Title: Of Sunrays and Moonbeams
Chapter: The Heart Aches and Pains
Author: Celestial DreamBlaze
Archive: SM/LotR
Category: Romances, Action/Adventure
Pairing: Usagi/Legolas
Feedback: Swt_artistia_gherl@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: I do not own the Characters, though it is a fervent wish of mine.
Summary:
Notes: Second to last chapter.
Apologies: Unbetaed
****
In Lothlorien
Usagi continued staring outside the Cerin Amroth, looking out to the lightened tree top city beyond. She could feel the Mellorn's powerful aura try to soothe her aching heart. She knew she should have been listening to the Lady's council, yet her heart was not in it. It refused to be after she finally accepted the Gandalf was indeed forever lost to them. Tears pricked her eyes as she thought of her incompetence. She had returned home for a reason and it seemed she was only making things worse.
The more she thought about it, the more she also realized that everything wasn't about her. That she could, and most likely, would be the catalyst in this war as it often was in colossal situations. What would happen if she made the wrong move? Would it doom this Earth? Her mind flashed to the olden days of Sailor Moon – the fight with Galaxia…the Earth…
She suddenly thought that maybe she shouldn't have come at all. She certainly felt it was somehow her fault that Gandalf had fallen. Maybe nothing would have happen had she not returned. And again, she was turning it back to it being about her. Nothing was about her and nor will it ever will be. She was here as balance, nothing more nothing less, her presence would tip the scale to darkness or light and it would be her hope that it fell to the light.
Usagi barely kept herself from falling; the Lady of Lothlorien continued to pry into her brain, straining on her mind defense mechanism. As Cosmos, she knew many things, secrets and knowledge long ago lost, newly discovered, her mind would shut down to any possible threats but her introduction to darkness…the thirst within her made her shun the healing light, the accepting comfort the Lady tried to give her. This conflict of thoughts clashed and threatened to burst her head into two.
She knew she had to be more careful. She was a liability now, her Cosmos powers refused to awaken and her unspeakable thoughts were steadily growing louder and more cumbersome. It would not do for her thoughts to be spoken aloud, lest all would be lost.
All.
She had to get the Outers here. Much as she loved her Inners, she knew that the Outers were far more powerful in their planetary rights. They'd help with the outcome of the war, especially now that they were in tune with their elemental magic. She just hope nothing dangerous would become of the other world, the Inners were already busy with managing the inner planets and their civilians.
The blonde frowned, once again feeling Galadriel's mind try to enter hers. She managed to keep sway her darkness, yet fire lit her eyes as she was unintentionally brought back to her old home. Memories of brainwash and manipulation streamed through her.
She blocked her out. determined to keep the woman from her mind. Yet the Elf was stronger, she managed to break through her outer mind shields and Usagi was barraged with guilt and feelings she did not want. Falling. Gandalf…
She snapped. "Stay out of my mind, you are not welcomed to my thoughts."
Everyone stared at her. They had all been in the thrall of the Lady's beauty and soothing voice. It surprised them to hear Usagi's own, usually gentle voice bar times with Legolas and Aragorn, so harsh and cold.
"Usagi?"
"I'm fine. I am just tired."
"Yes, Lothlorien shall shelter you for the time needed to recover."
**
The room was charged with fear. They had already lost one, could it be possible they'd lose another? The sickness was a great puzzle. Usagi was at her peak, her health well but this new development smacked of strangeness. Never before had a situation of this magnitude been known to them. They knew it first started back in Imladris, but none worse than this. She had woken the next day unlike this, for nearly a week. They grew worried for her body was growing gaunt from lack of nutrition. Hotaru could be seen leaving her room early in the morning looking exhausted. Whatever that girl did, they knew not.
They had surmised that maybe, it was her sight. But Aragorn did not remember their mother, Gilraen, to be attacked with bouts of blackness, only a stillness would take her mother and the vision would be over. Sometimes, at night, their mother would wake with little pallor but that was at the greatest cause of distress.
So, their they sat, for almost a week, worried over the woman's life. They did not want to lose another. Not so soon after their first.
Not over nothing.
The fellowship hated this helplessness.
**
She had seemed fine, her skin was not pale, her strength was not weak, it seemed only her mind was infected. It was disturbing. Had he taken the situation seriously, he would have noted it started at the beginning of the journey. Sometimes, her eyes would alight with an intense quality, a burning glow that seemed to darken his thoughts. She would also falter, losing her sure footing on the smooth plane. Then, there were those times she woke or broke from her thoughts so feverishly. She seemed to be poisoned from the inside. The loss of Gandalf had only doubled this strange nature, happening all too frequently. No one had taken notice, being wrapped up in their own grief.
Why would Usagi not let Galadriel heal her mind?
Then she had to fall…Legolas swore his fair heart had stopped at her stumble.
Legolas broke from his reverie to see Usagi stand next to him. Her face solemn, aged decades older, she had not woken well and it seemed she refused to go back to sleep. Bright eyes were shadowed, dark circles stark against her pale face.
"Are you well?"
Usagi smiled, if not strained. "I should be asking you that. You are saddened; I've rarely seen that of you, your heart is always eased. Is there anything I can do?"
She should not ask to help, she was the one who needed help, but Legolas could see she would take none. "No, Lady. I must cope my own sorrows, but I thank you for your care."
"I'm sorry."
Legolas could tell Usagi was avoiding her current situation. Fine, he'd let it be for now. But it would not go unchecked. When her health increases, he was going to question her sickness. Maybe he could help.
"For what?" Legolas grew confused; he knew nothing she should be sorry for.
"For being so ghastly and cruel to you. I should have been nicer, we must all work together and I am only making it worse."
