What the Historians Hid (rated PG)
The Final Battle
Okays, just so everybody's clear: this whole thing is a favor to the Goddesses. They asked me to tell the world what really happened because they were sick of Link getting all the credit for everything. You get it? It wasn't him! He's the Gilderoy Lockhart of LOZ- 'cept with much sexier hair. BTW: did I happen to mention that I'm Selphie, overlord of birds, Brownies, and socks? The authoress? The all-powerful? The ALPHA!? THE OMEGA, BABY?!?!
Din: Pardon?
Nayru: Did she just say-
Farore: What we think she just said?
Straight up!
Din: We gave you the power.
Nayru: We giveth-
Farore: We taketh away.
iCallate, zorras putas/i! (Heh. The beauty is they don't understand Spanish...! Me encanta Espanol! :P BTW: if anyone knows how to use Alt codes on a laptop inform me immediately... IMMEDIATELY!!!) You no likey it, you can smite me right here, right now! Ya hear me?! SMITE ME, OH, MIGHTY SMITERS!!!
Goddesses: *sends lightning bolt*
*Makes it miss... with my mind ^_^* (Heh... Telekinesis rules!)
Din: Curse you, Mir!
Nayru: Hey! You sound like Ganondorf.
Farore: Gasp!
Din: The heck are you talking about...?
Nayru: Oh, yeah. That's not what he actually said!
Din: And that is why we asked Selphie to set the record straight.
Farore: o_o Do you realize you just gave away part of the story?
Din and Nayru: Wha-? Oh, crapola cola!
Which is why /i the freaking authoress and /i are the power behind the pen.
Goddesses: ^_^
(At least until I get Mir out of that void heheheh) Kudos to anyone who reads this, and I promise that I will continue setting the record straight until all know what really happened. Review so that I know I'm getting through to you, and so that I will feel special. If I don't feel special I will be forced to send my birds, Brownies, or socks to make your life a living heck! But if I do feel special, I will right one of those weird fanfics where weird and random stuff happens to the poor defenseless people of Hyrule and authors and reviewers appears in big clouds of smoke or the backs of flying monkeys. Now read. Read! READ, I COMMAND YE...!!!
Disclaimer: I own none of these charas, unless this is a dream, which I doubt because it's only 3:33 AM. The only chara I own is Selphie, me, /i, /i, myself, which makes all the sense in the world. *Cow floats by* Heh heh. Telekinesis rocks.
~*`'*~
Link finally arrives, huffing and puffing madly, at the top of the tower.
"I'll huff, and I'll puff, and- oh, wait, wrong story," Link says. He approaches the door, thoroughly winded and attempts to open it. It won't open.
"You have to unlock it, Link," Navi says, hovering behind him.
"What are you talking about? There's no lock on this door," Link says.
"And what do you call that big gold thing on the door?!" Navi growls.
"Why are you being so mean all of a sudden-? Oh, hell, you forgot your bipolar medication!" Link exclaims.
"Get out your freaking key!" Navi instructs him angrily. He takes out a small silver key. "That's a small key," Navi says.
"Yeah?"
"It's a boss lock!"
"What?"
"You need the boss key!"
"The what?"
"The boss key, nitwit!"
"Ooh! The big gold key with the horns and eyes and stuff?!"
"Yes!"
"The one that comes in the big blue and yellow chest?!"
"/i!"
"...I was supposed to open that?"
"YES!!!!"
"...Oh..."
Link turns around and bounds down the stairs muttering under his breath, "Damn, damn, damn, damn..." Several hours later he returns, huffing and puffing again, now carrying the giant gold key. "I return victorious!" He approaches the door and tries to put the key in. It won't go. "What the-?"
"Let me see that," Navi says. She flies over to the key and stares long and hard at it. "Link... this is the boss key to the shadow temple!"
"I know," Link says.
"You ran all the way to the Shadow Temple?"
"I got the key didn't I?"
