A lone man sat eating expertly baked rabbit. At first glance, this was nothing extraordinary. However, the lack of suitable baking facilities made this a rather strange sight.
Additionally, there were at least a score of mutilated bodies laying around the warrior, which did in fact make the overall sight strange indeed.
There were other compounding factors as well; namely, there was a lack of dead flesh. There were a lot of dead bones, but these looked rather bashed, as if the warrior in question had found the bones laying on the ground and decided to jump up and down vigorously on them.
In fact, something very similar had indeed happened. Any knight of Zakarum knows that the only way to prevent the dead from rising again was to grind up the remains so there wasn't enough left in one piece to gain the leverage necessary to get up off the ground.
Not that there weren't various limbs that tried. However, every time something made too much of a show of effort, the man would pause in his meal, get up, walk over to the offending limb, and promptly jump up and down vigorously.
After a while, the ground had a vaguely creepy look to it, with small bone fragments occasionally rolling over, attempting to work woe despite their destroyed state.
Perhaps if someone were to walk barefoot through the clearing....
In the protective shadows of the surrounding trees, a small landmass watched with great interest. Everything about him said "big," from the huge oak legs that were tucked securely under the small mountain that comprised his torso, to the boulders and seige equipment that he idly called "muscles and sinew" rippling under hide that would give a lion pause. A gargantuan double-bitted axe lay flat across his back, barely secured for easy access, and an amazing assortment of belts criss-crossed over the hulking mass with a huge number of knives tucked into each and every slot. His bald head held large, thoughtful eyes, and he sported a black beard that reached down to his insanely muscled chest.
He watched, and waited.
~~~
"Well," Sasha said, "this is boring."
Niklaus nodded. "Yes, but this sort of work is necessary against Mephisto's Chosen. We're fortunate that the enchantments animating these bodies can't reassemble them, otherwise we would be in genuine trouble."
"Don't you shiny men have some kind of dramatic, shiny way to vanquish the foes?"
"Well, someone once said that the morning light shining down on an army of Paladin stomping the fell forces of Mephisto was as the blessing of H--"
He was cut off by a loud snort, and he had the mental image of Sasha rolling her eyes.
"You're telling me a bunch of armored knights jumping up and down on a lot of dead things is a romantic image? Please don't tell me that image is a source of inspiration."
Niklaus protested. He felt that a lack of any actual words might seem like protest.
Sasha didn't buy it. "What idiot made that observation?"
"Actually, we were told that by our instructors at the training salons...," Niklaus trailed off.
"Uh-huh," Sasha said, "you were told that by a higher-ranking shiny-man, and you believed him?"
"At the time, I had no reason to distrust him," Niklaus said rather defensively.
"Uh-huh," Sasha said, unconvinced.
"Really!" Niklaus exclaimed, "I didn't!"
Sasha nodded conspiratorially. Mentally, she punched him in the arm.
"So when did you decide to trust me enough to be defensive towards me?"
Niklaus' eyelid twitched. Sasha's paradoxical speech would have given his philosophy teachers pause.
Niklaus just got a headache.
Sasha sighed. "If you didn't trust me, you wouldn't bother defending your actions to me. You'd just write me off as a parasitic demon and ignore me as best as you can, holding our survival over my head to ensure I ignite Auras."
Niklaus considered his words carefully before speaking.
"When one battles often enough, he learns to gauge his opponent by how they fight. With enough practice, it's amazing how well you can read your opponent.
"The same holds true for your comrades. If you can take enough time to watch them, you can see much of their character in how they fight."
"So you gauged me by how we fought together?"
"Yes."
Now it was Sasha's turn to get a headache. Unfortunately, she didn't have her own head anymore, and thus Niklaus' headache was compounded.
He put down the rabbit and gritted his teeth.
"Okay," he tried, "first off, see if you can ignite this Aura." Mentally, he showed her how the Aura felt coursing through him. Sasha rummaged around in his soul until she found a channel that resembled his description. Igniting it, Niklaus found his headache diminish rapidly.
"Much better," he sighed. "Okay," he started again, feeling much more able to discuss the finer points of combat.
Niklaus discussed at length the finer points in gauging an enemy. It was very informative to the succubus, for she had only engaged in combat one time, and had come out decidedly the worse for it.
Despite Niklaus' ardent affirmations, however, she doubted one could tell how often one's opponent had soiled his pants before battle.
On the whole, however, Sasha was impressed. Usually, she didn't concern herself much with combat--her skills were decidedly not towards hack and slash--thus she was completely unaware of these points. Idly, she wondered if Hell's minions considered these things when they went into combat.