She had no right to be so mean to Legolas, these were harsh times and she had only made it worse with her stubborn behavior. She should have understood Legolas' words, for women fighter were in the few, she knew that from their journey. She had not seen any woman possessing skill of warfare and one to truly understand the gravity of peace and war.
The elf smiled, his face lighted with compassion. "No. Think none of that. I understood your anger and that is why I did not mind. If I did, I would have spoken about it, but it didn't."
"You are kind."
"When I must be."
Usagi sighed. "I've been ill. I wonder what the Galadrim think of me. Those who see me are certainly wary of my manner."
"They are just being cautious, do not feel threatened by it." He didn't want her to feel belittled, especially in her frail state.
"The problem is, Legolas. Are they right to feel cautious?"
"No. They aren't. You yourself are coping with loss and it is harder because of guilt."
"I am not guilty."
"Usagi… I can feel your guilt seeping from you. You feel you are to blame for Gandalf's death. You are wrong. Gandalf did not sacrifice himself for you; he did it for all of us. He put his life in the fellowship as we all would. We know that."
"Still…it's hard. Gandalf…"
Tears leaked from her eyes. She had not mourned for him for she had to be strong. But why now? In the presence of Legolas? It was embarrassing. It made her seem weak.
"Time will pass and your pain will lessen." Legolas couldn't bare Usagi's frailty. She was always so strong, even in her mind struggles, and to see her fall apart was worrying his heart so.
"Will it pass fast enough? Will it be safe?" Usagi wrapped her arms around herself tightly, trying to gain comfort. Who was she kidding? She knew it never would. Not for her. Never for her. But she often wished it. She shivered, then warmth was granted, and she snuggled into it gladly.
"In these times? No. Safety is not guaranteed. But the measures we are taking to be safe…it only tells me we will survive. We will flourish and all will be righted in the end."
An elf caught sight of them, who immediately scurried out of range, not before the look of suspicion and apprehension graced the elve's eyes upon seeing Usagi.
Usagi in Legolas' embrace could practically feel the thoughts coming from the immortal.
Her head turned in shame, cheeks burning in disgrace and scorn. Was she a danger to them? Was she going to hurt them all?
"No," Legolas spoke calmly, stroking Usagi's hair in comfort. Soft…. he thought dimly. "You are not a danger. If you are risking your life for people you love, how can you be a danger? When you try all you can to bring safety? Don't listen to their thoughts; they don't know you and what is going on. They just fear their well-being and their home. I know you understand that."
"I do."
He felt calm and peaceful as he held Usagi, how well she fit in his arms. (an: GEEZ, how many times have you heard that in a fic? So overplayed and yet I still use it. ^^) Legolas caught sight of someone coming and shoved Usagi from his embrace.
Usagi barely caught herself and she turned to him in anger only to see him staring ignoring her and staring off to the side.
"Ren."
"Ro."
Aragorn came to hug her, seeing her calm and collected, he was reassured of her health even if she did look a bit pale. "You are well?"
"I am."
"I am glad. Eat, then you will rest more. We still do not know what ails you. Why will you not let the healers examine you?"
"There's nothing wrong with me, I was just tired."
Aragorn did not believe her but knew she would not listen to his council. "Very well. Eat, then sleep."
Usagi pulled a face. "I've been resting practically the whole time. I don't think I can rest anymore."
"Fine. Hotaru is looking for you, that's why I came."
"Right. You didn't come to see if I was dead?"
Aragorn frowned. "Don't say that."
"Why can't men own up to their feelings? I know you were deathly worried. I mean, I think I'd be too if I fainted atop stairs that were far from the ground."
"I can too admit my feelings. Did not I inquire your health?"
"Yes. Only to ask 'Are you all right?' That's such a nice inquiry."
Aragorn was starting to grow vexed; sometimes his sister was just too troublesome. "Fine. I wanted to see how you were, leave me alone."
Usagi giggled after he left. She turned to the puzzled face Legolas. "I love doing that to him. He seems to get irritated so easily when I'm around."
Legolas just realized that too. Calm and stoic strider couldn't seem to keep his right wits in the presence of his sister. Puzzling. "I noticed. Perhaps its because you make it so?"
"He makes being difficult easily." Hey, she didn't want her brother thinking she liked Legolas, then he'd be the irritatingly, over-protective brother she knew he was. Thank the stars Haruka wasn't here. She'd have picked it up just by Usagi being with Legolas alone.
Damn older siblings.
**
She was dreaming. She had to be. It did not feel like a premonition nor did it feel like reality even when she could feel the pain that was coming from her left rib.
An Orc did this.
Usagi touched the wound, pain laced through her, burning more at her lower back where it was deeper then trailing to her upper front chest, just below her breast. It was wicked looking and she realized, had this been real, she'd be in way more pain that she truly felt—which was already a horrible feeling.
Ignoring the wound, she focused her attention to the scene around her and she gasped in shock. Bodies, there were bodies everywhere. She was on a battlefield, it was so immense, and looming beyond the field stood a massive, ominous looking mountain, rising towards the blackened, clouded sky above.
Where was she?
She fell to the ground, her hands lifeless against the cold, drenched Earth. Tears welled in her eyes as the feeling of hopelessness rose. Her thoughts broke as wetness touched her fingers and her legs, confused she looked down and was horrified. Again, she looked around the field. The bodies were disappearing, they were drowning, and she was going with them. She stood up, desperate to get the feel off her. She tried to run, where, she didn't know, but she knew she had to get away.
Still, it was hopeless. She screamed as the liquid rose and Middle Earth was drenched in blood.
