INT. CIA ROTUNDA
Sydney is sitting at her desk working on her computer when her phone rings.
SYDNEY
Hello?
We hear Vaughn but we can't see him. But with the way he says, "Hey, Syd" seeing him would almost be overkill.
VAUGHN
Hey, Syd. It's me.
Sydney immediately looks happy to hear from him yet concerned at the same time.
SYDNEY
Hey. How're you feeling?
We hear a chuckle from Vaughn's end.
VAUGHN
I can tell from your tone of voice that you've talked to your father.
Vaughn is totally stalling and avoiding the subject. She won't have any of that.
SYDNEY
He didn't go into details but he told me enough. So how are you?
Vaughn relents.
VAUGHN
I'm better. Thank you. Your father helped a lot.
SYDNEY
He's been improving in that department lately.
VAUGHN
Probably because he was smart enough not to waste his second chance.
Sydney can hear the regret in his voice and sighs.
SYDNEY
Vaughn...
VAUGHN
Sorry. I don't want to talk about this over the phone. Can you meet me somewhere?
SYDNEY
Sure. Just let me tell my dad. Where do you want to meet me?
We can't hear what he says but we can see her smile as she hangs up.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PIER
It's a bright sunny day, not quite clear but clear for LA. There are only a few people hanging around the pier since it's a workday and Vaughn is standing all alone looking out at the ocean from the exact spot where they met all those years before. She walks up and leans on the rail next to him looking out with a wistful expression.
SYDNEY
I haven't been here in a while. At least that I can remember.
VAUGHN
I'd come down here sometimes after... you know. It's peaceful, reminds me of you.
He glances over at her and gives her a tight smile by way of greeting. She returns it reassuringly waiting for him to say whatever he needs to say.
VAUGHN
It's insane but I almost miss how it was. Not the constant danger you were in or the fact that we couldn't be seen together but just...
He trails off and looks at her, gesturing with his hands, hoping she understands. She nods.
SYDNEY
I know what you mean. You were my handler. I was your asset. And all we had to do was take down SD-6. Who knew there'd be a day when we looked back and thought that was easy?
VAUGHN
Yeah. Cause now...
SYDNEY
Yeah.
They both go back to looking out at the ocean.
VAUGHN
That was the hardest thing for me when you came back. Before I was your handler. Then I was your partner and your boyfriend. But when you came back... I didn't know how to be with you. I didn't know who to be with you. Every instinct I had kept trying to lead me back to the way we were even though I knew that was impossible. I wanted to be there for you but I didn't know how. I tried to ignore the way I felt but I couldn't. And because I didn't know what to do I didn't do anything.
He stops and sighs while looking down and shaking his head. He looks at her regretfully.
VAUGHN
The way I treated you.
He looks away again.
VAUGHN
I should have found a way to be there for you, at least in some capacity. Anything other than what I did.
He turns toward her again, looking down at his hands.
VAUGHN
But it was like when you don't know where to put your hands. You try everything but nothing works and you just...
He's been demonstrating this by putting his hands in his pockets, on his hips, crossing his arms, etc. When he stops he looks up at her and holds out his hands.
VAUGHN
I'm so sorry. I just...
He doesn't know what to say. Sydney sighs.
SYDNEY
Vaughn you were married. It's not like I expected you to leave your wife the second I got back.
She says this like she didn't expect it but it sure as hell would have been nice but not really except yeah, kind of. Vaughn looks at her and shakes his head.
VAUGHN
That's not what I'm talking about. Married or not I still should have done something more than what I did which was nothing.
He turns back to the ocean obviously remember something.
VAUGHN
Sometimes I think about how... indifferent and distant I was.
Looking back at her he speaks forcefully, wanting her to believe him.
VAUGHN
It wasn't that I didn't care. I always cared. And I wanted to help.
He looks away again, ashamed.
VAUGHN
I was just too scared to do anything about it.
She reaches out and touches his elbow gently to get his attention. He looks at her.
SYDNEY
Vaughn, what were you afraid of?
He sighs and looks down.
VAUGHN
I'm not sure. I guess if anything it was the truth. Maybe, at one time, I loved Lauren but whatever it was that I felt for her it wasn't anywhere near what I felt for you. I told myself that it was unfair to compare the two, that it was just a different kind of love. But I was wrong.
He looks at her again.