"WE NEED THE KEY FOR GANON'S TOWER!!!"
"There's a difference?"
"No crap, Sherlock!"
"But where's this key?"
"Remember the room with the bright red fire?"
"Around the pretty blue and yellow chest?"
"Yes."
"Was there another door in there?"
"No, the key is in there."
"What?"
"You remember the boss keys come in the blue and yellow chests?"
"Yeah?"
"There's a blue and yellow chest in that room."
"...I'm still lost, Navi."
"YEEEAAARRGGHH!!!!!!" Navi grabs Link by his pointy ear and drags him, screaming down the steps to the room with the blue and yellow chest. "Open it," she commands. He opens it. "Get the key." He gets the key. Link starts to leave again, in the wrong direction, wouldn't ya know, when Navi stops him, "Link, get back here."
He nervously returns. "Yes?"
"Put it in there," Navi instructs. He puts the key back. "No, you know what I mean." Link takes the key out and puts his head inside, cringing. Navi flies to the lid of the chest and slams it down on his skull. Then she releases a fairy to heal him.
As they return to the top of the tower, Link says, "You know, it's stuff like that that probably makes me so slow."
"At least you're aware of your stupidity," Navi says, as Link finally opens the door. Once they are inside, the door slams shut. "Hey, the door slammed shut! That means something's gonna happen! If only I could remember what it was..." Link trails off.
"It means there's a big battle about to start," Navi tells him.
"Hey! You nice again!" Link says happily. "But how I going to fight the man with red hair when he's playing piano?"
The music abruptly ends. "Do you know how close I was to playing that thing through without any mistakes?" Ganondorf says slowly and menacingly.
"I thought it was getting pretty good," Zelda says from in her pink crystal- thingy.
"Hey, you supposed to be on our side!" Link exclaims.
"Enough!" Ganondorf shouts. "These toys are too much for you freaking children! I command you to give the damn things to me!" He sends out a lot of energy crap that Link can hardly stand up in.
"Link! Because of the dark energy I can't get near you!" Navi shouts.
"That's a bald-faced lie!" Link yells.
"Hey! You're smarter than I thought!" Navi says.
"Hey!" Link cried indignantly.
"Well, you usually act like an-!" Ganon, Navi, and Zelda's eyes go wide, and the dark energy coming from Ganon stops. Link, unaware of what has happened draws his sword ready to attack.
"Are you ready to surrender your control of this land once and for all, Ganondorf?" Link asks.
"*Snicker*. No- *Snicker*," Ganondorf answers. The other two begin snickering as well.
"Then prepare to-!" Link has been just about to attack Ganondorf when the evil dude cracks up laughing. "For the love of Nayru, what the hell is your problem?" Ganon cannot answer for he is too preoccupied with laughing all the air out of his lungs. "Damn it, Ganon! Will you stop laughing for one second and fight me?!" The other two crack up as well now. "Will somebody please tell me what is going-?" Link catches his reflection in a window nearby. "Oh, my..."
His hat had flown off his head.
"Uh... One moment please," he says, drowned out by everyone else's wild laughter. He picks up his hat and jams it down on his head. "Are you ready now?" Ganon abruptly stops laughing.
"YES!!!" he shouts as he pounds the ground, making the floor fall out from beneath Link.
"Oh, that was screwed!" Link screams as he falls to the level below. "Ouch, that smarts..." He climbs back up to the battle and fights Ganondorf, who eventually kind of dies. Zelda floats down.
"Took you long enough..." she mutters. "Ganondorf, pathetic retard. About time the goddesses got rid of the stupid evil idiot-!" The tower starts to shake.
"Hey! Race you to the bottom!" Link says.
"What are you talking about?!" Zelda exclaims. "This tower's about to collapse and you wanna- out of my way!" She shoves Link out of her way and gets a huge head start.