Usagi woke up, her eyes wide and panicked, and screamed. She could still feel the sticky substance on her, it was crawling all over her skin. She fell off the bed. Her hands shaking as she looked at herself. She was clean, but why did she feel dirty? Why could she still feel the blood of Middle Earth seeping through her skin?
**
I should never have let her come. I knew her illness was apparent since Rivendell yet I ignored it. I should have left her in Elrond and Arwen's care. I know they'd take care of her to the best of their ministrations. Things could have been different if Ren wasn't here. Maybe Gandalf would have been alive and their guide would still be shining his wise light upon us.
Usagi walked onto one of the many flets of Lothlorien. She could see celebration going on around her, many elves laughing gaily and talking to one another. She noticed that the Fellowship was in the midst of the happiness.
She knew, without knowing what fully went on, that she was not a part of the celebration and was, in fact, not present. At least Hotaru seemed to be welcomed in open arms.
The former moon senshi wondered where this eventual nightmare would take her as she saw many people of consequence around. Tom, Goldberry, Elrond, Arwen, a king she knew not, many people stately dressed.
She turned around and gasped.
Gandalf was alive. The old man was dressed in white, his commanding aura emanating in large waves.
The man looked her dead in the eye and pointed his staff at her. His staff exploded in a blinding flash and Usagi could feel her energy match the intensity of its glow. Dread surrounded her; she could not stop her energy from increasing. She felt her skin grow molten hot and screamed. Usagi could no longer contain her energy and let it spill, a loud rumble of thunder and lightening echoing in her ear.
Silence then reigned and Usagi felt normal again. She opened her eyes and tears spilled out. "No, no, no, no!"
Everything was gone. There was no celebration, no enchanting lights. Only the remains of an explosion, the ancient trees uprooted and disintegrated. Holes remained in their place, the ground a blackened mass. The sky was dark in grey and black clouds, ash fell lightly and no sun could be seen.
Her eyes shut again, wanting the nightmare to go away. She had been the explosion. Panic rose in her as, again, her energy surged from her and was quickly rising. Wake up!
Wake up!
"Mama!"
Hotaru looked at her mother. Usagi's eyes were crazed as she looked up at the girl and Hotaru shivered. There was terror in those aged eyes. Without hesitation, Hotaru went to her mother and hugged her, ignoring Usagi's flinch as she tried to soothe her. She let her healing aura along with her soul's spread to her mother. Hoping to calm whatever frightened her mother's disposition.
"Hotaru. It's not safe."
"It never is safe, mama. Not for us."
"I wish it were. Oh, how I wish it were. I may just be a danger to us all."
"Never say that, mama. Never."
Hotaru didn't understand, Usagi thought. Upon her awakening, she felt her power bubbling inside her. If she had not reined them in, her uncontrolled powers could very well have destroyed Lothlorien and all in it. Was that what the dreams meant? That she was the true danger? Was her dream answering her thoughts?
**
"The lady is strange. She holds an aura unlike any perceived," spoke Celeborn, Lord of Lothlorien.
"Yes. Human, yet not. Mortal, yet not. Weak, yet not. She is a contradiction. Her aura shines light but there is an underlying layer to her, one I can barely grasp, and it speaks of darkness."
"Could she be with the Dark Lord?" Celeborn questioned, faint concern on the Fellowship's behalf.
"I don't know. Her behavior is too true to be of ill intent and she truly cares for the fellowship. That much I have gathered. Yet…in the future, it's a possibility."
"Her manner is becoming of erratic for that of a human. It is putting our people into unrest. They do not like her presence here." He had bided his time, watching the female mortal grow ill at an exceeding rate. His people spoke of pollution while he was silent, waiting until enough was enough.
"I have seen it. Her presence tells them of what is happening to the outside world. That light can be corrupted even in safe havens. They want the peace to return." This was bad, she did not want her people to live in an illusion.
"Will we give it to them?"
"I am unsure. The fellowship are not yet ready to continue the journey. Especially young Frodo, he still misses his good friend, Mithrandir. He was a good man, of pure intent."
"They have lost a good guide."
"His guidance shines on. Light will return to their sight."
"Do you mean?"
"It is for the future… She's in pain." Galadriel clutched her heart, her expression glazed.
"The lady?"
"Yes. She's let down a little of her walls. Her ability to block my mind from hers is astounding, I wonder who could have helped her find her power and teach her such a thing. It is so strong, not even an elf could have blocked my defences. Yet, she can. My heart calls to her. She cries, her soul bleeds of grief. It is unwise to bottle her troubles, it will only make her mission worse."
"You speak of her with such gravity. Will she be an integral part to the fellowship?"
"…I truly don't know. I had perceived all that could have happened; yet, her presence was not anticipated. With her here, my knowledge of the coming is now uncertain. I can only fathom for my mirror does not allow me access to the sight."
"That is an anomaly."
"Yes, my mirror has never denied me before. I had even used Nenya to guide my endeavors and I still was not allowed."
"Did you use Nenya to peer into the Lady's mind?"
"Yes, and I have fallen short."
"What does Nenya say to her appearance?"
"Nenya is silent. She will not give answer to the pleas I give forth."
"… That does not bode well with me my Lady, Nenya has always answered." Celeborn grew even more troubled. He never fathomed the possibility of the situation escalating to the use of Galadriel's ring—and Nenya failing in answer.
"I know. It alarms me too. I fear the Galadrim may come to an end."
"I did not wish it so. The sea may call to us, but I shall miss our home." Regret spoke in his words.
Silence reigned and Galadriel penetrated more into Usagi's weakened mind only to be shoved out just when she had gained access.