VAUGHN
I was so wrong. And I'm not saying that because of what I now know about her. Even before I learned the truth, practically from the moment you came back, I realized that the reason I couldn't compare what I had with her to what I had with you was because what we had was unique, the kind of connection you only make once in a lifetime. Nothing could ever come close to that and I was fooling myself into thinking that what I had with Lauren was enough when I knew that it never could be. What I had with her was an illusion, not just on her part but on mine. I convinced myself that I loved her because I couldn't face the future knowing that I would never feel that connection ever again. And it was either deceive myself or... give up altogether.
She looks at him, the way he looked down and his voice trailed off and got quiet towards the end. Now she understands.
SYDNEY
That's why you told me that you didn't regret moving on, isn't it? Did you honestly think about...
She can't even say the word.
SYDNEY
Giving up?
Vaughn sighs.
VAUGHN
I didn't know what else to do. You were gone. I considered joining your father, finding the people that took you away from us but that wouldn't have brought you back. At least that's what I thought at the time. Knowing what I know now I wish I had. Maybe with my help we could've found something. At the very least I wouldn't have married her.
He pauses and looks at her.
VAUGHN
I am so sorry for that Sydney. You were right. I did lose faith. Not just in us but in everything. So when Lauren came into my life I didn't care enough to put up a fight. I felt guilty, like I was betraying you, but once again, I convinced myself that it was okay, that that's what you'd want me to do.
SYDNEY
I can't say that I'm happy you married her but if that's the only reason you're still here with me then I can accept it.
VAUGHN
She wasn't the only reason, Sydney. You were. I just kept thinking that you would be so pissed off at me if I gave up and let go. But I was too weak to do much more than hold on until she found me and...
He sighs and scratches his now empty ring finger absently. He doesn't notice it but Sydney does. He stops looks at her.
VAUGHN
I never found the strength to live without you, only the means to cope. I was the matrimonial equivalent of a functioning drunk, just going through the motions, fooling everyone including myself that that was what I wanted when I couldn't want anything less.
Sydney nods. Not quite sure what to say but beginning to understand.
SYDNEY
And then I came back.
Her tone makes it sound like she thinks her return was some kind of burden on him. He looks up at her in shock. How can she think that?
VAUGHN
Sydney, you need to know that even when things were at their most complicated and awkward between us I never once wished that you hadn't returned. The day you called in from Hong Kong was the day I started living again. It's just that it took me six months to finally acknowledge that. Not only to you but to myself because for some damn reason I thought it was more important to honor my commitment to Lauren.
SYDNEY
Of course you thought it was important to honor your commitment to her. That's who you are. That's who your father raised you to be. And you shouldn't be ashamed of that.
VAUGHN
But what about my commitment to you? The one I made on this pier almost 5 years ago when I told you that you'd always have my number? I failed to live up to that promise. It's easily the greatest mistake I've ever made and I'm sorry.
SYDNEY
It's not like you didn't do anything. You helped me escape from Lindsey - twice - and nearly went to prison because of it.
VAUGHN
That was easy. Your were in immediate physical danger. I didn't have time to hesitate. The times I should have done something was when we'd get back. From breaking you out. From North Korea. But once again I didn't know what to do so I acted like I never said what I did at the airport or like we never kissed at that crazy facon doctor's lab and...
She interrupts him because that's what she does best.
SYDNEY
In all fairness I was the one that kissed you. I thought I was still dreaming.
VAUGHN
But I knew that I wasn't. Even worse, I didn't care. Not about the ring on my finger. Or what that kiss would mean. I felt more alive in those few seconds than I had in the past few years.
He looks at her with that intense knee-weakening gaze he does so well.
VAUGHN
I wanted to kiss you back so bad. And never stop.
She swallows hard under his gaze.
SYDNEY
You did?
He takes a step toward her.
VAUGHN
More than anything, Syd. When I woke up in the hospital after you stabbed me...
She winces.
SYDNEY
Sorry about that.
He smiles.
VAUGHN
Hey this is my apology okay?
She smiles and nods for him to continue. He takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
When I was in the hospital I had a dream. I opened my eyes and you were there and we kissed. It was the perfect moment. And then I woke up and saw Lauren.
He sighs and moves away again to lean against the rail. She settles next to him as he glances over wryly.
VAUGHN
It's never a good sign when you're disappointed by the sight of your wife.
Syd's looking at him in disbelief.
SYDNEY
Vaughn, how... That was months ago. And you never said anything?
VAUGHN
And I am so sorry for that, Sydney. But it's like I told you before; I was paralyzed with fear. I kept waiting, hoping that it would get easy, that we'd find a way to coexist. But when your father and I were on the way to prison he confronted me. He said that my kindness was torturing you and that I should push you away because he wasn't going to stand by and allow you to become my mistress.
