I know I gave you a new chapter the other day, and I know that this one is really long. I really wanted to get this out. There's some happiness and some angst. I was gonna divide this in two, but I couldn't find a good place to break it, so you get all seven pages at once….
Disclaimer: Tainz owns nothing.
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Kurt carefully arranged his hair in the mirror. Even though he'd had a hair cut since leaving the Place, it was fairly long. He'd left it about chin-length and now he was trying to arrange it so it would hide his demonic features. Fangs, golden eyes.... What he wouldn't have given to have his old image inducer. Rogue assured him that no one would be frightened of him, that her vote of confidence in him would be enough to reassure her neighbours, but that didn't change his fears.
Three of the people coming to dinner were children and therefore unpredictable. Rogue had already told him that Michael was handicapped. What if he terrified the children? That was the last thing Kurt wanted.
As he pulled a few strands into place, his fingers hit a line stretching down his left cheek, one that was rendered invisible by his fur. It was the first scar... The first thing they'd done to him in the Place. He fought against the memory that overcame him.
Kurt hides in the back corner of his cage. He's often been told that no one can see him in shadows and he prays that these people are no exception. Perhaps they'll think that he's escaped and leave the cage door open so that he can really escape. He pulls himself into a crouched position, ready to spring the second the opportunity shows itself. It must be several days since he's gone missing. Maybe if he can at least cause a ruckus that is visible from outside, the X-Men will be able to find him.
The door opens and he notices that the people are wearing strange goggles... He's seen them before, on soldiers in movies. Infrared-spectrum sensitive. They're able to see his body heat. He sighs in defeat. Another plan destroyed.
One of the men picks him up as he kicks, screams and swears in several languages. He wrapps his tail around the man's neck and squeezes it as hard as he can, but it seems to have no effect. The man grabs his tail and drags him out of the cage by it.
Tears of agony, shame and anger choking off his angry words, Kurt's scrambling and fighting form is hauled into a surgical-looking room filled with glistening steel. So far, all of his captors have been silent. As he is strapped down, however, he hears a voice he will never forget.
"I want to see what the bone structure is under its face. I need better images than the x-rays have provided. Open it up." The voice is low, gravely and sinister, but tinged with excitement. It is now burned into Kurt's mind for all eternity and it is one he'll get to know as a regular intrusion into his hearing, something he'll hear nearly as often as the screams of his fellow inmates.
Strong hands hold Kurt's head still and sharp clamps bind his tail to the table. A lancing pain shoots down the left side of his face and he feels blood gushing through his fur before he passes out. When he wakes up later, he is back in his cage, or at least, one just like the first one and neat stitches trace a line from his jawbone to the edge of his eye socket. The pain is still agonising and will remain for so long that he becomes accustomed to it and is able to ignore it long before it goes away.
Kurt drew in a shuddering breath and looked around his room. There was nothing to be frightened of here. The voice was gone from his life and he'd never hear it again. Rogue wouldn't let them take him. She'd protect him.
Suddenly, a loud ringing interrupted his thoughts and he reflexively teleported to the last place he'd seen Rogue. When he appeared in the kitchen, she was just checking the roast beef they were having for supper. She looked over at his panicked face for a second.
"It's only the doorbell." Loud noises still startled him, she knew. "If you put this back in the oven, Ah'll go get it."
Kurt nodded in agreement. They'd gone over what was going to happen a few times, so he wouldn't be so nervous, but it didn't seem to help. Rogue was going to bring everyone into the living room and introduce him. When she said his name, he was to come in and see everyone. He wondered, for a second, if Rogue would be angry if he just stayed in the kitchen.
***
"Ah've told you before. Doorbells are for strangers, not family!"
Rogue opened the door to admit her friends out of the cold April rains. She was immediately assailed by two small forms. She wrapped her arms around the tops of their heads and slowly shuffled backwards to let everyone else in.
"Aunt Emily!" the shortest of the two children hugging her murmured happily.
The other one looked up with a beautiful coffee coloured face, dominated by dark eyes which sparkled keenly with intelligence. "Guess what Aunt Emily?" the little girl asked, grinning.
"What is it, Anna?" Rogue ruffled the curly dark hair of the little boy clinging to her leg.
"Mummy said I might be allowed to get a puppy and Jenny said I could go stay at her house overnight on Saturday and my teacher's taking us to a museum with real live dinosaur bones and...." Here, the little girl was cut off by Rogue's laughter.
"Slow down, sugar! You have all night to tell me this."
