Hullos. It's me again, Selphie, lord of birds, Brownies, and socks. I've been home sick for the past few days, so I got a chance to set another part of history straight.

Din: Oh, so that's how it is?

Nayru: I guess we're not very high on her list of priorities, are we?

Farore: Had to wait until she was puking up all the contents of her stomach before we reached the top of her list, did we?

Y'know what? Plart you all.

Goddesses: -_- *sends a lightning bolt*

*rolls eyes and makes it miss with my mind* I thought we established this already...?

Din (mutter): Dammit, Mir!

I'm sorry. We've got work to do. I'll try to be nice.

Goddesses: ^_^

(Heh heh. Man, I can't wait till I get Mir out of that void. Ooh, that'll be wonderful ^-^) Anywho! I don't think you came to witness me and my very courageous, wise, powerful, and good friends, the goddesses.

Goddesses: ^_^

(Or suck up to their prima donna asses) You came to find out what really happened in Hyrule's history. Here is the next installment of What the Historians Hid!

((Disclaimer: I don't own anything Zelda-fied, it all belongs to Nintendo, no matter how often I wish upon a star.))

Din: Maybe because the star you keep wishing on-

Nayru: Isn't actually a star, but a spaceship-

Farore: Filled with cow-abducting aliens.

O_o? You mean the one that took Romani if you didn't protect her in Majora's Mask?

Goddesses: Mm hmm.

o_o; Okay, well, on with the fic.

~*`'*~

The Great Deku Tree was bored. All was calm in the Kokiri Forest. It had been years since anything of great importance happened. Sure, there was the dopey little Hylian boy he got stuck with. "What's his name?" he thought. "Oh, yeah! Link! Ow!"

He was just reminded of a pain in one of his branches. Navi had beaten him up pretty bad the other day. Something had slightly miffed her and no one had gone to the potion shop to refill her bipolar medication. Maybe because no one there was able to leave the forest to go to the potion shop. They needed to find a way to contain her when she was in one of her bad moods.

One time the shopkeeper tried putting her in a bottle. The result was disastrous and his growth was now permanently stunted, causing him to have to hop up and down behind the counter just to be kind of seen. Another time the girl above the shop's entrance tried tying Navi up, but Navi started flying all around the forest, the girl still holding onto the rope she had tied to the fairy and flying around behind her. Finally Navi dropped her on the overhang above the shop's door and the girl has been too scared to come down since. That was why Navi didn't have a Kokiri: all of the children were too afraid of her and paired up with another fairy before they got stuck with her. So now, instead, the Great Deku Tree was stuck with her.

Evening was beginning to fall. The Kokiri would be going to bed soon, leaving the Deku Tree with no one who would hear if Navi lost it again.

Not that anyone would be too anxious to help at this point.

Suddenly, out of nowhere came a soft clinking of metal on metal. It sounded like armor. Sure enough, striding down the path was a tall dude with dark skin and red hair in black armor *** (three guesses who)

Eddy: Money?!

Edd: Oh, it must be an antagonist or villain of some kind doing all kinds of evil, iniquity, and malevolence-!

Ed: Buttered toast?

-_- *** Ganondorf stepped out of the shadows. "Can I help you?" the Great Deku Tree (GDT) asked. Ganondorf said nothing. "Do you need something?" Ganondorf said nothing. "Hello? What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Oh, me?" Ganondorf answered finally.

"No crap, Sherlock," GDT muttered. They waited a few minutes. "Well?"

"Oh! Uh... what was the question again?" Ganondorf asked.

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, that's right! Uh...," Ganondorf takes off his massive black glove and squints at his hand. "Damn! Most of it sweated off!" he muttered.

"What?"

"Uh, hold on," Ganondorf said, looking up and holding up one finger from the still gloved hand. He squinted down at the words he'd written on his palm to help himself remember. "G-Gi- Give me a sp- spear and a s- tone- stone and I- I will s- suff- suffer. Suffer. Give me a spear and a stone and I will suffer!" he commanded.

GDT stared at him for a moment. "Don't you mean, 'Or I will suffer?"

Ganondorf thought for a moment. "Hmm... That does look kind of like an 'or' rather than an 'an.' ...Hmm," he mused. "All right we'll try it that way! Give me a spear and a stone or I will suffer!"

"Big deal," GDT said.

"What do you mean, 'Big deal?!'" Ganondorf exclaimed.

