Rouge sat onboard the train as it ran its course towards the Mystic Ruins. There, if Sonic had told her the truth, she would meet Tails.
She felt some trepidation; her heart began to tremble. It wasn't out of fear of the fox; she couldn't imagine someone who would be afraid of him. Getting him to help her was not an issue.
No. The issue was her emotions.
'Turmoil' was quickly becoming her inner name. Even as she needed Knuckles on multiple levels, she feared him as well. She'd accused him of fearing her, and she'd been right; but it worked in reverse as well.
It was a strange dynamic—she needed him and feared him. And he was in the same fix.
Rouge shook her head. Somehow, she could see these things so clearly now. It was, ironically, exactly because of their vicious fights. As much damage as they caused, as much as they hurt, all they did was burn away the dross. The fundamental connection between Knuckles and Rouge remained.
That was why she'd returned to the island in the first place—because, as much as she'd hated Knuckles, he was important to her.
Even after the bar fight.
Three months ago they'd been at Bob's bar, celebrating the saving of the world and simultaneously mourning for Shadow. As the party neared its end, each of them stood and said some choice words. The topic was up to them.
Rouge had drunk too much before she went up there, and had said things she shouldn't have. Mostly, she presumed that Knuckles already loved her, and so described exactly how she would take advantage of that. Knuckles had interjected about how selfish she was and ignorant of other people's wishes. Rouge had fought back, and the argument began.
That argument ended the party, as the guests had to clear off to avoid the whirlwind of combat, physical and verbal.
It was painful, very painful, yes—Rouge had blocked it out of her mind. As she relived it she struggled to maintain her composure. But his fists and barbs hadn't hurt the most; his mouth had done far more damage.
He'd said things like, "You care about jewels more than people," and "You aren't a real person—you're three jobs", and "You're lonely and in denial", and "You can't bring yourself to love". And, as she looked back on it, all of it was true. Painful, but true.
If only she'd known him better then, had trusted him more. Every word he'd said was true, but it hurt her badly, so she'd suppressed it all. She didn't trust him enough to allow his words to take root and reforge her. Consequently, his accusations had only reinforced her mental blockade against such notions and against any personal investigation or change.
But the wall had been breached.
Consciously or not, he began to change her. Someone who could read her soul in a way she refused to do was terrifying but compelling. The void in her cried out for him, because he was unafraid of her.
For her part, she'd shouted at him that "You're lonely", and "You won't let yourself be loved", and "Your bravado is because of insecurity", and "You hate yourself"—and all of that was true, too. But he'd blocked the memory off because it'd only undermined him more.
Unlike Rouge, Knuckles lacked confidence. For all his bluster and smack-talk, his innards were rotten with doubt; that smack-talk was as much for his own benefit as for anything else. He spent all of his time exercising and training out of a feeling of perpetual inadequacy. Part of that could be blamed on the Emerald: if it were ever stolen, the consequences would be catastrophic. For that reason, he had to be utterly invincible—yet experience had shown that was far from the case. First Sonic, then Eggman, then Rouge had challenged him and beaten him, and the effect on him was disastrous. It wasn't that he felt weak; he just could never be strong enough to meet his own standards.
Knuckles was a case-study in responsibility without rewards. He had the enormous burden of being a Guardian coupled with zero recognition. He knew no one, had no one's approval or applause, and was eternally unsatisfied with his own performance. The result was natural: he grew calloused and ceased to expect the attention or affection of others. He gradually determined that he would not deserve any such attention that did come his way. Combined with the suspicion demanded of him by his duty, the more someone seemed to like him, the more dangerous they were.
This was why their sex had proven so profoundly disturbing. He couldn't understand that anyone could feel that kind of attraction towards him; so, given the opportunity, he assumed the worst. And she couldn't understand the attraction she felt towards him; so, given the opportunity, she'd tried to distance herself from it.
Knuckles and Rouge wanted, needed each other's companionship desperately. But at the same time the consequences that companionship entailed utterly terrified them.
She was petrified of loving someone, and Knuckles was horrified of being loved.
So it was with a good deal of fear that she got off the train at the Mystic Ruins station. There was the workshop, just as Sonic had told her, and the lights were on. She jogged lightly for the workshop, wondering how Tails was planning to transport her.
Scared or not, she was going.