"Usagi's distrust of us has grown. She will not open herself up to us, in doing so, the Galadrim will not respond well to her and will only know her of her ill behavior. I know not what to do in this matter. The fellowship will not leave without her and our people are eager to get her out."
"Let us wait to see what happens. The fellowship seems intent to find a cure."
"Our healers could find nothing. It is her sight that ails her and only understanding will cure her. While she gains understanding, her sight will only worsen."
"What of the child? She is bred of pure darkness."
"Yes. That has puzzled me also. She holds the innocence of a child, her light is blindingly bright but her aura…her aura speaks of blackness…of darkness, yet there is no dark intent. She too is a strange one."
**
"Usagi! Usagi!"
The Fellowship watched her pallor, her skin rapidly becoming a ghastly white. She thrashed about, her face leaked with tears, her voice a desperate murmur.
"Please! No. Don't…don't let it come. Don't let it pass! I beg of you, I'll do anything. Anything!"
She stilled.
"No!"
Her movements halted, the nightmare seemingly over.
Then, her body, it began to darken and it was strange for it did not return to her natural color but a bright, grisly red.
"How?"
Hotaru grabbed her mother's hand only have it to be slippery with perspiration. Looking at her hand, she let go in fright.
"Blood."
Legolas' voice was grim. His keen eyes told him of the tiny droplets seeping through her skin but his heart did not want to believe. What was this mind illness to take physical form? It was unnatural. It was dark.
Hotaru's expression was grave, darkened in thought. "Leave us."
The Fellowship started. The young child had taken a deeper tone, almost omniscient and they could not help a shudder to flow through their veins. They were hesitant to leave, all worried for the woman's disposition but at Hotaru's grave look, they left. Aragorn giving one last glance to the room before he closed it.
Hotaru took the pristine, white blanket becoming soaked with blood and began to wipe her mother's form. Blood no longer poured through her skin.
The child looked thoughtfully at her mother, taking her mother's hand, she began to glow a soft violet.
"Mama, maybe its time."
Hotaru finished cleaning her mother's skin and kissed her mother's brow. She kept a silent vigil over her mother, her body continued to glow lightly in the room.
**
Usagi couldn't concentrate. Couldn't focus on her bearing, it seemed she was struck with vertigo and could barely keep herself on her feet. She could feel herself beginning to fall and used the Mellyrn tree to brace herself up only to reel back in shock.
Her shoulder and back was scorching. It felt like fire.
Legolas, who had seen her actions and had already been on his way to help, was stupefied. Her clothes seemed to have melted and her uncovered skin was an angry red, almost purplish color.
He touched it gently, removing his fingers upon hearing her hiss of pain. "How is this possible?"
"I don't know. It just…the tree…it felt like I was struck by lightning." Fear grew within Usagi. Why was her kin rejecting her? She had no dark thoughts of late save her dreams. Was it rejecting her for the darkness? Was the darkness growing within her and the trees reacted badly to it? Oh, how she wished she had the speaking gift, she'd have loved to discover this secret.
Legolas' brow furrowed. He'd never heard of the ancient trees doing damage in such a way before. The Mellyrn trees brought life and protection. Not harm.
Why would they harm Usagi?
**
Galadriel grew vexed. She had a potential danger in her home and there was no delicate way to dispose her. She had allowed the abomination upon the fellowship's request but the burden only brought harm.
Her people were already agitated with fear of the beautiful mortal. She was unnatural. She was neither old or immortal yet she had the ancient aura. Her mind was unstable and her words broke unrest upon her peaceful, safe home. And this, this was the final straw, Usagi had to go. Their home would never harm those of good. Never.
**
"My friends," spoke the Lady, confronting the men of the fellowship. She hated doing this, putting discord among them but it had to be done. "I welcome you with all my heart, but I cannot house evil."
"Evil? None here are evil, Lady."
"None here. But beyond these doors lay a strange mortal with her dark childe. I have taken them in, much to my people's dismay and watched her closely. Her manner has only worsened, as have my people. She must leave."
Aragorn jumped from his chair, gravely insulted. "You dare call my sister evil? You have no right. You do not know her."
The rest of the fellowship had stood up, their faces serious, as they sided with Aragorn's claim.
Galadriel grew bemused. "Your sister disappeared ages ago."
"My sister has returned. She lay yonder in a fit state. I admit, she has not been well, but you have no right to place your judgment on her."
"I do not judge. I am merely speaking for my people and their interests." The questions have increased. The lady was a mortal, she should have been grey as any mortal would have been at her age.
"And you have every right to." Usagi interrupted, she had felt her friends' turmoil and had gotten up from bed in hopes to calm them.
"Ren…You should be resting." She looked wan, she could barely right herself up from her support on the pillar entrance and it looked like she was about fall asleep if not for the fire in her blazing orbs.
"I am fine, Ro. I am not a child nor a weakling." To Galadriel, she asked, "why do you believe me dark? I have done no misdeeds that would have me categorized as such."
"I am unable to penetrate your mind."
"Because my will is stronger. I do not want you prying for a series of reasons. One; for my own privacy, two; for your sake, you would not want to know such things in my mind."
"I am not some fledgling elf, I have seen things that none know."
"So you should, but what I know is not meant for you."
"That is the problem. Anyone of light would want my mind to soothe theirs, for they know that I do not look into their minds but their feelings."
"No, that is the problem. You are an elf. As an elf, your nature cannot allow you heartbreak for your experience with sadness could cause death. How do you think you'd feel if you'd experience the death of a star? Of your home and you knew that you were able to prevent it but failed anyway? You'd want to die. I wanted to. I have compassion for you. I'd want to prevent such a feeling."
