No One Knows Like I Do
Don't own anything, so don't sue.
My grammar sucks, so don't sue me there either.
Chapter 15 - At Ease
"W-what? You're actually gonna take me seriously?" Rose asked incredulously. 'Yes yes yes! It's working!' She knew she wasn't going to graduate from the SeeD exam, but either way she was still going to the dance.
What Rose didn't realize was that she was taking advantage of Seifer's emotionally weak state. Even if she did realize it, it wouldn't have mattered. As long as she got what she wanted everything was right in the world.
'Maybe this will make Fujin see the light and realize she was wrong.' Seifer was so intent on making Fujin jealous that he didn't even realize the bigger consequences of taking Rose to the dance. "Look, you can only be my date for the dance...nothing more than that."
"Are you sure it's not going to be anything more than that?" Rose stepped closer to Seifer. "You can never be to sure..." She traced his jaw line with her finger slowly. "Things...happen."
'Can't argue with that. Too many things happened.' Seifer frowned slightly. "Don't get your hopes up too much."
"Ohhh, now why did you say that? I was just saying... You know what?"
"What?"
Rose looked at the ground shyly as she poured on her charm. "I only wanted to pass the written test so that I could be with you on the field exam. I didn't know we were gonna end up on the same team, but I knew that we would at least see each other on that dragon ship thingy."
"Ragnarok."
"Yeah. Anyway, like I said I know that I come off as a stupid little schoolgirl, but I'm more than that. You don't know what it's like to really like someone and they're out of reach... You always had other girls and everything and then you started having feelings for Fujin. I guess I just wanted to fit in your little circle." Rose smiled inwardly. 'There...let him mull that over for awhile.'
"So you're really more than a stupid little bratty schoolgirl? Why don't I believe you?"
"Because you're not giving me a chance." Rose looked up at Seifer with determination. "I still don't see why you want to hold on to something you can't have. Fujin doesn't want you," she said firmly.
"What the hell do you know about Fujin?" Seifer spat angrily. "Besides that she's a freak and a ghoul and other shit you said." To Seifer, no one was allowed to speculate as to what Fujin thought or even the type of person she was. He listened to enough "opinions" about her already.
"I know she doesn't want you. Why else would she go out of her way to ignore you or give you the brush-off?"
Seifer groaned loudly and ran a frustrated hand through his blond hair. 'She has a point...' he thought smugly. "Maybe."
"Okay. Just give me a chance.please."
"I said I'm only taking you to the dance. Take it or leave it."
"I can live with that! You don't know how much this means to me!"
"Yeah yeah," Seifer said distractedly. 'What am I doing? This seems like the only way though...Fujin will see then.'
"Okay then lover. I'll see you later..." Rose blew at kiss at Seifer and then sashayed off.
Seifer stood for a moment before punching the cold, metal wall of the Ragnarok in fury.
~*~*~
After several hours, the Ragnarok finally arrived at its destination of Balamb Garden. Feelings of nervousness and confidence filled the air as the students disembarked the massive dragon like ship. Normal student lives resumed as the students greeted their other classmates and instructors.
Fujin, on the other hand, went straight to her dorm. She knew Rose would be there yet and it was the only place that she could find peaceful solitude. Once she walked in the door, she slid off the uncomfortable loafers that came standard with the regulation uniform and threw them under her bed. She faintly realized that her joints ached after being in an intense battle, so she decided to draw a soothing bath.
As Fujin sat in the soothingly warm water, her mind wandered once to the SeeD exam. It was strange to have Seifer on her team and be on the outs with him.
'Hyne...this is so fucking aggravating. I don't even know what's going on. I can't even remember what I'm mad at him for,' she thought.
Oh come on, are you sure you don't remember? Once again, Fujin's inner voice decided to interfere with her other thoughts.
Fujin chewed thoughtfully on her bottom lip for a moment. 'It's really a stupid reason.'
So what? Let his pride hurt right?
'Yeah...no wait...I'm acting just like him.'
It's different.he's a prideful son of a bitch. Not you.