"I doubt it," Niklaus said, catching the thought, "only a few of them ever show any thought while in combat. Even that big one over there," he said, gesturing to the cauterized body that had been the four-armed demon, "only had an innate skill, but it was more instinctual than trained. If it had possessed any real training, we wouldn't be here."
"You aren't afraid of dying?"
"I'm mortal," Niklaus chuckled, "I'll either die on a battlefield or die in bed, but you said yourself that one day I'll die. Everyone has their time."
Sasha hadn't considered that. She found the situation a little distasteful, actually; to be saved from death by a miracle of circumstance only to die again because her host wouldn't endure forever.
"And you're comfortable with this?" Sasha asked, incredulously.
"Of course," Niklaus replied, "human so--" he cut off abruptly as a bush moved ever so slightly. There was someone nearby.
Sasha and Niklaus both kicked themselves. How long had they been idly chatting, in full view of anything that happened to pass by, as oblivious to their surroundings as Royal Treasurers?
Moreso, actually; treasurers have to at least make it to and from court.
Silence was unsheathed and the rabbit forgotton. With a primal battlecry, Niklaus charged into the woods, Sasha igniting an Aura.
A Paladin's Charge, in it's most refined form, has at various times sent demons flying (literally), broken down doors, even shaken mortar loose in castle walls.
There's something to be said for idiotic recklessness.
Niklaus had spent several years perfecting this form, and had become quite proficient at it. Although unable to loosen mortar, it had been quite useful in various other applications, not the least of which was battle.
Thus, when he rammed home into the side of what he swore was a landmass, he expected to make something of a dent.
He did not expect to find himself sprawled on the ground, having nearly knocked himself senseless by bouncing off of, as he now saw, an ogre.
"Hells, what is it?!" Sasha exclaimed, as shocked as Niklaus.
"It's human!" Niklaus gaped aloud, upon closer examination.
"It talks!" the landmass rumbled with equal surprise, leaning in for a closer examination of the comparatively diminuitive warrior.
Fearing an avalanche, Niklaus scrambled backwards, holding Silence at the ready.
In an amazing display of geology, the talking landmass reversed it's own topple and stood to an imposing height.
Niklaus looked up.
And up.
"Hells!" Sasha breathed, "he could out-slap Diablo!" Quickly turning (mentally) to Niklaus, she said hurriedly "when you were in that monastery, did you ever wonder--"
"No!" Niklaus shouted mentally, and rather desperately at that.
"Aw, c'mon," Sasha said a little desperately herself, trying to catch a shot of anything in Niklaus' periphery vision.
Sasha was so insistent in her desire to wander downwards that Niklaus' inadvertantly flicked downwards; however, he regained control of his rebellious senses and continued their travel upwards.
At last he saw a pair of eyes (they must be eyes, they're two sockets on the topmost outcropping) peering curiously down at him over enormous pectorals.
The giant crossed his arms, and Niklaus lost sight of the eyes above the tree trunks that comprised his forearms.
"Can he still see us?" Sasha wondered.
"I'm not eager to find out," Niklaus answered, seeing the grip of a mighty axe peer out from behind the behemoth's hip.
"I'm sorry," the landmass spoke, "but it really looked like you were talking to yourself. I also noticed you had some leftover rabbit over there.
"Now, I do a lot of travelling myself, and I can really appreciate cooking. 'Course," the giant rumbled, almost to himself, "I can also appreciate how people can talk to themselves, it does get lonely out here in the wilds...."
Bringing himself to the present moment, the giant considered the dwarfed Paladin.
"It sure does make it easier to be out here if you don't have to talk to yourself, know what I mean? Why don't we work together for a while, keep each other company? If you want to keep talking to yourself, that's all right too; if you don't mind, I'd like to jump in sometimes. I don't really talk to myself all that often, so I guess I get especially lonely."
Niklaus had never heard a continent speak. This landmass in particular seemed an open-faced kind of man, with large, friendly eyes (now that Niklaus could see them) despite the huge beard. He considered: the man seemed nice enough, although a little slow.
"You sure we can trust him?" Sasha asked, a little worried; the mountain man (literally) seemed a little too simple, perhaps "little simple" being the only thing small about him.
"For the moment," Niklaus replied mentally, "we should keep an eye on him, though."
"Obviously."
Niklaus was about to turn and gesture him towards his and Sasha's perch when something caught his eyes.
The giant's mighty arms unfurled, and Niklaus saw wicked-looking knives glint in each hand. Springing into action, he brought Silence around.
