Author's note: This is it. The end. I'm putting this fic to rest. It's been an emotional roller-coaster to say the least! Still, I hope you've enjoyed the journey, at least half as much as I have. I'm just more than ready to put it behind me.
This chapter contains lemon content. It's not terribly explicit, but it is pretty dern obvious what's going on. Proceed at your own risk. I do hope that the lemon in this chapter is a soothing balm for the violence and gore in the last chapter. eeep
Thank you all for sticking with me in this exploration of a difficult pairing to write. Even more difficult is writing something from Sakura's POV. Wow! I thought it would be easier than this! I hope you have all found this fic worthy. It's rare to find an Eriol/Sakura fic, so I hope all who have wanted to see this pairing are satisfied!
"If I Said..."
The door finally opened, and Eriol entered looking completely drained. He made his way over to the couch on unsteady feet, flopping down onto the cushion beside me. "You shouldn't have looked."
"I know," I said softly, looking at my hands twisting in my lap. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I knew you would. You wouldn't be you if you hadn't tried to see him again." His words didn't hold any hint of remonstration for what I'd done. Actually, he sounded a little bit amused. "A little bit of warning would have saved me a bit of a headache though."
"I'm sorry," I said again.
He reached out and took my hand, shaking his head slowly. "It's the least price to pay for your state of mind. It's the least I could do for the girl I love."
It was the first time either of us had used that word. My heart leapt into my throat, and my eyes were so wide I wondered if I'd ever be able to shut them again. "L-love?" I asked, hopeful and terrified at once.
"I've loved you from the very start, Sakura. From the moment Clow had a vision that you would take his cards and care for them as if they were your own children. I fell in love with you at that moment, and tried my hardest to never burden you with that."
Burden? How could he think that would have been a burden? But, even as I asked myself that question the answer came to me. Circumstances had been against anything happening between the two of us from the very start. I'd loved Yukito with all my heart, and had my childhood dreams about living with him in some happily ever after that would never end. When that dream had died, Syaoran had indeed burdened me with his feelings by announcing his love. I was so confused about what I felt. The first few nights I'd wished he had never said those words to me. Then he had left me, and I'd agonized over what I should feel for him and over feeling something for someone I couldn't see. It had been a painful courtship really. If Eriol had said those words to me at that time, it would have been much harder than it had been. To top it off, many things had kept Eriol traveling over the years, and it would have been even harder to be in love and deal with months on end of no communication at all because of his work. I still wasn't sure what had kept him away so much, and out of touch so often, but it was immutable fact.
I finally nodded, indicating my understanding. I then wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug. "I love you too," I murmured, feeling like something locked away inside me had been released.
I want to say that everything from there was a happily ever after. There's no such thing though. I'm reminded of how Clow had used those words right after the Final Judgment. Clow's ghost. (Maybe I've never been afraid of ghosts, but only of the unknown. Of half-truths and near misses.) I can't remember exactly what he'd said, but he mentioned a happily ever after, and I believed him then. Through summer vacation that year, I believed him.
"I don't believe in happily ever afters anymore, Eriol."
He rolled over sleepily and looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of his. "What do you believe in?"
I smiled. "I believe in magic, but I don't believe in fairy tales." I reached over and brushed a lock of hair from his face. "Things just keep going, and there's always more story to be told. A happily ever after would be an end, but everything goes on and on, even after death."
He glanced across the room for a moment, and then met my eyes again. "Yes it does."
I looked toward where he had glanced, but I saw nothing. I pulled the blanket up, covering all vital parts. "He's not in here now is he?" I felt my cheeks heat up, and I'm sure I had turned bright scarlet.
"Of course not. He knows better now." He winked at me, and I just blushed harder at the memory.
"Then why did you look?" I pulled the pillow out from under me and hit him with it. "You're so mean!"
"I was just making sure!"
"Why? We weren't doing anything."
"Not yet," he said, grabbing my wrist before I could swing at him with the pillow again.
"I thought you were satisfied," I teased softly, releasing the pillow immediately.