'No, it is...it's not right, but still...it can't be me.'
That's right, he has to apologize first. You don't want it to look like you're crawling back to him...after all, he's the one that's wrong.
'Is he really? I can't even remember anymore.it's so stupid.and I've had enough. This is too much...'
Fine then. Have it your way...but you'll be sorry.
'I guess that's just the way it has to be then...I can't take it anymore...'
Fujin suddenly decided that she needed to talk with Raijin. Only he knew what was going on with Seifer these days and Fujin wanted to know without asking Seifer himself. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, she wondered what Seifer was doing and thinking.
After drying herself and dressing in her normal attire, she picked up the phone and dialed Raijin's dorm number hoping he'd be there. After the second ring, Seifer picked up.
"Hello?"
'Why did he have to answer the phone?' Fujin thought miserably. "Let me speak to Raijin please," she said coldly.
"Yeah, hold on," he answered equally cold. "Yo Raijin, it's for you!"
"Who is it?" Raijin asked in the background.
"Fujin."
"Oh. Uh yeah, okay...Hey Fuj...what's wrong? Ya only call when something's wrong, ya know."
"I just wanted to ask you a few things." Fujin twirled the phone cord around her index finger nervously.
Raijin's eyebrows furrowed at her statement. "Okay...shoot."
"In person...I know that Seifer's in the room with you."
"Where do ya wanna meet, ya know?"
"The Quad."
"Okay. See ya there."
"Bye." Fujin hung up the phone so harshly that Raijin quickly pulled his head away and looked at the phone in mild shock.
"Where are you goin'?" Seifer asked from his bedroom.
"I'll be back," Raijin answered and then immediately left the room.
"That didn't answer my question," Seifer muttered. "I already know it has to do with Fujin."
~*~*~
As she sat waiting for Raijin at the Quad, Fujin aimlessly picked at a piece of thread on her clothing while watching wispy clouds rolling by in the sky. In her mind, she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to Raijin at all; she had only wanted to so that she could find out about Seifer without actually asking. She also wanted to know where he stood on everything because as far as she was concerned, he already knew her side of things.
"Hey Fuj," Raijin greeted as he sat down on the ledge with Fujin.
"Hey." Fujin didn't bother to face in his direction. Instead she opted to look straight past the Quad and to the surrounding snow capped mountains.
"What's up? Sounded like ya had something serious on your mind, ya know."
Fujin didn't answer right away. Raijin figured that he would let her collect her thoughts instead of pestering her. While he waited, he hummed a song he heard on the radio quietly to himself. As he was getting to the chorus of the song, Fujin finally spoke up.
"I'm just tired."
"Of what...oh never mind. I know what ya mean, ya know. So...what are ya gonna do?"
"I really don't want to be the first one to speak up.but if things continue the way they're going...nothing's ever gonna get solved," she replied finally looking at Raijin.
"Yeah, that's true. Both of ya could go on forever ignoring each other, ya know." After a brief pause, he continued. "He misses ya Fuj. I can see it in his eyes, ya know. He doesn't act the same...kinda like he lost something important to him, ya kn-"
Fujin shook her head vehemently. "That's not true. He seems perfectly fine to me."
"No.remember when we first left Garden for Esthar? He kept saying how weird it was for you to ignore him, ya know. Kinda like a part of the family is missing, ya know?"
"That's all I am to him then. Just family," Fujin answered quietly.
"Well..."
"I know what it is!" Fujin suddenly shouted as she stood to her feet. "It's because of THIS!" She tore off her eye patch to reveal an unsightly scar that ran diagonally down where her eye used to be. "He wants a normal, soft looking and beautiful girl. Not me. I'm hardly any of those things."
"That's not true, ya know!" Raijin exclaimed in frustration. He hated it when she started to put herself down because of her injury. "He cares about ya...more than ya think! I live with the guy; ya think I wouldn't know? I know I'm not the sharpest tack, but it's hard to NOT notice that, ya know."
