[HARD CUT TO: INT. Kristi and Cassie's living room – 11:56 P.M.]
[Kristi and Cassie are sitting on their couch, relaxing after a hard day of figure skating at the ice rink. They are both sipping on Live Wire Mountain Dew slurppies and watching CSI on DVD.]
CASSIE: I think Nick Stokes is much cuter than Greg Sanders.
KRISTI: No way, Robert Patrick is better than both of them.
CASSIE: Nick Stokes.
KRISTI: Robert Patrick.
CASSIE: Nick Stokes.
KRISTI: Robert Patrick.
CASSIE: Nick Stokes.
KRISTI: Robert Patrick.
CASSIE: NICK STOKES!
KRISTI: ROBERT PATRICK!
[The phone rings.]
CASSIE: You get it.
KRISTI: No, you get it.
CASSIE: You get it.
KRISTI: You get it.
CASSIE: You get it.
KRISTI: FINE, I'LL GET THE DAMN THING!
CASSIE: I thought so.
[Kristi gets up to answer the phone.]
KRISTI: Hello?
MULDER: (Filtered, over phone) Hi!
KRISTI: Uhh… (looks at Cassie)
MULDER: This is Fox Mulder, from Super Buddies!
[Kristi looks suspiciously at the Mountain Dew slurppie in her hand.]
CASSIE: Who is it?
MULDER: Krycek and I were wondering if you and Cassie would like to come to hockey game with us! It's a Super Buddies outting!
KRISTI: Uhh… sure… we'll be there.
MULDER: Okay, bye!
KRISTI: Bye…
[Mulder hangs up and Kristi promptly throws her Mountain Dew into a near-by trash can.]
KRISTI: I'm never drinking Mountain Dew again.
[HARD CUT TO: INT. Cerasi's den – 11:56 P.M.]
[Pan around the den area, Cerasi is sitting at the computer, typing madly on FRVS Reviews as she is trying to beat her Friday deadline. The cell phone sitting on the computer table beside her starts to ring, the ring sounds like a noise a pinball machine would make. Cerasi looks at the cell phone and blinks.]
CERASI: Hello?
MULDER: (Filtered, over phone) Hi!
CERASI: Er…
[Cerasi looks a little freaked, she scrolls up and reads her work. She's really confused.]
CERASI: Errr… umm… can I help you?
MULDER: Krycek and I were wondering if you would like to come to hockey game with us! It's a Super Buddies outting!
CERASI: Er… uh… wait, did you say 'hockey game'?
MULDER: Yeah, in Colorado!
[Cerasi looks over at the many Peter Forsberg posters plastered to her wall. There is a big heart drawn around one of them.]
CERASI: Sure, I'll be there.
MULDER: Yay! Great! Thank you!
[Cerasi hangs up the phone and glances at the Starbucks cup on her desk.]
CERASI: I will never drink another Starbucks as long as I live.
[HARD CUT TO: INT. Mulder and Krycek's living room – Midnight]
[Mulder hangs up the phone, he is very happy.]
MULDER: Cerasi, Kristi and Cassie can all make it and fill the empty spots!
KRYCEK: Three broads? Wow Mulder, you do have connections!
[TIME CUT: — ONE WEEK LATER]
[Mulder, Krycek, Brad, Scully, Monica, Doggett, Skinner, Kristi, Cassie and Cerasi are standing at Gate 74, awaiting their flight to Denver. Doggett is already looking sick, Skinner and Brad have decided they are die-hard Caps fans and have gone all out with shirts, caps and jackets. Brad's laptop bag even has a Washington Capitals logo on it. Scully and Monica are quiet, but are secretly looking forward to watching all the cute hockey players strut their stuff on the ice. Krycek is dressed in his hockey gear again and Mulder is also quiet and wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs t-shirt. Cerasi is wearing headphones and is writing furiously in a notebook. Kristi and Cassie, however, are just wondering how the hell they got there.]
MULDER: (Happy) I heard Wayne Gretzky and Bobby Hull are gonna be on this flight!
[The gang glances warily at each other… they remember what happened last time…]
DOGGETT: (To Brad) Heh heh, I bet that Colorado is really gonna lose to the Caps, right Brad?
[Cerasi looks up.]
CERASI: Are you nuts? Colorado is leading the league in scoring. Milan Hejduk won the Maurice Richard trophy last year.
