A/N Okay, a little explanation. This fic was inspired by seeing the French version of Harry Potter, called Harry Potter at Magic School. No offense to the French, I just thought the title was funny. Thus began Harry Potter for Dummies. Is it the 'kid' version of Harry Potter, made non-violent and sexist on purpose. And just in case someone doesn't get it, this is a joke, hence the parody category. Its going to be posted five 'chapters' at a time, and the first book has seventeen chapters, so four altogether. Enjoy!
Dedication; This is for my cousin Hannah, for all the help you gave me, even if you don't like R/H.
Disclaimer; JK Rowling is the millionaire, I'm just the kid off to the side who has about five bucks total. You figure it out.
Chapter One; Lucky Harry
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley live at number four, Privet drive. They are normal and happy. It is nighttime at Privet drive. Everyone is asleep. A man is walking in the street. He is not asleep; he is awake. A woman and another man join him. The first man is called Dumbledore. He is old and wise. The woman is a teacher. The other man is named Hagrid; he is very tall.
What is Hagrid holding? Dumbledore looks at it. It is a baby boy! The baby boy is a baby. He has a cut on his head. His name is Harry Potter. Hagrid says to Dumbledore "This is Harry Potter. He needs a place to live."
"He can live here," answers Dumbledore. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley are his aunt and uncle. They are normal."
"Okay." says Hagrid. They put Harry on the doorstep. He will be happy with his aunt and uncle.
"Lucky Harry." says Hagrid.
Chapter Two; A Trip to the Zoo
It was ten years later. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were still normal. But Harry was not happy. Why wasn't he? He wasn't happy because of Dudley. Dudley is Harry's cousin. He is normal. Dudley had said bad things. He had said; "Harry is a very silly boy!" This made Harry sad. Bad Dudley, bad.
One day Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, Dudley, and Harry went to the zoo. There were animals at the zoo. Everyone was happy to see the animals. Harry looked at a snake. "Ooh" he said, "a snake!"
"Hello Harry." Said the snake.
"Hello snake." Said Harry.
The snake climbed out of his cage. What happened to the glass? No one knows.
"Good-bye snake." Says Harry.
"Good-bye Harry." says the snake. Harry waves good-bye to the snake. He is happy now that the snake is happy. What a fun trip to the zoo!
Chapter Three; Harry Gets a Letter
One day Harry got a letter. "Look!" He said, "I got a letter." Harry looked at the letter. Then he opened it. The letter said:
Dear Harry Potter,
You are a big boy now. It is time you went to school. Come to school with us. You will be happy.
From,
Hogwarts
"Okay," said Harry. "I will come to school with you." He is happy.
The next day was Harry's birthday. Now he is eleven. What a big boy Harry is! He is happy.
Chapter Four; The Big Man
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, Dudley and Harry were in a small house. The house was on a rock. The rock was on the sea. Someone was knocking on the door. Who can it be? Harry opens the door. There is a very big man standing there. "Hello," he said, "I'm Hagrid."
"Hello." said Harry. He was happy that they had a visitor.
"I have come to take you to school." said Hagrid. "It is a special school for special people like you."
"But remember," said Harry, "we're all special in our own little ways!"
"That's right!" Said Hagrid. They were happy and special.
Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were not happy. They did not want Harry to go to school. "You are too silly to go to school, Harry." They said. This made Harry very sad. Oh no! But Hagrid saves the day. He talks to Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. Then they let Harry go to school. Now Harry is happy again.
Chapter Five; Shopping
"Good morning!" Says Hagrid. It is the morning. Harry wants to go to school right away. But first he needs to buy his school things. Hagrid and Harry go to a place called Diagon Alley. Harry can get his school things here.
Oh no! Harry doesn't have any money. What will he do?
"It's okay, Harry." Says Hagrid. "We can get money at the bank!" They go to the bank. There are funny things there. The funny things are very funny.
"Ha ha!" Laughs Harry, "Funny things!" The funny things give them money. Now Harry can go shopping; he is happy.
They go shopping. Harry buys lots of things. He gets robes, and paper, and a hat, and books, and an owl, and a wand! What a lot of stuff Harry has! Now Harry can go to school like a big boy. He is very happy.
Review? Please? With a chocolate frog on top?