[TIME CUT: Kim Manners' Bar —9:15 P.M.]
FADE IN:
[Kim Manners' Bar is a well lighted, cheery place friends can go after work to tip back a few. The whole gang is there tonight, Doggett, Skinner, Mulder and Spender are all sitting at the bar, eating peanuts, drinking beer, watching football and grunting the occasional "Gimme the peanuts" at each other. Well, all accept Mulder, that is. Mulder is chewing on the nuts and chittering in the same manner as a squirrel with A.D. Brad, Monica and Scully are all laughing it up and shooting some pool. Marita is nowhere to be seen, of course.]
[We slowly pan to the door, it opens, revealing Krycek, (in all his sweaty glory), in his hockey gear, fresh off the ice. He swaggers in; Brad, Monica and Scully look up. Brad rolls his eyes.]
BRAD: Oh my God, look at Gordie Howe over there.
MONICA: (Confused) Why is he dressed like that?
SCULLY: Don't say anything to him! Then he'll come over here and everyone will know we know him!
[Mulder looks over and sees Alex]
MULDER: Sasha! I didn't know you were coming! C'mere and eat some peanuts with us! Look, Monica, Brad and Dana are all over there playing pool!
MONICA: D'oh!
[Krycek ignores Mulder for the moment, he has his sights set on a beautiful blonde woman sitting at the bar, she is drinking a Coors Lite and picking at a basket of popcorn shrimp. Krycek grins and saunters over to her.]
KRYCEK: (Speaking Swedish) God afton.
(Good evening.)
[The young woman glances up sharply, startled by the use of her native language.]
YOUNG WOMAN: Talar ni svenska?!
(Do you speak Swedish?!)
KRYCEK: (Sexy tone) Yah.
(Yeah.)
[In the background, Brad, Monica and Dana are all glancing bewilderly at each other.]
MONICA: When did bonehead learn to speak Swedish?
BRAD: I have no idea.
SCULLY: Fifty bucks says he can't speak it at all, he's probably listening to a set of headphones and the tape is in his pocket or something.
MONICA: I'll take that bet.
[Monica and Scully shake hands and the three of them move in closer to hear Krycek's conversation.]
YOUNG WOMAN: (Smiles at Krycek) Mitt namn ar Helga.
(My name's Helga.)
KRYCEK: (Doesn't know what this means) Uhh… De tar i tarna.
(They pinch my toes.)
[Krycek is thinking he just said, "Like my hockey stick?" Helga, however, looks confused, but she plays along. She smiles.]
HELGA: Forlat?
(I beg your pardon?)
KRYCEK: (Seductively, leans closer) Vill ni vara vanlig och fylla I den har blanketten?
(Would you mind filling in this registration form?)
HELGA: (Blinks) Uh… Ursakta?
(Excuse me?)
[In the background, Brad, Monica and Scully are all trying to hide their giggles, somehow they just know Krycek is making an ass of himeself.]
KRYCEK: (Turns, glares at them, to Helga, sexy) Jag skulle vilja ha helforsakning?
(I want full insurance.)
HELGA: (Really confused, trying not to laugh) Uh, Jag forstar inte.
(Uh… I don't understand.)
BRAD: (Laughing) Alex, speak English!
KRYCEK: (Turns to Brad/angerily/meaning to say "I don't speak English!") Detta ar inte MINA skor!
(These aren't MY shoes!)
[Helga hides a giggle behind her hand, Monica and Scully are clinging to the pool table, hyperventilating. Krycek turns back to Helga and attemps once more to act sexy in his hockey gear.]
KRYCEK: (Sexy) Jag har forstoppning.
[At this point in time, Helga bursts out laughing. She is laughing so hard she spills her drink all over the bar.]
HELGA: (Between laughs) Oh… My… God! You just said "I'm constipated"!
KRYCEK: (Surprised) YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!
HELGA: (Laughing) Of course I speak English! I teach at the University!
KRYCEK: (Freaking out) What do you mean, 'you teach at the University'?!