DOGGETT: Eh, err. Oh. Yeah. I knew that.
[Cerasi rolls her eyes and Brad smirks.]
FLIGHT ATTENDENT: Attention ladies and gentlemen, United flight 175 to Denver International Airport is now boarding, please present your ticket at the gate, thank you and have a nice flight.
[TIME CUT: UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT 175 — 12:30 p.m.]
[Of course, we all know what's happening on the flight. We've seen it so many times before… Doggett is green, clutching an air-sickness bag and is blaming all his problems on Monica. Scully is trying to comfort Doggett. Brad, Skinner and Krycek are all just staying out of it. Mulder is running up and down, back and forth, checking every face in a vain attempt to get The Great One's autograph. Cerasi is writing "Peter Forsberg Rox My Sox" on the cover of her notebook and Kristi and Cassie are still wondering if there was something in the Mountain Dew. Well, since we got that all cleared up, on with the story!]
[TIME CUT: PEPSI CENTER — 1:30 — The Next Day]
[It's a bright, beautiful, clear, sunny day in Denver, Colorado. For an October day, the birds are singing, and all the leaves on the trees are a golden yellow. Speer Boulevard is crowded as always, but for a different reason today. Nine out of ten cars are making the right hand turn from Speer onto Chopper Lane and heading for the Pepsi Center parking lot. Our gang arrives in a limo, which was part of the radio station deal. Krycek is wearing all his hockey gear, (and this time is wearing a Washington Capitals jersey with 'Krycek' and the number 39 printed on the back) and has his nose pressed against the window of the limo.]
KRYCEK: Wow! Look at all those people, streaming into the Pepsi Center, thinking their team is gonna win.
CERASI: Our team is gonna win, you dumbass.
KRYCEK: Was anyone talking to you?
MULDER: All right Super Buddies, let's not fight! We're here to have fun and to watch a fun hockey game!
CERASI: (Snorts) Fine, you're here to watch a fun hockey game, I'm here to watch the Av's beat the crap out of Washington!
SKINNER: You take that back!
CERASI: Never!
[Cerasi and the Skin-Man are about to get into it, but suddenly, the limo stops. Everyone turns to look out the window; they've stopped in front of the Center. It's a clean building, very neat and tidy and new in architecture.]
EVERYONE: Ooooooh.
CERASI: (Opens her door) LAST ONE OUT HAS TO… um… KISS KRYCEK!
[Everyone bolts from the limo and scampers up to the doors; even the limo driver has jumped out. After the dust settles, Krycek and Mulder are the only ones left in the car.]
MULDER: Hi!
KRYCEK: Oh, I'm so outta here.
[Krycek steps out of the limo. Of course, all of the fans gathered outside the doors notice the people getting out the limo. One fan in particular sees Krycek's hockey gear and jersey.]
AVALANCHE FAN #1: HEY! HE PLAYS FOR THE CAPS!
CROWD OF RABID AVALANCHE FANS: BOO!!!
CERASI: BOOOOO!!!
KRISTI: Um, yeah! BOOO!!!
[Cassie is attempting to click the heels of her tennis shoes together.]
CASSIE: (Muttering) There's no place like home, there's no place like home…
[The crowd surges forward as they open the doors to the Pepsi Center, our gang, being VIPs, are ushered through before all the ticket-buying Coloradans. Monica and Dana stand in awe, gazing about at all the Avalanche and Nuggets (puke!) memorabilia.]
SCULLY: Wow, this place is huge!
MONICA: Uh oh, look!
[Monica points at the large glass windows, where a crowd of crazied 'Lanche fans have begun throwing souvenir hockey pucks, programs, hot pretzels, hats, and the occasional cup of beer at Krycek, the Wanna-be Washington Cap. Monica and Dana quickly decide it would be best if they traded in their own Washington gear for a Joe Sakic t-shirt and Avalanche Zambeani. They quickly scamper off to the Pepsi Center Trading Company to waste some of their hard-earned paychecks.]
[NOTE TO READER: A Zambeani is a bean-bag toy shaped like a zamboni. Also, the Pepsi Center Trading Company is a retail store inside the Pepsi Center where you can buy all sorts of cool Avalanche stuff.]
[Monica and Dana emerge from the Trading Company decked from head-to-toe in the home team's navy blue and burgany. Brad spots Monica from across the room, where he is purchasing a program.]