"Whatever, he's just full of shit! Does he think he can do this to me? I'm so fucking tired of his games! If he wants to play 'em then he can do it with someone else!" Fujin roared. "You know what, fuck it. Fuck him, fuck whatever we had, fuck everything! I don't care if I never speak to him again! He could burn in hell for all I care!"
"...Fujin. I thought ya wanted to talk things through with him-"
Fujin exploded with fury. "WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?!"
"Hey, ya don't haveta yell at me," Raijin protested quietly.
"Sorry," she apologized flatly. Fujin realized that she needed to get her blood pressure back to normal as well as her heart rate, but at the same time she wanted to tear Seifer apart with her bare hands. She slowly took a seat back on the wall and buried her face in her hands. "Why? Why does he have to be that way?"
"I don't know Fuj. I don't know," Raijin answered sadly. "Both of ya really need to talk though, ya know."
"I know, but-"
"No buts."
Fujin sighed agitatedly. "I don't even want to look at him-"
"Be the better person and speak up first. That's all I can say, ya know."
Fujin turned and looked at Raijin curiously. "How did YOU get to be so profound anyway?" she asked accusingly.
"Er, well actually, it's something that Instructor Nomura said all the time for some reason. It just seemed like the best time to say it, ya know?" he answered sheepishly as he scratched his head.
A trace of a smile appeared on Fujin's lips as she shook her head. In his own way, Raijin had a way of making sense and at the same time being idiotic.
"Thanks for the, um...talk," Fujin said awkwardly.
"Sure." Raijin suddenly reached for his sister and pulled her into a smothering bear hug. "Glad I could help, ya know!"
"RAIJIN." That tone of voice was all that it took for him to release her.
"Uh, right. Sorry, ya know."
Fujin nodded and leaned back on the ledge watching the clouds once more. She needed to get what she wanted to say to Seifer together in her mind first before she actually confronted him. The thought of actually having to face him caused her to sigh inwardly. 'Great...'
~*~*~
"Seifer, come on. This has gone on too long, ya know. Ya haveta say something," Raijin explained to an uninterested Seifer.
"Please. If she has something she wants to say, then she can come to me. Simple as that," Seifer answered coolly as he polished his gunblade.
"What did she say to ya anyway? It couldn't have been THAT bad, ya know."
Seifer slowly put his gunblade down. "Oh yeah? She actually accused me of being more interested in 'normal' girls than her."
"Eh, she wouldn't be completely wrong, ya know," Raijin pointed out cautiously.
"Oh and what the hell is that supposed to mean? No, don't tell me, you already sided with her, huh? I KNOW you had a little 'talk' with her and you actually believe everything she tells you, huh? Yeah, well save the bullshit for some other asshole!"
"You don't actually help things ya know, ya make comments about other girls or ya stare at 'em while you're with her...don't ya think she would be pissed at that?" Raijin demanded, outstretching his arms.
Seifer threw his gunblade on his bed and rose to his feet quickly. "It's harmless so I don't know why she even gets that way; it's not like I'm gonna get up and walk away with the girl!"
"Ya just don't get it do ya?" Raijin laughed bitterly. "Well it doesn't take a genius to see that it hurts her when ya act that way! Even I noticed that and you're always saying how dumb I am! I guess I'm not all that dumb, huh?"
"Apparently not since you have SO much to say!"
"Ya know what ya need to do? Ya need to swallow that pride and for once in your life, stop acting like an ass! It's taking its toll on my sister and it's doing it to me!" Raijin hollered and stormed out of Seifer's room going into his own and slamming the door.
Seifer flopped angrily onto his bed knowing that Raijin was right. "I hate to admit it, but the big guy is right," he muttered. "Shit!" He heaved one of his schoolbook out of his room and into the kitchenette where it crashed into a cabinet.
'I really fucked up this time...' Seifer decided that enough was enough and that for once in his life he needed to do something right.
~*~*~
Students nervously chatted in the halls waiting for the announcement of the results of the SeeD exam. Their patience paid off as Headmaster Cid finally came over the loudspeaker. A pleasant chime announced his presence.
