Its awesome!"

"The least little thing amuses you, huh?" Mace snickered.

I nod my head and giggle. its true. Anything amuses me. "Now what do ya'll wanna do?"

"SLEEP!" was the overwhelming response.

"Ok, Ok, Ok, I get the hint." I sighed.

Everyone said good night as they headed down to crash. I frowned, then settled myself down so I could get some sleep. After tossing and turning for a couple hours, I took a sleeping pill to knock my ass out, then woke up awhile later and went down stairs to fix something to eat.

As I was setting the table, I heard the loudest scream and ran to the bathroom to investigate. As I get to the hall, I'm nearly run over by Qui, whose hauling ass. I frown as he passes, then see my mom coming running from the hall with a towel on her head and her robe tied around her waist.

Doesn't take a Jedi to figure out what happened. Qui walked in on mom while she was going to take a bath. Didn't look good. He was dead meat if mom caught him.

The other Jedi came running out, their sabers in their hands, ready for an attack. They see mom running through the house, yelling threateningly and rather obscene things, that I wont repeat on here, chasing after a constantly apologizing Jedi Master.

"MOM! It was an accident. He didn't mean it!! Please don't hurt him!!" I scream, chasing after the two, the other jedi on my heels.

Mom screams back, "He said he didn't hear me in there and didn't know that I was in there. That's bullshit!! I was making all kinds of noise!!"

I hear Qui a good distance away, "I swear by the force, I didn't know you were in there. Please accept my apology for barging in on you. I didn't mean to upset you."

"See mom, it was an accident. NO harm done." I yell.

Mom stops in her tracks and sighs, "Ok, but if this happens again and ANY of you come in while I'm in the bathroom, then I wont hesitate to bust your asses." Mom points to everyone, then stalks off to change her clothes.

I sigh and hear Qui come back from where ever he was hiding from, "That was close. I hope she doesn't stay upset with me. It really was an accident."

"I understand." I nod. "How about, just to keep the peace, not to mention, keeping you all alive, that if you have to use the bathroom, come upstairs and use mine."

Everyone nods and starts to yawn and stretch.

"Now what?" Mace asks me.

"Now, we go and get my film back from the developers and do a bit of last minute shopping and then maybe we can go relax by the lake." I bound up to my room, followed by the sleepy Jedi.

After everyone cleans up and looks presentable, I leave a note for mom and then head out the door with my Jedi in tow. We pile into the car and head down the road, Mace arguing with me about what to play on the stereo. Yoda plays the peacekeeper and tells us that we can share by alternating the music so we're all happy. We agree.

We pull into the 'mini mall' that has the photo lab and a small clothing store and a few other stores. I tell everyone that they can roam around here while I get my stuff done. They nod and head off in opposite directions.

I go into the photolab and the lady behind there tells me that they had a hard time developing the pics cause the machine was acting up and that the pics were messed up cause there were funny things on them. When I looked, I realized it was the pics I took on my first trip to Coruscant and that she thought the aliens and stuff on there were mess ups from her machine.

I assure her everything looked great and that it was of a convention so people were supposed to look like that and she sighed in relief. I thanked her and headed out to find my Jedi cohorts.

I ventured into the clothing store and found Windy and Qui looking through racks of clothes. I grinned and told them that if they found something they wanted, they just had to say it and I would get it for them. We came out of there with three bags a piece. I seen some stuff I just couldn't resist

The boys offer to pack the car and I give them the keys. After they filled the trunk, we heard an awful commotion coming out of the toy store. Someone was yelling that a muppet was alive. I guessed it was Yoda causing a scene. The boys went to go sort out the mess and I went looking for the missing Jedi.

I searched in the card store and the craft place. Still no Obi-Wan. I skipped one store and headed towards the end of the boardwalk, checking out the food stands and trinket shops. No Obi-Wan. Only one place he could be. The store that I skipped.

I walked into the "SEX KITTEN BOUTIQUE" and I swear I felt myself blush as I approached the cashier. I asked if he seen a guy, sandy blonde short hair with a long braid, blue eyes, tye dye teeshirt.

Imagine my surprise when he said yes and pointed me in the direction of the back. I think that was the first time in years I have felt fear of what was behind a curtain. I only hoped I didn't find the padawan wearing leather and tied down. Course, then again,…. Wouldn't you like to find him like that? pants and drools

Anyway, I pull back the curtain and there is Obi-Wan. Sitting in a small booth, watching some extremely bony girl take off her clothes. I grab Obi-Wan and discreetly bullshit escort him out from there. As we're going out the door, the cashier asks me how I'm going to pay.