"Oh! She did not!" Link grumbles sprinting after her. As if to irk him even more, Zelda stops at every door and waits for him. Finally they get to the Stalfos room and Zelda is caught in a ring of fire while Link has to fight the giant skeletons.
"Me like killing things!" Link says when he's done.
"Let's just go," Zelda instructs him. They finally make it to the last obstacle: the bridge, where a re-dead is waiting for them.
"AAAAAAHHH!!!!!! MOMMY!!!!" Link screams when he sees the zombie. He curls into a fetal position and starts sucking his thumb.
"What's your problem?" Zelda asks, hand on her hip.
"Bad memo-wees," Link answers.
"Oh, come on, you moron," Zelda says, dragging him by his collar all the way across the bridge. Once on the other side of the door Link stands up again and they sprint up the steps.
Outside Zelda yells, "HA!! I WIN!!!"
"Best two out of three!" Link shouts.
"...Are you kidding me?"
The whole tower collapses. "Link! I'm back! And I promise I won't abandon you anymore!" Navi says as she floats down to Link and Zelda.
"Okay- wait a second! I didn't even realize you'd left me," Link says.
"You didn't notice I was gone? That doesn't make me happy," Navi says.
"Oh, damn, she still hasn't taken her medication..." They hear a noise from the pile of rubble that is Ganon's castle. "I guess I'll go see what that is."
Link starts to walk over to the big pile of debris. Before Navi can follow, Ganondorf bursts from the wreckage. Something hits Navi and she gets knocked out. Flames appear around the whole battlefield. Ganondorf is breathing heavily and has a twisted smirk across his face. He shows everyone his Triforce piece and then turns into a huge ugly monster with huge twin swords, which he waves around madly, knocking the Master Sword out of Link's hands. It flies over toward Zelda but misses and falls over the edge. Fortunately, everything that falls into an abyss reappears a few seconds later where it fell off.
Link is about to start fighting with his big Goron sword, but Navi has suddenly awoken, bipolarity in full force.
"That's it you damn freaking retard! I've had enough of you!" she screams. "YEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" She flies at Ganondorf from all directions, beating and pummeling him over and over again.
"THE PAIN!!!! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??!!" Ganondorf screams. "NO! ANYWHERE BUT THERE! STAY AWAY FROM-!!! Oh, dear..."
Navi now starts beating him with her new "weapon." Pretty soon, Ganondorf cannot even stand. Navi now having vented her rage returns to being the calm annoying light bulb.
"Link! You have to deliver the final blow with your master sword!" Zelda calls to him. Link, for lack of anything else to do, pokes Ganon in the nose. Zelda, also at a loss for something to do, calls on the sages to send Ganondorf to the evil realm.
"Yes! Yes! I'm free! I'm free! You can't touch me here, man! I'm untouchable! Joy, joy, joy, joy..." he repeats. A lightning bolt suddenly comes out of nowhere, followed by brightly colored confetti and disappears as it hits the entrance to the weird tunnely portal thingy that Ganon's falling through. "HA! I'm even safe from master! Master cannot touch me! I /i free! Free! Free! Free, free, free, free, joy, joy, joy, joy..." he mumbles senselessly into infinity (little sideways 8 thingy for those of you who are math geeks like me ^_^).
Zelda, Link, and Navi are now floating up in the clouds somewhere. "Hey, how can we be floating up here?" Link asks.
"I dunno, I'm not doing anything," Zelda answers. They both shrug their shoulders. "All right, well time to send you back in time so that nothing will make sense anymore. Gimme the ocarina."
Link hands her the ocarina saying, "Yeah! Confusing people is almost as much fun as killing them! Speaking of which... I suddenly feel the need to kill... Hmm?" He looks over at Zelda. Her eyes go wide and she immediately puts the ocarina to her lips and hurriedly plays the song.
Lots of lights, blah, blah, blah. Somehow everyone in Hyrule found out about Ganon going bye-bye. So they're all at LonLon ranch.