"May I have your attention please? Would the following students please report to my office for their diplomas: Rinoa Heartilly, Jonathan Measley, Fujin Kazeno, Samantha Birch, Oliver Walker, Raijin...uh, just Raijin, T.J. Howland, Isazu Tanaka, Wendy Harrington and Seifer Almasy. These are all the graduates. Please congratulate your classmates."
There was a brief pause and then Squall came over the loudspeaker. He still wasn't used to using that thing. "Uh, yeah, good job to the graduates...um yeah. It was a difficult test and you all came out on top, which is good." Squall cleared his throat loudly and laughter was heard in the background as he handed the microphone back to Cid.
"Hahahaha, great speech Squall! My message to those who didn't pass is a little nicer than Xu's. To those who didn't make it, study harder, remember to keep your head up and believe in yourselves. Don't let a bad attitude defeat you. That is all."
At the time of the announcement, Fujin was in her room brooding. Once she heard her name being announced, she suddenly snapped out of her dark thoughts.
"It's about time I became a SeeD," she mumbled to herself. Ordinarily she would've been happier, but considering the circumstances...it would've been better if the whole posse could celebrate together.
"I'd better get going..."
In the boys' block of the residential area, Seifer and Raijin reacted to the news in a much more jovial matter.
"Woooooo! We made it Raijin!" Seifer cried jubilantly as he grabbed Raijin by his shoulders roughly.
"Sure did boss! The whole posse made it, ya know!"
"Come on man, our diplomas are waiting for us," Seifer said arrogantly as he strode towards the door.
"Right behind ya boss!"
Seifer suddenly stopped in his tracks. "So Fujin made it, huh? Fujin." He was filled with relief that she finally became a SeeD. After she lost her eye in a mission a couple of years ago, Fujin was edgy about taking the field test and actually passing it.
"Eh, Seifer, are ya comin'?"
Seifer snapped out of his reverie. "Uh, yeah, let's go."
~*~*~
The small group of graduates anxiously gathered in Headmaster Cid's office. Most resorted to aimlessly looking around the room while they waited for Cid to show up. The students had formed a neat single file line and stood as rigidly as possible. Finally, the headmaster entered the room with their diplomas followed by Xu and Squall.
"At ease." The students took on a more relaxed stance and Cid continued speaking. As he handed out the diplomas, Cid paused at each student and either said words of encouragement or praise. After he finished with his personal speeches he took his place in front of the group and started a more general speech.
"As you all know, the position of a senior SeeD is extremely important. I would like all of you to do your absolute best in upholding the honor and prestige of this title. Remember, as senior SeeDs you no longer have the ordinary responsibilities of a regular student. You may be faced with different responsibilities such as teaching a class, completing flight hours and other special training."
"Excuse me," Isazu politely interrupted, "does this mean that we should all know how to fly the Ragnarok?"
"That is correct." Several "cools" and "yeahs" floated around the room until Cid continued. "The Ragnarok is fairly new technology to the Garden so it is expected that you all know how to operate it. Well then, I believe that is all I wanted to say to you-"
"Don't forget to tell have Squall tell them the bonuses of being a SeeD, sir," Xu cut in.
"Oh right. Squall, why don't you tell them?" Cid asked
'Why me?' Squall wondered, scratching his head. "What? Okay.um, you all get to have single dormitories. Actually, the Garden decided that all SeeDs should get small apartments instead of dormitories. You new room assignments are included with your diplomas. You have three days to move your stuff into your new apartments."
"Hey cool!" "Sweet!" "That's great!"
"Yeah, so um...yeah. That's it," Squall fumbled.
"Wow...you're great at describing things Squall. Really 'informative'," Rinoa remarked sarcastically, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"Whatever."
"Whatever. Ha, I knew you were gonna say that!"
Some students filed out of the room after exchanging goodbye's with Cid, Squall and Xu. The others chose to stay behind and talk excitedly about the possibilities that being a SeeD would bring. Meanwhile, Fujin quietly slipped out of the Headmaster's office and began walking to the elevator.
"Fujin, wait up!" She turned to Seifer running towards her.
"What do you want?" Fujin snarled folding her arms.