HELGA: (Still laughing) I mean, I teach German history at the University of Washington D.C.
KRYCEK: (Wary) How old are you?
HELGA: Forty-four.
KRYCEK: AHHHHHH!!!
[At that point in time, Krycek runs screaming from the bar, leaving Helga, Brad, Scully and Monica chortling in his wake.]
[TIME CUT: Mulder and Krycek's apartment—11:25 P.M.]
[It's late when Mulder comes home. His spirits are high and he is very happy because the Washington Redskins beat the New York Jets 36-3. He enters the apartment and slips off his shoes and jacket and sets it on a small bench in the hallway. Suddenly Mulder notices that everything is dark and quiet in his small abode. Where was Krycek? Mulder saw him leave the bar so he probably went home, right? Where else would he be…?]
MULDER: (Frightened) Sasha?
[He creeps toward the back of the apartment.]
MULDER: Alex? Are you here?
[As he creeps deeper into the apartment, he starts to hear strains of music.]
CD PLAYER: Mamma Mia! Here I go again! Mamma Mia…!
MULDER: (Confused) Alex?
[He walks into the living room, surprised to see Krycek lying face first on the couch in his underwear, his hockey gear strewn about the room. The CD player is on and blaring Abba's Greatest Hits. Mulder turns on the lights.]
MULDER: Alex! There you are! What's going on?
KRYCEK: (Depressed) … Nothin'.
MULDER: Why are you sitting here in your underwear listening to Abba?
KRYCEK: (Depressed) … Dunno.
[Mulder can hear the depressed tone in Alex's voice.]
MULDER: (Sits down beside Krycek) C'mon Alex, what's the matter?
[Krycek rolls over on his back and stares at the ceiling.]
KRYCEK: Aw, Mulder, who am I kidding? I'll never get Marita back. She's in love with that Alfredo bastard. (He sniffles)
MULDER: Oh…! Alex! Is this about that Swedish teacher at the bar?
KRYCEK: WHO TOLD YOU?!
MULDER: I was there, remember?
KRYCEK: Oh. Yeah.
MULDER: Well, is this about the Swedish lady?
KRYCEK: (Sniffles) I made such an ass of myself.
MULDER: It's not the first time, Alex, you've made a butt-head out of yourself before.
KRYCEK: Yeah, I know… but… I just want my Marita back… (Sniffles louder)
MULDER: Awww… Sasha! You know what will make you feel all better? Some nice, soft music and a biiiigggg cup of my famous hot chocolate!
KRYCEK: (Still depressed) Yeah, okay, whatever.
[Mulder gets up and goes over to change the radio station. Abba goes off and a modern rock station comes on. Mulder is reaching for the knob to change the station when the phone rings.]
MULDER: (Happy) I'll get it!
[He skips out of the room to answer the phone. Krycek starts to zone out when something on the radio catches his attention.]
RADIO DJ #1: (Cornball chuckle) Heh heh heh, that's right! It's hockey night in D.C.! We're givin' away a trip for you and ten of your closest friends to fly round trip first class to Denver, Colorado to see the Washington Capitals cream the Colorado Avalanche!
RADIO DJ #2: (Cornball chuckle) HEH HEH! THAT'S RIGHT! WE'RE GONNA CREAM 'EM, YEAH!
RADIO DJ #1: YEAH! Heh heh! You'll get tickets to the game, round trip airfare, three nights in the Westin hotel, and $500 spending cash for the first caller… right now!
KRYCEK: KICK ASS!
[Krycek scrambles off the couch and dives for the phone that's next to the TV. He picks it up and holds it to his ear.]
TELEMARKETER: (Robotic voice) If… you… would… like… to… purchase… a… Chia… George… Bush… please… press… one… now…
KRYCEK: (Screams) MULDER, GET OFF THE PHONE!!!!
[Mulder quickly hangs up the phone and Krycek hurrily dials the number to the radio station. The phone rings.]