"Hey! Goron!" a Gerudo yells to the huge Goron dancing near the Gerudos. "If you keep dancing like that, we'll have more immediate problems with extinction than Ganondorf being unable to create life!"
"Oh, sorry!" the Goron says, and sits down on all of the Gerudos.
Meanwhile, Talon and Ingo are swinging around with arms around each other's shoulder. Obviously they are drunk.
"I hate your guts!" Ingo says merrily to Talon.
"And I hate yours!" Talon answers happily.
Somewhere else Mido and King Zora are sitting alone together.
"No one likes me because I fart too much..." King Zora says.
"No one likes me because I'm mean, King Farts-a-lot!" Mido answers. "That's why we're sitting by ourselves."
"Because you're mean?"
"No, because you smell so bad! No one wants to smell the horrible reeking stench of your farts! In fact, that's why Jabu-Jabu died! Being stuck behind your smelly ass all the time caused him to suffocate to death!"
"...You're right. You are mean... Excuse me..."
"SWEET HOLY HECK!!!" Mido stands up to escape the stench. "FRESH...AIR!!!!" Suddenly the air is filled with blue and green lights. "OH, NO!! I'M SUFFOCATING TOO!!!! THEY'RE HERE TO TAKE ME TO HEAVEN!!!"
"Not likely..."
Those lights were really Ruto and Saria. They go to the top of Death Mountain with Impa, Darunia, and Nabooru and look absently into the stars.
"Why are we up here?" Saria asks from Darunia's shoulders.
"Shush! Keep looking!" Darunia says. About twenty seconds later they see Zelda, Link, and Navi hovering in the sky.
"Hah!!!! I win the bet! Pay up, Impa!" Darunia hollers.
"What are you talking about? That's clearly... something else!" Impa exclaims.
"No way! That's them! Now pay up! You bet me fifty rupees that Link, Zelda, and Navi wouldn't show up up there!" Darunia says.
"Fine! You big gorilla..." She gives him the fifty rupees.
Finally, everything goes back in time and Link is laying the Master Sword to rest. "Yay! Confusing!" Link says.
"All right, Link! Bye, I'm off to hide from everyone until a little time traveling girl gets her soul taken away in the future and your reincarnation wants to save her (see LOZ: tome of lineage when it makes it to the site ;P)"
Navi flies off leaving Link to go see Zelda again and start the whole confusing process all over again.
Happy End
~*`'*~
So, I believe that constitutes a bit of praise... from someone... anyone... anyone at all?!
Tingle: I thought it was wonderful!
o_O
Goddesses: o_O The hell-?!?
Din: Why're you here?!
Tingle: I exist through all time! Didn't you wonder how I appeared in both Majora's Mask AND Wind Waker even though they're hundreds of years apart?
Nayru: You don't exist through ALL time. You were only thirty-something in Majora's Mask.
Farore: Only gods and time travelers, like Selphie, exist through all time.
^_^
Tingle: *evilly* Believe what you will! There are others that can survive time itself. *blissfully*Like fairies! Which is why I do so exist through all time!
You believe that. It makes no difference. Soon... they will know. Oh, they will know- they- /i- THEY WILL KNOW!
Tingle: Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! *disappears*
Wow. I didn't know that had any purpose but to annoy the crap out of everyone. Anywho, just so you all know, I failed to mention that besides being overlord of birds, Brownies, and socks, I have powerful allies. You might be introduced to them later, but for now, all you need to know is that I am friends with the lord of cows, which includes the Zora hybrid cows, and the ruler of the monkeys.
And let it be known that we, the birds and monkeys, together control the flying monkeys. We merely loaned them to WWW (Wicked Witch of the West) for temporary use and for field-testing.
