My Day With James Bond
By Father Hulk
A/N: Sooo, here we go again, my children! My first Bond fic, and I hope you like it! The Bond here is Roger Moore, because he's my favorite of all of them. R/R please! Or I'll throw my hat at you!
It was mid-day at the London Center for Video Entertainment Testing, and the Chief Tester was getting his team together to test the latest hardware.
"Sir?" said one of his subordinates, "The shipment of Playstaion 3's has arrived."
"Splendid. Bring them in." He turned to his men. "All right boys, to the testing room."
They entered a room which resembled a living room, with a beat up sofa facing a TV, and beer cans and pizza boxes all over the place. On purpose, of course.
A man in a white coat brought in a sparkling new Playstation 3, and putting on his safety glasses, connected the Audio/Video inputs and put the TV on line. "I've got thumbs up across the board," he said after he stepped back. "And Final Fantasy X-3 all ready to go. Do you wish to press power?"
"Go ahead," the chief said with a nod.
The instant the power button was pushed, the console exploded in a giant explosion that burst through the roof of the complex, and the fires burned up the whole building.
James Bond was in a hotel suite, making love to a beautiful woman. (A/N: What else is new??)
"Oh, James!" she whispered, "You're sooo good."
He kissed her and smiled. "Well, I do fancy myself somewhat knowledgeable in this field." He went to kiss her again when his watch buzzed.
"What was that?" she asked. The watch buzzed again, and James made a face. "Always at the worst times. Stay here, would you, darling?" He threw on a bathrobe and took the watch into the hallway, whereupon he pressed the button on the side. "Bond here. Go ahead."
"Bond?" It was M. "Bond we need you here at headquarters immediately."
James rolled his eyes. "Can't it wait, M?"
"No it can't. Get over here now!"
"Very well." James returned to the bedroom and started getting dressed.
"You're leaving? Now?" The woman asked, pouting.
"I'm sorry, my dear, but duty calls. Here, take this." He tossed her a twenty pound note.
"For me?" she asked.
"No. For the maid. She's going to have a hell of a time making up that bed." He kissed her on the cheek. "See you later, sweet." He picked up his briefcase and left the room, leaving a very disappointed woman behind.
***************************************
"Good morning, James." said Miss Moneypenny as James walked into the office. "He's expecting you."
James went into M's office, where he and the minister were waiting for him.
"Come in, 007." said M. "Sit down." James obeyed. M continued. "Four hours ago, the video game testing facility in London was demolished by a bomb. From the inside. And we believe that AGAG is behind it."
James raised his eyebrows. "AGAG, sir?"
"The Anti Game Activist Group. They're a Russian terrorist organization."
James chuckled to himself. "I don't see how being against video entertainment can be seen as terrorism."
"Well they bombed one of our facilities, didn't they? Doesn't that count?"
James smiled. "Sure."
M continued the briefing. "One of the staff at the facility was seen leaving the scene in a red sports car 20 minutes before the explosion. We believe he's in on it." He passed James a folder labeled, "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY." "His entire file is in there. We have been told he fled to New Jersey, in the United States. That's where you're off to. You're scheduled on the next flight out. Good luck, Bond."
Bond nodded. "Thank you, sir." He took the folder with him and left to go see Q.
"Right, now pay attention, 007..." said Q, Bond's weapons master, as he led him through the lab. "We have several new devices for you that are perfectly suited for your mission. First, your new car." He showed Bond a shiny, silver sports car. "All the bells and whistles, rocket launcher, ejector seat, torpedoes, and so on. And we've made this one extra durable, since you'll be driving in New Jersey. Next, these!" He showed James several metal objects colored yellow and shaped like Pac-Man. "These are Pac-Men, as you can see. They can eat through anything." He pressed the open mouth against a metal plate, and the fluid secreted from inside burned a hole right through it. "Next, your watch." He presented Bond with a digital watch with a large screen. "It will detonate the small bombs we'll give you, plus:" Q pressed a button. "It can play Pac-Man, Dig Dug, and Galaxian."
"Well I'm sure I'll have a lot of time for that." Bond commented, strapping on the watch.
"Finally, we give you this." He presented Bond with an Atari Joystick. "It can control your car by remote. For sticky situations only, please."
"Well I hope it doesn't get sticky," Bond said, giving it a full 360 degree rotation. "Thanks, Q. I'm off."
******************************************
"Excuse me, how much is this?" asked a young man.
"$29.99." I replied with a yawn. It was just another boring day at the Bridgewater Mall's Gamestop store. People asking prices, buying systems and games, trading them in… same shit, different day.
"Hey, Paul!" shouted my boss from the back office.
"Yeah, what is it?"
"The reserve cards for the Playstation 3 are in. Put them out on the counter, will ya? The damn thing is being released on December 20th. That's in five days, kid!"
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." I trudged into the office, snatched the stand with the cards on it, and went to place it on the counter.
All of a sudden, a man rushed into the store, leapt over the counter, and tried to snatch the cards from me. "For God's sake, boy, give me those cards!"
"Hey!" I cried, "Who the hell do you think you are?" I clung to the cards tightly.
"I'm British Secret Service. Now give me those cards!" He yanked them from my grip and dashed out of the store.
"Oh no you don't…" I seized my NES Zapper from under the counter and took off after him.
I found the man running down the left-side aisle. I ran after him, and when he saw me chasing him, he quickly switched aisles, but I tailed him. I was faster than him, and I was gaining. The man came up against a row of aisle vendors blocking his path, and he couldn't go around because there was too many people.
"I have you now." I said as I closed on him. But surprisingly, he jumped very high and landed on the roof of the first cart, and then he jumped from roof to roof, and catapulted himself down in the food court area. "Get back here!" I shouted at him, and I chased him through the food court.
He stopped at Chill's Ice Cream. "A large sugar cone, and NOW!" he ordered. They handed him the cone just as I reached him, and before I could reach out to grab him, he rubbed the ice cream in my eyes and dashed off. He jumped over a few tables and into the bathroom. After relieving himself, he pushed the door open, looked both ways, and then exited. That's where I hit him in the back of the head with the butt of my Zapper. He fell to his knees.
"Come on, get over here!" I growled fiercely. I sat him up hard against the wall. "Now just what in the hell do you think you're doing?" I thrust my Zapper in his face.
Surprisingly, the man began to chuckle. "Threatening me with a toy, son? I've seen those. They're used to shoot pixilated characters on TV screens."
"Not this model." I said, and I flipped a small switch by the trigger, and the reflective plastic insert inside the barrel slid down and a clicking sound could be heard. I pointed the gun at the bathroom door, and a bright green laser beam shot out and blew a hole in it. "This is one of our little toys," I told him. "Now, are you going to give me these cards back? Or am I going to have to treat you like a pixilated character?"
"Now God damn it, boy, you listen to me!" he said furiously. "You can't sell any of these Playstation 3's!"
"And why not?"
"The Russians have put bombs in them! They're going to wipe New Jersey off the face of the earth."
"I don't believe you!"
The man reached into his shirt and pulled out a gun and turned it on me. "Believe me or not, it's true. Now you let me out of here with these cards, right now." He stood up.
I lowered my Zapper. "Well, hell… if what you're saying is true, then I'm coming with you."
"I don't think so." he said, dusting himself off. "I can't have a whelp like you tagging along."
"But I promise I won't be a burden! I swear!"
The man looked at me, grumbled, and said, "Fine. But the minute you become a problem, I'm back going solo. Got it?"
"Yes, sir, Mr. …?"
"The name's Bond. James Bond."