Anna toed the carpet sheepishly. "Sorry."
"It's okay. Why don't you help Michael with his boots and coat and take him into the living room? We'll all catch up in a minute." Rogue disentangled the little boy's arms from around her upper leg.
Anna's face brightened as quickly as the sun after a quick afternoon shower. "Okay!"
The two oldest children thus engaged, Rogue took the youngest from her mother's arms. The little one's dark skin was a stark contrast to her mother's almost Nordic skin tones.
"And how's little Miss Julia?" Rogue asked, swinging her goddaughter around playfully.
With a broad grin, Julia laughed and kicked her feet happily. Rogue let the two and half year old down and helped her unzip her jacket.
"How's it been?" Rogue asked the two adults standing before her.
Luke smiled, his bright white teeth almost blinding against the darkness of his skin. "Hectic. The spring always gives Michael and Anna cabin fever. I'm amazed the house is still standing."
Melissa nodded her agreement. "I've been taking them to the park after school whenever it isn't raining, but it just isn't enough."
They laughed together.
Lucas's expression changed to one of sheer excitement. He'd obviously remembered something. "Julia actually said a full sentence yesterday. She asked if she could please have a cookie."
Rogue looked proudly at Julia. "Is that true?"
Curls bobbing around her head, Julia nodded happily.
"Then it's a good thing Ah made a special cake for dessert, isn't it?"
Julia licked her lips, causing the adults to burst into peals of laughter again.
Melissa looked at Rogue seriously. "When's he getting here?"
"He's here. He's just waitin' for me to introduce him so he can meet you guys."
Luke looked at her questioningly. "Who is he, anyway?"
Rogue took a deep breath, trying to alleviate her own worries and nerves. "Ah'll explain when we get to the livin' room. Just remember... no matter what you think when you first see him, Ah'd never let anyone near you or the kids that was a danger to any of you."
Melissa's brow furrowed. "You've warned us of that about four times now. Why is it so important?"
"You'll understand when you see him." Rogue led the way into the living room, holding Julia's hand.
When they got there, Anna had already put on Finding Nemo. She and Michael were absolutely absorbed, so it came to them as a huge shock when the screen went blank. They turned in one motion to look at Rogue who was holding the remote.
"Fishy..." Michael said sadly.
"Ah have somethin' to say to all of you, then Ah promise you can watch the fishies, okay?"
The children nodded and their parents sat down on the couch next to them.
"Ah have someone Ah want y'all to meet."
Anna stood excitedly on the couch. "You have a boyfriend, don't you? You're gonna get married! I call flower girl! I want a pink dress... no... a blue dress with a pink ribbon... and I want to carry roses.... no... those little white flowers.... Baby's Puke?"
"First of all, it's baby's breath. Second of all, no, I don't have a boyfriend." Rogue could feel Melissa's sympathetic look. Rogue had once confided to her friend her desire to have a family. "This is someone far more special."
Anna opened her mouth to go off on another tangent, but her father pulled her into his lap and gently covered her mouth. "Let Aunt Emily speak, sweetie."
"It's mah brother. His name is Kurt Wagner."
This was Kurt's cue and he came in quietly, head down and tail twitching nervously a few inches above the ground. There was a gasp of astonishment, which Rogue feared would make him teleport away, then the source of the gasp, Michael, launched himself at Kurt.
Rogue held her breath. How would Kurt react? Would he fight the child off? Would he simply 'port to another area of the room? To Rogue's relief, Kurt stood his ground and let the little boy hug him.
"Stitch!" he exclaimed.
Rogue smiled. She hadn't thought of the fact that Kurt's blue fur gave him something of a resemblance to the main character in the movie about the little Hawaiian girl and her pet alien.
Anna, however, wasn't so easily swayed. At eight years old, she felt that she knew a few things about the world and something didn't quite fit here.
"You aren't Aunt Emily's brother." Hands on her hips, she stood and started towards him with her nose in the air.
"Vhy do you say that?" Kurt asked, sure that the little girl hated him.
"You don't look anything like her! Me and Michael and Julia at least got the same skin colour. You're blue!"
"Vell..."
Anna wasn't finished yet. "And you don't sound anything alike! You sound... I dunno... French or something!"
"Vell, Rogue is adopted," Kurt said.
"Besides," Rogue cut in. "Kurt's German, not French."
Anna turned to look at Rogue. "Who's Rogue?" she asked.
Rogue laughed. "Ah am. When we were teenagers, everyone called me Rogue. They didn't know mah real name. Even now, no one does."