KRYCEK: C'mon…. c'mon…
RADIO DJ #1: (Cornball chuckle) Heh heh! This is XQTW, Today's New Modern Rock! Who's this?
KRYCEK: ALEX KRYCEK! RUSSIAN LOVE GOD!
RADIO DJ #2: Errr… what?
KRYCEK: (Excited) AM I CALLER NUMBER ONE?!
RADIO DJ #1: (Cornball chuckle) That depends, heh heh! Can you name the lead singer of Donny and Marie AND the number of molcules in that person's car?!
KRYCEK: Err… Donny… and… three billion.
[The DJs pause.]
RADIO DJ #2: OH MY GOD! HE GOT IT RIGHT!
[DJs gasp.]
RADIO DJ #1: YOU WIN!
KRYCEK: (Excited shriek) REALLY?!
RADIO DJ #2: Yes! You win the tickets! Who are you gonna take with you?!
KRYCEK: WHO CARES?! MARITA WILL LOVE ME AGAIN BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE THE HOTTEST RUSSIAN-SWEDISH HOCKEY PLAYER EVER!!
RADIO DJ #1: Yeeaahhh… whatever.
[After a few moments on the phone, Krycek gives the DJs his personal information so he can go and pick up his prize. Mulder comes into the living room with two huge steaming mugs of hot chocolate.]
MULDER: (Holds the cup out to Krycek) Here you go! I steamed the milk with my espresso machine!
KRYCEK: You don't have an espresso machine!
MULDER: Yes, I do!
KRYCEK: No, you don't!
MULDER: Yes, I do!
KRYCEK: No, you don't!
MULDER: Yes, I do!
KRYCEK: No, you don't!
MULDER: No, I don't!
KRYCEK: Yes, you do!
MULDER: See, even you agree with me, I do have an espresso maker!
[Mulder sticks his tongue out at Krycek.]
KRYCEK: DAMN YOU! Anyway, it's not important, I know how I can get Marita back!
MULDER: (Sips his drink) How?
KRYCEK: A romantic Rocky Mountain getaway to see a hockey game!
MULDER: (Gasp) WOW!
KRYCEK: Yeah! I just won a radio contest, me and ten friends get to go to Denver to see a game!
MULDER: TEN FRIENDS?! (Squeals) ALL RIGHT! A SUPER BUDDIES TRIP!
KRYCEK: I didn't say it was for Super Buddies!
MULDER: (Sniffle) Oh… Okay, I get it, Marita is more important than your friends…
[Mulder starts to cry.]
KRYCEK: Aw God, don't start that! Fine, it's a Super Buddies outting!
MULDER: YAY!
[He hugs Krycek.]
MULDER: Okay, you and ten friends, so that's me, Brad, Skinner, Doggett, Monica, Scully, Spender, and Marita! But what about the other two spots?
KRYCEK: Who cares! We'll worry about that later, let's make some phone calls!
[Krycek picks up the phone.]
[CUT TO: INT. Brad Follmer's Bedroom – 11:35 P.M.]
[We see Brad is lying on his side, sleeping. Monica has her arm thrown over his waist. The telephone rings, and he opens one eye to stare at it. It rings again.]
MONICA: (Sleepy) Answer the phone, Brad.
BRAD: (Sleepy) You answer it.
MONICA: You're closer.
[Damn. She had him there. Brad flops his arm to the general area where the phone is. His hand makes contact with it and he picks it up.]
BRAD: (Mumbles) Hello?
[There is silence for a moment as Brad is listening to the caller. Suddenly his eyes pop wide open and he bolts upright in bed.]
BRAD: HELL YES, WE'LL GO WITH YOU! AND DON'T EVER CALL AT THIS HOUR AGAIN!
[Monica also bolts upright when Brad starts yelling.]
MONICA: WHAT'S GOING ON?!
[Brad hangs up the phone and turns to Monica calmly.]
BRAD: Nothing dear, just a wrong number. (Her kisses her cheek) Goodnight.
[Brad rolls over and goes back to sleep.]