Syd looks up, shocked and more than a little angry.
SYDNEY
He told you that? I cannot believe him.
She steps away to pace around with her hands on her hips. She stops to ask:
SYDNEY
And that's why you were acting like that? Why that meddling...
Vaughn reaches out a hand to stop her.
VAUGHN
Syd, stop. I don't think he meant it.
She looks at Vaughn as if to say, "Oh, he didn't, did he?" To which Vaughn responds with:
VAUGHN
I mean, on one level he did but... I'm glad he said it. I needed to hear it like that, in such harsh terms. It woke me up a little. I think that's what he was trying to do. I was becoming lax, allowing myself to fall back into the way I used to be with you. I was so close to kissing you back, Syd, you have no idea.
He sits down dejectedly on a nearby bench. She joins him.
SYDNEY
Then why didn't you?
VAUGHN
Would you have really wanted me to?
She considers that.
SYDNEY
I don't know. There was a moment when I was dreaming, remembering, whatever and I woke up two years ago in an ambulance with you. It was like I'd been struggling for air and suddenly I could breathe again. It's been one of the best moments in the past six months of my life. A damn drug induced dream. So, I guess, the answer to your question is, that in the long run it's probably better that we didn't kiss but in that moment I couldn't care less about anything but kissing you, just so I could breathe again, if only for a second.
Hearing that was excruciating for him and when she's done he stands and returns to the railing. He grips it tightly in frustration.
VAUGHN
I'm such an ass.
She gets up to stand next to him but doesn't say anything, just waits patiently for him to catch his breath and turn back to look at her.
VAUGHN
Sydney, I'd have moments when it was as if the last two years never happened but that's all they were, moments. But for you, that's been your life for the past six months. All this time I was so busy worrying about how this was affecting me, how I was going to handle it that I didn't even think about how it must be for you and I apologize for that.
She nods.
SYDNEY
It was hard. I kept having to stop myself, remind myself that it was two years later and I couldn't just be the person I used to be with you even if that's who I still was. The worst though was losing you. My dad has been great but I wanted to turn to you. I honestly believed that I could have handled losing two years but losing you in the process... It was just too much.
He sucks in a breath.
VAUGHN
My God, Syd. I am so sorry. I know that's woefully inadequate but I don't know how else to tell you how sorry I am, for everything. I will never forgive myself for not being there for you.
She sighs. This is rough.
SYDNEY
Vaughn, I didn't tell you that to make you feel worse. I just needed you to understand what it was like for me. One second you were with me and in the next you were with her. I thought I'd get used to it but I couldn't. Ever since I came back whenever I'd see her look at you or touch you or kiss you I wanted to scream, pull her off you, because you were mine. Then I'd remember that you weren't and it was like losing you all over again.
He shakes his head and puts his hands on the rail again to steady himself. Barely above the noise of the ocean we hear:
VAUGHN
But you haven't. You didn't.
She looks at him like, "What?" He stands up straight and takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
Sydney, that's what I've been trying to tell you. I tried to deny it. I tried to tell myself that I loved my wife. But the truth is you never lost me. I was always yours and I always will be. I just wish I would've told you that sooner.
She sighs.
SYDNEY
But you did. In North Korea. After which...
VAUGHN
I ran right back to my lovely wife?
Sydney doesn't even look at him. She just crosses her arms.
SYDNEY
It's not like I expected you to do anything else.
That hurts. Vaughn sighs.
VAUGHN
You should have.
She looks up at him.
VAUGHN
You have a right to expect everything from me and it's my responsibility to make sure that you are never disappointed. I meant every word I said in that cell and more than a few you didn't let me say. I wanted to act on them when we got back but I just couldn't. I was too afraid.
She sighs in frustration and cries:
SYDNEY
You keep saying that but you don't tell me why. If that's how you felt, if you didn't really love her... What the hell were you afraid of?
It just spills out of him.
VAUGHN
Of everything. Disappointing my father. Hurting you. Hurting Lauren. Failure. Everything. But what I feared the most was that it was too late. That you could never forgive me for everything I'd put you through. That I'd lost you all over again and that this time it was my fault.
He takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
After you told me about Will and then when you asked to go on that mission with Weiss I thought it'd be better if I didn't say anything. You needed to be able to move on and I wanted to do what I could to make that easier for you.
She sighs in frustration.
SYDNEY
Vaughn... Will was...I felt so lost. I didn't recognize anything or anyone, even you. And then there was Will and he was safe and comfortable and... It wasn't exactly my proudest moment but...