The giant released, and Niklaus whipped his blade in a tight arc, deflecting the knives wide. It was then that Sasha noticed something come up from behind Niklaus.
No words were transmitted, only primal perceptions, and without stopping to look Niklaus spun and cut through the form behind him.
Apparantly some of the various limbs Niklaus and Sasha had separated had lain still, letting their more foolish comrades crumble. A few arms and hands were still intact enough to join together with a skull. Creating perhaps the oddest homunculus Niklaus would have seen, the creation was poised to strike.
Niklaus did what he had trained for: he cleaved the homonculus in one smooth cut.
Five times.
When he was done, the skull quavered in midair for a heartbeat, bereft of any support at all. It would undoubtably have tried to bite their ankles once it hit the ground, but Niklaus knew from experience to stomp from behind.
He heard a sharp ring on either side, and suddenly the skull was shattered from two wicked-looking throwing knives incoming from both directions.
Hell may have some wiggle room when it comes to physics. Sanctuary is not so lenient, and the skull shattered in strict accordance with the rules of that realm.
Niklaus looked to his right and left, and saw scorch marks on rocks on either side, presumably where the (apparantly) knives had richocheted off to shatter the skull.
In wonderment, Niklaus turned back to the leviathon. He stood there again, arms over his chest, concealing much of his face again.
"I'm sorry," the giant rumbled, "we didn't get off to the best start, did we? I am Ulfgar, son of Kveldulf," the leviathon rumbled proudly, "and I saw your handiwork here on my way through. It's not everyday one can see a Paladin's skills."
Ulfgar paused. "However," he added subtly (as a brick wall), "I had no idea of the brotherhood's ability to debate themselves, or cook out in the wilds. If I could find us more food, and you cook it, we can put any cook from my homeland to shame.
"What do you think?" Ulfgar announced with a winning smile, "shall we go and eat our way to victory? These monsters are no match for you or me, I say we journey on to the noble goal of round stomachs!" He leaned in closer, resting on one knee to get eye-level with Niklaus "There's a small town about thirty miles from here, and they'll make you a hero for about five coppers."
Niklaus looked in bafflement, the image of a toymaker flitting across his mind and wondering what that had to do with food.
"I've heard it's a type of meal some people make," Sasha supplied.
Niklaus smiled instantly as he realized the small joke (two things small about the giant now) Ulfgar had made.
Niklaus couldn't help but like the living mountain towering over him.
Additionally, there were at least a score of mutilated bodies laying around the warrior, which did in fact make the overall sight strange indeed.
There were other compounding factors as well; namely, there was a lack of dead flesh. There were a lot of dead bones, but these looked rather bashed, as if the warrior in question had found the bones laying on the ground and decided to jump up and down vigorously on them.
In fact, something very similar had indeed happened. Any knight of Zakarum knows that the only way to prevent the dead from rising again was to grind up the remains so there wasn't enough left in one piece to gain the leverage necessary to get up off the ground.
Not that there weren't various limbs that tried. However, every time something made too much of a show of effort, the man would pause in his meal, get up, walk over to the offending limb, and promptly jump up and down vigorously.
After a while, the ground had a vaguely creepy look to it, with small bone fragments occasionally rolling over, attempting to work woe despite their destroyed state.
Perhaps if someone were to walk barefoot through the clearing....
In the protective shadows of the surrounding trees, a small landmass watched with great interest. Everything about him said "big," from the huge oak legs that were tucked securely under the small mountain that comprised his torso, to the boulders and seige equipment that he idly called "muscles and sinew" rippling under hide that would give a lion pause. A gargantuan double-bitted axe lay flat across his back, barely secured for easy access, and an amazing assortment of belts criss-crossed over the hulking mass with a huge number of knives tucked into each and every slot. His bald head held large, thoughtful eyes, and he sported a black beard that reached down to his insanely muscled chest.
He watched, and waited.
~~~
"Well," Sasha said, "this is boring."
Niklaus nodded. "Yes, but this sort of work is necessary against Mephisto's Chosen. We're fortunate that the enchantments animating these bodies can't reassemble them, otherwise we would be in genuine trouble."
"Don't you shiny men have some kind of dramatic, shiny way to vanquish the foes?"
"Well, someone once said that the morning light shining down on an army of Paladin stomping the fell forces of Mephisto was as the blessing of H--"
He was cut off by a loud snort, and he had the mental image of Sasha rolling her eyes.
"You're telling me a bunch of armored knights jumping up and down on a lot of dead things is a romantic image? Please don't tell me that image is a source of inspiration."
Niklaus protested. He felt that a lack of any actual words might seem like protest.
