Nick and Sara went out to dinner after they had finished their walk along
the nature trail. As the meal progressed, Nick seemed to withdraw more and
more and by the time they headed back to the condo after stopping at a
video store to rent a movie, he was completely lost in thought.
As they entered the condo, Sara turned and studied him for a moment. She walked over and placed a hand on his arm. "Hey, are you ok? You're awfully quiet."
The expression on his face seemed lost. He didn't know how to respond to her question.
Concern flickered across Sara's face. "What's going on?
He let out a deep sigh and walked over to the couch, running his hands through his hair. "I don't know." He looked up at her with a guarded expression. "I think this is just freaking me out."
Hurt flashed across Sara's face. "You don't want to do this; do you?"
Nick looked at her as if she'd slapped him across the face. "Sara, I didn't say that."
She crossed her arms in front of her body in a defensive gesture. "You didn't have to."
"Sara." Nick's eyes pleaded with her.
Sara felt very vulnerable. "Stop." She raised a hand to emphasize her words. "You don't think that accepting your invitation to come to Dallas didn't freak me out? Or how about meeting your entire family all at once? Oh, and what about your nephew asking me why I wasn't in love with you?"
"Sara. I." Nick tried to interrupt.
Sara shook her head. "No, Nick, listen to me." She let out a frustrated sigh. "Dating you scares the hell out of me. This is risky for me too. You're one of my best friends, and unlike you, I don't have a lot of friends."
"I'm afraid of losing you." Nick whispered.
"You don't think that I'm not afraid of losing you?" Sara looked at him incredulously.
"I didn't say that." Nick didn't know how to explain to Sara what he was feeling.
Sara just shook her head. "I don't know how to get through that thick skull of yours that despite the fact that being in Texas with you scares the hell out of me, I haven't left. I'm here because you're here and I want to be with you. I want to be with you, Nick. Don't you understand that? I'm willing to risk our friendship because I think there just might be something between us that's worth it. It's taken me a long time and your sister's nosiness for me to figure that out, but I want to try."
He didn't say anything. He just stared at her with his mouth slightly agape.
"You need to figure out what you want before things go any further. If you don't want to be with me, I need to know that." The expression on her face was dead serious. "I'm going to bed. Let me know what you decide in the morning." With that she turned and headed into one of the bedrooms and closed the door.
Nick just stared toward the closed door. He was completely perplexed by what had just happened. He wanted to be with Sara more than he could possibly express, but somewhere between dinner and renting the movie, he'd let his fear get the best of him.
He pulled himself off of the couch and went out and stood on the deck, just staring out at the Gulf. So many memories of his childhood came rushing back as he thought about his family. His sisters meant well, but their interference had produced some of the greatest heartbreak in his life.
The more he thought about things, the more he realized that Sara was right. She had every right to be even more scared than he was at the moment and yet she was willing to risk their entire friendship because she wanted to be with him. That thought was unfathomable to him. She wanted to be with him. He had been in denial for three and a half years about how he really felt about her and now that he knew that she returned his feelings he was paralyzed by fear.
He felt a tear stinging his eye. He was a complete idiot. The last thing he wanted was to lose Sara, to lose this chance with her to see where this newfound relationship might go.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing out on the deck, but when he went back inside, he heard a muffled sound in the other room. He made his way over to the closed bedroom door and softly tapped. "Sara."
He tapped again when he didn't get a response. "Sara." He waited a few moments and then softly opened the door. He could hear her sniffling in the darkness. "Sara."
"Go away, Nick." He could tell by her voice that she'd been crying.
Ignoring her plea, he walked over toward the bed and gingerly crawled onto it next to her. "Sara, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot."
She let out a sound that was a combination of a sniffle and a scoff.
"I do want to try this, but I'm scared. I know you're scared too, I'm sorry that I acted like I was the only one." Nick tried to reassure her with his words.
Sara whispered in the darkness. "For so long I've let work consume me. I acted like an idiot for almost three years throwing myself at Grissom, knowing deep down that nothing was ever going to happen there. You've been one of my closest friends and to admit that I was feeling something for you scared the shit out of me. It was easier to fixate on something I could never have."
Nick inched closer to her and reached for her hand.
She continued talking. "I can't let work be my whole life anymore. I need to let myself have a life. The possibility of sharing part of my life with you that doesn't have anything to do with work seems incredible, but I want to try it. I don't know what's going to happen, Nick, but I want to try."
There was a hitch in Nick's voice. "I'm sorry for freaking out earlier. I want to be with you. It's just so hard for me to realize that you want to be with me. When I think about how long I think I've wanted this and how long I've been in denial about it, it seems unreal. I think all of this is going to take a little getting used to for both of us, but I want to try. I really do want to try, Sara."
Sara reached out and touched his face. "I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance to explain." She chuckled softly. "I just loaded my insecurities and shot them at you with both barrels."
There was a hint of uncertainty in Nick's voice. "Are we ok?"
She smiled and leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. "Yeah, I think we're ok."
Nick smiled in the darkness. "Good, because we rented a really good movie and I was looking forward to watching it with you. C'mon, you can sleep later."