VAUGHN
Syd, you don't have to explain. I understand. Sometimes you get tired and you just need something to help you forget.
SYDNEY
Is that what you've been doing the past few days? Forgetting?
He nods. She regards him sadly.
SYDNEY
I would have been there for you. All you had to do was ask.
VAUGHN
How could I? How could I ask anything of you after everything I've done?
She's losing her patience again.
SYDNEY
What is this "everything" you keep talking about? You made a mistake and yeah, it hurt me but... Vaughn, you say you don't want to complicate my life; that you don't want to ask anything of me but isn't that just an excuse? You shut me out so that you can shut down?
Now he gets defensive and the scene just escalates from here.
VAUGHN
It's not like that.
SYDNEY
Isn't it? You tell me that there are all these things that you wish you would've said and you wish you would've done but that you tried to ignore them because you were too afraid that I wouldn't forgive you. Well, what if I wanted to forgive you? What if I understand that you never meant to hurt me? I can't do that if you won't let me. You made a mistake! So what? Now that you've finally realized that you're going to throw everything we have away because of it without ever asking me how I might feel? Isn't that how we got into this damn situation in the first place? Cause we were too busy looking at each other from across the room wondering what the other was feeling to actually sit down together and have a conversation?
VAUGHN
Sydney, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.
SYDNEY
And? I know you're sorry. I'm sorry too. And I want to forgive you but I'm not sure that you really want me to. You seem to enjoy wallowing in your guilt, perpetuating the problem.
VAUGHN
I thought you'd want an explanation.
SYDNEY
I did. And I appreciated it. But I'm too damn tired to listen to you talk about how you were just trying to protect me. I got enough of that crap from my father. Look at us. This has nothing to do with the way we feel and everything to do with the way we communicate or in this instance fail to. If we're going to do this, if I'm going to forgive you then I need to know that you're not going to push me away again because you think it's better for me. Believe me, it's not.
He looks down and sighs. The tension drops and is replaced by fatigue.
VAUGHN
I know.
She shakes her head and sighs. She's exhausted and not just from everything they've been discussing.
SYDNEY
I just... I need to know what you expect. Do you think we're just going to get back together and pretend none of this ever happened because let me tell you...
VAUGHN
That's not what I expect.
SYDNEY
Then what?
He starts to pace. He's just as tired and frustrated as she is.
VAUGHN
I don't know. I don't know how we're going to recover from this. I don't know what's going to happen to us. I don't know when - if ever - we'll get back together.
She's watching him, her eyes softening. She knows he's trying. He notices this and stops to face her. Slowly he looks down and takes her hand. He rubs her knuckles with his thumb and squeezes her hand tightly in his. Looking at her he begins again with much more confidence.
VAUGHN
Please, forgive me, Sydney. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I didn't do this a long time ago. I don't know what comes next for us. But what I do know is that I'm going to try and do everything I can to always be there for you and never fail you again.
He looks down, faltering for a second. She gently squeezes his hand and he looks up at her with a smile. He takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
And I know that I love you. That I will always love you. I'm tired of denying that. I don't even know how I ever could.
He pauses and really looks at her to make sure that she knows how much he means this.
VAUGHN
I love you, Sydney. If I know nothing else I know that.
Sydney looks down and sucks in a deep breath.
SYDNEY
Vaughn...
She looks at him with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. The dream is finally a reality.
SYDNEY
I missed you so much. I mean, you were here but...
He reaches up with his free hand and brushes her tears away.
VAUGHN
I know. I missed you too.
She looks at him as if to ask him if he really means it. His only answer is a nod. She closes her eyes with relief for a moment. When she opens them he's still standing there giving her that look with a slight smile on his face. She can't help but kiss him. It's slow, sweet, and tender and when she pulls away she only goes far enough so that she can lean her head on his shoulder as he holds her in his arms.
SYDNEY
I love you, too. And I forgive you.
Now it's his turn to close his eyes in relief. He holds her even tighter with her tucked under his chin.
VAUGHN
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. Because without you I have nothing. I didn't know what that meant before I lost you but now that I do I don't ever want to lose you again.
She pulls far enough away to look up at him and lay her hand on his cheek.
SYDNEY
I know. I don't ever want to lose you again either.
He reaches a hand up to cover hers. He takes it, kisses her palm, and lays it on his heart.
VAUGHN
You won't. Not if I have anything to say about it.
She nods.
SYDNEY
Never again.
He nods.
VAUGHN
Never again.
She buries herself in his arms again and they both close their eyes as they just enjoy the moment.