Also know that I have under my employment the greatest general ever leading the cuccos. So if you don't review, and you happen to hear the flying monkey theme, or plain old monkeys, or a moo, or a cucco crow outside, I suggest you lock your windows and doors and grab whatever tool of defense you have. Not that it will do you much good. -_- *WWW laugh*
The Final Battle
Okays, just so everybody's clear: this whole thing is a favor to the Goddesses. They asked me to tell the world what really happened because they were sick of Link getting all the credit for everything. You get it? It wasn't him! He's the Gilderoy Lockhart of LOZ- 'cept with much sexier hair. BTW: did I happen to mention that I'm Selphie, overlord of birds, Brownies, and socks? The authoress? The all-powerful? The ALPHA!? THE OMEGA, BABY?!?!
Din: Pardon?
Nayru: Did she just say-
Farore: What we think she just said?
Straight up!
Din: We gave you the power.
Nayru: We giveth-
Farore: We taketh away.
iCallate, zorras putas/i! (Heh. The beauty is they don't understand Spanish...! Me encanta Espanol! :P BTW: if anyone knows how to use Alt codes on a laptop inform me immediately... IMMEDIATELY!!!) You no likey it, you can smite me right here, right now! Ya hear me?! SMITE ME, OH, MIGHTY SMITERS!!!
Goddesses: *sends lightning bolt*
*Makes it miss... with my mind ^_^* (Heh... Telekinesis rules!)
Din: Curse you, Mir!
Nayru: Hey! You sound like Ganondorf.
Farore: Gasp!
Din: The heck are you talking about...?
Nayru: Oh, yeah. That's not what he actually said!
Din: And that is why we asked Selphie to set the record straight.
Farore: o_o Do you realize you just gave away part of the story?
Din and Nayru: Wha-? Oh, crapola cola!
Which is why /i the freaking authoress and /i are the power behind the pen.
Goddesses: ^_^
(At least until I get Mir out of that void heheheh) Kudos to anyone who reads this, and I promise that I will continue setting the record straight until all know what really happened. Review so that I know I'm getting through to you, and so that I will feel special. If I don't feel special I will be forced to send my birds, Brownies, or socks to make your life a living heck! But if I do feel special, I will right one of those weird fanfics where weird and random stuff happens to the poor defenseless people of Hyrule and authors and reviewers appears in big clouds of smoke or the backs of flying monkeys. Now read. Read! READ, I COMMAND YE...!!!
Disclaimer: I own none of these charas, unless this is a dream, which I doubt because it's only 3:33 AM. The only chara I own is Selphie, me, /i, /i, myself, which makes all the sense in the world. *Cow floats by* Heh heh. Telekinesis rocks.
~*`'*~
Link finally arrives, huffing and puffing madly, at the top of the tower.
"I'll huff, and I'll puff, and- oh, wait, wrong story," Link says. He approaches the door, thoroughly winded and attempts to open it. It won't open.
"You have to unlock it, Link," Navi says, hovering behind him.
"What are you talking about? There's no lock on this door," Link says.
"And what do you call that big gold thing on the door?!" Navi growls.
"Why are you being so mean all of a sudden-? Oh, hell, you forgot your bipolar medication!" Link exclaims.
"Get out your freaking key!" Navi instructs him angrily. He takes out a small silver key. "That's a small key," Navi says.
"Yeah?"
"It's a boss lock!"
"What?"
"You need the boss key!"
"The what?"
"The boss key, nitwit!"
"Ooh! The big gold key with the horns and eyes and stuff?!"
"Yes!"
"The one that comes in the big blue and yellow chest?!"
"/i!"
"...I was supposed to open that?"
"YES!!!!"
"...Oh..."
Link turns around and bounds down the stairs muttering under his breath, "Damn, damn, damn, damn..." Several hours later he returns, huffing and puffing again, now carrying the giant gold key. "I return victorious!" He approaches the door and tries to put the key in. It won't go. "What the-?"
"Let me see that," Navi says. She flies over to the key and stares long and hard at it. "Link... this is the boss key to the shadow temple!"
"I know," Link says.
"You ran all the way to the Shadow Temple?"
"I got the key didn't I?"
