Disclaimer: Nothing from the realm of Harry Potter do I claim to own or is
mine in any way.
Warnings: Er, actually, I think this is the first thing I've written where I don't need to put any!! Not yet, anyway. Please review.
Perfect Son
Lucius has summoned Draco to visit him in his study. Draco does not know why this is so, for Lucius has never called for him in this manner before. He will go to him. The thought of disobeying his father is absolutely inconceivable. Draco lays down the book he is reading, and the quill in his left hand and puts them neatly away. It's something people never appreciate about Draco. That small eye for detail.
He passes his mother on the way. There was a time, when Draco was smaller, when he looked to Narcissa for love and guidance. Not any more. Since Draco left last year to go to Hogwarts his mother has had no time for him. It is coming to the end of the summer. Now he is growing used to the cold stares, if they ever rest upon him at all. It hurt him at first. He asked Uncle Severus why Narcissa was acting this way but he gave him no answer. Draco never asked again.
He walks the long corridor up to Lucius' study. He knows the way exactly, although he has rarely been this way in the manor before. This is his father's domain and he is not allowed here unless given express permission, even if it is his birthday and his parents are not there to give him gifts. Draco learned patience with his family at a young age. It does not occur to him to wonder if this is strange. To him, it is right.
Not only right, it is law.
He stops just outside his father's study. He can hear voices inside, and he suddenly wonders whether his father wants him here after all. But he can never doubt Lucius. Lucius is the one person who he must submit to in every way. So he raises his hand to knock.
He knocks softly, for it is rude to bang and he has been taught to always do the right thing. Before coming to Hogwarts he had tutors who taught him etiquette. He never thought he'd have a lesson in how to knock.
He hears his father's voice calling him to enter. He slowly opens the door and steps in, heart beginning to race as he suddenly hears the room go silent. He sees his father standing in front of the fire, and knows immediately that something is wrong. He knows Lucius better than anyone, and that rigid stance and the shape of his shoulders show his unease. Quickly scanning the room, he sees Uncle Severus looking tired and grave in a nearby armchair. Their eyes meet and Draco can see Severus trying to tell him something. He however does not have time to decide what it means before his name is rasped by another guest. He turns quickly, too quickly for his tutor to allow, and finally sees the last occupant of the room.
His father claims him to be a man named MacNair. Draco doesn't like him. The man's eyes search him, strip him. Draco cannot help his lip from curling. The man is well dressed, but without taste. He has no grasp of etiquette, and his hair is not nearly as well maintained as his fathers. But the longer MacNair and Draco stare at each other the more Draco can't take his eyes off him. What at first appears to be a rough unkempt appearance speaks more of endurance and strength. And his eyes make Draco shiver.
Only the feel of his father's hand upon his shoulder breaks their connection, and for a fleeting moment Draco suddenly hates his father. Then he looks at him and he feels heartbroken, for his father is dearest to him above all things and in his eyes there is no being more wonderful. He feels shamed that a momentary lapse could make him feel such things. From then on Draco avoids MacNairs gaze.
His father invites him to sit, and Draco can feel everyone's gaze on him. He wishes someone would tell him why he is here, or why this strange man is sitting in his father's study. He is not worried that Severus is here. He is here often enough, and sometimes he even comes to see Draco. Usually they talk about potions and Hogwarts, but last time Draco felt that Severus really wanted to talk to him about something else. But this is as far as he can discern Severus's emotions. He is a hard man to read, and when he chooses can hide his feelings from anyone, save Lucius.
He is certainly masking his feelings today. Draco wonders why this is so, then decides it is because of MacNair. He feels helpless as talk drifts onto idle matters, and he desperately wishes he was in his chambers by himself and not with the three men. He is brought a drink, and although his throat feels dry as he tries to melt into the background he does not accept it, so great is his fear that he will make a fool of himself. Suddenly, the thought of shaming himself in front of this audience seems unbearable. He wonders why this is so. Although he is careful in front of Lucius, he knows he is capable of restraining his stupidity through many years of practice. Severus he does not care one way or the other whether he spills his drink or slurps it rudely. So it must be MacNair.
Draco is confused. He feels drawn to MacNair, and can feel the heat rise to his face when the man's eyes are on him. He instinctively draws closer to his father. Although Lucius must not be made a fool of at least he is family. He is home.
