Title: I had to let you go
Author: lein_kenkoishii
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. They rightfully belong to their respective owners.
CHAPTER 3: Contemplations
Kurama's POV
"Contrary to what you mentioned earlier, I don't have everything, Botan- chan..I don't have you by my side. You were too caught up with your infatuations for Yusuke that you didn't notice those who have truly loved you all this time." I gazed longingly at you as you surged forward and out into the Ningenkai skies. "If only.."
I sighed as I watched you disappear in the darkening sky. I slowly made my way home. You seemed rather sad..so lost and poignant when I approached you earlier. Something must have happened. What was it about? Why can't you tell me what's bothering you? I'm still your friend, am I not? I just want to help you..to perhaps ease the pain you were currently feeling..to see you with a smile..a real smile that comes from your heart. True, you always seem cheerful but for how long will you hide yourself behind that overly jovial exterior. If only you trust me enough with your problems. I know what you'd probably say..that you didn't want us to be bothered by your own predicaments. But you just don't get it, do you? I want to be bothered by your problems..I want to be burdened by the weight you feel around your shoulders..I want to know your fears and dreams and basically everything about you..and most of all, I want to be a part of your life..even for just a moment. We are, after all your friends, right?
Another sigh escaped my lips. I know you've fancied Yusuke ever since the day you met him. I mean, almost every one in the team knows except Yusuke..well, he probably knows but refuses to acknowledge your feelings for him. He probably didn't want you to have the wrong impression or perhaps false hopes. Keiko and Yusuke are practically together. Although he may not openly admit it, he is deeply smitten with Keiko..just as I am with you. I stopped walking and turned to look at the sky..finally noting how peaceful everything seems. Surprisingly, I'm looking forward to Keiko- chan's dinner party. I have a hunch that you're going to be there and everything would turn out as great as it is. I looked around me and finally noticed a familiar figure.
'Mother!' I smiled and waved at her. I am really looking forward to seeing you again tonight, Botan-chan.
Botan's POV
Now that was weird. I thought as I made my way to Reikai. I carefully got off my oar and walked through the hallway. I admit, I still feel quite wounded with Yusuke-kun's rejection; however, after talking to you, Kurama- kun, I can't help but feel rather untroubled and even comforted. It's like, your mere presence was enough to give me solace..to make me feel safe and significant. I don't know but there seems to be something in you that emanates pure tranquility. I really have no idea.
I smiled weakly as began to recall what happened earlier. A lot has happened today, ne? And I do mean a LOT! First, I was able to find the courage to tell Yusuke-kun how I feel about him even though his response was not what I wanted to hear, it somehow made me quite relieved that everything was out in the open. I've locked these feelings inside of me for what seemed like an eternity that I longed to be free. I know I couldn't compete with Keiko-chan..I mean, she's perfect. I had already lost even before the battle has begun; however, I can't help but feel hopeful that somewhere along the line..things would change..that Yusuke-kun would finally notice my feelings for him. It was indeed stupid of me. I shouldn't have tried to change what fate has already planned. I know the things between me and Yusuke-kun would change yet I risked it all. For once, I felt quite proud of myself for being able to stand up for what I really feel.
Then, I was able to spend time with you, Kurama-kun. It may have only been a few minutes or so but for me, it felt even longer. More importantly, you trusted me with your thoughts, worries and probably even your 'innermost' feelings..well, not totally your innermost but probably enough for me to be able to get to know you better. I felt honored with the trust as well as the friendship you bestowed upon me. It really amused me that despite having your very own fan club, you remained to be modest and humble. Hmmm....I wonder, who was the girl that you like? You seem to like someone yet we don't see you spending time with other girls, well maybe except for me, Yukina-chan, Shizuru-chan, Keiko-chan and Genkai-san but we don't count. Hey, now that gives me an idea, you probably like someone from the group, ne? I chuckled lightly carefully figuring out who had captured the great Kurama-kun's heart. Of course, it couldn't be Genkai-san nor Keiko- chan since she's with Yususke-kun and I'm simply out of the question. So that leaves Yukina-chan and Shizuru-chan...hmmm...I have no clue! There's nothing different with the way you act around all of us. You truly are an enigma, you know that. No wonder your mother is getting worried about you not having a significant other. I sighed, all this thinking is making me kind of hungry. Well, whoever she is, I just hope that she feels the same way about you. I let out a small sigh, memories of Yusuke-kun flowing through my mind. I shook my head...not now, just when I'm slowly getting over him.
