Not a few minutes after collapsing, Nabiki awoke to see Kasumi, Akane, and their father standing over her, and Ranma crouching next to her, holding an ice pack to her head. She was still laying on the dojo floor, a bit dizzy, but otherwise all right. It took the next half-hour for her to grasp the predicament behind Ranma's new "look," even with the help of Akane and Ranma himself.
"You mean to tell me that we're going to have to deal with two of you?" She finally responded after listening to their tale.
"Um… yeah, sorta." Ranma scratched his head nervously. "'Least, two bodies, 'ccordin' ta the ol'—" He stopped short with a bop on the head, courtesy of Akane. "Er, Cologne."
"She said something about his spirit 'rejecting his curse,'" Akane explained.
"B-but this never happened to anyone else we know with a curse."
"I know, and I agree that it's weird, but… I'm not sure. Cologne said his spiritual strength was pushing the curse out of his body, and apparently that includes the physical part of it."
"Yeah… and what 'specially scares me… I mean, she said it's only happ'ned to a few people in th' whole hist'ry of Jyusenkyo. So… she don't have a clue what it'll be like f'r me, even tho' she's s'posed ta be the expert in this sorta thing."
"Oh, Kami-sama… even Cologne doesn't know what's going on? Damn, I feel sorry for you, Ranma. But it's kind of special, too, don't you think? I mean, if you survive, you'll have a great story to tell your grandkids," Nabiki chuckled at her joke.
"Onee-chan, there's just one other problem—considering how you took the news… how do you think everyone else will? If this sort of thing caused the 'Ice Queen' to faint…"
"Hmm… if I had to bet, I'd say Kasumi would make a note to buy extra extra food next time she goes shopping; Daddy's going to bawl his eyes out about how horrible it must feel to be going through that kind of torture; Oji-baka will congratulate his son for finally being rid of his curse—and then try to steal whatever he thinks is causing it—and Oba-san… well, your guess is as good as mine, but most likely she'll be on about making his girl form commit seppuku for not being a 'man amongst men.'"
Akane glared daggers at her. "I'm serious, Nabiki."
Nabiki waved her hand flippantly, saying, "Oh, well, in that case, we're likely to have World War Three on our hands."
Ranma walked cautiously into the living room, hoping not to attract the attention of the stoic shougisashi in the doorway, engrossed in their game. He breathed a sigh of relief when neither looked his way, then proceeded up the stairs to his room. He sat down on his bedroll in lotus position, then maneuvered his body until he was standing on his head, to prepare for meditation. Maybe, he thought, I can find some answers from Mister—Miss?—Mystery.
Coming to me for help? came the voice, as he'd expected. Things are really getting bad, ne?
I'm just… exhausting my sources, that's all. What better way to find out about this than to ask the person responsible?
Me? Responsible? Sorry, but no. I'm just part of the deal.
Well, if you can't help, can you just leave? I'm not fond of talking to… well, myself.
It'd be awfully hard to get rid of me. And I bet I've got something to do with this whole splitting thing, don't you think? Although, to me, it's sort of a good thing.
A good thing!? How? If you're me, it'll be just as painful as for me.
Painful? Who said it would be? The old ghoul sure didn't.
But—oh, yeah… that's right. Even if she didn't say so, though, I bet it will be. I don't think splitting into two bodies is really something that's meant to be… pleasant.
Why not? Biology class, man. You're doing it all the time, down at the cellular level. I guess this is just something like that.
I hate biology. Jeez, listening for an hour about chroma-tommies and taxo-what's-it's—
You mean 'chromosomes' and 'taxonomies'?
Uh… yeah. Hey, shut up! I wasn't listening then because I didn't want to know!
Sorry, man. I can't help it if it's interesting.
Aren't you me? I sure don't think it's interesting, so why would you?
Yep, I'm you. That doesn't mean I think like you, though—you might call me an 'alter ego'; you know, those things superheroes always have?
… Sure, whatever.
Look, this whole curse thing—don't get me wrong, I don't want it to end up killing you, either, but… somehow I get this feeling that… it'll turn out well. Plus I get to escape from this boring mind of yours—
Boring!? Come on, martial arts is my life!! How can you think that's boring?