"WE NEED THE KEY FOR GANON'S TOWER!!!"
"There's a difference?"
"No crap, Sherlock!"
"But where's this key?"
"Remember the room with the bright red fire?"
"Around the pretty blue and yellow chest?"
"Yes."
"Was there another door in there?"
"No, the key is in there."
"What?"
"You remember the boss keys come in the blue and yellow chests?"
"Yeah?"
"There's a blue and yellow chest in that room."
"...I'm still lost, Navi."
"YEEEAAARRGGHH!!!!!!" Navi grabs Link by his pointy ear and drags him, screaming down the steps to the room with the blue and yellow chest. "Open it," she commands. He opens it. "Get the key." He gets the key. Link starts to leave again, in the wrong direction, wouldn't ya know, when Navi stops him, "Link, get back here."
He nervously returns. "Yes?"
"Put it in there," Navi instructs. He puts the key back. "No, you know what I mean." Link takes the key out and puts his head inside, cringing. Navi flies to the lid of the chest and slams it down on his skull. Then she releases a fairy to heal him.
As they return to the top of the tower, Link says, "You know, it's stuff like that that probably makes me so slow."
"At least you're aware of your stupidity," Navi says, as Link finally opens the door. Once they are inside, the door slams shut. "Hey, the door slammed shut! That means something's gonna happen! If only I could remember what it was..." Link trails off.
"It means there's a big battle about to start," Navi tells him.
"Hey! You nice again!" Link says happily. "But how I going to fight the man with red hair when he's playing piano?"
The music abruptly ends. "Do you know how close I was to playing that thing through without any mistakes?" Ganondorf says slowly and menacingly.
"I thought it was getting pretty good," Zelda says from in her pink crystal- thingy.
"Hey, you supposed to be on our side!" Link exclaims.
"Enough!" Ganondorf shouts. "These toys are too much for you freaking children! I command you to give the damn things to me!" He sends out a lot of energy crap that Link can hardly stand up in.
"Link! Because of the dark energy I can't get near you!" Navi shouts.
"That's a bald-faced lie!" Link yells.
"Hey! You're smarter than I thought!" Navi says.
"Hey!" Link cried indignantly.
"Well, you usually act like an-!" Ganon, Navi, and Zelda's eyes go wide, and the dark energy coming from Ganon stops. Link, unaware of what has happened draws his sword ready to attack.
"Are you ready to surrender your control of this land once and for all, Ganondorf?" Link asks.
"*Snicker*. No- *Snicker*," Ganondorf answers. The other two begin snickering as well.
"Then prepare to-!" Link has been just about to attack Ganondorf when the evil dude cracks up laughing. "For the love of Nayru, what the hell is your problem?" Ganon cannot answer for he is too preoccupied with laughing all the air out of his lungs. "Damn it, Ganon! Will you stop laughing for one second and fight me?!" The other two crack up as well now. "Will somebody please tell me what is going-?" Link catches his reflection in a window nearby. "Oh, my..."
His hat had flown off his head.
"Uh... One moment please," he says, drowned out by everyone else's wild laughter. He picks up his hat and jams it down on his head. "Are you ready now?" Ganon abruptly stops laughing.
"YES!!!" he shouts as he pounds the ground, making the floor fall out from beneath Link.
"Oh, that was screwed!" Link screams as he falls to the level below. "Ouch, that smarts..." He climbs back up to the battle and fights Ganondorf, who eventually kind of dies. Zelda floats down.
"Took you long enough..." she mutters. "Ganondorf, pathetic retard. About time the goddesses got rid of the stupid evil idiot-!" The tower starts to shake.
"Hey! Race you to the bottom!" Link says.
"What are you talking about?!" Zelda exclaims. "This tower's about to collapse and you wanna- out of my way!" She shoves Link out of her way and gets a huge head start.
"Oh! She did not!" Link grumbles sprinting after her. As if to irk him even more, Zelda stops at every door and waits for him. Finally they get to the Stalfos room and Zelda is caught in a ring of fire while Link has to fight the giant skeletons.