I look at Obi-Wan and sigh, "How much?"

"Three hundred and four dollars." The cashier answers.

"WHAT?!" I fume. "What in the hell cost that much??!" Though I have a pretty good idea what costs that much. Obi-Wan blushes and tries to hide his face.

The cashier runs down the list, "He ruined a case of body oil by knocking it over. I demonstrated our latest blow up dolls and he somehow made it explode. Then he asked about the sex toys, I showed him and when I turned on the switch, he yelled and threw it against this rack and broke several of our other quality merchandise. He said that his friend would pay for everything and that he was just visiting and was curious as to what was behind the curtain. To watch the girls is $5.00 for 10 minutes. He's been there for 35."

I look at the broken fake boobs and other bodily molds that were used as displays. I see the broken pieces littering the floor and shelf that was still sagging on one side where it was broken. I sigh and hand the cashier my credit card, knowing there will be A LOT of explaining going on later.

The cashier scans my card and hands me a gift bag as I get ready to leave.

"Whats this?"

"It's a free gift to all of our customers whose purchases are over $200.00." the cashier explains with a smile.

I grab the bag and hand it off to Obi-Wan, who is extremely beet red and push him out the door. When we get out of the store I look him straight in the beautiful blue eyes and say VERY sternly, "That was some of the best fun I have ever had! When we get home, you are going to entertain everyone by explaining what all you learned and will show off whatever is in that bag."

Obi-Wan somehow goes a deeper shade of crimson, then grins at me wickedly, "It was awfully fun, wasn't it?"

"OH yeah," I laugh as I link arms with him and we walk down the boardwalk towards our waiting companions.

"Can we do that again sometime?" Obi-Wan whispers.

"Next time, we do this on your world and YOU pay." I poke him in the ribs as we met up with the others.

Qui-Gon glares at us and looks suspiciously at the bag in the shape of women's breasts that Obi-Wan is carrying. "Padawan, what is that you have in there?"

Obi-Wan looks down at the bag and shrugs, "I don't know. It was a free surprise gift from that nice man in that store."

Qui-Gon looks at Obi-Wan, then me, then back to Obi-Wan. He frowns and looks a little worried.

"It's ok Qui. When we get home, Obi-Wan will open it up and explain everything about it. He learned a lot in that store. It was very…. Educational." I shook my head with a grin.

Qui-Gon seems hesitant about believing me and piles in the car with everyone else. As we're driving down the street, Obi-Wan smacks his forehead and slumps his shoulders.

"What's wrong Obi?"

"I was going to meet that girl after her shift." Obi-Wan sighed, then looked over to see everyone giving him a dirty look, with ME in the lead. "Sorry. It was just a joke."

I interrupted the silence by asking, "Well Yoda, what did you get into? I heard people saying that a muppet was alive and scaring people."

Yoda huffed up in a dignified manner, "Muppet I am not! Person I am. Scare them I did, but intentional, it was not. Wanted to see their games I did. Out of hand they got."

Qui-Gon shook his head, "But when we found you, you were up on the table, barking orders and demanding that they let you play on the 'SeGA". Care to explain that?"

Yoda thumped Qui with his stick, "Elder I am. Be obeyed I should. Afraid they were. Afraid I would win, yes. Spoiled sports they are."

I roll my eyes and wonder what in the world has gotten into the most revered Jedi in the galaxy, then I remembered. ME!

Windy grabs my pics and starts leaping through them, then finds one he's particularly interested in and pulls it out for a closer inspection. "I don't believe it" He gasps.

"Its NOT butter?" I ask in astonishment.

Windy looks at me, then waves the pic he's holding. "This is Senator B'Jore of the Arckepis sector. She is with a known bounty hunter and is offering the mercenary a huge amount of money. Do you know what you got here?"

I think a minute surprising I didn't have to lay down huh? and perk up, "Great fuel for a heated debate on fashions in the workplace?"

Mace shakes his head, "No. This is the proof that we need to end the Senators office. She will be brought up on charges and be forced to give up her accomplices."

"WOOO HOOO" I squeal. "GO ME… GO ME.. GO ME."

"Can we have this picture?" Qui-gon asks, looking over the pic that Mace handed him.

"Sure. I have two copies and then the negatives. Any more ya need, just say the word." I feel just like a spy!!! By the way, which one is it?"