"I mean, big deal. I don't know you. I don't care if you suffer. You can crawl into the Lost Woods and turn into a skull kid for all I care."

"...So, you won't give me the stick and the stone?"

"Nah."

Ganondorf thought for a moment. "What if I traded you for it?" he asked.

"And what would you give me? I'M A FREAKING TREE!"

"Would you like Miracle Grow?"

"Show me the Miracle Grow and I'll consider."

"...Oh..." Ganondorf turns around and starts back down the trail he came from. Suddenly, "AIYEEEEE!!!"

"The hell do you think you're doing?" a mean boy's voice said.

"Going to get Miracle Grow?" Ganondorf's voice answered timidly.

"And why are you getting Miracle Grow?" the mean boy's voice asked.

"To trade?" Ganondorf replied.

"To trade for what?"

"A stick and a stone?"

"Wrong answer!" The sound of someone striking another person. Ganondorf can be heard whimpering. "Now, wipe that scribble off your hand. You are to tell the Deku Tree to give you the Spiritual Stone or he will suffer."

"I can't remember all that!" Ganondorf wailed despairingly. The mean boy's voice growled at him. The sound of Ganondorf's other glove being taken off and a few more seconds. "Oh! I can read that! Okay! I'll be right back!"

Ganondorf came strolling back down the path. He held his hand in front of his face for a moment then said triumphantly, "Give me the Spiritual Stone- !"

"You realize I heard every bit of that conversation you had with-... well, whoever it was you were talking to," GDT said.

"...Y-you did?" Ganondorf asked.

"Duh."

"Uh, then can you give me-?"

"No."

"Even if I threaten to kill you?"

"Let's see what happens when you threaten me."

"Give me the stone or you will suffer?"

"Nope, still doesn't work."

"Oh. Um..." He turned around and started back toward the path. "Um, it didn't work."

"You are useless!" the mean boy's voice said.

"I'm not! I can be useful! Please! I can do this!"

"You had your chance. Maybe next time. Until then I cannot dawdle! I need that stone!" A small figure in green, but whose face was hidden in shadow so that GDT couldn't see who it was, stepped out from the path. It looked like a little boy. A Kokiri by the looks of the clothing, but it might not have been (hint, hint, nudge, nudge). Ganondorf cowered timidly behind him.

"And you are?" GDT asked.

"I do not go for the formalities," the boy said. "Give me the Spiritual Stone or you WILL suffer."

"Kid, understand that I am already suffering. I create these stupid Kokiri once a year, have to take care of their whiny little asses day in and day out. I have never moved and I have more parts of me that have fallen asleep than even exist. And I have a bipolar fairy that beats me up whenever she gets slightly miffed. I doubt very much if you could make me suffer anymore than I already am," GDT said.

"I beg to differ. Care to test your luck?" the boy asked.

"You're not getting the Spiritual Stone," GDT told him.

"Very well. We'll see if I can't make you suffer," the boy said. Out of nothing he conjured an innocent looking little girl with big shiny eyes (if you've seen the episode of Dexter's Lab with the creepy girl with the big eyes then that's it). The little girl stared at GDT for a few minutes. The boy conjured two pairs of earmuffs, one for himself and one for Ganondorf. When their ears were protected the boy snapped his fingers.

Instantly the little girl started to babble innocently with a cute little lisp and everything. "Did you ever eat Goldfish? You know, the little orange cheese thingies? They're really good. I like to eat off their head and then go back and eat the tail. They're still good if you just eat them whole, though. But do you know how else you can eat them? They're really good if you put them in a bowl of Campbell's Tomato Soup!"

Two hours later

"And just this afternoon I went into my mommy's room and she and daddy were looking' at each other weird. And then when I asked her to play with me she gave me a basket of candy and cookies and stuff and told me to take it to my poor sick grandmother's house. At least she says Grandma's sick. But she and daddy want me to have a little brother or sister. So maybe she was just-!"

Approaching dawn.

"Have you ever seen a magician? I saw a magician once and he pulled a bunny out of his hat and everything. And then he said to us- you know what he said? –he said that if you believe in yourself, and with just a tiny pinch of magic, all your dreams can come true-!"

"ENOUGH!!!" GDT finally shouted. "All these years I thought I had it bad. There was no way anyone could torture me. But this-! This just wasn't fair! Take the freaking Spiritual Stone! I don't want it anyway!"