THE END
Sydney is sitting at her desk working on her computer when her phone rings.
SYDNEY
Hello?
We hear Vaughn but we can't see him. But with the way he says, "Hey, Syd" seeing him would almost be overkill.
VAUGHN
Hey, Syd. It's me.
Sydney immediately looks happy to hear from him yet concerned at the same time.
SYDNEY
Hey. How're you feeling?
We hear a chuckle from Vaughn's end.
VAUGHN
I can tell from your tone of voice that you've talked to your father.
Vaughn is totally stalling and avoiding the subject. She won't have any of that.
SYDNEY
He didn't go into details but he told me enough. So how are you?
Vaughn relents.
VAUGHN
I'm better. Thank you. Your father helped a lot.
SYDNEY
He's been improving in that department lately.
VAUGHN
Probably because he was smart enough not to waste his second chance.
Sydney can hear the regret in his voice and sighs.
SYDNEY
Vaughn...
VAUGHN
Sorry. I don't want to talk about this over the phone. Can you meet me somewhere?
SYDNEY
Sure. Just let me tell my dad. Where do you want to meet me?
We can't hear what he says but we can see her smile as she hangs up.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PIER
It's a bright sunny day, not quite clear but clear for LA. There are only a few people hanging around the pier since it's a workday and Vaughn is standing all alone looking out at the ocean from the exact spot where they met all those years before. She walks up and leans on the rail next to him looking out with a wistful expression.
SYDNEY
I haven't been here in a while. At least that I can remember.
VAUGHN
I'd come down here sometimes after... you know. It's peaceful, reminds me of you.
He glances over at her and gives her a tight smile by way of greeting. She returns it reassuringly waiting for him to say whatever he needs to say.
VAUGHN
It's insane but I almost miss how it was. Not the constant danger you were in or the fact that we couldn't be seen together but just...
He trails off and looks at her, gesturing with his hands, hoping she understands. She nods.
SYDNEY
I know what you mean. You were my handler. I was your asset. And all we had to do was take down SD-6. Who knew there'd be a day when we looked back and thought that was easy?
VAUGHN
Yeah. Cause now...
SYDNEY
Yeah.
They both go back to looking out at the ocean.
VAUGHN
That was the hardest thing for me when you came back. Before I was your handler. Then I was your partner and your boyfriend. But when you came back... I didn't know how to be with you. I didn't know who to be with you. Every instinct I had kept trying to lead me back to the way we were even though I knew that was impossible. I wanted to be there for you but I didn't know how. I tried to ignore the way I felt but I couldn't. And because I didn't know what to do I didn't do anything.
He stops and sighs while looking down and shaking his head. He looks at her regretfully.
VAUGHN
The way I treated you.
He looks away again.
VAUGHN
I should have found a way to be there for you, at least in some capacity. Anything other than what I did.
He turns toward her again, looking down at his hands.
VAUGHN
But it was like when you don't know where to put your hands. You try everything but nothing works and you just...
He's been demonstrating this by putting his hands in his pockets, on his hips, crossing his arms, etc. When he stops he looks up at her and holds out his hands.
VAUGHN
I'm so sorry. I just...
He doesn't know what to say. Sydney sighs.
SYDNEY
Vaughn you were married. It's not like I expected you to leave your wife the second I got back.
She says this like she didn't expect it but it sure as hell would have been nice but not really except yeah, kind of. Vaughn looks at her and shakes his head.
VAUGHN
That's not what I'm talking about. Married or not I still should have done something more than what I did which was nothing.
He turns back to the ocean obviously remember something.
VAUGHN
Sometimes I think about how... indifferent and distant I was.
Looking back at her he speaks forcefully, wanting her to believe him.
VAUGHN
It wasn't that I didn't care. I always cared. And I wanted to help.
He looks away again, ashamed.
VAUGHN
I was just too scared to do anything about it.
She reaches out and touches his elbow gently to get his attention. He looks at her.
SYDNEY
Vaughn, what were you afraid of?
He sighs and looks down.
VAUGHN
I'm not sure. I guess if anything it was the truth. Maybe, at one time, I loved Lauren but whatever it was that I felt for her it wasn't anywhere near what I felt for you. I told myself that it was unfair to compare the two, that it was just a different kind of love. But I was wrong.
He looks at her again.