Qui-Gon hands me the pic and I nearly faint. "That ugly guy in the background was one of the nasty people that was chasing after you two when we were on that planet. Remember?"

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan exchange looks and nod. "And they were the ones that tried to shoot us down and you outmaneuvered them."

I blush and grin, "Awww shucks. It was nothing."

"So this means Master, that we have to get back to Coruscant to place the Senator under arrest. If she knows this information is in the hands of the Jedi, she may do something to ensure we don't allow this information to become public knowledge."

Qui-Gon shook his head. "You are right padawan. We must return and place the Senator under arrest before she can do any more damage."

I frown, "That sucks. Too bad ya'll can't stay just a bit longer. That would be great." I feel like I'm going to cry

"You can still come with us." Obi-Wan grins.

Mace groans and puts his hand over his eyes, "You just HAD to remind her."

"Helped us she did." Yoda interjected. "Got evidence we needed. Thankful you should be."

Windy looked over at me and smiled "Thank you. We appreciate your help."

I blush as we pull up into my driveway. "It was nothing."

We all hurry upstairs and the boys grab the stone, wishing to go back home. Obi-Wan is last and hands me the stone and I make my wish, hoping that I get there in time to watch all the fun!

I grab a few things and put them in a backpack to take with me. The Jedi change into their Jedi gear and make themselves presentable for when they get back home. Qui and Mace hold their shopping bags, careful to not leave them behind in case they get swept away. Obi-Wan carries around his 'boob' bag and tries to sneak a peak inside of it. I ask Qui to make it an order that Obi has to wait until everyone is around before he opens the gift and then explains it all to us. Qui agrees and Obi glares at me.

Everyone feels tired and I grab extra blankets and tell everyone they can crash on my bed. Mom yells for me and I run downstairs to see what's up. I tell her that I'm going to go to a friends house for a few days and she tells me as long as I stay out trouble, its ok with her. who is she kidding?

When I get back upstairs, Yoda and Mace are gone. Qui and Obi are passed out on my bed, Obi snoring softly, still holding his booby bag. I grab my camera, make sure the flash is off and snap a couple of pics.

I realize that my junk food on Coruscant must be nasty by now, so I run downstairs and get my stash of chocolate chip cookies and oreos. Packing them securely into my backpack, I head back upstairs and find Qui is missing. Only Obi-Wan remains.

I sneak over to Obi-Wan and put a little bit of lipgloss on him, dabbing it slightly on his lips to not wake him. He twitches his mouth a few times, but remains passed out. either that or he was just humoring me Making sure the flash wasn't on, I snap several good pics. for blackmailing purposes of course EG

I sigh and lay down on the other side of the bed, where Qui was and allow myself to drift off.

I wake up to feel the bed bouncing with me and open my eyes to see I'm at the Temple, stretched out across a bed and someone is bouncing awfully hard. I open my eyes to see Obi-wan's legs, then his feet, then his legs, as he bounces happily on the corner of the bed. I reach out, grabbing one if his legs and knock him off balance. He falls onto the bed hard and mumbles something at me I can't quite understand.

"I hate movement when I'm trying to sleep." I growl.

"I was trying to get you up." Obi-Wan grinned. "You've been here for two hours."

"I have?" I ask, raising up and feeling my backpack strain against my shoulders. "How long were you all on Earth?"

"We were there for sixteen days." Obi-Wan said with his eyes growing wide. "I guess that time passes differently on our two worlds."

"Ya think?" I quip in 'O'Neill' fashion and raise myself up off the bed. I stand, stretch, yawn and look over to Obi who is looking at me with a confused, amused, curious expression. "What? Did I forget to scratch my crotch like men do?" admit it.. THEY ALL DO

Obi nearly fell off the bed laughing and shook his head, 'You just look funny with your hair sticking up."

"As I recall, you looked funky yourself with that nasty cowlick you were sporting back on Earth." I dump my pack on the bed and rummage around for a cookie. "So, what did I miss while I was unconscious?"

"The Senator has been arrested and the picture was brought before a committee. They are processing it now and may ask for the person that took it to give a statement."

"I can do that. State something they want to hear.. or something they wont understand. I can handle it." I grin while I make my hair lay down.

"I have no doubt." Obi-Wan grins back and motions for me to follow him.

We leave their quarters how I ended up there, I'll never know and head up to the council chambers. Obi-Wan keyed the door and it whooshes open to allow us to enter. The Supreme Chancellor is there and I try desperately to hold back the urge to scream "RALPH!".