Sasha didn't buy it. "What idiot made that observation?"
"Actually, we were told that by our instructors at the training salons...," Niklaus trailed off.
"Uh-huh," Sasha said, "you were told that by a higher-ranking shiny-man, and you believed him?"
"At the time, I had no reason to distrust him," Niklaus said rather defensively.
"Uh-huh," Sasha said, unconvinced.
"Really!" Niklaus exclaimed, "I didn't!"
Sasha nodded conspiratorially. Mentally, she punched him in the arm.
"So when did you decide to trust me enough to be defensive towards me?"
Niklaus' eyelid twitched. Sasha's paradoxical speech would have given his philosophy teachers pause.
Niklaus just got a headache.
Sasha sighed. "If you didn't trust me, you wouldn't bother defending your actions to me. You'd just write me off as a parasitic demon and ignore me as best as you can, holding our survival over my head to ensure I ignite Auras."
Niklaus considered his words carefully before speaking.
"When one battles often enough, he learns to gauge his opponent by how they fight. With enough practice, it's amazing how well you can read your opponent.
"The same holds true for your comrades. If you can take enough time to watch them, you can see much of their character in how they fight."
"So you gauged me by how we fought together?"
"Yes."
Now it was Sasha's turn to get a headache. Unfortunately, she didn't have her own head anymore, and thus Niklaus' headache was compounded.
He put down the rabbit and gritted his teeth.
"Okay," he tried, "first off, see if you can ignite this Aura." Mentally, he showed her how the Aura felt coursing through him. Sasha rummaged around in his soul until she found a channel that resembled his description. Igniting it, Niklaus found his headache diminish rapidly.
"Much better," he sighed. "Okay," he started again, feeling much more able to discuss the finer points of combat.
Niklaus discussed at length the finer points in gauging an enemy. It was very informative to the succubus, for she had only engaged in combat one time, and had come out decidedly the worse for it.
Despite Niklaus' ardent affirmations, however, she doubted one could tell how often one's opponent had soiled his pants before battle.
On the whole, however, Sasha was impressed. Usually, she didn't concern herself much with combat--her skills were decidedly not towards hack and slash--thus she was completely unaware of these points. Idly, she wondered if Hell's minions considered these things when they went into combat.
"I doubt it," Niklaus said, catching the thought, "only a few of them ever show any thought while in combat. Even that big one over there," he said, gesturing to the cauterized body that had been the four-armed demon, "only had an innate skill, but it was more instinctual than trained. If it had possessed any real training, we wouldn't be here."
"You aren't afraid of dying?"
"I'm mortal," Niklaus chuckled, "I'll either die on a battlefield or die in bed, but you said yourself that one day I'll die. Everyone has their time."
Sasha hadn't considered that. She found the situation a little distasteful, actually; to be saved from death by a miracle of circumstance only to die again because her host wouldn't endure forever.
"And you're comfortable with this?" Sasha asked, incredulously.
"Of course," Niklaus replied, "human so--" he cut off abruptly as a bush moved ever so slightly. There was someone nearby.
Sasha and Niklaus both kicked themselves. How long had they been idly chatting, in full view of anything that happened to pass by, as oblivious to their surroundings as Royal Treasurers?
Moreso, actually; treasurers have to at least make it to and from court.
Silence was unsheathed and the rabbit forgotton. With a primal battlecry, Niklaus charged into the woods, Sasha igniting an Aura.
A Paladin's Charge, in it's most refined form, has at various times sent demons flying (literally), broken down doors, even shaken mortar loose in castle walls.
There's something to be said for idiotic recklessness.
Niklaus had spent several years perfecting this form, and had become quite proficient at it. Although unable to loosen mortar, it had been quite useful in various other applications, not the least of which was battle.
Thus, when he rammed home into the side of what he swore was a landmass, he expected to make something of a dent.
He did not expect to find himself sprawled on the ground, having nearly knocked himself senseless by bouncing off of, as he now saw, an ogre.
"Hells, what is it?!" Sasha exclaimed, as shocked as Niklaus.
"It's human!" Niklaus gaped aloud, upon closer examination.
"It talks!" the landmass rumbled with equal surprise, leaning in for a closer examination of the comparatively diminuitive warrior.
Fearing an avalanche, Niklaus scrambled backwards, holding Silence at the ready.
In an amazing display of geology, the talking landmass reversed it's own topple and stood to an imposing height.
Niklaus looked up.
And up.
"Hells!" Sasha breathed, "he could out-slap Diablo!" Quickly turning (mentally) to Niklaus, she said hurriedly "when you were in that monastery, did you ever wonder--"
"No!" Niklaus shouted mentally, and rather desperately at that.