VAUGHN
I was so wrong. And I'm not saying that because of what I now know about her. Even before I learned the truth, practically from the moment you came back, I realized that the reason I couldn't compare what I had with her to what I had with you was because what we had was unique, the kind of connection you only make once in a lifetime. Nothing could ever come close to that and I was fooling myself into thinking that what I had with Lauren was enough when I knew that it never could be. What I had with her was an illusion, not just on her part but on mine. I convinced myself that I loved her because I couldn't face the future knowing that I would never feel that connection ever again. And it was either deceive myself or... give up altogether.
She looks at him, the way he looked down and his voice trailed off and got quiet towards the end. Now she understands.
SYDNEY
That's why you told me that you didn't regret moving on, isn't it? Did you honestly think about...
She can't even say the word.
SYDNEY
Giving up?
Vaughn sighs.
VAUGHN
I didn't know what else to do. You were gone. I considered joining your father, finding the people that took you away from us but that wouldn't have brought you back. At least that's what I thought at the time. Knowing what I know now I wish I had. Maybe with my help we could've found something. At the very least I wouldn't have married her.
He pauses and looks at her.
VAUGHN
I am so sorry for that Sydney. You were right. I did lose faith. Not just in us but in everything. So when Lauren came into my life I didn't care enough to put up a fight. I felt guilty, like I was betraying you, but once again, I convinced myself that it was okay, that that's what you'd want me to do.
SYDNEY
I can't say that I'm happy you married her but if that's the only reason you're still here with me then I can accept it.
VAUGHN
She wasn't the only reason, Sydney. You were. I just kept thinking that you would be so pissed off at me if I gave up and let go. But I was too weak to do much more than hold on until she found me and...
He sighs and scratches his now empty ring finger absently. He doesn't notice it but Sydney does. He stops looks at her.
VAUGHN
I never found the strength to live without you, only the means to cope. I was the matrimonial equivalent of a functioning drunk, just going through the motions, fooling everyone including myself that that was what I wanted when I couldn't want anything less.
Sydney nods. Not quite sure what to say but beginning to understand.
SYDNEY
And then I came back.
Her tone makes it sound like she thinks her return was some kind of burden on him. He looks up at her in shock. How can she think that?
VAUGHN
Sydney, you need to know that even when things were at their most complicated and awkward between us I never once wished that you hadn't returned. The day you called in from Hong Kong was the day I started living again. It's just that it took me six months to finally acknowledge that. Not only to you but to myself because for some damn reason I thought it was more important to honor my commitment to Lauren.
SYDNEY
Of course you thought it was important to honor your commitment to her. That's who you are. That's who your father raised you to be. And you shouldn't be ashamed of that.
VAUGHN
But what about my commitment to you? The one I made on this pier almost 5 years ago when I told you that you'd always have my number? I failed to live up to that promise. It's easily the greatest mistake I've ever made and I'm sorry.
SYDNEY
It's not like you didn't do anything. You helped me escape from Lindsey - twice - and nearly went to prison because of it.
VAUGHN
That was easy. Your were in immediate physical danger. I didn't have time to hesitate. The times I should have done something was when we'd get back. From breaking you out. From North Korea. But once again I didn't know what to do so I acted like I never said what I did at the airport or like we never kissed at that crazy facon doctor's lab and...
She interrupts him because that's what she does best.
SYDNEY
In all fairness I was the one that kissed you. I thought I was still dreaming.
VAUGHN
But I knew that I wasn't. Even worse, I didn't care. Not about the ring on my finger. Or what that kiss would mean. I felt more alive in those few seconds than I had in the past few years.
He looks at her with that intense knee-weakening gaze he does so well.
VAUGHN
I wanted to kiss you back so bad. And never stop.
She swallows hard under his gaze.
SYDNEY
You did?
He takes a step toward her.
VAUGHN
More than anything, Syd. When I woke up in the hospital after you stabbed me...
She winces.
SYDNEY
Sorry about that.
He smiles.
VAUGHN
Hey this is my apology okay?
She smiles and nods for him to continue. He takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
When I was in the hospital I had a dream. I opened my eyes and you were there and we kissed. It was the perfect moment. And then I woke up and saw Lauren.
He sighs and moves away again to lean against the rail. She settles next to him as he glances over wryly.
VAUGHN
It's never a good sign when you're disappointed by the sight of your wife.
Syd's looking at him in disbelief.
SYDNEY
Vaughn, how... That was months ago. And you never said anything?
VAUGHN
And I am so sorry for that, Sydney. But it's like I told you before; I was paralyzed with fear. I kept waiting, hoping that it would get easy, that we'd find a way to coexist. But when your father and I were on the way to prison he confronted me. He said that my kindness was torturing you and that I should push you away because he wasn't going to stand by and allow you to become my mistress.