Sara started to laugh as Nick pulled her out of bed and back into the living room where they settled themselves on the couch to watch 'Pirates of the Caribean'.
As they entered the condo, Sara turned and studied him for a moment. She walked over and placed a hand on his arm. "Hey, are you ok? You're awfully quiet."
The expression on his face seemed lost. He didn't know how to respond to her question.
Concern flickered across Sara's face. "What's going on?
He let out a deep sigh and walked over to the couch, running his hands through his hair. "I don't know." He looked up at her with a guarded expression. "I think this is just freaking me out."
Hurt flashed across Sara's face. "You don't want to do this; do you?"
Nick looked at her as if she'd slapped him across the face. "Sara, I didn't say that."
She crossed her arms in front of her body in a defensive gesture. "You didn't have to."
"Sara." Nick's eyes pleaded with her.
Sara felt very vulnerable. "Stop." She raised a hand to emphasize her words. "You don't think that accepting your invitation to come to Dallas didn't freak me out? Or how about meeting your entire family all at once? Oh, and what about your nephew asking me why I wasn't in love with you?"
"Sara. I." Nick tried to interrupt.
Sara shook her head. "No, Nick, listen to me." She let out a frustrated sigh. "Dating you scares the hell out of me. This is risky for me too. You're one of my best friends, and unlike you, I don't have a lot of friends."
"I'm afraid of losing you." Nick whispered.
"You don't think that I'm not afraid of losing you?" Sara looked at him incredulously.
"I didn't say that." Nick didn't know how to explain to Sara what he was feeling.
Sara just shook her head. "I don't know how to get through that thick skull of yours that despite the fact that being in Texas with you scares the hell out of me, I haven't left. I'm here because you're here and I want to be with you. I want to be with you, Nick. Don't you understand that? I'm willing to risk our friendship because I think there just might be something between us that's worth it. It's taken me a long time and your sister's nosiness for me to figure that out, but I want to try."
He didn't say anything. He just stared at her with his mouth slightly agape.
"You need to figure out what you want before things go any further. If you don't want to be with me, I need to know that." The expression on her face was dead serious. "I'm going to bed. Let me know what you decide in the morning." With that she turned and headed into one of the bedrooms and closed the door.
Nick just stared toward the closed door. He was completely perplexed by what had just happened. He wanted to be with Sara more than he could possibly express, but somewhere between dinner and renting the movie, he'd let his fear get the best of him.
He pulled himself off of the couch and went out and stood on the deck, just staring out at the Gulf. So many memories of his childhood came rushing back as he thought about his family. His sisters meant well, but their interference had produced some of the greatest heartbreak in his life.
The more he thought about things, the more he realized that Sara was right. She had every right to be even more scared than he was at the moment and yet she was willing to risk their entire friendship because she wanted to be with him. That thought was unfathomable to him. She wanted to be with him. He had been in denial for three and a half years about how he really felt about her and now that he knew that she returned his feelings he was paralyzed by fear.
He felt a tear stinging his eye. He was a complete idiot. The last thing he wanted was to lose Sara, to lose this chance with her to see where this newfound relationship might go.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing out on the deck, but when he went back inside, he heard a muffled sound in the other room. He made his way over to the closed bedroom door and softly tapped. "Sara."
He tapped again when he didn't get a response. "Sara." He waited a few moments and then softly opened the door. He could hear her sniffling in the darkness. "Sara."
"Go away, Nick." He could tell by her voice that she'd been crying.
Ignoring her plea, he walked over toward the bed and gingerly crawled onto it next to her. "Sara, I'm sorry. I'm an idiot."
She let out a sound that was a combination of a sniffle and a scoff.
"I do want to try this, but I'm scared. I know you're scared too, I'm sorry that I acted like I was the only one." Nick tried to reassure her with his words.
Sara whispered in the darkness. "For so long I've let work consume me. I acted like an idiot for almost three years throwing myself at Grissom, knowing deep down that nothing was ever going to happen there. You've been one of my closest friends and to admit that I was feeling something for you scared the shit out of me. It was easier to fixate on something I could never have."
Nick inched closer to her and reached for her hand.
She continued talking. "I can't let work be my whole life anymore. I need to let myself have a life. The possibility of sharing part of my life with you that doesn't have anything to do with work seems incredible, but I want to try it. I don't know what's going to happen, Nick, but I want to try."
There was a hitch in Nick's voice. "I'm sorry for freaking out earlier. I want to be with you. It's just so hard for me to realize that you want to be with me. When I think about how long I think I've wanted this and how long I've been in denial about it, it seems unreal. I think all of this is going to take a little getting used to for both of us, but I want to try. I really do want to try, Sara."
Sara reached out and touched his face. "I'm sorry that I didn't give you a chance to explain." She chuckled softly. "I just loaded my insecurities and shot them at you with both barrels."
There was a hint of uncertainty in Nick's voice. "Are we ok?"
She smiled and leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. "Yeah, I think we're ok."
Nick smiled in the darkness. "Good, because we rented a really good movie and I was looking forward to watching it with you. C'mon, you can sleep later."
Sara started to laugh as Nick pulled her out of bed and back into the living room where they settled themselves on the couch to watch 'Pirates of the Caribean'.