[CUT BACK TO: Mulder and Krycek's living room—11:37 P.M.]
KRYCEK: (Hangs up the phone) ALL RIGHT! We got Monica and Brad!
MULDER: Yay! (High fives Krycek)
[They go through all the telephone calls this way, inviting everyone on their list… surprisingly, everyone excepts the invitation and only Marita remains on the list of Super Buddies.]
KRYCEK: Errr… ummm… maybe we should call Marita in the morning.
[We all know Krycek is wary about speaking with Marita again… because everytime he does it seems like she just drives that nail deeper and deeper into his heart… awww.]
MULDER: Do you want me to make the call?
KRYCEK: (Suddenly brave) No! No, I'll do it! I am a hockey player, after all.
[Krycek picks up the phone and dials the number…]
[CUT TO: INT. Robert Alfredo's living room – 11:40 P.M.]
[The room is dark, lit only by a few candles which are placed around the coffee table in a romantic setting. There is a bottle of bubbly and a plate of oysters on the half-shell on the table. Robert and Marita are cuddling closely on the couch.]
MARITA: [Giggles] I love you, Robert, you're a much better lover then Alex ever was!
[On cue, the phone rings, shattering the romantic atmosphere.]
ROBERT: I'll get it.
MARITA: No! Don't! It's so… un-lovey! It ruins the mood!
ROBERT: Yeah, but it might be my mom!
MARITA: (Is now mad and pouty) Fine. I don't care.
ROBERT: Aw, Marita! C'mon-…!
MARITA: (Holds up hand) No, just go ahead. See if I care.
ROBERT: Argh. (Reaches for the phone) What?
[HARD CUT TO: INT. Mulder and Krycek's living room – 11:41 P.M.]
KRYCEK: (Smug) Alfredo, you bas-…
MULDER: AHEM!
KRYCEK: -You… old buddy of mine. Lemme talk to Marita.
ROBERT: (Filtered, over phone) She's not here.
KRYCEK: You're such a liar, I can hear her whiney breathing in the background.
[Mulder gasps.]
MULDER: Alex!
KRYCEK: Shut up, Mulder. (Sticks his tongue out)
[Robert puts Marita on the phone.]
MARITA: (Filtered, over phone) This is Marita speaking, who is this?
KRYCEK: (Freezes when he hears Marita's sweet, sweet voice…) Er, uh… this is, ahem, Alex.
MARITA: Oh. What do you want?
KRYCEK: Er, well, um. You see… I got tickets to this hockey game and-…
MARITA: (Interrupts) And you want me to go with you?
KRYCEK: Er, well… yes.
MARITA: Hockey is such a barbaric sport… grown men figure skating with tree branches! Who would ever watch such a thing? Let alone play it! I'm sorry, Alex, but the answer is no. I'm in love with Robert now, and I don't have time to watch a stupid hockey game with you.
[On Krycek's end of the line, his eyes fill with tears and he quickly blinks them away.]
KRYCEK: Fine! But I still want my "Hawaiian Bunny" tape back, you bitch!
[Krycek slams the phone down. Mulder gasps again.]
MULDER: Alex! You just called Marita a… a bad word!
KRYCEK: (Now depressed again) Yeah, big deal. Who cares.
MULDER: She was mean to you again, wasn't she?
KRYCEK: Yes.
MULDER: Aw! It's okay, Alex, you'll find someone nicer and all the good stuff!
KRYCEK: (Sniffles) Yeah, well, now that she doesn't want to come to Denver with us, we have three open spots for our hockey trip. And part of the agreement with the radio station was that if I can't get ten people, I have to pay for the remainder of the tickets.
[Suddenly, it seems that someone has turned on a light bulb on over Mulder's head.]
MULDER: ALEX! I know how we can fill those last three spots for the hockey trip!
KRYCEK: (Glumly) How?
MULDER: I'll invite three of my favoite Super Buddies!
KRYCEK: Great idea! Who's it gonna be? Some hot broads, I hope!