Syd looks up, shocked and more than a little angry.
SYDNEY
He told you that? I cannot believe him.
She steps away to pace around with her hands on her hips. She stops to ask:
SYDNEY
And that's why you were acting like that? Why that meddling...
Vaughn reaches out a hand to stop her.
VAUGHN
Syd, stop. I don't think he meant it.
She looks at Vaughn as if to say, "Oh, he didn't, did he?" To which Vaughn responds with:
VAUGHN
I mean, on one level he did but... I'm glad he said it. I needed to hear it like that, in such harsh terms. It woke me up a little. I think that's what he was trying to do. I was becoming lax, allowing myself to fall back into the way I used to be with you. I was so close to kissing you back, Syd, you have no idea.
He sits down dejectedly on a nearby bench. She joins him.
SYDNEY
Then why didn't you?
VAUGHN
Would you have really wanted me to?
She considers that.
SYDNEY
I don't know. There was a moment when I was dreaming, remembering, whatever and I woke up two years ago in an ambulance with you. It was like I'd been struggling for air and suddenly I could breathe again. It's been one of the best moments in the past six months of my life. A damn drug induced dream. So, I guess, the answer to your question is, that in the long run it's probably better that we didn't kiss but in that moment I couldn't care less about anything but kissing you, just so I could breathe again, if only for a second.
Hearing that was excruciating for him and when she's done he stands and returns to the railing. He grips it tightly in frustration.
VAUGHN
I'm such an ass.
She gets up to stand next to him but doesn't say anything, just waits patiently for him to catch his breath and turn back to look at her.
VAUGHN
Sydney, I'd have moments when it was as if the last two years never happened but that's all they were, moments. But for you, that's been your life for the past six months. All this time I was so busy worrying about how this was affecting me, how I was going to handle it that I didn't even think about how it must be for you and I apologize for that.
She nods.
SYDNEY
It was hard. I kept having to stop myself, remind myself that it was two years later and I couldn't just be the person I used to be with you even if that's who I still was. The worst though was losing you. My dad has been great but I wanted to turn to you. I honestly believed that I could have handled losing two years but losing you in the process... It was just too much.
He sucks in a breath.
VAUGHN
My God, Syd. I am so sorry. I know that's woefully inadequate but I don't know how else to tell you how sorry I am, for everything. I will never forgive myself for not being there for you.
She sighs. This is rough.
SYDNEY
Vaughn, I didn't tell you that to make you feel worse. I just needed you to understand what it was like for me. One second you were with me and in the next you were with her. I thought I'd get used to it but I couldn't. Ever since I came back whenever I'd see her look at you or touch you or kiss you I wanted to scream, pull her off you, because you were mine. Then I'd remember that you weren't and it was like losing you all over again.
He shakes his head and puts his hands on the rail again to steady himself. Barely above the noise of the ocean we hear:
VAUGHN
But you haven't. You didn't.
She looks at him like, "What?" He stands up straight and takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
Sydney, that's what I've been trying to tell you. I tried to deny it. I tried to tell myself that I loved my wife. But the truth is you never lost me. I was always yours and I always will be. I just wish I would've told you that sooner.
She sighs.
SYDNEY
But you did. In North Korea. After which...
VAUGHN
I ran right back to my lovely wife?
Sydney doesn't even look at him. She just crosses her arms.
SYDNEY
It's not like I expected you to do anything else.
That hurts. Vaughn sighs.
VAUGHN
You should have.
She looks up at him.
VAUGHN
You have a right to expect everything from me and it's my responsibility to make sure that you are never disappointed. I meant every word I said in that cell and more than a few you didn't let me say. I wanted to act on them when we got back but I just couldn't. I was too afraid.
She sighs in frustration and cries:
SYDNEY
You keep saying that but you don't tell me why. If that's how you felt, if you didn't really love her... What the hell were you afraid of?
It just spills out of him.
VAUGHN
Of everything. Disappointing my father. Hurting you. Hurting Lauren. Failure. Everything. But what I feared the most was that it was too late. That you could never forgive me for everything I'd put you through. That I'd lost you all over again and that this time it was my fault.
He takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
After you told me about Will and then when you asked to go on that mission with Weiss I thought it'd be better if I didn't say anything. You needed to be able to move on and I wanted to do what I could to make that easier for you.
She sighs in frustration.
SYDNEY
Vaughn... Will was...I felt so lost. I didn't recognize anything or anyone, even you. And then there was Will and he was safe and comfortable and... It wasn't exactly my proudest moment but...