"Do not exaggerate. You would never be able to experience such a thing."
"But I have and I've wanted to die for it."
"You are a mortal. A mortal would never have the capacity to feel such emotions."
"No, I am not mortal. Nor am I evil."
"If you say you are not, then what are you? You say I should trust you on faith alone. Why?"
"I cannot speak of who I am. None is meant to know. All I can say is trust me. As your creator would."
"You dare speak of our lord as if he were an equal to you, what gives you gall?"
"None. Just faith and hope that things will become better."
"Then what of our home? Why should our home harm you if you are not evil?"
Usagi paused for the first time. Truly unable to answer that question. "That, Lady Galadriel, is what disturbs me. I don't know."
"Then all you say cannot hold weight. The trees are our home and protection. Them hurting you seem to say you have ill intentions."
"It is because my princess has a unique gift with nature and is able to correspond with them in an astounding way. Her premonitions have caused her aura to charge and coming in contact with the ancient Mellyrn had reacted negatively to it. Her premonitions were dark, speaking of evil to come, the Mellyrn are light and one of the purer forms in Middle Earth, it is natural the two touching each other would have such a reaction." The Time Senshi arrived, garbed in modest elfin robes; exuding her usual mystique.
"Setsuna!"
"Hello, my princess."
"Time Guardian! I have not expected you. It has been half a century."
"Yes it has, Lady Galadriel. I am sorry to barge, but time has fallen."
Usagi blinked. "You never seem to run out of connections, do you Setsuna?"
A ghost of a smile graced the senshi's lip. "It is required if I wish to keep my hime's safe."
Usagi shook her head. It would never end.
**
Usagi slept fitfully, her nerves shot, she could not even feel a small amount of comfort in the well protected and hidden city. When had it come to the point where she could not trust her own instincts anymore? It always felt as if her mind was battling out and could not chose on the proper—no, right situation. She bit her lip. Her mind going to her most recent vision.
Flash
A lone fortified castle
Flash
A caravan. Mortal men leaving their home.
Flash
A worried woman. An old king.
Flash
A massive black army. Engulfing, heading to the castle.
Flash
The feeling of being caged. Trapped. Darkness falls.
Flash
An attack. Countless Orcs. Triumph.
Flash
Terror. Light coming.
End Flash
Her brow furrowed. Why was this unclear? And, of all times, happening while she was awake? Was this just another nightmare or was this a premonition? If so, as it she that had come to the aid. Though she had witnessed the vision, it did not feel as if she were truly there. Maybe she'd come later, to save them? But no, that didn't feel right. It felt like she was…on the side of darkness. Was she on Dark's side? Would she become one of the blackened creatures?
She was uncertain, gravely uncertain and she had no one to turn to in her plight. Not without revealing things about her she wished to be left unknown. The only fitting one seemed to be Aragorn and she didn't want her older brother to discover of her other…talents. No, she didn't want her brother to change his views on her.
Usagi growled in frustration. Where did the calm Usagi go? The one who became Serenity in the time of Crystal Tokyo and a great advocate to her people? Where did her sense go? She couldn't think anymore. All she did was doubt. Doubt, doubt, doubt!
By the stars, she couldn't afford to be doubtful. Not when so much was riding on the Fellowship. A team she was a part of and with her daughter's presence. She had to be strong. She could not falter.
**
Setsuna held her gaze on the magnificent man. Her heart's pine at the one who held such turmoil within his own heart. He meant well, she knew he did, but the path his mind was taking would be his downfall. Why? Why did it have to be this way?
"Why hold sadness, Lady Setsuna?" Boromir put a comforting hand upon the senshi's shoulder, wanting to soothe the hurt that marred her wise eyes.
Her voice trembled, "I've seen something I wish not. And, for once, I wish to be purely selfish and prevent its happening."
Boromir started, he knew of Setsuna's gift and knew that the most precious thing to her were here charges, her family. Concerned, he inquired the safety of his sovereigns. "Will harm come to Princess Seren or Young Hotaru?"
"That? That will always happen. It is up to Usagi to pick herself up. But no, it is not of Usagi. Or Hotaru. This is purely for me. I don't want a chance of heart's happiness to leave."
"Why would your heart leave?"
"Because my familiar soul will leave."
"Who?"
"It matters not…only that I have no choice, no say, only loneliness."
"If it saddens you, Lady. Know that, if you are lonely, I'll be here in the end."
Setsuna eyes broke from Boromir, tears heavy as she thought of what was to come. "Thank you. It eases me to know that."
"I meant it, L..Setsuna." Boromir repeated, looking into her watery eyes, he shed her tears. "I will be here. In the end."
Her heart lightened. Maybe he would.
**
Hope… Usagi stilled. Before, where she could only hear her thoughts, something stirred. A whisper.
Hope's star…
She looked around, eager to find such a calming voice in this saddened state.
Where was it?
She heard the wind whisper again, Hope's star, then just like that, the vision stopped. She was on a beautiful bridge, simple yet fitting of its purpose, overlooking a river that looked vaguely familiar.
"Seren. Child of the stars, borne of the fates, daughter of the Moon, daughter of the Mortal Queen Gilraen."
"Who's there?" Usagi couldn't see anything. Only the river.
"It matters not, who I am, but you may call me Nimrodel."
"Nimrodel…?"
"Yes. Heed the Gatekeeper's word. You're gift is precious. Do not let harm grasp you, look past your fears and help the ones you love."
"But how. It's hard. I can't get past the vision's darkness and into the light. It is too horrendous a sight to overcome."
"Have faith, young star."
"Old Guardian, why are you still here? Why not with your love?"