"It's Emily." Anna spoke with the certain wisdom of a child.
Rogue shook her head. "No. Ah chose that name just after Ah saw Kurt last."
Anna took in this new revelation. "You mean... Your mummy and daddy let you call yourself whatever name you wanted?"
Not wanting to get into the details, Rogue nodded. "Ah guess you could say that." When she saw the look on Anna's face, she added, "That doesn't mean you get to."
Anna's face fell. Finally, she looked Kurt over again. "I'm Anna."
Kurt bowed politely to her the best he could with Michael stuck to his side.
Rogue took this as her cue. "The little guy stuck to you is Michael."
Kurt nodded and looked at him.
"This is Melissa," Rogue said, indicating her friend, who was looking at Kurt with some shock.
Melissa collected her wits. "I'm sorry for staring," she apologised. "I've never seen anyone quite like you before."
Kurt smiled and shrugged. "There are few who have, fraulein." His smile faltered when he saw how much she looked like Kitty. Her hair was a little lighter, but she could have been Kitty's sister.
Rogue noticed and quickly introduced Luke.
"A pleasure to meet you," Kurt responded.
A look of shock passed over Luke's face when he shook Kurt's hand, but it was quickly erased.
Rogue pulled Julia out from behind the end of the couch, where she was hiding. "This is Julia. You'll have to excuse her. She's a little shy."
Rogue started to take the little girl over to Kurt, when Julia buried her face in Rogue's neck. Rogue felt the slightest whisper of her powers pulling at the child as Julia's forehead brushed the skin of her neck above her high sweater. Quickly, she gave Julia to her mother and stepped away. Julia seemed fine, and it wasn't the first time such a thing had happened, so Melissa just held her daughter for a second before setting her down on the couch.
Anna was staring intently at Kurt. "You went to school with Aunt Emily... I mean... Aunt Rogue... Whatever. She told me a story about how her old friends could do special tricks. What can you do?"
Kurt bared his teeth playfully. He'd always loved performing and he'd always loved children, so he decided to goof around a bit with this inquisitive girl. "I can be very scary. Grrr."
Anna giggled. He looked like a clown, as far as she was concerned. "That's funny! What else can you do?"
He lowered his head secretly. "I can disappear with your brother and reappear right behind you. It's called teleportation."
"Like telephone?"
"Nothing like telephones," he replied.
She raised her head royally. "Show me."
Kurt looked at her parents. "May I? I can assure you it vill not do any lasting harm."
They looked at Rogue for confirmation. "Ah've used his powers before. Michael might be a bit dizzy for a second, but it's a short distance and the dizziness won't last."
Luke nodded reluctantly.
Kurt winked at the girl and disappeared in a puff of smoke. She was so busy exclaiming about the smell that she didn't hear him reappear behind her. Suddenly, someone tapped her on the shoulder.
She shrieked, startled and turned around laughing. "That's a great trick!"
Michael looked around for a second or two, disoriented by his sudden change in location. He coughed and held his nose.
Everyone laughed.
"If y'all can excuse me for a minute, Ah have some things to do to get dinner ready."
Anna, Michael and Kurt settled down on the couch and Anna grabbed the remote control. "Fine with us," Anna said.
Julia scrambled from her seat on the couch and moved to where her father was now sitting in a chair. She seemed a little frightened by Kurt, but Rogue sure it was more shyness than anything else.
Melissa stood. "I'll give you a hand."
Rogue nodded in appreciation as Luke explained that he'd stay with the kids and make sure they didn't give Kurt a hard time.
Rogue and Melissa went to the kitchen together.
"Why didn't you tell me about him before?" Melissa demanded. "Where's he been?"
"You heard about the Place on the news?"
Melissa nodded. "I couldn't help thinking about how horrible it would have been if Julia were in a place like...." Suddenly Melissa's mind made the connection. "He was in there?"
"Ten years. He spent ten years there. Ah thought he was dead... Logically. But I couldn't let go of him. Ah was afraid if Ah told you.... That it'd seem real... That Ah'd give up on him. Ah wasn't ready to give up. Ah'm sorry."
Melissa sighed. "I understand. At least, I understand as much as I can. I can't imagine what your family must have gone through."
Rogue blinked back tears. "They never knew. Well, our mother probably did, but she was never a mother to us. The family that counted, they never even knew he was missing."
Melissa was confused. "Did you never tell them?"
