Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. I am not making any money from this. So, there is no reason to sue me. There- Hah.

A/N: The story was originally going to be three chapters but it seems like it will be longer than that, maybe one or two more chapters- we'll see.

I still don't have enough reviews. The last chapter got only one. I am pretty depressed about that but again, I like this story too much to be put off by you. Come on guys, it is not that bad. Even if it is- tell me! So, review… please? (Yes I am shamelessly begging for reviews. So what? I am too depressed to care now.) Heh, even flames are welcome at this point.

Well, at least I still have Dru. Thanks, dear!

The Farewell

by Coesius

Chapter-3

Tear streaming down her face, she ran out of the Great Hall after him. Did he really think she was that stupid to believe all he had said after the deep love they had shared? She knew their relationship had not been some ploy of his to get inside information about the Marauders as he had claimed before. Malfoy. It was his doing. Severus never raised his voice when they fought, he didn't need to. He had done it this time so that Malfoy would hear they had split. It was so clear to her now, all his words that broke her. All to please Malfoy and his goons. All to prove them his… his loyalty. And that… the fact that he would hurt her willingly to accomplish such a thing hurt her more than his cruel words could ever have.

There he was, up on their hill. It was impossible to miss his thin silhouette as the moon shone on him. He sat down, his back leaning on a tree, the tree that bore their initials. She dried her tears with one swipe of her hand and purposefully walked up to him. She had to have this last talk with him before he was out of her life forever, before their graduation that was only a month away.

"Why Severus?" she asked, her voice calm and quiet.

****

Even after so much time he could still hear her voice. It was so composed, so rational that he had hated her for a second. She had just wanted to understand. Her eyes had been full of disappointment and he had looked away.

He couldn't take this. He wanted to shake her and shout in her face that he had just cursed, insulted and hurt her in the worst possible way by breaking up with her in front of the whole school by telling her he had used him. Where was her rage, her hate?

""Why Severus? Why them? What have they got to give you that I didn't, that I can not?" she asked again, still with that infuriating tone.

He wanted to tell her so much. To tell her how it had to end, how there was no way they could be together. He was too tainted, too deep into the dark to just run away and forget everything. There was nothing to run away from, it wasn't some outside force for him as it was for her. The dark was branded in his very heart and soul and there was no running away from himself. He would only pull Lily into it, only hurt her more. The dark was where he was bound and even Love wasn't enough to free him. But he couldn't tell her; not now, not ever. She wouldn't understand, she would argue with him and that wouldn't solve anything. It was ok, he hoped she would never have to come close enough to the dark to understand him. "Let her be with Potter, leave her where she belongs," he told his tempted heart. "Don't ruin her, Severus; don't ruin her like you ruined yourself,"

He swallowed and looked up at her. "You can not even begin to understand, Evans. You wouldn't want to. So just let it be," he said, his voice low in a heated whisper.

"You didn't really think I wouldn't see through your act in the Great Hall, did you? You couldn't have underestimated me that much." she said, more emotion in her voice now. She was getting angry. Good, let her be angry. Let her hate me. It will make it all easier.

"I had hoped. And even if you did see through it, I had hoped you would at least be smart enough to get the message and not come and try to have this talk we are having right now." he said in an exasperated voice. It took all his acting skill to not beg her to leave and end this.

She sighed. "I loved you, Severus. Just know that. We could have been happy. I wish it didn't have to end like this but if that is what you want." she shrugged. "But let me tell you something. You are making a mistake you will regret. There is still a chance for you to escape from them and you are willingly throwing it away. You don't belong with them, Severus. No matter how much you may want to, as it might have made your life easier, you just don't belong with them. You won't be happy or satisfied with them and you will want to get away. I know it, Severus. You may deny this but I know you, possibly better than anyone. Let's just hope that it won't be too late." she said. "Goodbye, Sev."

He wanted so much to believe that she was right, that he could still escape but he knew it wasn't true. She didn't know what had happened over the summer, she didn't know how nothing could save him now. "Goodbye, Lilly" he said . It probably was giving away too much but he didn't care. He had to at least say a decent goodbye to set his heart at rest to be safely locked away.

She smiled sadly and kissed him. Before he could process what she had done, she turned away and ran down the hill towards the main entrance of the school. He stared behind her until she disappeared into the huge castle, the last -the only- ray of light in his life being swallowed by the darkness of the night.

But she had been right. The brand on his forearm had started to suffocate him in a short while. He hadn't been able to take it after two years of blood-stained nights. Even the potionmaking that he loved so much was meant to hurt, to kill. He had soon risen up to the innermost circle of the Death Eaters of Voldemort as his most favored strategist and his talented potions master. He had achieved everything a dark wizard could ever want; power, money, a frightful reputation and the Dark Lord's favor when a look at the mirror into the realm of Despair had told him all he needed to know. So he had found himself in Dumbledore's office, ready to be handed over to the Dementors. But Dumbledore hadn't been that merciful. He had seen, perhaps always had, what Lily had seen in him and did not hesitate to trust him with not only his but also hundreds of other people's lives.

And so had begun his never-ending striving for some sort of atonement for his sins. He would settle for at least winning his sanity and peace of mind back but as the sleepless nights spent in fear of bloody nightmares told him; that was a long way away or perhaps impossible. But he would do all he could to make any difference. He no longer cared to live, he did not deserve to. There was only his purpose and the need to survive to accomplish all he can of it. And in his basic life of survival, Lily's eyes had once again pierced through him, reminding him of a life he ached for. But to deserve her especially now, after knowing that even in his school years he never had deserved her, was impossible.

As he sat on the floor of his flat in London, his head between his knees and his arms hanging limply from his sides, he no longer needed the mirrors to look into the realm of Despair for his very eyes were now windows into that realm now so familiar for him. The room was completely dark and the only sound that could be heard was his harsh breathing. Through the windows he looked up to see the gray sky. Would Dumbledore tell her what he couldn't? Would he tell her how they would have killed her if she stayed with him? How he now spied for the Light, how he had been branded that summer before the seventh year, how that summer he had killed three people and how he had hid the Mark from her by Concealment charms. How he still loved her. And how he could never, should never have her.

He was shaken out of his thoughts by the doorbell. He just kept on staring ahead, not making a move to get up. He wasn't in a condition to face anyone now. But the person outside his door was too persistant and he finally got up after the fourth ring. Very much unlike his normal self, he opened the door without taking out his wand or even checking who it was. He looked up at the person standing in the doorway in annoyance and was met with clear green eyes that stared into his dark ones from the face permanently branded in his mind. And heart.

Lily.