"I have a duty to my kin, just as you. My heart may be heavy but, young star, always know that you're love will always be there in the end. Remember that, have faith in your love and the duty will get done."
"Even when you are lonely? Even when all seems lost? Will faith be enough? Will love be enough?"
"Yes. All that is needed, is the strength to carry through."
Usagi closed her eyes. "I don't think I can."
She felt a gentle caress and Usagi was graced with the beautiful sight of Nimrodel's physical form. She was dazzled. She had seen nebulas, white dwarfs, forming planets, comets, but none such as this. Such beauty… such purity. A being in its purist form. Nimrodel held her cheeks, gazing into Usagi's azure eyes and leaned over to kiss Usagi's brow where her Cosmos sigil flared.
"You have such strength." In her eyes, Usagi could see the wear, sympathy poured through her.
"Sister…" Usagi whispered reverently, taking Nimrodel's hands in hers and kissed them. "Rest. Be with Love again."
"Thank you, Young Star. Know that, if yours fail, my heart along with our kin, is with you." Relief and gratitude rolled off Nimrodel's soothing form.
"Thank you."
As gently as the wind had erased her fears so had it vanished her love.
Usagi woke up.
"Nimrodel." Usagi woke up her eyes fresh and clear. She ran down the steps of the Mellorn. In no time at all, her foot connected to the ground, which briefly welcomed her, and she fled towards the river in her dreams.
Many watched, a stranger occurrence than her normal bout of shrieking wake. They were transfixed at the unearthly lady fair who glowed amongst the trees and raced with the winds.
She ran through the trees, jumped high over Celebrant, uncaring of traversing long distance as she made her way to gentle Nimrodel. She bent to the water. "Thank you, Sister," she gently whispered, touching the water as Nimrodel had touched her cheek.
Staring at the water with a concentrated brow, light dawned. She took her hair and unraveled it of its braids then she removed her nightshirt, revealing her naked form. Gently, she stepped into the raging water, swimming until she was in the middle and then she submerged her whole self.
Galadriel watched as Usagi reappeared minutes later. Who was this mortal to speak of their ancestor as family? How was it she held Nimrodel's river sway? The current of the water had not placed her farther down as it would anyone else. She must seek the girl's council.
Usagi felt warmth, feeling rejuvenated, not a hint of worn that indicated her prior bed-ridden state, as she stepped from her sister's hold.
"Galadriel." Acknowledged Usagi, she had been aware of the Lady's watchful gaze.
The elf took off her cloak to cover Usagi's still naked form. "Usagi. You are refreshed."
Usagi shook her head, cutting Galadriel's idle chitchat. "You have questions, your heart is still unanswered. I wish not for you to know but I cannot stand your hearts suspicion. What is it you wish to know?"
"Who are you?"
"I am merely guardian. Borne to protect my people and home."
"Yes, I've guessed that, but do you have a name. I know your true form is not Usagi, nor does it seem to be Seren, long lost sister to Estel. You know things, how is it so?"
"I have the gift given from my queen mother, Gilraen along with my heritage of that before."
"You've lived another life?"
"Yes. It is my immortal, though I am like you, so am I unlike you. I live as a mortal and die as a mortal. I awaken when I am need and so goes the cycle."
"Your heart must ache from loss."
"Yes…greatly." Memories briefly flashed in her mind. Smiles of old now a fading memory, she clenched her fist.
"Is this the protection you spoke of? You did not want my heart to feel such torment, the reason for your claim of star's destruction?"
"No. My home's destruction held true. It is by miracle that my star was brought back."
"How?"
"That, I do not know." She didn't mention her role in it's resurrection, she didn't want Galadriel knowing the extent of her power.
"Do you think such a thing is possible to happen?"
Grave eyes held starlit ones. "Galadriel…I hope the stars it does not happen but if it did, and if miracle holds true, evil will only come back. Perhaps stronger. It is why outsiders are never to interfere with the affairs."
"Then why are you here?"
Pain lanced through Usagi. "Because this is my home! It may have been cosmic accident, it may not be genuine in harmony's song but it is so in my soul! My heart cannot be denied this."
Galadriel listened, her heart reaching for Usagi's pain, hoping to comfort.
"Don't."
"It is my nature. I cannot ignore you."
"Then I must leave." Usagi clutched the cloak tighter around her. She truly didn't want to leave. Not alone.
"No. My heart is sated, I trust you."
"Thank you, for I had wanted it." Usagi looked away from Galadriel. "It means much for there are times when I feel I do not deserve it."
"You of all deserve it. I understand you now, Lady and I hope you be our salvation." Galadriel could feel Usagi withholding information from her, still, she let it pass knowing very well how some things aren't meant to be known.
"Don't expect that of me. You can't. Not for the weight it bears but for the fact that I can be your destruction." Usagi had to be brutally honest. Even if she refused to believe such a thing possible, she had to warn to someone the consequences of her being here.
Galadriel smiled, a knowing twinkle in her eye. "So I had suspected from the start, but I know you can make it right again."
"It is Frodo's destiny."
"As it was yours to come here. You may not be here to stave the dark lord but you may hold another role, one as profound as the inevitable war."
Usagi clenched the railing at the word. War… She loathed the sport.
"It is the way. Without war, what is peace? Without evil? What is light? Distinction must be made for all to understand."
"I tell myself that many times yet I refuse to listen."
"It is your nature."
"Just as it is your nature to be light. To be strong."
"Yes, I know."
"Do you? When temptation calls? When the chance to break the war is possible, will you take the chance? You are like me, you loathe war and would do anything you could to stop it. That is why you house us, why you eased our mourning hearts. Will you be strong enough to face the greatest temptation?"