The Chancellor nods to me and continues talking to the council members. "It is believed she hired that assassin to kill one of her competitors, we just don't know which one. She is being held under heavy security and refuses to talk. Under the guidelines of the Republic, we can't persuade her into giving her testimony, nor can we lower ourselves to torture."

I grin, "You might not, but its not below me. I'll do it."

The Chancellor looks my way with a surprised expression, "We can not harm her in any way. If there are signs of violence, we will be held accountable and our case lost."

"Who said anything about violence? Drive the witch batty!" I suggest. "Send me in there. I'll have her telling you shit she wouldn't tell a priest!!!"

The Chancellor looked at me, then back to the council, then focused on a smiling Yoda. "Do you seriously think she will be able to get the Senator to talk?"

Yoda shook his head and chuckled, "Be able to get the Senator to admit to things she never done, yes. Drive the Senator crazy she will. Let her try we shall."

The other council members looked at Yoda, then to Windy, then over to me, Obi and Qui. I heard Qui gulp and Obi giggle slightly. I just beamed ear to ear and rubbed my hands together and put the most evilest expression I could muster on my face.

"Let me at her, I'll splat her!!!" I giggle, then grab the Chancellors arm and start leading him out the door, " Let's go Ralph! I just have to stop by and get a few things first, then I'll get ya confession!!"

The Chancellor scurried out the door with me, asking, "Whose Ralph?"

We make a quick stop at my room and I grab a few things, then I go with Qui, Obi, the Jedi Council to make sure its all kosher and the supreme chancellor. They all wait outside of a two way mirrored wall and I go into the holding cell where the Senator is sitting.

She sits there, looking smug and got her nose so high in the air I'm surprised no planes flew up there and got stuck. She looks me up and down and scoffs at me as I get all my shit set up to begin her torture. She looks away from me and says in a superior voice, "You aren't allowed to torture me. I know my rights and you can't break them or the Republic will come down on you with all their might."

I glance over to her, "Oh honey, you got it all wrong. I'm just here to keep you company. I'm just as much as a prisoner as you."

"But you are nothing. I am a Senator. I am insulted that they allow riff raff commoners to share the same cell as high elected officials." The senator says in her ultra-bitchy way.

I roll my eyes and scoff, "Oh please, act so high on the hog. I got news for ya sista, your shit stinks like everyone else's!"

The Senator looks appalled and gasps at me.

I know I got her now!! I open my bag and pull out a pair of shears,like the ones that shear sheep and talk like a gay hairdresser from San Francisco, "My God Woman! Look at your hair! That is a crime in itself!! Let me fix that for you!!"

"What are you doing?" The senator exclaims as I come at her with the shears just a buzzing away.

"Why, I'm going to do your hair. Its looks just terrible! I swear, I'm surprised you weren't arrested by the fashion police for such a cheap haircut!" I keep up the charade and corner the loud mouthed bitch. "Now, do you want to tell me why you were paying that ugly assassin and who the target is?"

"I won't talk. You may do your worst. I will not talk." Sentator B'Jore tries to keep a straight face.

I grin and advance, knocking her to the ground and shearing a line right along the middle of her head. A pile of her hair falls off to the side and lays quietly while I do in the rest of its comrades. I give the senator a nice reverse mohawk, with accent lines along the sides, then shear off her eyebrows.

B'Jore is huddled in the corner, crying and mumbling how she valued her hair and looks.

"Well, now you look like a $2.00 hooker." I exclaim in my natural voice. that high pitched fairy talk does a number on my vocal cords!!

The senator stops crying and stands up in a stoic manner and ventures to the mirror to survey the damage. She gasps and muffles more cries as she turns her head and sees the star pattern along the side of her head.

"Ok, now what shall we do?" I grin and dip back into my bag and rummage around for more stuff.

"I will tell you who I hired." The senator says in a low, sad voice.

I look her up and down, getting the feeling that she will say anything to keep me from playing anymore. I shrug and pull out a small mini tape recorder, 'I don't believe you. I think you will just go back on your word and lie like a dog, so to ensure you won't, I will remain here until "I" think you have learned your lesson."

The Jedi behind the mirror shook their heads and agreed the senator was lying to save herself. The supreme chancellor was watching the whole mess with a dumbfounded expression and turned to the others in the room, "My goodness, is she really that nuts?"

Every council member shook their head YES, Obi and Qui mumbled a 'you don't know the half of it' under their breaths.