"Me like killing things!" Link says when he's done.
"Let's just go," Zelda instructs him. They finally make it to the last obstacle: the bridge, where a re-dead is waiting for them.
"AAAAAAHHH!!!!!! MOMMY!!!!" Link screams when he sees the zombie. He curls into a fetal position and starts sucking his thumb.
"What's your problem?" Zelda asks, hand on her hip.
"Bad memo-wees," Link answers.
"Oh, come on, you moron," Zelda says, dragging him by his collar all the way across the bridge. Once on the other side of the door Link stands up again and they sprint up the steps.
Outside Zelda yells, "HA!! I WIN!!!"
"Best two out of three!" Link shouts.
"...Are you kidding me?"
The whole tower collapses. "Link! I'm back! And I promise I won't abandon you anymore!" Navi says as she floats down to Link and Zelda.
"Okay- wait a second! I didn't even realize you'd left me," Link says.
"You didn't notice I was gone? That doesn't make me happy," Navi says.
"Oh, damn, she still hasn't taken her medication..." They hear a noise from the pile of rubble that is Ganon's castle. "I guess I'll go see what that is."
Link starts to walk over to the big pile of debris. Before Navi can follow, Ganondorf bursts from the wreckage. Something hits Navi and she gets knocked out. Flames appear around the whole battlefield. Ganondorf is breathing heavily and has a twisted smirk across his face. He shows everyone his Triforce piece and then turns into a huge ugly monster with huge twin swords, which he waves around madly, knocking the Master Sword out of Link's hands. It flies over toward Zelda but misses and falls over the edge. Fortunately, everything that falls into an abyss reappears a few seconds later where it fell off.
Link is about to start fighting with his big Goron sword, but Navi has suddenly awoken, bipolarity in full force.
"That's it you damn freaking retard! I've had enough of you!" she screams. "YEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" She flies at Ganondorf from all directions, beating and pummeling him over and over again.
"THE PAIN!!!! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??!!" Ganondorf screams. "NO! ANYWHERE BUT THERE! STAY AWAY FROM-!!! Oh, dear..."
Navi now starts beating him with her new "weapon." Pretty soon, Ganondorf cannot even stand. Navi now having vented her rage returns to being the calm annoying light bulb.
"Link! You have to deliver the final blow with your master sword!" Zelda calls to him. Link, for lack of anything else to do, pokes Ganon in the nose. Zelda, also at a loss for something to do, calls on the sages to send Ganondorf to the evil realm.
"Yes! Yes! I'm free! I'm free! You can't touch me here, man! I'm untouchable! Joy, joy, joy, joy..." he repeats. A lightning bolt suddenly comes out of nowhere, followed by brightly colored confetti and disappears as it hits the entrance to the weird tunnely portal thingy that Ganon's falling through. "HA! I'm even safe from master! Master cannot touch me! I /i free! Free! Free! Free, free, free, free, joy, joy, joy, joy..." he mumbles senselessly into infinity (little sideways 8 thingy for those of you who are math geeks like me ^_^).
Zelda, Link, and Navi are now floating up in the clouds somewhere. "Hey, how can we be floating up here?" Link asks.
"I dunno, I'm not doing anything," Zelda answers. They both shrug their shoulders. "All right, well time to send you back in time so that nothing will make sense anymore. Gimme the ocarina."
Link hands her the ocarina saying, "Yeah! Confusing people is almost as much fun as killing them! Speaking of which... I suddenly feel the need to kill... Hmm?" He looks over at Zelda. Her eyes go wide and she immediately puts the ocarina to her lips and hurriedly plays the song.
Lots of lights, blah, blah, blah. Somehow everyone in Hyrule found out about Ganon going bye-bye. So they're all at LonLon ranch.