The same way you think biology is boring.
If it were possible, Ranma was sure he'd be glaring suspiciously at… himself. As it was, he had to settle for thinking a glare at his 'alter ego.'
Anyhow, seeing as it's inevitable, we'd better decide who gets which body, assuming we have a choice.
Why am I thinking of myself as a 'we'?
Face it, buddy. We're a 'we.' If it makes you feel better, I'm pretty sure I'm just a side effect of the curse and the little joy ride it's taking us on. So, when this whole thing goes through… you're free of me, I'm free of you, everybody lives happily ever after, ne?
'Happily ever after,' my ass! What if we—I mean, I—what if I die!?
I… don't know. But, after all, there's not much we can do about it. Tell you what, how about I take the guy body, so you can have the small, fast, hard-to-hit girl body, which is much better suited for your midair fights?
Not on your life! Er… my life, I mean. Whatever. But there's no way I'm taking the girl body! I'm half as strong in that body! You take the girl body, and shut up and go play with your chromosonics!
'Chromosomes.' And that could so be taken the wrong way by an actual girl.
Shut up, I said!
So you did.
Ranma quietly seethed to himself. You'd think my subconscious would know something about this.
Nope, I already told you; sorry.
"SHUT UP!!!"
Akane poked her head in from the hall. "I sure hope you weren't talking to me, Ranma," she said, giving him a dark stare.
"Uh, no, no, I was jus'… um… talkin' to… my alarm clock, it, uh, went off, and—"
"You don't have an alarm clock, Ranma. You were talking to me, weren't you!?"
As Mallet-sama appeared from… goodness-knows-where… he shouted in defense, "No, Akane, ya got it all wrong, I—" Best not to say that, he reasoned. "Well, if ya really wanna know, I—" Before he could finish, the wall behind him suddenly ceased to be.
"RANMA! LET'S FINISH THIS!!!"
Momentarily distracted from her blind rage at Ranma, Akane looked up to see none other than— "Oh, konbanha, Ryouga-kun! Ano, would you please use the door next time?"
"My apologies. I'll do my best to remember." Turning to Ranma, Ryouga changed his demeanor. "Meanwhile, Saotome, I have a score to settle with you! How could you disgrace Akane like that!?"
"Ryouga," Ranma acknowledged, his own manner shifting from cowering before Akane's Wrath, to an even stare at his long-time rival. "Nice ta see ya again."
"I would say likewise, if it weren't for the reason I'm here," countered Ryouga.
"And what's that?"
"Ryouga, I thought the whole 'vengeance' matter was settled," Akane interjected, trying to prevent any more damage if she could help it.
"It was. This is a new matter—concerning your honor, and this cretin's lack of it."
"What?"
"Yeah, 'what?' I toldja, that was all jus' some joke; nothin' even happened."
"He disgraced you, Akane! He cheated on you; he slept with someone behind your back!"
"He did nothing of the sort, Ryouga! I know you don't believe him, but I do; if he said it's a prank someone pulled on him, then that's what happened, okay?"
"Y-you believed me?"
Akane froze in mid-rant; a shocked Ryouga glanced grimly at Ranma, almost sorry for him.
"Any reason I… shouldn't, Ranma?" Akane said coldly, turning to face him.
"Um, well, no, I was just, uh, kinda surprised, that's all, y'know…" he trailed off.
"Good. Now," she faced back toward Ryouga. "If you'd be so kind as to use the door on your way out."
"H-hai. Gomen nasai, Akane-san."
As Ryouga left, Akane stood in silence for a few moments, still not facing Ranma, who was watching her nervously. "Ranma," she began. "Please tell me you didn't mean what I thought you did."
"Uh, what did you think I meant?"
"Did you… that letter… it was just some prank, wasn't it?"
"O-of course, Akane… chan," he said, hoping to comfort her.
At the familiar address, Akane dipped her eyes to the side; a faint blush spread across her cheeks. Good thing he can't see my face. "And… and what makes you think you can… call me that?" I hope he meant it.