Galadriel looked into beseeching eyes, old eyes that told her to be strong. "Yes." And never had a word been said so true.
Usagi smiled, satisfied, her premonition of the day to come had flashed before her, and concern for the older lady had sprung.
**
"Boromir!" Hotaru ran to hug the tall man.
"Hotaru? Are you ailing?" Concern welled for the little princess who refused to stop her tears even at his calming embrace.
"Why? Why, Boromir? Why?" Hotaru had caught the sight. As her grandmother and mother had it, so now did she. And her first gaze was grim.
"Tell me what is wrong so I may answer."
She merely hugged him harder. "I can't! For it is foretold and destiny's web cannot be undone. It is horrible, horrible! I don't want to lose you, too."
Boromir grew still. So he would fall. He knew it would happen, but to be told so by a seer. It sent his manner crumbling.
"Please, Boromir," pleaded Hotaru, her violet eyes a rage of emotions. "Please believe in Frodo, in what he's doing. That everything will be all right if all goes as planned."
"But I do, young one. I do."
Hotaru shook her head, her voice cracking with grief. "It's not enough, so you say but you do not listen."
"Hotaru…"
Her small frame wracked in sobs and she threw herself at him again. The fellowship had become her family; she did not want to lose any of them. Any. "I don't want you to go, Boromir. I don't."
Boromir could only hold her.
**
"Frodo, strength lies from within, do not garner it from outside forces. You may rely upon them but not solely on them, for some cannot be trusted. Be mindful of those you hold doubt with, for instinct is never wrong."
"Lady?" Galadriel had just shown him the mirror and he was terrified and gravely uncertain. Galadriel spoke of the Dark Lord's strong and prying mind. How she had to combat such an evil from her thoughts. She had counseled him well, should he listen to all? She warned him of treachery amongst his own, should he take heed. Or should he have faith in the Fellowship he relied on?
**
Haruka and Michiru stood immobile, there face distant and cold. They did not marvel at the city, they did not rush to the well being of their sovereign, they did not show weakness, only strength, they were soldiers of war amongst the enemy.
"This is Haruka and Michiru. Sworn guardians to our princess, they shall come with you in aid"
"We need no replacement. Gandalf will always be with us." Aragorn regarded them with uncertainty and a flash of hateful recognition. He remembered them. They who abandoned him when he needed them most.
"We shall stay as we were. There is no need. We have not lost two and your hearts are twined so we shall not part you."
Setsuna smiled sadly, gazing at Boromir who had spoken. "You shall need them. They are like you, lord of Gondor, they only wish to protect their liege."
"No. They have their own duties. They are needed there." Usagi's voice brook no argument, her voice hardened in anger over their coming.
The blond soldier broke her unseeing gaze to glare sternly at Usagi. "We are here, koneko. Don't talk as if we aren't."
"Haruka, you cannot stay. Your duties bound to me are no longer relevant. I am not queen," pleaded Usagi.
"You may not be, but we are bound by friendship and soul. You are always in our hearts."
"No."
"You are not queen, you have no say in our decisions."
Usagi frowned as Haruka twisted her words around. "As leader, I forbid you to stay. Go back to your gates."
Setsuna intervened. "You yourself thought they should come."
"I never said so, it was only a mere thought."
"Well, it's too late. They're staying."
"I don't need to be protected!"
"You may not need to, but there are others who will."
"Hime, stand down. You will not change our minds. We will risk all for, not only you, but Hotaru also. You are our lives, we'd rather die first."
"Don't you think I feel that way? Do you think I like the fact my family is here and in danger? No, I don't. I put up with Ro and Ru being here. I will not put up with you."
"Well…you have us anyway. Setsuna just left."
Usagi looked around and swore. "Damnit, Setsuna!"
**
"Haruka, I'm concerned. Did you see Hime-sama?"
The tomboy bit her lip, worried. "Hai. I don't understand. What, over a short period of time, could cause such a rapid decline in not only her health but her manner? She's greatly troubled."
Michiru agreed. "My mirror's gaze speak of a block on her aura. There is something keeping her from healing. I don't know what it is and it is something I do not recognize."
"Do you think it's a current enigma or an occurrence that happened back home only to activate now?"
"I don't know. I'd guess it was current, because I don't feel the unique signature of our enemies. Still…This time was before youmas were distinguished and were in fact being born, the youmas of now may not have the signature we recognize of then." (Now, as in middle earth, then, as in the future. Confusing, I know, because then is really now and the future is really then. :P)
"The people here. I do not trust them. They are still the stuck up elves I thought they were back when we lived here."
"Yes. They hold Usagi in great, ill regard. It is strange."
"I know, everyone usually loves her and here…she's hated. I don't like it, Koneko is far to fragile in the heart to be disliked."
"As Hotaru. Hime-chan is faring better than her mother but I fear her manner is wilting to a shrinking violet. They give our hime-chan the cold shoulder. No child deserves that. I don't care if Hotaru has a dark aura, she does not behave so."
"Don't be so indignant. We cannot cast stones upon them for then we'd be hypocrites."
Haruka looked bashfully at Michiru's stern gaze. "I know, I just don't like seeing our Hime's hurt."
"As do I."
The two senshi's kept the conversation light, diffident to tread darker paths and even sinister prospects. It had been ages since their last visit to Middle Earth and they feared what tainted the Earth's hold now.
**
"Frodo, I fear I won't see you again, but know this. You have the strength. You may not feel it, but you do. Take heart in mind and you'll get by."
The small hobbit smiled at his friend's words. "I thank you, Usagi, your words bring comfort even if they are not believed."
"They are believed, in me and so will it in you."