"Hey! Goron!" a Gerudo yells to the huge Goron dancing near the Gerudos. "If you keep dancing like that, we'll have more immediate problems with extinction than Ganondorf being unable to create life!"
"Oh, sorry!" the Goron says, and sits down on all of the Gerudos.
Meanwhile, Talon and Ingo are swinging around with arms around each other's shoulder. Obviously they are drunk.
"I hate your guts!" Ingo says merrily to Talon.
"And I hate yours!" Talon answers happily.
Somewhere else Mido and King Zora are sitting alone together.
"No one likes me because I fart too much..." King Zora says.
"No one likes me because I'm mean, King Farts-a-lot!" Mido answers. "That's why we're sitting by ourselves."
"Because you're mean?"
"No, because you smell so bad! No one wants to smell the horrible reeking stench of your farts! In fact, that's why Jabu-Jabu died! Being stuck behind your smelly ass all the time caused him to suffocate to death!"
"...You're right. You are mean... Excuse me..."
"SWEET HOLY HECK!!!" Mido stands up to escape the stench. "FRESH...AIR!!!!" Suddenly the air is filled with blue and green lights. "OH, NO!! I'M SUFFOCATING TOO!!!! THEY'RE HERE TO TAKE ME TO HEAVEN!!!"
"Not likely..."
Those lights were really Ruto and Saria. They go to the top of Death Mountain with Impa, Darunia, and Nabooru and look absently into the stars.
"Why are we up here?" Saria asks from Darunia's shoulders.
"Shush! Keep looking!" Darunia says. About twenty seconds later they see Zelda, Link, and Navi hovering in the sky.
"Hah!!!! I win the bet! Pay up, Impa!" Darunia hollers.
"What are you talking about? That's clearly... something else!" Impa exclaims.
"No way! That's them! Now pay up! You bet me fifty rupees that Link, Zelda, and Navi wouldn't show up up there!" Darunia says.
"Fine! You big gorilla..." She gives him the fifty rupees.
Finally, everything goes back in time and Link is laying the Master Sword to rest. "Yay! Confusing!" Link says.
"All right, Link! Bye, I'm off to hide from everyone until a little time traveling girl gets her soul taken away in the future and your reincarnation wants to save her (see LOZ: tome of lineage when it makes it to the site ;P)"
Navi flies off leaving Link to go see Zelda again and start the whole confusing process all over again.
Happy End
~*`'*~
So, I believe that constitutes a bit of praise... from someone... anyone... anyone at all?!
Tingle: I thought it was wonderful!
o_O
Goddesses: o_O The hell-?!?
Din: Why're you here?!
Tingle: I exist through all time! Didn't you wonder how I appeared in both Majora's Mask AND Wind Waker even though they're hundreds of years apart?
Nayru: You don't exist through ALL time. You were only thirty-something in Majora's Mask.
Farore: Only gods and time travelers, like Selphie, exist through all time.
^_^
Tingle: *evilly* Believe what you will! There are others that can survive time itself. *blissfully*Like fairies! Which is why I do so exist through all time!
You believe that. It makes no difference. Soon... they will know. Oh, they will know- they- /i- THEY WILL KNOW!
Tingle: Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! *disappears*
Wow. I didn't know that had any purpose but to annoy the crap out of everyone. Anywho, just so you all know, I failed to mention that besides being overlord of birds, Brownies, and socks, I have powerful allies. You might be introduced to them later, but for now, all you need to know is that I am friends with the lord of cows, which includes the Zora hybrid cows, and the ruler of the monkeys.
And let it be known that we, the birds and monkeys, together control the flying monkeys. We merely loaned them to WWW (Wicked Witch of the West) for temporary use and for field-testing.
Also know that I have under my employment the greatest general ever leading the cuccos. So if you don't review, and you happen to hear the flying monkey theme, or plain old monkeys, or a moo, or a cucco crow outside, I suggest you lock your windows and doors and grab whatever tool of defense you have. Not that it will do you much good. -_- *WWW laugh*