'Botan-chan!' I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and saw Jorju- kun running towards me. I smiled at him.
'Nani, Jorju-kun?' I asked as he got nearer. I motioned him to take a deep breath and relax before telling me what was wrong.
'Where have you been, Botan-chan?' he uttered between breaths. 'Koenma- sama's been looking all over for you. He wants to talk to you.' He straightened up and beckoned me to follow him.
I nodded and followed him. 'I was in Ningenkai, Jorju-kun.' I said soflty almost inaudibly. 'I visited Yusuke-kun and the others.' Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raised an eyebrow as he watched the change in my demeanor. I looked up at him with a smile on my face. 'Ne, Jorju-kun, what did Koenma-sama want? Was he not satisfied with my report?' I asked him with a look of concern evident in my eyes.
We stopped walking. The huge double doors towered right in front of us. 'I don't know, Botan-chan, but I assure you he is in a good mood today.' He smiled at me as he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and knocked aloud. I couldn't help but chuckle with what you did. In front of Koenma- sama, you act like brave and strong oni who isn't afraid of anything but deep inside, you are sensitive and kind-hearted.
'Who is it?!' came a small voice, which we were all familiar of.
'It's Jorju and Botan reporting, Koenma-sama.' He said.
'Come in.' We let ourselves into the office. 'Jorju, you may go.' Koenma- sama, in his toddler form, uttered without looking up from his work.
'Hai, Koenma-sama.' He replied as he left the room. I eyed the Reikai Prince sitting behind his desk stacked with paper works. He was preoccupied with his work that I think he forgot that I was still in his office. I decided to break the silence. 'Ano...you called for me, Koenma-sama?' I quietly asked.
He paused. 'Aa.' Then resumed working. Great, just great, Koenma-sama!
You didn't elaborate. 'Ano, Koenma-sama, is there something wrong with my report?'
At last, you stopped and turned to look at me. 'Iie. Nothing's wrong, your report was exceptional, as usual.'
I was totally confused. 'Then what-'
'How was your trip to Ningenkai?' He suddenly asked. His question caught me off guard.
'It..it was..quite alright.' I carefully weighed out my response. 'Ho..how did you know that I was in Ningenkai?' I asked as I played with my fingers indicating that I was a bit uncomfortable with the conversation.
'Yusuke contacted me.'
'He did?!' I asked in disbelief. 'What did he say?' 'He invited us to Keiko's dinner party this evening, that's all.'
'Oh.'
'Why, Botan-chan? Is there something that I need to know?' He smirked.
'No..no..nothing, Koenma-sama.' I stammered. I can't believe that you're teasing me.
'So, are we going? They wanted us to come and besides, I could use a night off.' He smiled at me.
I sighed and slowly smiled. 'Sure.' Although, I can't help but feel rather uneasy about seeing Yusuke-kun again after...that, I harbor no bitter feelings towards Yusuke-kun or Keiko-chan. It is but inevitable..we are bound to met again if not sooner, ne? Besides, Kurama-kun's going to be there and I know that with him around, I wouldn't feel alone. Hmm...maybe Keiko-chan's dinner party is something to look forward to, after all.
Author's Notes: Sorry, took me that long to update...I'm going to start med school next school year...hehe...can't help but feel nervous about it though. Well, here's another chapter...hope it was what you expected. ! I apologize if you think this chapter is done rather poorly.. I'm really sorry..I'm just so out of it. =( I hope that the next one would be better...tsk tsk..Anywayz, thanks for the reviews and for your ideas as well. It is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much! =)
God bless! =)
Author: lein_kenkoishii
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters. They rightfully belong to their respective owners.