**
"You are getting worse. It is time to take our leave. We've decided that you should stay back."
"What! Who decided this?" Anger vibrated off of Usagi. Didn't they listen? She did not want to sit around like some weakling when she had a chance to help! Was it Galadriel who decided this? She had thought she had gotten the Lady of the Forest' understanding and yet she was betrayed. Did Galadriel truly think she was a danger that she'd have to stay?
"The Fellowship."
"Why was I not there? I am part of the Fellowship, don't I even get the right to defend myself?"
"You were the subject of matter. Your health is still questionable. We will not risk your harm when it can be prevented."
"No, you can't do this!"
"It is already settled. Haruka and Michiru have agreed and are going in your stead. They know of the situation." Aragorn had to be firm; he could not let himself be swayed by her protestations.
"This is not fair, Aragorn. I told you, I will not sit by as you all are in peril!"
"We are as good as any force." He reminded her.
"But can you protect yourself from an army? Can you?"
"No, but we can flee. We are not without our wits, Ren. Don't think we're inept in this. Myself, Legolas, Gimli, and I'm sure Haruka and Michiru are weathered in the arts of war."
"I'll just follow you."
Aragorn rubbed his eyes tired. He had been part of the group who had wanted Usagi to come with them but the other group – Legolas, Borimor, Haruka, and Michiru – had won the round. The latter two had argued that Usagi was not at her best and would only hurt herself. Aragorn didn't want that so he capitulated. "Please, Ren. Stay. Gather yourself first. You are not in a right state. Come, I pray come, when and only when you are better. Please."
"If I felt better by tomorrow?" Usagi stubbornly queried. She saw the weariness in his stance and her heart softened. Her brother was in a terrible position and she was only making it worse. She would listen.
For now.
"Then come. I at least know you can handle yourself but currently you can't. You've been ill for some time and I don't like how it's affecting you. Do you want any of us hurt because we protected you from another bout of sickness?"
Usagi refused to answer; angry tears in her eyes as her worst fear was spoken aloud to her. "Fine. I'll stay."
Aragorn kissed her brow. "Thank you, sister. Heal swift. I shall see you soon."
"May stars hold you safe."
**
She walked to a clearing with fewer trees; she raised her arms in open embrace, calling forth the heavens to love her.
The Lady of the forest gasped, for it was a strange occurrence. Here in the Golden forest was never ending daylight and Usagi was now bathed in darkness. The boughs of the grand trees parted, seeming to move at Usagi's call, and, like a ray of light would have shone down from the sun, came a beam of darkness. Her form a glowing apparition against the mystical night, a child of the stars.
Who are you, Usagi, to speak of our creator, to be kin to our ancestor, to move nature with your life? Are you a being of darkness like that of your child? Are you a servant to the dark lord? You have given me answers, but I've gained more questions, my heart grows heavy of your trials and I pray that you stay safe. I know not what will happen but…if there is one thing as certain as the stars…
…You will be our fall.
Galadriel watched as Usagi reeled back from darkness' embrace in shock. Determination poured into the foreigner's being and the golden haired girl left Lothlorien.
Never to set foot on the forest again.
***
Things were not going well. Destiny and Fate had not counted on Nimrodel's intrusion. They thought Eru and his creations would not help Usagi who was not of pure Arda origin. This was a new turn. What did they have in store for Cosmos?
TBC
***************************
Ha! I actually put peeping tom elves! That's a laugh. Sorry for the heavy angst. I just wanted to make the chapter contemplative. A what-will-happen-next? Chapter. (Please be patient with the next, this was a long chapter. Way longer than my usual length.)
One last chapter left...to the end of the first book that is. I'm very disappointed in myself you guys. It took me more than two years, one and a half if you don't include the time my computer was down, to complete the FIRST part of the trilogy. *sigh * I was pretty good at making the chapters come out. It used the be an update once or twice a month… I don't know what happened this year. *smiles * I remember being one of the first, a few people had brought up there own LOTR/SM story and, though my story was ill planned, I rushed it out for fear of following the popular trend. Which I did not want. My folly, because I'm one of the last to complete it.
It's so sad, I look at the Sailor Moon Crossover sections now and it seems…well… it seems like it's dying. There isn't any quality stories I like to read anymore. The great authors are gone. And I'm fighting to keep my joy for writing this story alive.
You heard me you guys, I don't even know if the sequel will come out. I have ideas for it, I'm pretty sure of how it will end (I think it'll slightly differ from the original storyline) but yeah…I'm just unsure. So… look out for the next chapter, and probably the last…
My apologies
~Celestial DreamBlaze
Finished 03/17/04; Happy St. Patrick's Day!!
Thanx 2:
AmiMizuno1, Elvensailorgirl, Usagigreenleaf657, Crazy Lady, 1, moonbeam21, SilverKnight7, Koldy, Erika,
Callisto Star : *grins * I'm sorta happy. I managed to up my Verbal to 620, not the best but hey, it's pretty high for my school's standards…The math.. *cringes *, did I ever tell you I hated math? Hehe…Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for not looking so interested in the yahoo group and messageboard. I've kinda been preoccupied and I don't really do group things…I tend to forget *sheepish grin * but thanks for including me in the festivities. ^.~
Damia – Queen of the Gypsi's : I feel honored that I've made you liked my story. I've been told I'm very persuasive but I never realized how much. ^.~ j/k….
Baby Serenity : True, it's just that I can NEVER seem to decide what to keep and what to add. I don't want to go too far off the story line.
BlueJello : Thanks for such an encouragement.
Angelwing6117 : I'm glad I met such an approval
EgqHorseLady : *grins * I'd pat myself in the back but I can't reach. ^^