Disclaimer: see chap 1

Hope I'm not loosing you with the multiple voices but it's meant to be confusing. Nothing is ever as it seem you know. Thank you for reviewing.

##############################

She just stands there, holding my hand. The flames that are slowly turning me to dust leap from my fingers to hers. She looks at me and I'm not sure what I see in her eyes. She knows this is my big finish, whatever she'll say to keep the appearance won't have the same weight as that look. We're letting go of each other; I'm pushing her away. She would have stayed; she'd have ended it with me if I had asked her. She wanted it. But I didn't.

It has nothing to do with this not being her time to end; she's way past that place. I'm just scared that she'll think less of me when she finds out that I ended up somewhere else and that I left her alone. I couldn't stand that guilt.

How was it?

What?

You know, upstairs.

You mean Heaven?

Yeah. It's not like I'm gonna be able to see it for myself luv, but I'd still like to know what it's like.

Well I don't remember things as such. There was a sense of unending peace, no pressure of time. I can't say it was happiness as in Disneyland happiness, more like not lacking of anything, a satisfied feeling. I was complete, I was ended, nothing more to work on me. Like cookie dough.

Cookie dough?

Yeah, like when you wait for the cookies to be done, then you have to wait some more so that it cools down. You don't think that it will ever cool down but somehow it does. I guess I was ready and waiting for the end. I was just tired of knowing that it would end soon.

Where you alone?

I didn't see anyone, or anything. It makes me think of newborn kittens. They can't see a thing, they have to sense their way in the world. It was kinda like that. I could sense some beings around me but never anything clear. I told Dawn that I sensed mom, but I lied. I was loved but I'm not sure that was her.

I'm wondering if it's like what babies feel like in the womb? Might explain the pissed off expression they have when they get into this world.

And would also explain why some people are never happy if they keep the memories like I did.

I just hope we can give you some new memories that'll bring a little bit of Heaven back into you, Buffy.

I have to go… I can't handle sweet right now. I'm sorry.

This has to end somewhere. There are so many screams in my head that I don't know if I'm still here. There's no pain; at least that's a plus. I just wish it would end soon. I know I'm not gonna pull trough this one alive. There may not be pain but I'm starting to feel dusty. I just hope I did enough. And, what do you know, she came out in the end. I'm not sure she meant it but I'm happy just the same.

Oh, I think that's it.

########################

It has returned to us

We are again.

We are remembering us.

We are loving us.

We are.