"Ah couldn't. Ah was... Ah was the only survivor. They got bombed out, first victims of the Dark Ages."
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry. I knew something had happened that you didn't have contact with them anymore, the way you break off when you're talking about them. I just assumed you'd left them or something."
"It's okay. Nothing can change it now. There's nothing to apologise for."
"You poor thing. It must have been horrible, dealing with it on your own. How did you manage on your own? It would have killed me."
Faces crowded Rogue's vision, memories. "Logan always said Ah was a survivor. Ah guess he was right. He made me that way... Ah tried to kill mahself a few times in the first couple of weeks. Mah powers would go nuts and Ah'd manifest everyone Ah'd ever absorbed, Logan included. His power, the ability to heal quickly, always saved me."
Blood covers the Brotherhood bathroom, too much blood. Bottles of pills lie open next to a bloody razor blade, all of which sit open on the floor nest to Rogue's body. Suddenly, all of the objects in the room start flying around her and her wounds close. Spikes fly from her arms and a thin sheen of frost springs from her fingertips. Slowly, she sits up, bawling and screaming to a god she doesn't believe in anymore. The pain of healing is agonising, but even worse is the knowledge that no matter how many times she tries to make it all go away, the pain of living will remain.
Melissa stirred some vegetables on the stovetop. "Where did you go? If it was the beginning of the Dark Ages, no one would have taken you in."
Rogue sighed. "Ah stayed with the Brotherhood for awhile. For some reason, no one bothered with them. Those first few months... They had to force me to shower and eat. It was like Ah was living in a dream. Ah'd get up every morning and go to the rubble of mah old home, the Institute and dig through it, looking for survivors. It took me weeks to even find Logan's skeleton. It was the only thing Ah ever found. Ah lived like that, looking for only one thing, determined to wait for Kurt to come home... But Ah never found anyone alive and Kurt didn't come."
A teenage Rogue digs through rubble frantically, her gloves torn from sharp stone and twisted metal. Her fingers bleed while Lance pulls her away. She struggles against his hands.
His voice is choked with tears. "They're gone, all of them. Kitty, Jamie, they're all gone! You can't keep this up."
"Logan's still in there! He has to be!"
"He's dead! Just like the rest of them!" Lance doesn't see the fist swing towards his face and an instant later, he's lying on the ground, unconscious.
"Don't you ever fuckin' say that again!" Rogue yells at his still form. She turns back to the pile she was working on.
Rogue's voice took on a far away quality, as though she'd forgotten that Melissa was there. She'd never told the whole story before and now that she'd started, it was as though it all had to escape her lips.
"Ah don't know what did it, but Ah sorta snapped outta the whole thing one day. Ah didn't want to wait around anymore. Ah couldn't stand to be in Bayville. Ah stole mahself a motorcycle and took off. Ah kept mah hair up under a bandanna, because people recognised me from the newscasts when mutants first got revealed. Ah rode and kept riding. If Ah needed gas or food, Ah stopped and did an odd job or two, collected mah money and took off again. Ah went everywhere. Ah travelled for almost a year like that, living hand to mouth."
A gang of teenage boys surround a single girl on the motorcycle.
"Hey. You aren't thinking about leaving our turf without enjoying our hospitality," one of them sneers, grabbing for her chest, as one of his friends grabs her shoulders to hold her in place.
Her hand flashes out, glove off. Bare skin connected with bare skin and the boy collapses to cries of "Mutie!" as his friends run away.
Rogue guns her motorcycle to life and tears off. She hasn't gotten any money here. She's hungry. She's cold. The only luggage in the side bags of the bike are a few pieces of clothing, the outfit she was wearing when the world exploded before her.
The memories were as fresh and painful to Rogue as though they had just been yesterday. "Ah went to the other students houses, at least the ones Ah could remember where they were. Since Ah carried the psyches of most of the students, Ah found most of the ones in the States and Canada."
Rogue stands in front of a farmhouse. Jamie's parents are in there. This is going to be the hardest meeting so far. Jamie had always been one of Rogue's favourites. They had something in common. Their powers kept them out of crowd situations. She walks up the front steps and knocks on the door. A kind looking woman with more than a passing resemblance to Jamie opens it.
"Hello?"
"Ah'm here about Jamie," Rogue says.
"Is he okay? We haven't heard from him in ages." The woman's eyes betray her worry.
"Mrs. Madrox, Ah'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Jamie was killed in an explosion in April."
Mrs. Madrox sways on her feet for a few seconds before she collapses to the floor and sits there crying. "My baby. My poor baby..."