"I knew you would see it my way," the boy said. He snapped his fingers and the little girl disappeared. Ganondorf had since left. "Now. The Spiritual Stone." GDT shook his upper branches and a green rock started to float down. Suddenly a cucco crowed and the sun began to rise. "Shit!" the boy said and began to flee. Apparently he had a great need to not be seen. However, he failed to get away before GDT saw a pointy ear poking out of his hat.

"Kokiri don't have pointy ears?" he thought as the boy disappeared. "Only Hylians-! Link!!!" In that one instant a diabolical plot for revenge formulated in the Deku Tree's mind. "Oh, Navi!" he called.

The fairy floated harmlessly into the scene, in one of her good, cooperative moods, thank the goddesses. "Yes?" she asked.

"You know how we had that Hylian kid brought here a few years ago?" GDT asked.

"Yeah," Navi answered.

"Well, it's going to sink in pretty soon that he's not a Kokiri unless we do something to maintain images," GDT said. "Which is why I've decided to assign him a fairy."

"But, sir, there are no more fairies," Navi said.

"Oh, dear, that's right," GDT said. "There aren't any fairies that haven't a partner yet..."

"Hmmm..." they both thought, or GDT pretended to think.

GDT sighed. "Navi," he said. "Although it pains me to do so, I think I must sacrifice my own partnership for the good of this child. And the thing of it is, last night a desert man in black armor came and put a curse on me, so I shall die soon anyway..."

"You mean, you're going to break your own partnership with me because you're gonna die anyway and then I'm going to be the Hylian kid's fairy?" Navi summarized.

"I'm afraid so..."

"...Okay. If you say so," Navi said and started to fly off.

GDT thought of something. "Navi," he stopped her. "I want you to bring him to me before anything else." She bobbed a bit and then flew off to get Link. As soon as she was out of earshot, GDT snickered slightly. Then he chuckled. Then he started laughing maniacally. "As if sticking him with Navi wasn't bad enough, I think I've come up with something even better! He can go inside me! I think Gohma, the source of my life force, can do him in! While torturing is so satisfying, death is just so much less messy. And if I play my cards right, Navi might die too! Ha ha haha ha!"

~*`'*~

This is to be continued. By the way, I am not sick anymore. I started this second installment when I was sick, but that was a week or two ago. And if you are disappointed that this took so long, which I doubt because no one has reviewed, 'cept for Silver. (Hiyee!) then I'm sorry, but it probably will be a little while longer still for the next part to come up when GDT will try to exact his revenge on the small person in green with the pointy ears. Please review! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! Or else face the wrath of either the birds, socks, cows, or monkeys. I've given the Brownies time off from exacting revenge until March because they're on another super special other mission: selling cookies!!!!! The best part of being a Girl Scout!

Tingle: Ooooh! I want cookies!

o_O???

Goddesses: o_O???

How the hell do you keep getting in here?

Tingle: Super special fairy magic!

o_o;

Goddesses: o_o; You will leave now.

Tingle: I think not.

I think that as long as I am doing this from my laptop in my bedroom you need to leave when I say so.

Tingle: Your bedroom? *looks around* So that's why there's a bed!

Duh!

Tingle: Aw! You're not in your PJs!

What are you getting at?

Tingle: The least you could do when you're in your bedroom is wear your PJs!

O_O I don't think my boyfriend would like any dudes seeing me in my PJs.

Din: If you really want to classify Tingle as a dude.

Goddesses: Hahahahahahah!

Tingle: . I am so a dude! I think I deserve the right to see a girl in her PJs as long as I'm in her room no matter who her boyfriend is!

*enter Selphie's boyfriend*

Tingle: O_o? Huh?

Din: O_o? What?

Nayru: O_o? The heck?

Farore: Darunia?!

^-^

Darunia: Yip! So the little green dude needs to leave!

Tingle: ...Tingle Tingle Kooloo Limpah! *disappears in cloud of confetti*

Okey! Time to go, Darunia!

Darunia: ^-^

*skip off together into the sunset*

Goddesses: o_o;;;;

Din: Okay, since she forgot to before she left with her... boyfriend *shudder* quick reminder.

Nayru: Selphie does not own anything from Zelda. She does not own Ed, Edd, and/or Eddy.

Farore: And she doesn't own the creepy little girl from Dexter's Lab or the short quote she took from Spongebob (if you can't figure out which one it is, then that's okay).

Goddesses: Until next time!