CHAPTER 3: Contemplations
Kurama's POV
"Contrary to what you mentioned earlier, I don't have everything, Botan- chan..I don't have you by my side. You were too caught up with your infatuations for Yusuke that you didn't notice those who have truly loved you all this time." I gazed longingly at you as you surged forward and out into the Ningenkai skies. "If only.."
I sighed as I watched you disappear in the darkening sky. I slowly made my way home. You seemed rather sad..so lost and poignant when I approached you earlier. Something must have happened. What was it about? Why can't you tell me what's bothering you? I'm still your friend, am I not? I just want to help you..to perhaps ease the pain you were currently feeling..to see you with a smile..a real smile that comes from your heart. True, you always seem cheerful but for how long will you hide yourself behind that overly jovial exterior. If only you trust me enough with your problems. I know what you'd probably say..that you didn't want us to be bothered by your own predicaments. But you just don't get it, do you? I want to be bothered by your problems..I want to be burdened by the weight you feel around your shoulders..I want to know your fears and dreams and basically everything about you..and most of all, I want to be a part of your life..even for just a moment. We are, after all your friends, right?
Another sigh escaped my lips. I know you've fancied Yusuke ever since the day you met him. I mean, almost every one in the team knows except Yusuke..well, he probably knows but refuses to acknowledge your feelings for him. He probably didn't want you to have the wrong impression or perhaps false hopes. Keiko and Yusuke are practically together. Although he may not openly admit it, he is deeply smitten with Keiko..just as I am with you. I stopped walking and turned to look at the sky..finally noting how peaceful everything seems. Surprisingly, I'm looking forward to Keiko- chan's dinner party. I have a hunch that you're going to be there and everything would turn out as great as it is. I looked around me and finally noticed a familiar figure.
'Mother!' I smiled and waved at her. I am really looking forward to seeing you again tonight, Botan-chan.
Botan's POV
Now that was weird. I thought as I made my way to Reikai. I carefully got off my oar and walked through the hallway. I admit, I still feel quite wounded with Yusuke-kun's rejection; however, after talking to you, Kurama- kun, I can't help but feel rather untroubled and even comforted. It's like, your mere presence was enough to give me solace..to make me feel safe and significant. I don't know but there seems to be something in you that emanates pure tranquility. I really have no idea.
I smiled weakly as began to recall what happened earlier. A lot has happened today, ne? And I do mean a LOT! First, I was able to find the courage to tell Yusuke-kun how I feel about him even though his response was not what I wanted to hear, it somehow made me quite relieved that everything was out in the open. I've locked these feelings inside of me for what seemed like an eternity that I longed to be free. I know I couldn't compete with Keiko-chan..I mean, she's perfect. I had already lost even before the battle has begun; however, I can't help but feel hopeful that somewhere along the line..things would change..that Yusuke-kun would finally notice my feelings for him. It was indeed stupid of me. I shouldn't have tried to change what fate has already planned. I know the things between me and Yusuke-kun would change yet I risked it all. For once, I felt quite proud of myself for being able to stand up for what I really feel.
Then, I was able to spend time with you, Kurama-kun. It may have only been a few minutes or so but for me, it felt even longer. More importantly, you trusted me with your thoughts, worries and probably even your 'innermost' feelings..well, not totally your innermost but probably enough for me to be able to get to know you better. I felt honored with the trust as well as the friendship you bestowed upon me. It really amused me that despite having your very own fan club, you remained to be modest and humble. Hmmm....I wonder, who was the girl that you like? You seem to like someone yet we don't see you spending time with other girls, well maybe except for me, Yukina-chan, Shizuru-chan, Keiko-chan and Genkai-san but we don't count. Hey, now that gives me an idea, you probably like someone from the group, ne? I chuckled lightly carefully figuring out who had captured the great Kurama-kun's heart. Of course, it couldn't be Genkai-san nor Keiko- chan since she's with Yususke-kun and I'm simply out of the question. So that leaves Yukina-chan and Shizuru-chan...hmmm...I have no clue! There's nothing different with the way you act around all of us. You truly are an enigma, you know that. No wonder your mother is getting worried about you not having a significant other. I sighed, all this thinking is making me kind of hungry. Well, whoever she is, I just hope that she feels the same way about you. I let out a small sigh, memories of Yusuke-kun flowing through my mind. I shook my head...not now, just when I'm slowly getting over him.
