Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or any of the characters mentioned in the story. They are trademarks of Hasbro and the other companies responsible for their creation. So pleeez don't sue me. However, Aviator does belong to me. So ask or at least give me credit if you want use him, I will almost always say yes.

Journal Entry

Mixmaster

Forgive me my fellows, forgive me……..

Scavenger had left, he wanted his workmate to stay, but he could not fix the Scrounge's tail when he was so unfocused.

He was now alone. He didn't like being alone, it left his mind to wander. Wander to terrible things. He was the greatest chemist in the world, nay the universe. But didn't matter, they would still laugh at him. Still treat him like a retarded fool. 

Mixmaster looked down at the smelting pits, he'd come there to test one of the ore samples in the factory below, but he thought to come up and look at the open pools for a little while. Oh how beautiful they were. The lovely churning of yellow, orange, red and black. The fire that equalized everything thrown into it. It was a pit of the end of everything. End of pain, of suffering, of …………the laughter.

He would give anything to end the laughing. The pointing fingers, the jibes, the snickering, the criticizing optics. Oh those optics, they were the worst. Always looking, always judging, always degrading. Breaking him, tearing him down. Everyone's optics. Even the optics of his own brothers. Hook, Scrapper, Longhaul, Bonecrusher, even gentle Scavenger. They all looked at him with pity, disgust, or the classic 'your weirding me out' look. They only saw a chemist with a programming out to get him. Poor mad man, yes that's all they saw.

If only……..If only……..

If only there was one being, who didn't look at him like he was only an asylum patient. Someone to see the chemist, not the committed. But he had yet to meet that person, and he doubted the possibility that being like that even existed.

It would be so easy……

Just a couple of steps further and he would be free. Free of the suffering in which he had endured since his creation so many millions of years ago. The laughing, the dreadful looks, the sneering.

Free.

So close……

The beautiful flame……….

Closer………

The equalizer………

Falling………..

Microseconds till…………

Freedom………

The end of everything…………………

"No!"

Suddenly Mixmaster felt himself being wrenched back. Someone was pulling him back. Away from the beautiful flame, away from release, away from freedom.

Who?! Who would do this cruel thing!?

"Mixmaster?"

The child….

Mixmaster felt his anger flare. He grabbed Aviator's outstretched hands and hoisted both himself and the young jet to their feet.

"How-how dare y-you! Why-why-why, did you st-st-stop me!?" Mixmaster shouted into Aviator's face.

"Mixmaster I----" Aviator was terribly frightened.

"I-I-I g-get it! You-You-you th-thought I-I was st-st-stupid enough to-to slip and-and fall in, yes? Yes?!"

"No, I just---ugh!" Aviator was cut off when Mixmaster's fist impacted his forehead right above his nose.

The young jet staggered back, off balance. Mixmaster grabbed Aviator by his jaw, and wrenched his face up to his own. "Don't-don't-don't you understand?! I want-want-want to die!"

Mixmaster practically threw Aviator to the ground.

"Why?" Aviator pulled slowly pulled himself to his knees, but kept his visor on the ground.

"Why!? Why!? Why?! You-you-you are asking me why?! Can't-can't-can't y-you hear me?! My-my voice?! Have-have not the other told-told you about me?!" Mixmaster screamed down at the kneeling youth.

"Yes, they have, but should that matter? You're still the greatest chemist in the universe, right?" Aviator looked up at him.

Mixmaster was stunned silent.

He looked into Aviator's optics, and they looked back at him without the slightest waver of direction. He slowly sank to Aviator's level. "You-You-You really mean that?"

"Yes."

Mixmaster did see pity in Aviator's visor, but it was different. It was not the pity for Mixmaster being who he was, but a pity that he had been treated so horribly that he would be driven to take his own life.

"Why-Why are you here?" Mixmaster asked barely above a whisper.

"I heard about the accident from Longhaul and I hitched a ride with Astrotrain. It was just kind of an impulse. I met up with Scavenger and he told me to find you and keep you company. He was so worried. I couldn't find you in the lab, so I asked around about where you might have gone. I finally found out you were here."

"Why did you pull me back? It's not like I have given you a reason………to………." Mixmaster trailed off when he realized his voice was stutter-free.

"I've lost my stutter. I can speak again." A smile spread across Mixmaster face, with Aviator following suit. "I stutter when I'm nervous or disturbed, but not anymore. I get it. Their optics, their optics always judging me. It makes me nervous, but your optics they don't  do that. I not nervous."

Then Mixmaster noticed the terrible wound he had placed on Aviator's forehead.

"Oh, Primus. I've barely known you and already I've caused you pain." Mixmaster gently wiped away a trickle of energon running down the side of Aviator's nose.

"What this? I could probably do worse to myself  by not looking where I going." Aviator chuckled.

"You're just trying to make me feel better. Thank you." Mixmaster smiled, getting up and helping aviator to do the same. "Come on let's get you fixed up."

"Yeah, that would probably be good." Aviator cheerfully followed Mixmaster in heading back to the science building.

"Aviator?" Mixmaster turned around and looked at the youth. "About what just happened, the others, they will find out soon enough. That can't be avoided, but I don't want to worry them. You won't tell them, yes?"

"They will not hear anything from me." Aviator smiled reassuringly.

*************************

Aviator winced slightly as Mixmaster welded together the damaged parts on Aviator's forehead.

"That didn't hurt too much did it?"