BRAD: Trader.
[Monica sticks her tongue out at him. We pan around and notice that Krycek has finally escaped the mob of rabid hockey fans.]
KRYCEK: (Brushes off his shirt) God! They messed up my duds!
SCULLY: (Holds her nose) And you smell like beer.
[Suddenly, a man approaches them. He is wearing dark sunglasses and a finely tailored suit. He is wearing one of those cool thingies in his ear and sort of looks like Agent Smith from The Matrix. He grabs Krycek by the arm and pulls him close.]
ASSISTANT COACH: (Whispers) What are you doing up here? You were supposed to be on the ice for warm-ups a half-hour ago!
KRYCEK: Uhh… what?
ASSISTANT COACH: (Looks at the back of Krycek's jersey) You're Krycek, right?
KRYCEK: (Now is kinda freaked) Yeah, I am. But I swear to God, whatever's wrong, I didn't do it!
ASSISTANT COACH: (Ignores the last sentence) And you're from Russia?
KRYCEK: (Glances at Monica) No, I'm Swedish! You know, FRUM SWEEDDEEENNN!!!
ASSISTANT COACH: Yeah, right, c'mon. You're late for warm-up and the coach is pissed.
[The assistant coach begins pulling Krycek toward the area marked "Players, Staff and Coaches Only!" Krycek begins to freak out.]
KRYCEK: Whoa! Wait! You think I play for the Caps?! No, man! This is all a big mistake! You see, I'm just wearing this gear so I can pick up chicks!
[Brad reaches out and taps the A.C. on the shoulder.]
BRAD: Excuse me, there's been a mistake, this Special Agent Alex Krycek of the FBI, he's with us, he doesn't play for the NHL-…
ASSISTANT COACH: No, I'm sorry, you're the one who's mistaken. This is Alexei Krycek from Russia, the Caps just picked him up on a trade with Minnesota, he's the best center this team has had in a long time. And you know what? He's late for practice and my boss is really mad at me right now, so I have to get him down to the locker room for the team briefing.
[The A.C. pulls Krycek into the corridor without another word.]
BRAD: Uh oh.
MULDER: (Salutes) God-Speed, Sasha!
CERASI: (Snickering) This is gonna be soooo funny.
[Kristi and Cassie are sitting on their couch, relaxing after a hard day of figure skating at the ice rink. They are both sipping on Live Wire Mountain Dew slurppies and watching CSI on DVD.]
CASSIE: I think Nick Stokes is much cuter than Greg Sanders.
KRISTI: No way, Robert Patrick is better than both of them.
CASSIE: Nick Stokes.
KRISTI: Robert Patrick.
CASSIE: Nick Stokes.
KRISTI: Robert Patrick.
CASSIE: Nick Stokes.
KRISTI: Robert Patrick.
CASSIE: NICK STOKES!
KRISTI: ROBERT PATRICK!
[The phone rings.]
CASSIE: You get it.
KRISTI: No, you get it.
CASSIE: You get it.
KRISTI: You get it.
CASSIE: You get it.
KRISTI: FINE, I'LL GET THE DAMN THING!
CASSIE: I thought so.
[Kristi gets up to answer the phone.]
KRISTI: Hello?
MULDER: (Filtered, over phone) Hi!
KRISTI: Uhh… (looks at Cassie)
MULDER: This is Fox Mulder, from Super Buddies!
[Kristi looks suspiciously at the Mountain Dew slurppie in her hand.]
CASSIE: Who is it?
MULDER: Krycek and I were wondering if you and Cassie would like to come to hockey game with us! It's a Super Buddies outting!
KRISTI: Uhh… sure… we'll be there.
MULDER: Okay, bye!
KRISTI: Bye…
[Mulder hangs up and Kristi promptly throws her Mountain Dew into a near-by trash can.]
KRISTI: I'm never drinking Mountain Dew again.
[HARD CUT TO: INT. Cerasi's den – 11:56 P.M.]
[Pan around the den area, Cerasi is sitting at the computer, typing madly on FRVS Reviews as she is trying to beat her Friday deadline. The cell phone sitting on the computer table beside her starts to ring, the ring sounds like a noise a pinball machine would make. Cerasi looks at the cell phone and blinks.]
CERASI: Hello?
MULDER: (Filtered, over phone) Hi!