"Ah… gomen." He, too, looked anxiously away.
"Ano… I… kind of… well, liked it," she stuttered. "Um, you know… maybe…"
"I can't believe you, Ranma!"
Oh, Kami-sama….
Ranma stood with his back to one of the remaining walls, the edge of an enourmous spatula at his throat. At the other end of the spatula, unbridled rage distorted the otherwise lovely face of his 'cute fiancée.' On the one hand, he was glad she wasn't glomping him for once… on the other, he'd rather face Akane's fury than Ucchan's, since it would undoubtably leave him better able to breathe afterward.
"U-ucchan… ah, hey, h-how's it—"
"Don't even try it, mister! How dare you go and rape that Chinese hussy behind my back, you dirty bas—" Neither she nor Ranma was quite prepared for the impact of Akane's mallet against Ukyou's skull.
"I have had it with these people! Can't they see there's a perfectly good door in the wall!?"
Feeling a bit more confident with Ucchan out of commission, Ranma couldn't help but ask with a smirk, "Is it really the door you're worried about?"
"Of course, baka! Do you know how many times we've had to get that wall repaired in the past… oh. I mean, well…" She threw her hands up in frustration. "All right, all right… are you— that is, uh, are you okay?"
He smiled, a genuine smile at that. "Hai, just fine, thanks for asking." Then he grinned mischievously. "What say we take out the trash?" Akane gave him a confused look, until he took an offensive stance next to Ukyou. With a nod of understanding, she took a similar stance beside him, both charging their battle auras.
"Oh, no, you don't!" Seeing as Ukyou was still laying on the floor, they both looked around for the source of the voice. They didn't have to look far, though; a black blur raced from the window to attach itself to the fallen girl's chest. "Nobody does that to my precious, precious Ucchan! Sweeto!" His cries of joy were shortly cut off by a trio of hands around his throat.
"I appreciate you protecting me, but… GET OFF OF ME!!"
The blur quickly retraced its path out the window, all the while shouting, "But, Ucchan! Won't you even give me a little kiss?"
Ukyou stared after him, seething with rage, then took a moment to adjust her clothes and bandolier. She spun to face Ranma. "And just what do you think you were doing!?"
"Um… well, uh… look, Ucchan, I already 'xplained it ta everybody else, so ya might as well ask one o' them 'bout it, 'cause I'm sick an' tired o' tellin' it. 'Sides, like Akane-chan said, you an' the rest o' them put enough holes in th' wall already, can'tcha use th' door?"
The two girls stared at him, Akane in awe, Ukyou in utter shock. "W-what? D-did I say s-somethin' wrong?" he continued after a few moments of silence.
They both started speaking at once. "Of course not, Ranma—" "You bastard—" They looked at each other. They looked back at Ranma.
The shock had apparently cleared Ukyou's head a bit, because she finally noticed something… different about Ranma. Akane, too, thought something seemed amiss.
As one, they shouted, "Ranma! What the hell!?"
"What now?" He looked down at himself, then, seeing nothing, shrugged his three arms. Wait a tic—three arms!? "What the hell!?"
Three unconscious forms stirred from the floor.
"Didja get th' license number o' that truck?"
"Ugh… my head."
"Your head? My head."
"Ranma, m'boy, you make your father proud— what on earth!?"
As Genma stepped into the room, he looked down at a sight he never, in his wildest dreams—well, perhaps his absolute wildest—would have expected: his boy, two—count them, two—lovely ladies by his side, and… "What happened to you, boy?"
"Huh? Pops? Uh… I don't think ya wanna know," Ranma replied. He shook his head to clear it, then looked once more where hours ago had been just two appendages. "I don't ev'n think I wanna know, but I do…"
"Of course I want to know, boy! You can't imagine how useful having three arms could be!" This remark only garnered him a fresh lump on the head. "Ouch! Is that how you treat your elders!?"
"Nope. Jus' you," retorted Ranma. "An' b'lieve me, ev'n if ya knew, ya wouldn't want it ta happen ta you. F'r'all I know, it could kill me."