[Mulder rushes over to the phone and frantically dials a number.]
FADE IN:
[Kim Manners' Bar is a well lighted, cheery place friends can go after work to tip back a few. The whole gang is there tonight, Doggett, Skinner, Mulder and Spender are all sitting at the bar, eating peanuts, drinking beer, watching football and grunting the occasional "Gimme the peanuts" at each other. Well, all accept Mulder, that is. Mulder is chewing on the nuts and chittering in the same manner as a squirrel with A.D. Brad, Monica and Scully are all laughing it up and shooting some pool. Marita is nowhere to be seen, of course.]
[We slowly pan to the door, it opens, revealing Krycek, (in all his sweaty glory), in his hockey gear, fresh off the ice. He swaggers in; Brad, Monica and Scully look up. Brad rolls his eyes.]
BRAD: Oh my God, look at Gordie Howe over there.
MONICA: (Confused) Why is he dressed like that?
SCULLY: Don't say anything to him! Then he'll come over here and everyone will know we know him!
[Mulder looks over and sees Alex]
MULDER: Sasha! I didn't know you were coming! C'mere and eat some peanuts with us! Look, Monica, Brad and Dana are all over there playing pool!
MONICA: D'oh!
[Krycek ignores Mulder for the moment, he has his sights set on a beautiful blonde woman sitting at the bar, she is drinking a Coors Lite and picking at a basket of popcorn shrimp. Krycek grins and saunters over to her.]
KRYCEK: (Speaking Swedish) God afton.
(Good evening.)
[The young woman glances up sharply, startled by the use of her native language.]
YOUNG WOMAN: Talar ni svenska?!
(Do you speak Swedish?!)
KRYCEK: (Sexy tone) Yah.
(Yeah.)
[In the background, Brad, Monica and Dana are all glancing bewilderly at each other.]
MONICA: When did bonehead learn to speak Swedish?
BRAD: I have no idea.
SCULLY: Fifty bucks says he can't speak it at all, he's probably listening to a set of headphones and the tape is in his pocket or something.
MONICA: I'll take that bet.
[Monica and Scully shake hands and the three of them move in closer to hear Krycek's conversation.]
YOUNG WOMAN: (Smiles at Krycek) Mitt namn ar Helga.
(My name's Helga.)
KRYCEK: (Doesn't know what this means) Uhh… De tar i tarna.
(They pinch my toes.)
[Krycek is thinking he just said, "Like my hockey stick?" Helga, however, looks confused, but she plays along. She smiles.]
HELGA: Forlat?
(I beg your pardon?)
KRYCEK: (Seductively, leans closer) Vill ni vara vanlig och fylla I den har blanketten?
(Would you mind filling in this registration form?)
HELGA: (Blinks) Uh… Ursakta?
(Excuse me?)
[In the background, Brad, Monica and Scully are all trying to hide their giggles, somehow they just know Krycek is making an ass of himeself.]
KRYCEK: (Turns, glares at them, to Helga, sexy) Jag skulle vilja ha helforsakning?
(I want full insurance.)
HELGA: (Really confused, trying not to laugh) Uh, Jag forstar inte.
(Uh… I don't understand.)
BRAD: (Laughing) Alex, speak English!
KRYCEK: (Turns to Brad/angerily/meaning to say "I don't speak English!") Detta ar inte MINA skor!
(These aren't MY shoes!)
[Helga hides a giggle behind her hand, Monica and Scully are clinging to the pool table, hyperventilating. Krycek turns back to Helga and attemps once more to act sexy in his hockey gear.]
KRYCEK: (Sexy) Jag har forstoppning.
[At this point in time, Helga bursts out laughing. She is laughing so hard she spills her drink all over the bar.]
HELGA: (Between laughs) Oh… My… God! You just said "I'm constipated"!
KRYCEK: (Surprised) YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?!
HELGA: (Laughing) Of course I speak English! I teach at the University!
KRYCEK: (Freaking out) What do you mean, 'you teach at the University'?!