Draco treasures his father's smiles, as they are so rare. He works so hard to bring them to his fathers' face but so often he is unsuccessful. Sometimes Draco thinks he should stop his attempts at pleasing his father, but then Lucius will surprise him and gift him with his grace. It is Draco's ambition to make his father laugh. Oh, he can make him chuckle, or snort, or maybe even grin, but he longs to hear the tones of his father's true laughter. The way he laughs when he is with Severus. He longs to hear his father laugh and know it is because of him.
The most treasured memory that Draco has is when Lucius looked at him the day before he went to Hogwarts. Lucius said nothing. He merely gave Draco a gaze of quiet pride, of the confidence his son would succeed in the world beyond home just as he did. Draco wishes he could have captured that moment more perfectly than in his memory. It is the light he turns to when he is inside his lowest moments, when all other things seem dark. Draco loves his father so much he hurts inside. He needs these moments, these memories, or else he would not make half the effort he does just to survive.
Finally, after nearly an hour of trivialities and politics, MacNair speaks. He speaks to Draco of taking him away, away from his father and to his home to teach him more of the world. Draco stops listening after that. He can hear MacNair continue to speak but the sound is muffled, and his body taken over by the shock. His body grows stiff, and he can feels tears pricking the back of his eyelids but he retains enough force of will to deny them to fall. He does not understand why his father would wish him to leave. Or why he has to go with MacNair. Why doesn't he send him to Severus? Why MacNair? The earlier connection he felt with the man goes forgotten. He feels terror, and panic, and a sense of loss so acute he is overwhelmed and must leave. He does what he never thought he could do before and stands up and quickly leaves the room without begging his father's leave or saying farewell to the manor's guests.
He gets down to the next passageway before stops, and has to make a conscious decision not to hyperventilate. As soon as he gets his breathing under control he formulates his next decision. To get out of the Manor and away before anyone notices.
However his escape is hampered before he even turns the corner, as he runs straight into Uncle Severus, who gently but firmly grasps him by the shoulders, gets on his knees so they are of a height and Severus can look into the child's eyes. Severus, in appearance, is the complete opposite to Lucius. Where Severus is dark and sallow and shadowed Lucius is fair and light and radiates beauty. Draco would never say his father is handsome. He is simply beautiful.
Severus, unexpectedly does not say anything. He does not try to comfort Draco with false hope, or promises that cannot be kept. He simply tells the child with his gaze that he is sorry that this had to happen. And in this moment, Draco knows why he is being sent away.
Warnings: Er, actually, I think this is the first thing I've written where I don't need to put any!! Not yet, anyway. Please review.
Perfect Son
Lucius has summoned Draco to visit him in his study. Draco does not know why this is so, for Lucius has never called for him in this manner before. He will go to him. The thought of disobeying his father is absolutely inconceivable. Draco lays down the book he is reading, and the quill in his left hand and puts them neatly away. It's something people never appreciate about Draco. That small eye for detail.
He passes his mother on the way. There was a time, when Draco was smaller, when he looked to Narcissa for love and guidance. Not any more. Since Draco left last year to go to Hogwarts his mother has had no time for him. It is coming to the end of the summer. Now he is growing used to the cold stares, if they ever rest upon him at all. It hurt him at first. He asked Uncle Severus why Narcissa was acting this way but he gave him no answer. Draco never asked again.
He walks the long corridor up to Lucius' study. He knows the way exactly, although he has rarely been this way in the manor before. This is his father's domain and he is not allowed here unless given express permission, even if it is his birthday and his parents are not there to give him gifts. Draco learned patience with his family at a young age. It does not occur to him to wonder if this is strange. To him, it is right.
Not only right, it is law.
He stops just outside his father's study. He can hear voices inside, and he suddenly wonders whether his father wants him here after all. But he can never doubt Lucius. Lucius is the one person who he must submit to in every way. So he raises his hand to knock.
He knocks softly, for it is rude to bang and he has been taught to always do the right thing. Before coming to Hogwarts he had tutors who taught him etiquette. He never thought he'd have a lesson in how to knock.
He hears his father's voice calling him to enter. He slowly opens the door and steps in, heart beginning to race as he suddenly hears the room go silent. He sees his father standing in front of the fire, and knows immediately that something is wrong. He knows Lucius better than anyone, and that rigid stance and the shape of his shoulders show his unease. Quickly scanning the room, he sees Uncle Severus looking tired and grave in a nearby armchair. Their eyes meet and Draco can see Severus trying to tell him something. He however does not have time to decide what it means before his name is rasped by another guest. He turns quickly, too quickly for his tutor to allow, and finally sees the last occupant of the room.