The commotion had drawn Kasumi up the stairs to investigate. "Oh, my…" She nearly collapsed, but Nabiki caught her from behind.
Seeing the extra limb, she quipped, "Jeez, Ranma, you sure know how to get yourself in trouble. Looks like Somebody either likes you, or hates you."
Things went black again.
"… coming around?"
"Yeah, looks like it."
Voices… familiar voices.
He tried to open his eyes, but a bright light blinded him, so he kept them shut. He decided to just listen a bit more.
"Ranma? Can you hear me?" Akane.
"Get up, boy. You've had worse than this." Oyaji.
"You know, I think the circus is in town; they'd love to have him." Nabiki? Yeah, must be.
"You're not helping, Onee-chan." Akane again.
He again opened his eyes a fraction, trying to ignore the blinding light. This time, Akane's anxious face swam into focus. "He's opening his eyes; I think he's all right."
Ranma sat up; finding his voice, he tried to use it. It was raspy, but intelligible. "What… h-hap… happened?"
"You… well, you fainted, Ran-chan; from malnutrition, according to Tofu-sensei," explained Ukyou.
"Feh, malnutrition; the guy eats like the Wild Horse he's named for," Nabiki commented sarcastically.
"Well, he's been very hungry lately; perhaps it's because of this… thing that's happening to him. After all, it takes more to feed two bodies than one."
"You talk like he's pregnant, Akane."
"Well, it's the same idea, really," said a new voice. Ranma turned to see Doctor Tofu standing behind him. "As you said, Akane-chan, he's essentially feeding two bodies. In fact, unlike a pregnancy, where the child's body is a small fraction of the size of its mother, Ranma is feeding two full-grown bodies—therefore needing almost twice as much food. I believe I'm far from mistaken that he's suffering from malnutrition; his secondary body is leeching half of the energy from the food he eats, so his primary body is receiving much less energy than usual."
"I-I fainted…? Malnu—nutrition…?" His brain was slowly catching up with his ears.
"Yes, Ranma-kun. It's no doubt you're going to need to rest for a while, not only to conserve what energy you have, but to store up a bit more before you faint again. Yes, that's it; just a moment." Doctor Tofu pulled a notepad and pen from his bag. He made a quick scrawl on the pad, and tore off the sheet to hand to Akane. "This is just the prescription he'll need."
Reading the note over Akane's shoulder, Ukyou looked at Ranma. "No worries there, I've gotcha covered, Ran-chan," she told him with a smile.
"I don't think so, Ukyou!" Akane interrupted. "He's staying right here! You heard Tofu-sensei; he needs his rest, we can't be moving him around."
"I heard just fine, and I'm staying right here, too, to cook for him."
"Oh-ho-ho! Ranma-sama, I come bearing gifts for my darling!" The silhouette of a leotard-clad Kodachi Kuno appeared at the open window.
Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Why can't that girl just leave me alone!?
"Go away, Kodachi! Your 'darling Ranma' needs his rest; and he's not even 'yours' to begin with!"
"Rest, you say? Well, peasant, why didn't you say so?" Two dozen pitch-black roses fell into Ranma's lap, and a cloud of potion-laced petals quickly sent him back to oblivion—but not before he heard Nabiki mutter under her breath, "That'd work."
Author's Notes:
Two more chapters to go! According to 'The Plan,' that is. Might be a couple more. Kami-sama, I'm awakened to a new appreciation for all those writers with stories of 30 whole chapters (and more)!
Perhaps it's a bit odd for Ranma to be growing limbs, but remember—this is Nerima we're talking about. Between Jyusenkyo, Furinkan, and the Tendo Dojo, we've got enough 'weirdness' to go around; this is just one more thing to add to the mix.
Well, a few other characters make their appearance here, and a few more to come. I'm grateful to everyone who's read and reviewed my story! It's you who made it what it is so far; I wrote out the plot, but you're definitely helping me to flesh in some of the details that otherwise might not be so accurate. (I'm a CSE major, not BIO… like you care.)
I'm looking forward to your comments! Ja ne!