HELGA: (Still laughing) I mean, I teach German history at the University of Washington D.C.
KRYCEK: (Wary) How old are you?
HELGA: Forty-four.
KRYCEK: AHHHHHH!!!
[At that point in time, Krycek runs screaming from the bar, leaving Helga, Brad, Scully and Monica chortling in his wake.]
[TIME CUT: Mulder and Krycek's apartment—11:25 P.M.]
[It's late when Mulder comes home. His spirits are high and he is very happy because the Washington Redskins beat the New York Jets 36-3. He enters the apartment and slips off his shoes and jacket and sets it on a small bench in the hallway. Suddenly Mulder notices that everything is dark and quiet in his small abode. Where was Krycek? Mulder saw him leave the bar so he probably went home, right? Where else would he be…?]
MULDER: (Frightened) Sasha?
[He creeps toward the back of the apartment.]
MULDER: Alex? Are you here?
[As he creeps deeper into the apartment, he starts to hear strains of music.]
CD PLAYER: Mamma Mia! Here I go again! Mamma Mia…!
MULDER: (Confused) Alex?
[He walks into the living room, surprised to see Krycek lying face first on the couch in his underwear, his hockey gear strewn about the room. The CD player is on and blaring Abba's Greatest Hits. Mulder turns on the lights.]
MULDER: Alex! There you are! What's going on?
KRYCEK: (Depressed) … Nothin'.
MULDER: Why are you sitting here in your underwear listening to Abba?
KRYCEK: (Depressed) … Dunno.
[Mulder can hear the depressed tone in Alex's voice.]
MULDER: (Sits down beside Krycek) C'mon Alex, what's the matter?
[Krycek rolls over on his back and stares at the ceiling.]
KRYCEK: Aw, Mulder, who am I kidding? I'll never get Marita back. She's in love with that Alfredo bastard. (He sniffles)
MULDER: Oh…! Alex! Is this about that Swedish teacher at the bar?
KRYCEK: WHO TOLD YOU?!
MULDER: I was there, remember?
KRYCEK: Oh. Yeah.
MULDER: Well, is this about the Swedish lady?
KRYCEK: (Sniffles) I made such an ass of myself.
MULDER: It's not the first time, Alex, you've made a butt-head out of yourself before.
KRYCEK: Yeah, I know… but… I just want my Marita back… (Sniffles louder)
MULDER: Awww… Sasha! You know what will make you feel all better? Some nice, soft music and a biiiigggg cup of my famous hot chocolate!
KRYCEK: (Still depressed) Yeah, okay, whatever.
[Mulder gets up and goes over to change the radio station. Abba goes off and a modern rock station comes on. Mulder is reaching for the knob to change the station when the phone rings.]
MULDER: (Happy) I'll get it!
[He skips out of the room to answer the phone. Krycek starts to zone out when something on the radio catches his attention.]
RADIO DJ #1: (Cornball chuckle) Heh heh heh, that's right! It's hockey night in D.C.! We're givin' away a trip for you and ten of your closest friends to fly round trip first class to Denver, Colorado to see the Washington Capitals cream the Colorado Avalanche!
RADIO DJ #2: (Cornball chuckle) HEH HEH! THAT'S RIGHT! WE'RE GONNA CREAM 'EM, YEAH!
RADIO DJ #1: YEAH! Heh heh! You'll get tickets to the game, round trip airfare, three nights in the Westin hotel, and $500 spending cash for the first caller… right now!
KRYCEK: KICK ASS!
[Krycek scrambles off the couch and dives for the phone that's next to the TV. He picks it up and holds it to his ear.]
TELEMARKETER: (Robotic voice) If… you… would… like… to… purchase… a… Chia… George… Bush… please… press… one… now…
KRYCEK: (Screams) MULDER, GET OFF THE PHONE!!!!
[Mulder quickly hangs up the phone and Krycek hurrily dials the number to the radio station. The phone rings.]
KRYCEK: C'mon…. c'mon…
RADIO DJ #1: (Cornball chuckle) Heh heh! This is XQTW, Today's New Modern Rock! Who's this?
