A/N: I love you all! Please enjoy!
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY
By Leah Pensotti
Chapter Four: I Could've Danced All Night
A month had passed and numerous lessons had come and gone. Hallahiriel struggled with language and etiquette and feared that every day Corerith would take advantage of locking her in the dungeons. Luckily, for Hallahiriel, that never came to pass.
She sat up with Boromir and Faramir until the wee hours of the morning, when the sun began to rise over the great tower. Boromir suffered headaches induced by her horrible accent and her incessant defiant cries of, "I can'! I can'. 'S too 'ard!"
One night, actually early morning, just hours before daybreak, Hallahiriel, Boromir, and Faramir sat exhausted in the hall by the fire. A three suffered the same ailment, sheer exhaustion. Boromir rubbed his temples until they became numb, his eyes snapped shut. Hallahiriel slumped in a large chair, her face worn and tear-stained. Faramir sat closest to the fire and was near sleep with a book open and resting on his nose.
Boromir sighed, clearly annoyed; "Once again, Halla."
Hallahiriel's face winced, "I can'! I CAN'! I'm too tired!"
Boromir rose from his chair, "You drop syllables like apples from a tree. This is exactly why we work so hard. I realize you are tired and that you are under quite a bit of duress. I realize that you think I am cruel and unforgiving. Please Halla, do it again."
Hallahiriel noticed how Boromir's voice softened when he spoke those words to her. He had worked very hard with her and had not given up on her yet. Hallahiriel focused hard, she did wish to do well and succeed.
"I am Hallahiriel, my lord. It is very kind of you to let me come"
Her tongue flowed with such elegance that she has never been known to possess. Her eyes grew wide and Boromir leaned forward, not sure if his ears had betrayed him. Faramir's eyes opened and he slid the book off his nose and sat up straight.
They sat silent for awhile, shocked by what she had just said. Boromir stood and took her by the hands, "Say it again."
Hallahiriel put all of her energy into the words, forming them just right, keeping the consonants intact; "I am Hallahiriel, my lord. It is very kind of you to let me come."
A wide grin spread across Boromir's face, "I think she's got it Faramir! The blasted, hard-headed girl has done it."
Faramir stood and placed his book on the desk. Boromir scooped Hallahiriel into his arms and spun her around the room. Hallahiriel's heart leaped in her chest. She had done it and now Boromir smiled. Boromir put her down on the ground and went to his brother, "Faramir, we must test her in a situation."
Faramir shrugged, "Where? Besides, don't you think it is a little soon? She has only said one sentence."
Boromir chuckled, "Nonsense! We must strike while the iron is hot. Father is having company tomorrow is he not?"
Faramir nodded, "Yes, the Lady Brumwen and her son Owynvan, I believe. But Boromir, we cannot just barge in-"
Boromir smiled, "We must have Corerith fetch Halla a stunning dress. She must look her best. We must pass her off as a proper lady."
Hallahiriel sighed in the background; she was so weary yet energized by the occurrences of the night. Corerith slipped downstairs quietly and called to the men, "My lords, it is nearly dawn. It is not right to keep the young lady up at this hour. She needs her rest."
Corerith took Hallahiriel by the arm and led her upstairs, her head in a dream, "Come girl, off to bed. You'll sleep the day away at this point."
Boromir called after them; "She cannot do that, Corerith! She has an appearance tomorrow. Dress her in her finest clothes for dinner with my father."
Corerith looked skeptical, but then nodded, "Yes, my lord. She will look lovely."
Boromir called once again in a calm, happy tone, "Goodnight, Halla."
Hallahiriel looked down to him and smiled. She spoke smoothly, "Goodnight, Lord Boromir. And you Lord Faramir."
She sighed thickly as Corerith led her out of sight and to her quarters. As she was tucked in bed, she commented in her new found speech to the older woman, "I do not think I shall sleep a bit tonight. Too many exciting things happened."
Corerith looked at the girl proudly. "Yes girl. You have done a good job. But you need your rest. It sounds like Boromir and Faramir have quite a time cooked up for you tomorrow."
As Corerith left the room, Hallahiriel smiled happily at the memory of Boromir spinning her around the room with glee. Indeed it was a good night. She wished that it could go on forever and never end.
~~
A/N-next chapter, Halla fudges at dinner and Owynvan finds her quite intriguing.
*Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien (such as Boromir, Faramir, or Denethor) or the story of "Pygmalion" by George Bernard Shaw or the musical "My Fair Lady" which is based on said play by Shaw. I own only Hallahiriel, the Barmaid of Dol Amroth.