His father claims him to be a man named MacNair. Draco doesn't like him. The man's eyes search him, strip him. Draco cannot help his lip from curling. The man is well dressed, but without taste. He has no grasp of etiquette, and his hair is not nearly as well maintained as his fathers. But the longer MacNair and Draco stare at each other the more Draco can't take his eyes off him. What at first appears to be a rough unkempt appearance speaks more of endurance and strength. And his eyes make Draco shiver.
Only the feel of his father's hand upon his shoulder breaks their connection, and for a fleeting moment Draco suddenly hates his father. Then he looks at him and he feels heartbroken, for his father is dearest to him above all things and in his eyes there is no being more wonderful. He feels shamed that a momentary lapse could make him feel such things. From then on Draco avoids MacNairs gaze.
His father invites him to sit, and Draco can feel everyone's gaze on him. He wishes someone would tell him why he is here, or why this strange man is sitting in his father's study. He is not worried that Severus is here. He is here often enough, and sometimes he even comes to see Draco. Usually they talk about potions and Hogwarts, but last time Draco felt that Severus really wanted to talk to him about something else. But this is as far as he can discern Severus's emotions. He is a hard man to read, and when he chooses can hide his feelings from anyone, save Lucius.
He is certainly masking his feelings today. Draco wonders why this is so, then decides it is because of MacNair. He feels helpless as talk drifts onto idle matters, and he desperately wishes he was in his chambers by himself and not with the three men. He is brought a drink, and although his throat feels dry as he tries to melt into the background he does not accept it, so great is his fear that he will make a fool of himself. Suddenly, the thought of shaming himself in front of this audience seems unbearable. He wonders why this is so. Although he is careful in front of Lucius, he knows he is capable of restraining his stupidity through many years of practice. Severus he does not care one way or the other whether he spills his drink or slurps it rudely. So it must be MacNair.
Draco is confused. He feels drawn to MacNair, and can feel the heat rise to his face when the man's eyes are on him. He instinctively draws closer to his father. Although Lucius must not be made a fool of at least he is family. He is home.
Draco treasures his father's smiles, as they are so rare. He works so hard to bring them to his fathers' face but so often he is unsuccessful. Sometimes Draco thinks he should stop his attempts at pleasing his father, but then Lucius will surprise him and gift him with his grace. It is Draco's ambition to make his father laugh. Oh, he can make him chuckle, or snort, or maybe even grin, but he longs to hear the tones of his father's true laughter. The way he laughs when he is with Severus. He longs to hear his father laugh and know it is because of him.
The most treasured memory that Draco has is when Lucius looked at him the day before he went to Hogwarts. Lucius said nothing. He merely gave Draco a gaze of quiet pride, of the confidence his son would succeed in the world beyond home just as he did. Draco wishes he could have captured that moment more perfectly than in his memory. It is the light he turns to when he is inside his lowest moments, when all other things seem dark. Draco loves his father so much he hurts inside. He needs these moments, these memories, or else he would not make half the effort he does just to survive.
Finally, after nearly an hour of trivialities and politics, MacNair speaks. He speaks to Draco of taking him away, away from his father and to his home to teach him more of the world. Draco stops listening after that. He can hear MacNair continue to speak but the sound is muffled, and his body taken over by the shock. His body grows stiff, and he can feels tears pricking the back of his eyelids but he retains enough force of will to deny them to fall. He does not understand why his father would wish him to leave. Or why he has to go with MacNair. Why doesn't he send him to Severus? Why MacNair? The earlier connection he felt with the man goes forgotten. He feels terror, and panic, and a sense of loss so acute he is overwhelmed and must leave. He does what he never thought he could do before and stands up and quickly leaves the room without begging his father's leave or saying farewell to the manor's guests.
He gets down to the next passageway before stops, and has to make a conscious decision not to hyperventilate. As soon as he gets his breathing under control he formulates his next decision. To get out of the Manor and away before anyone notices.
However his escape is hampered before he even turns the corner, as he runs straight into Uncle Severus, who gently but firmly grasps him by the shoulders, gets on his knees so they are of a height and Severus can look into the child's eyes. Severus, in appearance, is the complete opposite to Lucius. Where Severus is dark and sallow and shadowed Lucius is fair and light and radiates beauty. Draco would never say his father is handsome. He is simply beautiful.
Severus, unexpectedly does not say anything. He does not try to comfort Draco with false hope, or promises that cannot be kept. He simply tells the child with his gaze that he is sorry that this had to happen. And in this moment, Draco knows why he is being sent away.