Rogue stands there helplessly. "Ah'm so sorry." She turns away in pain and heads back for her motorcycle.
Rogue remembered meeting up with the parents of her classmates and being the first one to tell them that their child was dead. She'd been so used to it at one point that she could tell it to a sobbing mother without leaking a tear or choking up.
"Ah checked with all of them, hoping Kurt had gone there. He hadn't, of course. Finally, one day, Ah couldn't do it anymore. Ah was scared and alone. Ah had no home and no friends. Ah was only 18."
Tears were flowing freely down Rogue's cheeks, all the tears she'd never been able to shed in the days of her travels. "Ah remembered the name and address of a woman in Scotland. The professor'd always said that if we couldn't find him and the other adults for some reason, we were to contact her. Ah wrote her a letter, begging her to come meet me in Central Park. Ah had no way of knowing if she'd come, or if she'd gotten the letter, but Ah waited there on the appointed day."
Rogue sits on a bench next to the Imagine mosaic. It seems appropriate to her that the meeting place she's chosen is a memorial to a man like the Professor, a fallen peacenik. People stand nearby, snapping pictures of bored kids and a few buskers played John Lennon songs on battered guitars, cases set out to collect money. The lyrics of the song Imagine fill the air.
"Imagine no possessions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger.
A brotherhood of man.
Imagine all the people,
Sharing all the world."
"Ah wish," she mutters, listening to a young girl with reddish brown hair sing the song. The girl seems so carefree. She actually seems to believe the words she sings and, behind heavy purple-rimmed glasses, her clear blue eyes are full of tears and hope.
Rogue is so absorbed in watching her that it startles her when someone taps her on the shoulder.
"Suddenly, this little woman came up to me and sat down on the bench with me. It was her. Moira McTaggert. It turned out that Rahne, one of the other students, was her foster daughter. She'd only sent Rahne back to America the previous week. She sat with me for awhile, then offered to take me back to Scotland. Ah went with her, and she took care of me for the next year. She tutored me to get me through the last couple of months of high school that Ah'd run out on."
"She had everyone's phone numbers, even the kids overseas. We called all of them and let their parents know what had happened. She put me in contact with Kurt's adoptive parents. She kept me from givin' up on life. It took a year, but finally Ah was ready. Ah took on a new name, Emily, and she helped me get into a good University. She offered to pay for it, but Ah'd already taken too much from her."
Rogue throws a check back on the table, startling Moira.
"Ah'm not takin' this. Ah owe you too much already."
Tears fill the woman's eyes. "Take it. It was Rahne's university money. I want ta see it go ta good use."
"Ah don't need it." Rogue walks out the door, heading for her room.
"Ah got through University workin' odd jobs... Ah helped shingle roofs in the summer, shovelled walks in the winter. Ah worked the midnight shift at a convenience store. Finally, Ah graduated and just a little while later, the Dark Ages ended. Ah took a job with the FBI in the hopes Ah'd be able to find out what had happened to Kurt. Ah guess it paid off in the end."
Rogue was sitting on a high stool by the sink, looking out the window. Her eyes were clouded with tears. "The worst part wasn't that they were all dead. It was that Ah could still hear them. Ah had bits of their psyches in mah head. A couple of them were so bitter. Ah lived and they didn't. Oh god!" Her face dropped into her hands and Melissa wrapped her arms around her friend's shoulders.
"Emily... You should have told me. Oh Emily. It's all over now. Mutants are free now. They'll never be persecuted in this country again. You're safe."
She kept her voice strong and motherly, but Melissa couldn't help worrying. What if it wasn't all over? Was this what her daughter would one day go through? Would Julia see her friends die? Would Julia be killed?
Melissa brushed the thoughts from her mind as Rogue raised her head and wiped her eyes.
"Ah just... Ah just want to thank you for not gettin' upset over Kurt's appearance earlier. People used to freak out when they saw him and he was real nervous about meeting you." Rogue's voice was already steady and, aside from a little redness on the rims of her eyes, no one would ever have been able to tell that she'd been crying.
Melissa smiled as best she could, given all she'd just been told. Her friend didn't open up very often and she always followed it with something unrelated.
"I just remembered how hard it was for us when we first started out," Melissa said. "People used to stare at Luke and me because we were a mixed race couple. It made me really uncomfortable. I know it's not the same, but it's got to be similar."
Rogue smiled sadly as she mashed potatoes. "Just... thanks."
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Tainz