I had gotten the half shaved senator to settle down some and clicked on the music from the mini recorder, then started singing along to it.

"YUT DUT DUT IT DODO, YUT DUT DUT IT DOE, YUT DUT DUT IT DO DIDO DIDO DINGGG LING LING LING……" sorry, don't know if there is actual words to the hampster dance, so I'm improvised

After an hour and a half of constantly singing the hampster dance, the senator was on her knees, crying and begging for me to turn off that damn song. I agreed, but held up my hand so the Jedi know to keep out. I wasn't done yet!

"ok Senator, you will tell me everything I want to know." I said in a low dangerous tone, then grabbed my bag and scooted it closer to my side. "Or I will have to get out the terrible things to break you."

The senator's eyes widened at the site of the bag and she shook her head, "I will tell you everything you need to know. Just send in someone else and never come near me again!"

"Oh, but we gotten to be such friends," I smile and wrap my arms around the senator. "But, there is one thing we have to do so I can be assured you wont go back on your word."

B'Jore sobs and shakes her head, 'Anything. I'll do anything let me talk to someone else and leave me alone!"

"Great." I pull out a pair of pliers, readi whip, pack of big league chewing gum, a CD with someone scrapping their nails across a chalkboard, a pair of fuzzy dice, sock puppets of the wizard of oz characters, pack of lee press on nails, silly string, eye drops and a spoon. I put the spoon on my nose ya know how ya hang them off ya nose and glare at the senator. "This is only a taste of what will be in store for you if you lie or do anything that pisses off the Jedi or me. These are very simple devices, and don't leave any traces behind. If you claim torture, there will be no proof, but you will have the memory as a reminder."

The senator gasps and looks around at each of the items on the table, "There are always tests that they can run to find out about my torture."

I frown and start laughing, "Honey, this isnt torture, this is how I have fun. Take these for instance," I said, picking up the pack of lee press on nails, "When these are inserted into your eye and pressed against the nerve, word has it that you lose control of your bodily functions. Now, they only last a short time and this stuff," I pick up the can of readi whip, "This hides all evidence of torture and heals up wounds to where you NEVER find out that the area was wounded."

The senators eyes widen and she's sweating so badly she's soaking her precious gown. Her eyes dart around nervously, looking for any means of help or escape.

I realize that she is now terrified and I only have to do a bit more before I can let her go to squeal on her comrades. "Now this spoon here," I point to my nose, "Is a special device, built exclusively for the acts of hidden torture and random insanity. It will repel any and all electrical devices to protect me from harm. And this," I pick up the silly string, "Is what wins wars. It is a toxin spray, that once covered, you lose consciousness and will curse your family." I aim the silly string and shoot a long strand of the blue stuff at her and she faints. "Opps."

The Jedi rush in, followed by the supreme chancellor. I stand up and automatically tell them, "This is all fake. This is just silly string. She just fainted. It won't kill her, I swear!!"

A guard brings in a glass of water, to which I accidentally on purpose put a few drops of the eye drops in and wakes the senator up. She grabs the readi whip and covers herself, thinking it will protect and heal her for any injuries and drinks the entire glass in a matter of seconds. I can't help but grin.

The Jedi escort me out as the senator is attended to, all the while I'm babbling about how that stuff was just ordinary stuff and that I just planted the seed of fear and used it to scare her into talking, instead of torture.

The supreme chancellor alerts the Jedi that she wants to confess, but only to the high courts of the Republic. She doesn't want me or the Jedi anywhere near her and will happily accept her punishment.

The Jedi and myself step back and watch as the senator is escorted from the room. She has the readi whip covering herself and is desperately trying to keep the spoon on her nose to ward off any electrical devices and allow her safe passage.

As soon as she is gone I fall against the wall laughing so hard I nearly pee myself. Tears run down my eyes and my sides hurt. I swear, its been months since I've had that much fun!!

Obi-Wan grabs my arm and helps me to stand, though I'm still laughing my ass off. I take several shaky deep breaths and look at the expression on the Jedi's faces. "What?"

"That was a terrible thing to do." One of the members chastises.

"Look, you wanted a confession, without using torture. I just made her scared and used her own fear against her. She's not hurt, at least, not while she's covered in cool whip!!" I break out laughing again and lean against Obi for support.

The council members confer with each other, agree, then tell me that I will have to testify in the Republic courts for what I have seen and what I heard.

I groan, dreading the trial date, "Oh crap!"