This is a PARODY of both works. Boromir is the Henry Higgins, Faramir is Colonel Pickering, Hallahiriel is Eliza Doolittle and Denethor is the rough equivalent of Henry Higgins's uppity Ascot attending mother. The story is set in 3008, ten years before "Fellowship". Boromir is 30 and Faramir is 25.
MY FAIR BARMAID: A COMEDY
By Leah Pensotti
Chapter Four: I Could've Danced All Night
A month had passed and numerous lessons had come and gone. Hallahiriel struggled with language and etiquette and feared that every day Corerith would take advantage of locking her in the dungeons. Luckily, for Hallahiriel, that never came to pass.
She sat up with Boromir and Faramir until the wee hours of the morning, when the sun began to rise over the great tower. Boromir suffered headaches induced by her horrible accent and her incessant defiant cries of, "I can'! I can'. 'S too 'ard!"
One night, actually early morning, just hours before daybreak, Hallahiriel, Boromir, and Faramir sat exhausted in the hall by the fire. A three suffered the same ailment, sheer exhaustion. Boromir rubbed his temples until they became numb, his eyes snapped shut. Hallahiriel slumped in a large chair, her face worn and tear-stained. Faramir sat closest to the fire and was near sleep with a book open and resting on his nose.
Boromir sighed, clearly annoyed; "Once again, Halla."
Hallahiriel's face winced, "I can'! I CAN'! I'm too tired!"
Boromir rose from his chair, "You drop syllables like apples from a tree. This is exactly why we work so hard. I realize you are tired and that you are under quite a bit of duress. I realize that you think I am cruel and unforgiving. Please Halla, do it again."
Hallahiriel noticed how Boromir's voice softened when he spoke those words to her. He had worked very hard with her and had not given up on her yet. Hallahiriel focused hard, she did wish to do well and succeed.
"I am Hallahiriel, my lord. It is very kind of you to let me come"
Her tongue flowed with such elegance that she has never been known to possess. Her eyes grew wide and Boromir leaned forward, not sure if his ears had betrayed him. Faramir's eyes opened and he slid the book off his nose and sat up straight.
They sat silent for awhile, shocked by what she had just said. Boromir stood and took her by the hands, "Say it again."
Hallahiriel put all of her energy into the words, forming them just right, keeping the consonants intact; "I am Hallahiriel, my lord. It is very kind of you to let me come."
A wide grin spread across Boromir's face, "I think she's got it Faramir! The blasted, hard-headed girl has done it."
Faramir stood and placed his book on the desk. Boromir scooped Hallahiriel into his arms and spun her around the room. Hallahiriel's heart leaped in her chest. She had done it and now Boromir smiled. Boromir put her down on the ground and went to his brother, "Faramir, we must test her in a situation."
Faramir shrugged, "Where? Besides, don't you think it is a little soon? She has only said one sentence."
Boromir chuckled, "Nonsense! We must strike while the iron is hot. Father is having company tomorrow is he not?"
Faramir nodded, "Yes, the Lady Brumwen and her son Owynvan, I believe. But Boromir, we cannot just barge in-"
Boromir smiled, "We must have Corerith fetch Halla a stunning dress. She must look her best. We must pass her off as a proper lady."
Hallahiriel sighed in the background; she was so weary yet energized by the occurrences of the night. Corerith slipped downstairs quietly and called to the men, "My lords, it is nearly dawn. It is not right to keep the young lady up at this hour. She needs her rest."
Corerith took Hallahiriel by the arm and led her upstairs, her head in a dream, "Come girl, off to bed. You'll sleep the day away at this point."
Boromir called after them; "She cannot do that, Corerith! She has an appearance tomorrow. Dress her in her finest clothes for dinner with my father."
Corerith looked skeptical, but then nodded, "Yes, my lord. She will look lovely."
Boromir called once again in a calm, happy tone, "Goodnight, Halla."
Hallahiriel looked down to him and smiled. She spoke smoothly, "Goodnight, Lord Boromir. And you Lord Faramir."
She sighed thickly as Corerith led her out of sight and to her quarters. As she was tucked in bed, she commented in her new found speech to the older woman, "I do not think I shall sleep a bit tonight. Too many exciting things happened."
Corerith looked at the girl proudly. "Yes girl. You have done a good job. But you need your rest. It sounds like Boromir and Faramir have quite a time cooked up for you tomorrow."
As Corerith left the room, Hallahiriel smiled happily at the memory of Boromir spinning her around the room with glee. Indeed it was a good night. She wished that it could go on forever and never end.
~~
A/N-next chapter, Halla fudges at dinner and Owynvan finds her quite intriguing.