"I don't know why you're so mad; I have every right to be pissed too." Fujin pivoted and bolted toward the elevator. Before she could get very far, Seifer grabbed her small, pale wrist and pulled her back toward him. "Look, just hear me out and stop being so difficult."
Fujin jerked out of his grasp and regarded him incredulously. "I'm the one making things difficult? ME? Oh, so then I guess you were the more reasonable one, huh? If I'm not mistaken, I believe that you're the one who can't accept me the way that I am! Don't you think that makes things more difficult for me? Oh wait, I'm sorry, you're too busy thinking about yourself!"
Seifer started to say something in his defense, but thought better of it. "Fine. FINE. You're right."
Fujin furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "What?"
"I said you're right. Raijin talked to me about this and I've been doing a lot of thinking...and I made some stupid decisions. Hell, I even agreed to let that Madison girl go to the dance with me-"
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Fujin roared. "How could you? You know I hate her.you know, this is just what I meant..." She chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully and then continued. "You were pretty quick to replace me...it was no trouble at all for you, was it?" Fujin's voice trembled slightly as she spoke. "You just couldn't WAIT. I knew it..."
"It-it's not what you think, Fujin."
"No? Then what is it then? What is it dammit?!"
Seifer shamefully looked down at his feet. "I don't know," he answered quietly. "I don't know what I was thinking. Look, we weren't talking or anything and all I could think about was-"
"All you could think about was if you had a date to the dance? That's all you could think about?" Fujin demanded shrilly.
"No! I did it to spite you 'cause I didn't think we'd be talking now...and I'll admit that it wasn't smart, but how would you feel if you were in my shoes?"
"Why should I care about how you feel? Did you care about me? I don't think so," Fujin answered in a dangerous tone.
Seifer sighed in aggravation; he was at a loss as to how he could remedy this situation. 'Raijin told me to talk to her, but this just isn't working...what the fuck am I supposed to do?'
A long and uneasy silence fell between the two. Fujin could only manage to glare at Seifer while he focused his gaze on the floor. Neither one of them chose to speak and they continued to remain in the uncomfortable silence.
For once in his life, Seifer decided to be the better person and speak up. "Fujin."
Silence.
"Look, I don't know what else to say, but.I'm sorry. I know it's not enough, but there isn't much else I can do..."
"You've done enough," Fujin replied coldly.
Seifer flinched slightly. "Point. Fujin...can't we at least start over?"
"Start over? What do you think this is, a game? Oh wait, it must've been 'cause you like playing games-"
Seifer's hand flew up to shush her. "Fujin! All right! I get your point, okay?! Stop trying to make me feel even more guilty! I mean, what else do you want me to do, get down on my knees and beg? Well, I'm not."
Fujin cocked her head to the side. "Why would you do that?" she asked airily, "You're nothing but a prideful son of a bitch anyway!"
"Why did I even bother trying to talk things out with you?" Seifer sighed agitatedly.
"Don't get mad because this isn't going the way you wanted it to!" A nagging thought suddenly occurred to Fujin. 'I'm the one that wanted to talk to him so badly and here I am nearly screwing things up! Enough is enough...'
"Seifer," Fujin sighed wearily, "I know how hard it is to admit you're wrong so I'm not gonna give you a hard time about it anymore...let's just forget everything. It's probably easier this way."
"What do you mean by that?" Seifer asked slowly.
"I mean, let's just let go of whatever we had and just forget it. It's not gonna work."
"So...you're saying it's over...just like that?"
"Well, what else is there to hang on to...?" Fujin's voice trailed off
Seifer took one of Fujin's hands into his. "Don't give up on me yet, Fuj.please. I know I fucked up big time.but I want to try again. If we're gonna give up, let's at least be sure we won't have any regrets."
"I don't know Seifer...I mean, how do I know you won't hurt me?"
"I can't make any promises Fuj, but at least I can try. Can't you just accept that?"
Fujin simply stared at Seifer's chest since that she was nearly a foot shorter than him. 'I don't want to be hurt again.I don't think I could take it.'