KRYCEK: ALEX KRYCEK! RUSSIAN LOVE GOD!
RADIO DJ #2: Errr… what?
KRYCEK: (Excited) AM I CALLER NUMBER ONE?!
RADIO DJ #1: (Cornball chuckle) That depends, heh heh! Can you name the lead singer of Donny and Marie AND the number of molcules in that person's car?!
KRYCEK: Err… Donny… and… three billion.
[The DJs pause.]
RADIO DJ #2: OH MY GOD! HE GOT IT RIGHT!
[DJs gasp.]
RADIO DJ #1: YOU WIN!
KRYCEK: (Excited shriek) REALLY?!
RADIO DJ #2: Yes! You win the tickets! Who are you gonna take with you?!
KRYCEK: WHO CARES?! MARITA WILL LOVE ME AGAIN BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE THE HOTTEST RUSSIAN-SWEDISH HOCKEY PLAYER EVER!!
RADIO DJ #1: Yeeaahhh… whatever.
[After a few moments on the phone, Krycek gives the DJs his personal information so he can go and pick up his prize. Mulder comes into the living room with two huge steaming mugs of hot chocolate.]
MULDER: (Holds the cup out to Krycek) Here you go! I steamed the milk with my espresso machine!
KRYCEK: You don't have an espresso machine!
MULDER: Yes, I do!
KRYCEK: No, you don't!
MULDER: Yes, I do!
KRYCEK: No, you don't!
MULDER: Yes, I do!
KRYCEK: No, you don't!
MULDER: No, I don't!
KRYCEK: Yes, you do!
MULDER: See, even you agree with me, I do have an espresso maker!
[Mulder sticks his tongue out at Krycek.]
KRYCEK: DAMN YOU! Anyway, it's not important, I know how I can get Marita back!
MULDER: (Sips his drink) How?
KRYCEK: A romantic Rocky Mountain getaway to see a hockey game!
MULDER: (Gasp) WOW!
KRYCEK: Yeah! I just won a radio contest, me and ten friends get to go to Denver to see a game!
MULDER: TEN FRIENDS?! (Squeals) ALL RIGHT! A SUPER BUDDIES TRIP!
KRYCEK: I didn't say it was for Super Buddies!
MULDER: (Sniffle) Oh… Okay, I get it, Marita is more important than your friends…
[Mulder starts to cry.]
KRYCEK: Aw God, don't start that! Fine, it's a Super Buddies outting!
MULDER: YAY!
[He hugs Krycek.]
MULDER: Okay, you and ten friends, so that's me, Brad, Skinner, Doggett, Monica, Scully, Spender, and Marita! But what about the other two spots?
KRYCEK: Who cares! We'll worry about that later, let's make some phone calls!
[Krycek picks up the phone.]
[CUT TO: INT. Brad Follmer's Bedroom – 11:35 P.M.]
[We see Brad is lying on his side, sleeping. Monica has her arm thrown over his waist. The telephone rings, and he opens one eye to stare at it. It rings again.]
MONICA: (Sleepy) Answer the phone, Brad.
BRAD: (Sleepy) You answer it.
MONICA: You're closer.
[Damn. She had him there. Brad flops his arm to the general area where the phone is. His hand makes contact with it and he picks it up.]
BRAD: (Mumbles) Hello?
[There is silence for a moment as Brad is listening to the caller. Suddenly his eyes pop wide open and he bolts upright in bed.]
BRAD: HELL YES, WE'LL GO WITH YOU! AND DON'T EVER CALL AT THIS HOUR AGAIN!
[Monica also bolts upright when Brad starts yelling.]
MONICA: WHAT'S GOING ON?!
[Brad hangs up the phone and turns to Monica calmly.]
BRAD: Nothing dear, just a wrong number. (Her kisses her cheek) Goodnight.
[Brad rolls over and goes back to sleep.]
[CUT BACK TO: Mulder and Krycek's living room—11:37 P.M.]