"Aw, c'mon," Sasha said a little desperately herself, trying to catch a shot of anything in Niklaus' periphery vision.
Sasha was so insistent in her desire to wander downwards that Niklaus' inadvertantly flicked downwards; however, he regained control of his rebellious senses and continued their travel upwards.
At last he saw a pair of eyes (they must be eyes, they're two sockets on the topmost outcropping) peering curiously down at him over enormous pectorals.
The giant crossed his arms, and Niklaus lost sight of the eyes above the tree trunks that comprised his forearms.
"Can he still see us?" Sasha wondered.
"I'm not eager to find out," Niklaus answered, seeing the grip of a mighty axe peer out from behind the behemoth's hip.
"I'm sorry," the landmass spoke, "but it really looked like you were talking to yourself. I also noticed you had some leftover rabbit over there.
"Now, I do a lot of travelling myself, and I can really appreciate cooking. 'Course," the giant rumbled, almost to himself, "I can also appreciate how people can talk to themselves, it does get lonely out here in the wilds...."
Bringing himself to the present moment, the giant considered the dwarfed Paladin.
"It sure does make it easier to be out here if you don't have to talk to yourself, know what I mean? Why don't we work together for a while, keep each other company? If you want to keep talking to yourself, that's all right too; if you don't mind, I'd like to jump in sometimes. I don't really talk to myself all that often, so I guess I get especially lonely."
Niklaus had never heard a continent speak. This landmass in particular seemed an open-faced kind of man, with large, friendly eyes (now that Niklaus could see them) despite the huge beard. He considered: the man seemed nice enough, although a little slow.
"You sure we can trust him?" Sasha asked, a little worried; the mountain man (literally) seemed a little too simple, perhaps "little simple" being the only thing small about him.
"For the moment," Niklaus replied mentally, "we should keep an eye on him, though."
"Obviously."
Niklaus was about to turn and gesture him towards his and Sasha's perch when something caught his eyes.
The giant's mighty arms unfurled, and Niklaus saw wicked-looking knives glint in each hand. Springing into action, he brought Silence around.
The giant released, and Niklaus whipped his blade in a tight arc, deflecting the knives wide. It was then that Sasha noticed something come up from behind Niklaus.
No words were transmitted, only primal perceptions, and without stopping to look Niklaus spun and cut through the form behind him.
Apparantly some of the various limbs Niklaus and Sasha had separated had lain still, letting their more foolish comrades crumble. A few arms and hands were still intact enough to join together with a skull. Creating perhaps the oddest homunculus Niklaus would have seen, the creation was poised to strike.
Niklaus did what he had trained for: he cleaved the homonculus in one smooth cut.
Five times.
When he was done, the skull quavered in midair for a heartbeat, bereft of any support at all. It would undoubtably have tried to bite their ankles once it hit the ground, but Niklaus knew from experience to stomp from behind.
He heard a sharp ring on either side, and suddenly the skull was shattered from two wicked-looking throwing knives incoming from both directions.
Hell may have some wiggle room when it comes to physics. Sanctuary is not so lenient, and the skull shattered in strict accordance with the rules of that realm.
Niklaus looked to his right and left, and saw scorch marks on rocks on either side, presumably where the (apparantly) knives had richocheted off to shatter the skull.
In wonderment, Niklaus turned back to the leviathon. He stood there again, arms over his chest, concealing much of his face again.
"I'm sorry," the giant rumbled, "we didn't get off to the best start, did we? I am Ulfgar, son of Kveldulf," the leviathon rumbled proudly, "and I saw your handiwork here on my way through. It's not everyday one can see a Paladin's skills."
Ulfgar paused. "However," he added subtly (as a brick wall), "I had no idea of the brotherhood's ability to debate themselves, or cook out in the wilds. If I could find us more food, and you cook it, we can put any cook from my homeland to shame.
"What do you think?" Ulfgar announced with a winning smile, "shall we go and eat our way to victory? These monsters are no match for you or me, I say we journey on to the noble goal of round stomachs!" He leaned in closer, resting on one knee to get eye-level with Niklaus "There's a small town about thirty miles from here, and they'll make you a hero for about five coppers."
Niklaus looked in bafflement, the image of a toymaker flitting across his mind and wondering what that had to do with food.
"I've heard it's a type of meal some people make," Sasha supplied.
Niklaus smiled instantly as he realized the small joke (two things small about the giant now) Ulfgar had made.
Niklaus couldn't help but like the living mountain towering over him.