CERASI: Er…
[Cerasi looks a little freaked, she scrolls up and reads her work. She's really confused.]
CERASI: Errr… umm… can I help you?
MULDER: Krycek and I were wondering if you would like to come to hockey game with us! It's a Super Buddies outting!
CERASI: Er… uh… wait, did you say 'hockey game'?
MULDER: Yeah, in Colorado!
[Cerasi looks over at the many Peter Forsberg posters plastered to her wall. There is a big heart drawn around one of them.]
CERASI: Sure, I'll be there.
MULDER: Yay! Great! Thank you!
[Cerasi hangs up the phone and glances at the Starbucks cup on her desk.]
CERASI: I will never drink another Starbucks as long as I live.
[HARD CUT TO: INT. Mulder and Krycek's living room – Midnight]
[Mulder hangs up the phone, he is very happy.]
MULDER: Cerasi, Kristi and Cassie can all make it and fill the empty spots!
KRYCEK: Three broads? Wow Mulder, you do have connections!
[TIME CUT: — ONE WEEK LATER]
[Mulder, Krycek, Brad, Scully, Monica, Doggett, Skinner, Kristi, Cassie and Cerasi are standing at Gate 74, awaiting their flight to Denver. Doggett is already looking sick, Skinner and Brad have decided they are die-hard Caps fans and have gone all out with shirts, caps and jackets. Brad's laptop bag even has a Washington Capitals logo on it. Scully and Monica are quiet, but are secretly looking forward to watching all the cute hockey players strut their stuff on the ice. Krycek is dressed in his hockey gear again and Mulder is also quiet and wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs t-shirt. Cerasi is wearing headphones and is writing furiously in a notebook. Kristi and Cassie, however, are just wondering how the hell they got there.]
MULDER: (Happy) I heard Wayne Gretzky and Bobby Hull are gonna be on this flight!
[The gang glances warily at each other… they remember what happened last time…]
DOGGETT: (To Brad) Heh heh, I bet that Colorado is really gonna lose to the Caps, right Brad?
[Cerasi looks up.]
CERASI: Are you nuts? Colorado is leading the league in scoring. Milan Hejduk won the Maurice Richard trophy last year.
DOGGETT: Eh, err. Oh. Yeah. I knew that.
[Cerasi rolls her eyes and Brad smirks.]
FLIGHT ATTENDENT: Attention ladies and gentlemen, United flight 175 to Denver International Airport is now boarding, please present your ticket at the gate, thank you and have a nice flight.
[TIME CUT: UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT 175 — 12:30 p.m.]
[Of course, we all know what's happening on the flight. We've seen it so many times before… Doggett is green, clutching an air-sickness bag and is blaming all his problems on Monica. Scully is trying to comfort Doggett. Brad, Skinner and Krycek are all just staying out of it. Mulder is running up and down, back and forth, checking every face in a vain attempt to get The Great One's autograph. Cerasi is writing "Peter Forsberg Rox My Sox" on the cover of her notebook and Kristi and Cassie are still wondering if there was something in the Mountain Dew. Well, since we got that all cleared up, on with the story!]
[TIME CUT: PEPSI CENTER — 1:30 — The Next Day]
[It's a bright, beautiful, clear, sunny day in Denver, Colorado. For an October day, the birds are singing, and all the leaves on the trees are a golden yellow. Speer Boulevard is crowded as always, but for a different reason today. Nine out of ten cars are making the right hand turn from Speer onto Chopper Lane and heading for the Pepsi Center parking lot. Our gang arrives in a limo, which was part of the radio station deal. Krycek is wearing all his hockey gear, (and this time is wearing a Washington Capitals jersey with 'Krycek' and the number 39 printed on the back) and has his nose pressed against the window of the limo.]
KRYCEK: Wow! Look at all those people, streaming into the Pepsi Center, thinking their team is gonna win.
CERASI: Our team is gonna win, you dumbass.
KRYCEK: Was anyone talking to you?
MULDER: All right Super Buddies, let's not fight! We're here to have fun and to watch a fun hockey game!
CERASI: (Snorts) Fine, you're here to watch a fun hockey game, I'm here to watch the Av's beat the crap out of Washington!
SKINNER: You take that back!
CERASI: Never!
[Cerasi and the Skin-Man are about to get into it, but suddenly, the limo stops. Everyone turns to look out the window; they've stopped in front of the Center. It's a clean building, very neat and tidy and new in architecture.]