KRYCEK: (Hangs up the phone) ALL RIGHT! We got Monica and Brad!
MULDER: Yay! (High fives Krycek)
[They go through all the telephone calls this way, inviting everyone on their list… surprisingly, everyone excepts the invitation and only Marita remains on the list of Super Buddies.]
KRYCEK: Errr… ummm… maybe we should call Marita in the morning.
[We all know Krycek is wary about speaking with Marita again… because everytime he does it seems like she just drives that nail deeper and deeper into his heart… awww.]
MULDER: Do you want me to make the call?
KRYCEK: (Suddenly brave) No! No, I'll do it! I am a hockey player, after all.
[Krycek picks up the phone and dials the number…]
[CUT TO: INT. Robert Alfredo's living room – 11:40 P.M.]
[The room is dark, lit only by a few candles which are placed around the coffee table in a romantic setting. There is a bottle of bubbly and a plate of oysters on the half-shell on the table. Robert and Marita are cuddling closely on the couch.]
MARITA: [Giggles] I love you, Robert, you're a much better lover then Alex ever was!
[On cue, the phone rings, shattering the romantic atmosphere.]
ROBERT: I'll get it.
MARITA: No! Don't! It's so… un-lovey! It ruins the mood!
ROBERT: Yeah, but it might be my mom!
MARITA: (Is now mad and pouty) Fine. I don't care.
ROBERT: Aw, Marita! C'mon-…!
MARITA: (Holds up hand) No, just go ahead. See if I care.
ROBERT: Argh. (Reaches for the phone) What?
[HARD CUT TO: INT. Mulder and Krycek's living room – 11:41 P.M.]
KRYCEK: (Smug) Alfredo, you bas-…
MULDER: AHEM!
KRYCEK: -You… old buddy of mine. Lemme talk to Marita.
ROBERT: (Filtered, over phone) She's not here.
KRYCEK: You're such a liar, I can hear her whiney breathing in the background.
[Mulder gasps.]
MULDER: Alex!
KRYCEK: Shut up, Mulder. (Sticks his tongue out)
[Robert puts Marita on the phone.]
MARITA: (Filtered, over phone) This is Marita speaking, who is this?
KRYCEK: (Freezes when he hears Marita's sweet, sweet voice…) Er, uh… this is, ahem, Alex.
MARITA: Oh. What do you want?
KRYCEK: Er, well, um. You see… I got tickets to this hockey game and-…
MARITA: (Interrupts) And you want me to go with you?
KRYCEK: Er, well… yes.
MARITA: Hockey is such a barbaric sport… grown men figure skating with tree branches! Who would ever watch such a thing? Let alone play it! I'm sorry, Alex, but the answer is no. I'm in love with Robert now, and I don't have time to watch a stupid hockey game with you.
[On Krycek's end of the line, his eyes fill with tears and he quickly blinks them away.]
KRYCEK: Fine! But I still want my "Hawaiian Bunny" tape back, you bitch!
[Krycek slams the phone down. Mulder gasps again.]
MULDER: Alex! You just called Marita a… a bad word!
KRYCEK: (Now depressed again) Yeah, big deal. Who cares.
MULDER: She was mean to you again, wasn't she?
KRYCEK: Yes.
MULDER: Aw! It's okay, Alex, you'll find someone nicer and all the good stuff!
KRYCEK: (Sniffles) Yeah, well, now that she doesn't want to come to Denver with us, we have three open spots for our hockey trip. And part of the agreement with the radio station was that if I can't get ten people, I have to pay for the remainder of the tickets.
[Suddenly, it seems that someone has turned on a light bulb on over Mulder's head.]
MULDER: ALEX! I know how we can fill those last three spots for the hockey trip!
KRYCEK: (Glumly) How?
MULDER: I'll invite three of my favoite Super Buddies!
KRYCEK: Great idea! Who's it gonna be? Some hot broads, I hope!
[Mulder rushes over to the phone and frantically dials a number.]