"No I'm all right. Thank you." Aviator

"I'm sorry I've been rather indisposed lately. I haven't tried to get to know you. And I'm really sorry I didn't do it sooner, it could have changed everything." Mixmaster spoke barely above a whisper.

"I'm just glad I came before it was too late." Aviator said tiredly, but happily.

"Yes, thank Primus for that."

"What drove you to it after so long?" Concern crossed Aviator's face.

"Everyone has a breaking point, I had finally reached it." Mixmaster answered darkly, and added in off-handed whisper. "I wonder how long until Hook reaches his."

"Hook?" Aviator asked genuinely surprised and curious.

Mixmaster switched off the small welder. "Finished. Yes, everyone thinks him a two-dimensional, perfectionist, snob. Now there is nothing wrong with him wanting things clean and sterile, as surgeon it is part of his programming, but I'll tell you, he never used to complain about droplet rings on the floor. He's gotten much worse. The others just say he's getting more paranoid with his old age, in a way he is, but I know something my fellows don't. It's all a cover up. He has a little bit of me in his mind, and he's afraid. He wants everything to be 'perfect' so that he can be as different from me as possible. He doesn't want to become me. Can't Say I blame him."

"What makes you think that insanity is from you? It could be just his own version. Either way, why do you consider yourself insane? Scrapper told me about your obsession with testing things which usually end up in disaster, but for chemist that's not so unusual."

"Huh. I never thought about it that way before." A mischievous grin crossed Mixmaster's face.

"Now I do suggest exercising caution and self control, mainly so that you don't get hurt or hurt anyone else." Aviator pointed out quickly.

"Yes, I know. I was just joking." Mixmaster became serious again. "But truly thank you. Maybe that's not me in Hook's mind, but just another side of him."

Aviator nodded slowly and helped to put the tools away as Mixmaster continued to speak. "He thinks in doing his perfectionist thing he can erase that little bit of insanity is in him, but all he is doing is suppressing it. Scrapper releases his through his art, and his over anxiousness. Hook however cannot take it out on his patients, nor can he show himself to be anything but the high tone, perfectionist. He's kept it bottled up inside all of these years. One day he is going burst. Now that I think about it, I'm glad you saved me so that when that time comes, I can be there for him, the way he and Scrapper were always there for me."

"You really think he will do that?" Aviator put the last of the tools away.

"Oh, yes. It's just a matter of time. I don't think it helps that Bonecrusher seems to enjoy vexing him." Mixmaster smirked.

"You look as if you enjoy that."

"Oh, yes. It is quite amusing to watch those two go at it." Mixmaster chuckled.

"I know just the other day, Hook was yelling about rings on the floor, then chasing Bonecrusher around the room. It was pretty funny." Aviator snickered.

The two looked at each other then burst out laughing.

******************************************

Mixmaster opened the door to the lab he had been working in, "So Bonecrusher drops the nuts and bolts on to the floor, and then Hook he….."

"I what……?" Hook looked up from his work on Scavenger's tail.

"Uh, guys! What are you doing here?" Mixmaster was genuinely shocked.

"Oh just doing the routine check up on our resident loony bin."

"Bonecrusher!" Scrapper snapped.

"Loony Bin? Is that your new nickname for me?" Mixmaster smirked.

"Yup." Bonecrusher gave Mixmaster a friendly pat on the back.

"YAY! My tail's fixed." Scavenger practically leaped off the exam table he was sitting on. Then he seemed to take notice of everyone else, Mixmaster in particular "I hope it was right of me to send Aviator to you."

Mixmaster glanced back at the young Constructicon standing behind him. "Yes, very right."

"So what have you two been doing, between the time Scavenger left and now?" Scrapper eyed the chemist and the seeker carefully.

"Oh, I just wanted to show Aviator around let him know what it is I do. One of our stops were the smelting pits."

Everyone looked at Mixmaster like he had petro-rabbits crawling out of his audio receptors.

"What?!" Mixmaster huffed indignantly, "I'm still here, he's still here. We are all here and fine, yes?"

"He's got a point." Scavenger spoke up.

"Is this true Aviator?" Scrapper looked over Mixmaster's shoulder at the aforementioned jet.

"Uh….yes, we went to the smelting pits." He wasn't lying, but he wasn't telling the whole truth either.

"Yes we had a very interesting conversation on insanity and how we all have our own versions of it." Mixmaster's optics fell on Hook, who raised and optic brow when he noticed he was being pinpointed. "Anyway, I have work to do in here so clear off!"

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Scavenger asked nervously.

"Quite, I promise I will exercise caution and self control." Mixmaster smirks, flashing his optic slightly at Aviator in sort of a mock wink.

Aviator smiled back and did the same with his own ruby red visor…

………………………………..What more is there to say? Primus finally answered my prayers. When Scrapper came to us with the idea for Aviator, I to disagreed to another member, it would be just one more person I would have to deal with. But Primus whispered into my audio, he said ' help bring the boy life, he will help you.' That's why I had that feeling, that I should help Scrapper in his endeavor. But I must have for gotten it though. Oh I was so horrid to the child. I didn't want to be, but I just couldn't think straight. I hope he can forgive me. Then again, knowing what I already know of him.

He already has…….

************************************

And there you have it! Mixmaster. Wasn't that sweet!?

Anyway, next chapter we have Aviator from a non-Constructicon perspective.

Next chapter: Starscream

Till Next Time

-Vega Sailor