After all he's done to you, you shouldn't, Fujin's inner voice chided.
'What?'
Why should you give him another opportunity to hurt you again? Do you think you deserve that?
'No...I'm not listening to you this time. I'm going to do what I think is right.'
Fine. Screw up again if you want, but don't say I didn't tell you so.
'Shut up...'
You're gonna blow it again...
"Seifer," Fujin started weakly, "you win."
"Huh?"
"You can try...one more time. Just this once."
Seifer nodded slowly. "Okay...I'll try not to let you down this time. I can promise you that."
I'm tired so I think I'm gonna end it there. I think this chapter sucks sooooo bad; it could've been better. I'm tired of them being on the outs so let's get some saifuu action back! Till next update!
Don't own anything, so don't sue.
My grammar sucks, so don't sue me there either.
Chapter 15 - At Ease
"W-what? You're actually gonna take me seriously?" Rose asked incredulously. 'Yes yes yes! It's working!' She knew she wasn't going to graduate from the SeeD exam, but either way she was still going to the dance.
What Rose didn't realize was that she was taking advantage of Seifer's emotionally weak state. Even if she did realize it, it wouldn't have mattered. As long as she got what she wanted everything was right in the world.
'Maybe this will make Fujin see the light and realize she was wrong.' Seifer was so intent on making Fujin jealous that he didn't even realize the bigger consequences of taking Rose to the dance. "Look, you can only be my date for the dance...nothing more than that."
"Are you sure it's not going to be anything more than that?" Rose stepped closer to Seifer. "You can never be to sure..." She traced his jaw line with her finger slowly. "Things...happen."
'Can't argue with that. Too many things happened.' Seifer frowned slightly. "Don't get your hopes up too much."
"Ohhh, now why did you say that? I was just saying... You know what?"
"What?"
Rose looked at the ground shyly as she poured on her charm. "I only wanted to pass the written test so that I could be with you on the field exam. I didn't know we were gonna end up on the same team, but I knew that we would at least see each other on that dragon ship thingy."
"Ragnarok."
"Yeah. Anyway, like I said I know that I come off as a stupid little schoolgirl, but I'm more than that. You don't know what it's like to really like someone and they're out of reach... You always had other girls and everything and then you started having feelings for Fujin. I guess I just wanted to fit in your little circle." Rose smiled inwardly. 'There...let him mull that over for awhile.'
"So you're really more than a stupid little bratty schoolgirl? Why don't I believe you?"
"Because you're not giving me a chance." Rose looked up at Seifer with determination. "I still don't see why you want to hold on to something you can't have. Fujin doesn't want you," she said firmly.
"What the hell do you know about Fujin?" Seifer spat angrily. "Besides that she's a freak and a ghoul and other shit you said." To Seifer, no one was allowed to speculate as to what Fujin thought or even the type of person she was. He listened to enough "opinions" about her already.
"I know she doesn't want you. Why else would she go out of her way to ignore you or give you the brush-off?"
Seifer groaned loudly and ran a frustrated hand through his blond hair. 'She has a point...' he thought smugly. "Maybe."
"Okay. Just give me a chance.please."
"I said I'm only taking you to the dance. Take it or leave it."
"I can live with that! You don't know how much this means to me!"
"Yeah yeah," Seifer said distractedly. 'What am I doing? This seems like the only way though...Fujin will see then.'
"Okay then lover. I'll see you later..." Rose blew at kiss at Seifer and then sashayed off.
Seifer stood for a moment before punching the cold, metal wall of the Ragnarok in fury.
~*~*~
After several hours, the Ragnarok finally arrived at its destination of Balamb Garden. Feelings of nervousness and confidence filled the air as the students disembarked the massive dragon like ship. Normal student lives resumed as the students greeted their other classmates and instructors.
Fujin, on the other hand, went straight to her dorm. She knew Rose would be there yet and it was the only place that she could find peaceful solitude. Once she walked in the door, she slid off the uncomfortable loafers that came standard with the regulation uniform and threw them under her bed. She faintly realized that her joints ached after being in an intense battle, so she decided to draw a soothing bath.