"I was, and then I heard your voice again."
My heart skipped a beat.
"I love you."
His hand released my wrist and trailed down my arm softly. The light whisper of touch sent shivers through me. He knew when to be delicate with me. He treasured me.
"I love you too. Forever."
He pulled the blanket down slowly, revealing just enough. His fingers continued tracing down my skin to my breast, circling the areola with just enough pressure that my nipple tautened as I watched. It was fascinating. He knew me so well...he'd learned my body so quickly.
"I used to believe in happily ever after. I wanted to so much, for your sake. I tried so hard." His voice held just a hint of vulnerability. I reached toward him, and he playfully took one of my fingers into his mouth. I gasped as I felt the warm moisture, the hint of teeth, and the soft stroking of his tongue. It was just for a moment, but it was such an intimate touch. He leaned closer to me to kiss me softly, but it was quick. He leaned back again, looking at me. He had more he wanted to say. "Even if I die tomorrow, or if you do, tonight is that happily ever after. At death, we'll just have to start writing a new story, yes?"
I nodded, accepting what he said without thinking at first. My mind kept racing despite myself though, and I finally found words. "It's never ever after if we keep starting again, is it?"
His laugh was low and seductive as he rolled over, hovering over me and locking onto my eyes. His body pressed against mine for most of the length of our bodies, and my breath quickened as I felt his arousal against me. His hands were on the bed on either side of my head, and his forearms pressed lightly into my shoulders. He lowered himself until our foreheads touched. "It depends on who is writing the story, I suppose."
"What if I am?"
"Then you can have as many happily ever afters as you want. You are Sakura. You can tell the story of how we met. You can tell the tale of the epic romance you shared with Syaoran. You can tell the story of the cards, or of how you've been gaining your own magic since they fell into your care. It's your story."
"There are too many stories. They all have happy endings somewhere, but if I try to think of a place to write an ending, I always know there is more to the story."
"I hope there is more to this story," Eriol said playfully as he moved to kneel between my legs. As he did, my body was completely revealed. He made an appreciative sound, looking me over carefully. "Every time I look at you, you're more beautiful than I remembered."
I blushed, grabbing the pillow I'd dropped before and pressing my face into it. "You keep saying that!"
"I keep believing it."
"Then why is it that I feel like I'm the one who is lucky to have you?"
"We're both lucky," he said, pulling on my hands to guide me to sit up. I followed his lead willingly, and eagerly met him with a kiss when he moved me onto his lap.
Even what followed from there was not a happily ever after, though it made me very happy. Even as he kissed the ring upon my ring finger...the one he'd placed there himself only a month ago...I did not call that an ending. "We keep having new beginnings," I breathed when I had a chance.
He moaned, biting my neck, bringing another type of sensation into the mix of pleasure coursing through me. "Would you like another beginning?"
What kind of a question was that? I was too distracted to answer him, or ask what he meant. It wasn't until afterward, when we lay sprawled on the bed, and he rested his head on my abdomen that I thought of it again. "What beginning?"
"This one," he placed an index finger over my womb, and I gasped.
"Now?"
"No, not this time," he said, and his eyes looked distant for a moment. It was as if the knowledge made him sad. "Not yet."
"I'd like to start that happily ever after with a new beginning. If you would."
He smiled up at me, looking so content that I wanted to kiss him again, but I was too worn out to move.
"I know just what to name him."
"Him?"
He nodded, relaxing against me. "Soon, Sakura-chan. Unless you tell me you're not ready."
I leaned back into my pillow, trying to imagine it. Me? A mother? I felt a rush of warmth. "A vision?"
He nodded again. "You inspire me."
I grinned, looking up at the ceiling. "Who am I to fight fate?" I said softly, not unaware of the slight irony there. I'd tried so hard to fight when things got painful, or scary, or out of control. Maybe this was fate's way of making that up to me. Karma.
And, when we reached that temporary state of happily ever after, we both felt it. It hit us like an earthquake. We kissed each other, we fell in love all over again, and that was the end of that particular story.