VAUGHN
Syd, you don't have to explain. I understand. Sometimes you get tired and you just need something to help you forget.
SYDNEY
Is that what you've been doing the past few days? Forgetting?
He nods. She regards him sadly.
SYDNEY
I would have been there for you. All you had to do was ask.
VAUGHN
How could I? How could I ask anything of you after everything I've done?
She's losing her patience again.
SYDNEY
What is this "everything" you keep talking about? You made a mistake and yeah, it hurt me but... Vaughn, you say you don't want to complicate my life; that you don't want to ask anything of me but isn't that just an excuse? You shut me out so that you can shut down?
Now he gets defensive and the scene just escalates from here.
VAUGHN
It's not like that.
SYDNEY
Isn't it? You tell me that there are all these things that you wish you would've said and you wish you would've done but that you tried to ignore them because you were too afraid that I wouldn't forgive you. Well, what if I wanted to forgive you? What if I understand that you never meant to hurt me? I can't do that if you won't let me. You made a mistake! So what? Now that you've finally realized that you're going to throw everything we have away because of it without ever asking me how I might feel? Isn't that how we got into this damn situation in the first place? Cause we were too busy looking at each other from across the room wondering what the other was feeling to actually sit down together and have a conversation?
VAUGHN
Sydney, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry.
SYDNEY
And? I know you're sorry. I'm sorry too. And I want to forgive you but I'm not sure that you really want me to. You seem to enjoy wallowing in your guilt, perpetuating the problem.
VAUGHN
I thought you'd want an explanation.
SYDNEY
I did. And I appreciated it. But I'm too damn tired to listen to you talk about how you were just trying to protect me. I got enough of that crap from my father. Look at us. This has nothing to do with the way we feel and everything to do with the way we communicate or in this instance fail to. If we're going to do this, if I'm going to forgive you then I need to know that you're not going to push me away again because you think it's better for me. Believe me, it's not.
He looks down and sighs. The tension drops and is replaced by fatigue.
VAUGHN
I know.
She shakes her head and sighs. She's exhausted and not just from everything they've been discussing.
SYDNEY
I just... I need to know what you expect. Do you think we're just going to get back together and pretend none of this ever happened because let me tell you...
VAUGHN
That's not what I expect.
SYDNEY
Then what?
He starts to pace. He's just as tired and frustrated as she is.
VAUGHN
I don't know. I don't know how we're going to recover from this. I don't know what's going to happen to us. I don't know when - if ever - we'll get back together.
She's watching him, her eyes softening. She knows he's trying. He notices this and stops to face her. Slowly he looks down and takes her hand. He rubs her knuckles with his thumb and squeezes her hand tightly in his. Looking at her he begins again with much more confidence.
VAUGHN
Please, forgive me, Sydney. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I didn't do this a long time ago. I don't know what comes next for us. But what I do know is that I'm going to try and do everything I can to always be there for you and never fail you again.
He looks down, faltering for a second. She gently squeezes his hand and he looks up at her with a smile. He takes a deep breath.
VAUGHN
And I know that I love you. That I will always love you. I'm tired of denying that. I don't even know how I ever could.
He pauses and really looks at her to make sure that she knows how much he means this.
VAUGHN
I love you, Sydney. If I know nothing else I know that.
Sydney looks down and sucks in a deep breath.
SYDNEY
Vaughn...
She looks at him with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. The dream is finally a reality.
SYDNEY
I missed you so much. I mean, you were here but...
He reaches up with his free hand and brushes her tears away.
VAUGHN
I know. I missed you too.
She looks at him as if to ask him if he really means it. His only answer is a nod. She closes her eyes with relief for a moment. When she opens them he's still standing there giving her that look with a slight smile on his face. She can't help but kiss him. It's slow, sweet, and tender and when she pulls away she only goes far enough so that she can lean her head on his shoulder as he holds her in his arms.
SYDNEY
I love you, too. And I forgive you.
Now it's his turn to close his eyes in relief. He holds her even tighter with her tucked under his chin.
VAUGHN
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for everything. Because without you I have nothing. I didn't know what that meant before I lost you but now that I do I don't ever want to lose you again.
She pulls far enough away to look up at him and lay her hand on his cheek.
SYDNEY
I know. I don't ever want to lose you again either.
He reaches a hand up to cover hers. He takes it, kisses her palm, and lays it on his heart.
VAUGHN
You won't. Not if I have anything to say about it.
She nods.
SYDNEY
Never again.
He nods.
VAUGHN
Never again.
She buries herself in his arms again and they both close their eyes as they just enjoy the moment.
THE END