EVERYONE: Ooooooh.
CERASI: (Opens her door) LAST ONE OUT HAS TO… um… KISS KRYCEK!
[Everyone bolts from the limo and scampers up to the doors; even the limo driver has jumped out. After the dust settles, Krycek and Mulder are the only ones left in the car.]
MULDER: Hi!
KRYCEK: Oh, I'm so outta here.
[Krycek steps out of the limo. Of course, all of the fans gathered outside the doors notice the people getting out the limo. One fan in particular sees Krycek's hockey gear and jersey.]
AVALANCHE FAN #1: HEY! HE PLAYS FOR THE CAPS!
CROWD OF RABID AVALANCHE FANS: BOO!!!
CERASI: BOOOOO!!!
KRISTI: Um, yeah! BOOO!!!
[Cassie is attempting to click the heels of her tennis shoes together.]
CASSIE: (Muttering) There's no place like home, there's no place like home…
[The crowd surges forward as they open the doors to the Pepsi Center, our gang, being VIPs, are ushered through before all the ticket-buying Coloradans. Monica and Dana stand in awe, gazing about at all the Avalanche and Nuggets (puke!) memorabilia.]
SCULLY: Wow, this place is huge!
MONICA: Uh oh, look!
[Monica points at the large glass windows, where a crowd of crazied 'Lanche fans have begun throwing souvenir hockey pucks, programs, hot pretzels, hats, and the occasional cup of beer at Krycek, the Wanna-be Washington Cap. Monica and Dana quickly decide it would be best if they traded in their own Washington gear for a Joe Sakic t-shirt and Avalanche Zambeani. They quickly scamper off to the Pepsi Center Trading Company to waste some of their hard-earned paychecks.]
[NOTE TO READER: A Zambeani is a bean-bag toy shaped like a zamboni. Also, the Pepsi Center Trading Company is a retail store inside the Pepsi Center where you can buy all sorts of cool Avalanche stuff.]
[Monica and Dana emerge from the Trading Company decked from head-to-toe in the home team's navy blue and burgany. Brad spots Monica from across the room, where he is purchasing a program.]
BRAD: Trader.
[Monica sticks her tongue out at him. We pan around and notice that Krycek has finally escaped the mob of rabid hockey fans.]
KRYCEK: (Brushes off his shirt) God! They messed up my duds!
SCULLY: (Holds her nose) And you smell like beer.
[Suddenly, a man approaches them. He is wearing dark sunglasses and a finely tailored suit. He is wearing one of those cool thingies in his ear and sort of looks like Agent Smith from The Matrix. He grabs Krycek by the arm and pulls him close.]
ASSISTANT COACH: (Whispers) What are you doing up here? You were supposed to be on the ice for warm-ups a half-hour ago!
KRYCEK: Uhh… what?
ASSISTANT COACH: (Looks at the back of Krycek's jersey) You're Krycek, right?
KRYCEK: (Now is kinda freaked) Yeah, I am. But I swear to God, whatever's wrong, I didn't do it!
ASSISTANT COACH: (Ignores the last sentence) And you're from Russia?
KRYCEK: (Glances at Monica) No, I'm Swedish! You know, FRUM SWEEDDEEENNN!!!
ASSISTANT COACH: Yeah, right, c'mon. You're late for warm-up and the coach is pissed.
[The assistant coach begins pulling Krycek toward the area marked "Players, Staff and Coaches Only!" Krycek begins to freak out.]
KRYCEK: Whoa! Wait! You think I play for the Caps?! No, man! This is all a big mistake! You see, I'm just wearing this gear so I can pick up chicks!
[Brad reaches out and taps the A.C. on the shoulder.]
BRAD: Excuse me, there's been a mistake, this Special Agent Alex Krycek of the FBI, he's with us, he doesn't play for the NHL-…
ASSISTANT COACH: No, I'm sorry, you're the one who's mistaken. This is Alexei Krycek from Russia, the Caps just picked him up on a trade with Minnesota, he's the best center this team has had in a long time. And you know what? He's late for practice and my boss is really mad at me right now, so I have to get him down to the locker room for the team briefing.
[The A.C. pulls Krycek into the corridor without another word.]
BRAD: Uh oh.
MULDER: (Salutes) God-Speed, Sasha!
CERASI: (Snickering) This is gonna be soooo funny.