The Devil and Jimmy Neutron
by Gary D. Snyder
Part 5:
On Tuesday Miss Fowl was back in class no worse, as Lou had said, for her recent bout with laryngitis. In an attempt to make up for lost class time she went over the lesson for the previous afternoon with the class as well as the lesson she had prepared for that day in the morning. As a result the recitations for English did not begin until after lunch. Things progressed reasonably quickly until Sheen delivered his recitation. His choice was, predictably enough, the Ultra Lord theme song, which contained a surprising number of verses and seemed to go on forever. Although most of the students and Miss Fowl were in a daze from the continuing performance Cindy was secretly delighted. If Sheen's monologue dragged on long enough it was quite possible that the rest of the recitations, including Carl's, could be delayed until the following Tuesday in which case she would be free of the contract she had signed.
At the moment Sheen had held center stage for the better part of an hour and appeared to show no signs of stopping. As the class listened numbly he intoned, with suitably dramatic pauses and posturing,
"Verse 112:
Who never is a stranger to most any form of danger
As he roams the stellar pathways unexplored?
Villains shudder at the name of this hero of great fame –
It's none other than that champion Ultra Lord!
Verse 113:
Next to him his foes are nothing, out of them he'll beat the stuffing,
And he'll never stop to ask for a reward.
Every monster that he's licking as their evil butt he's kicking
Will regret the day they challenged Ultra Lord!
Verse 114:
To despair he'll never yield for pure virtue is his shield,
And the cause of truth and justice is his sword.
May his head remain unbowed, sing his praised long and loud,
Shout his name and shout it proud – it's Ultra Lord!
Verse 115:
On his crusade everlasting with his laser cannons blasting
He'll confront and vanquish every evil horde.
With his weapons at the ready and his keen nerves ultra-steady
He'll enlarge the legend that is Ultra Lord!
Verse 116:
Never shrinking from the – "
This appeared to be Miss Fowl's limit. "Thanks you Sheen," she interrupted, rubbing her temples with her fingers. "I think we get the general message."
"But I still have 127 verses to go!" protested Sheen.
"Do they all end with something about Ultra Lord?" asked Libby in a deathly monotone.
Sheen screwed up his eyes and began rapidly ticking off his fingers. "Yeah, pretty much," he said at last.
"Then I think we can skip the rest of the recitation," squawked Miss Fowl. "I'm getting a headache."
"What? No!" cried Sheen, dropping to his knees and sobbing. "Don't you realize that no art comes without suffering?"
"It's not supposed to be the audience that suffers," retorted Miss Fowl. "Now, we have time for just one more presentation. The others will have to wait until next week. Let's see…" She gazed thoughtfully over the class, considering whom to pick.
Cindy leapt to her feet at once. "I'll do it!" she cried. "Really! Pick me!"
Miss Fowl seemed surprised. "No, Cindy," she said. "That's very thoughtful but I think we should get through the, uh, less accomplished presentations first." She paused and made her decision. "Carl Wheezer! Front and center!"
Cindy sank into her seat as Carl walked to the front of the room. There's still a chance, she told herself. Just because he's reciting doesn't mean he'll do well. Carl's never gotten an A in his life. Nonetheless she leaned forward, her nerves on edge as Carl began to speak.
"'The Llama' by Ogden Nash," Carl said. He cleared his throat and began to recite,
"The one-L lama,
He's a priest.
The two-L llama,
He's a beast.
And I will bet
A silk pajama
There isn't any
3-L lllama.
Thank you," he concluded, bowing to the class.
To Cindy's horror Miss Fowl looked impressed. "Very good, Carl," she crowed. "I love Ogden Nash!"
"Thanks, Miss Fowl," Carl said happily. "I'm glad Jimmy found out that he wrote something about llamas. Except I think he misspelled it a couple times."
"I'm very, very pleased with your performance, Carl," Miss Fowl said. "Congratulations!" Feeling as though she could see a train heading straight for her, Cindy felt Miss Fowl's next words hitting her like a lightning bolt. "You get an A!"
One of Cindy's hopes to escape the contract was gone.
End of Part 5.
Author's Notes:
"The Llama" by Ogden Nash is a real poem and is used without permission. To my knowledge there really isn't an Ultra Lord theme song but I expect it would be very similar to what Sheen recited.