'Botan-chan!' I heard someone calling my name. I looked up and saw Jorju- kun running towards me. I smiled at him.
'Nani, Jorju-kun?' I asked as he got nearer. I motioned him to take a deep breath and relax before telling me what was wrong.
'Where have you been, Botan-chan?' he uttered between breaths. 'Koenma- sama's been looking all over for you. He wants to talk to you.' He straightened up and beckoned me to follow him.
I nodded and followed him. 'I was in Ningenkai, Jorju-kun.' I said soflty almost inaudibly. 'I visited Yusuke-kun and the others.' Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raised an eyebrow as he watched the change in my demeanor. I looked up at him with a smile on my face. 'Ne, Jorju-kun, what did Koenma-sama want? Was he not satisfied with my report?' I asked him with a look of concern evident in my eyes.
We stopped walking. The huge double doors towered right in front of us. 'I don't know, Botan-chan, but I assure you he is in a good mood today.' He smiled at me as he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and knocked aloud. I couldn't help but chuckle with what you did. In front of Koenma- sama, you act like brave and strong oni who isn't afraid of anything but deep inside, you are sensitive and kind-hearted.
'Who is it?!' came a small voice, which we were all familiar of.
'It's Jorju and Botan reporting, Koenma-sama.' He said.
'Come in.' We let ourselves into the office. 'Jorju, you may go.' Koenma- sama, in his toddler form, uttered without looking up from his work.
'Hai, Koenma-sama.' He replied as he left the room. I eyed the Reikai Prince sitting behind his desk stacked with paper works. He was preoccupied with his work that I think he forgot that I was still in his office. I decided to break the silence. 'Ano...you called for me, Koenma-sama?' I quietly asked.
He paused. 'Aa.' Then resumed working. Great, just great, Koenma-sama!
You didn't elaborate. 'Ano, Koenma-sama, is there something wrong with my report?'
At last, you stopped and turned to look at me. 'Iie. Nothing's wrong, your report was exceptional, as usual.'
I was totally confused. 'Then what-'
'How was your trip to Ningenkai?' He suddenly asked. His question caught me off guard.
'It..it was..quite alright.' I carefully weighed out my response. 'Ho..how did you know that I was in Ningenkai?' I asked as I played with my fingers indicating that I was a bit uncomfortable with the conversation.
'Yusuke contacted me.'
'He did?!' I asked in disbelief. 'What did he say?' 'He invited us to Keiko's dinner party this evening, that's all.'
'Oh.'
'Why, Botan-chan? Is there something that I need to know?' He smirked.
'No..no..nothing, Koenma-sama.' I stammered. I can't believe that you're teasing me.
'So, are we going? They wanted us to come and besides, I could use a night off.' He smiled at me.
I sighed and slowly smiled. 'Sure.' Although, I can't help but feel rather uneasy about seeing Yusuke-kun again after...that, I harbor no bitter feelings towards Yusuke-kun or Keiko-chan. It is but inevitable..we are bound to met again if not sooner, ne? Besides, Kurama-kun's going to be there and I know that with him around, I wouldn't feel alone. Hmm...maybe Keiko-chan's dinner party is something to look forward to, after all.
Author's Notes: Sorry, took me that long to update...I'm going to start med school next school year...hehe...can't help but feel nervous about it though. Well, here's another chapter...hope it was what you expected. ! I apologize if you think this chapter is done rather poorly.. I'm really sorry..I'm just so out of it. =( I hope that the next one would be better...tsk tsk..Anywayz, thanks for the reviews and for your ideas as well. It is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much! =)
God bless! =)