As Fujin sat in the soothingly warm water, her mind wandered once to the SeeD exam. It was strange to have Seifer on her team and be on the outs with him.
'Hyne...this is so fucking aggravating. I don't even know what's going on. I can't even remember what I'm mad at him for,' she thought.
Oh come on, are you sure you don't remember? Once again, Fujin's inner voice decided to interfere with her other thoughts.
Fujin chewed thoughtfully on her bottom lip for a moment. 'It's really a stupid reason.'
So what? Let his pride hurt right?
'Yeah...no wait...I'm acting just like him.'
It's different.he's a prideful son of a bitch. Not you.
'No, it is...it's not right, but still...it can't be me.'
That's right, he has to apologize first. You don't want it to look like you're crawling back to him...after all, he's the one that's wrong.
'Is he really? I can't even remember anymore.it's so stupid.and I've had enough. This is too much...'
Fine then. Have it your way...but you'll be sorry.
'I guess that's just the way it has to be then...I can't take it anymore...'
Fujin suddenly decided that she needed to talk with Raijin. Only he knew what was going on with Seifer these days and Fujin wanted to know without asking Seifer himself. As much as she hated to admit it to herself, she wondered what Seifer was doing and thinking.
After drying herself and dressing in her normal attire, she picked up the phone and dialed Raijin's dorm number hoping he'd be there. After the second ring, Seifer picked up.
"Hello?"
'Why did he have to answer the phone?' Fujin thought miserably. "Let me speak to Raijin please," she said coldly.
"Yeah, hold on," he answered equally cold. "Yo Raijin, it's for you!"
"Who is it?" Raijin asked in the background.
"Fujin."
"Oh. Uh yeah, okay...Hey Fuj...what's wrong? Ya only call when something's wrong, ya know."
"I just wanted to ask you a few things." Fujin twirled the phone cord around her index finger nervously.
Raijin's eyebrows furrowed at her statement. "Okay...shoot."
"In person...I know that Seifer's in the room with you."
"Where do ya wanna meet, ya know?"
"The Quad."
"Okay. See ya there."
"Bye." Fujin hung up the phone so harshly that Raijin quickly pulled his head away and looked at the phone in mild shock.
"Where are you goin'?" Seifer asked from his bedroom.
"I'll be back," Raijin answered and then immediately left the room.
"That didn't answer my question," Seifer muttered. "I already know it has to do with Fujin."
~*~*~
As she sat waiting for Raijin at the Quad, Fujin aimlessly picked at a piece of thread on her clothing while watching wispy clouds rolling by in the sky. In her mind, she wasn't sure if she wanted to talk to Raijin at all; she had only wanted to so that she could find out about Seifer without actually asking. She also wanted to know where he stood on everything because as far as she was concerned, he already knew her side of things.
"Hey Fuj," Raijin greeted as he sat down on the ledge with Fujin.
"Hey." Fujin didn't bother to face in his direction. Instead she opted to look straight past the Quad and to the surrounding snow capped mountains.
"What's up? Sounded like ya had something serious on your mind, ya know."
Fujin didn't answer right away. Raijin figured that he would let her collect her thoughts instead of pestering her. While he waited, he hummed a song he heard on the radio quietly to himself. As he was getting to the chorus of the song, Fujin finally spoke up.
"I'm just tired."
"Of what...oh never mind. I know what ya mean, ya know. So...what are ya gonna do?"
"I really don't want to be the first one to speak up.but if things continue the way they're going...nothing's ever gonna get solved," she replied finally looking at Raijin.
"Yeah, that's true. Both of ya could go on forever ignoring each other, ya know." After a brief pause, he continued. "He misses ya Fuj. I can see it in his eyes, ya know. He doesn't act the same...kinda like he lost something important to him, ya kn-"
Fujin shook her head vehemently. "That's not true. He seems perfectly fine to me."
"No.remember when we first left Garden for Esthar? He kept saying how weird it was for you to ignore him, ya know. Kinda like a part of the family is missing, ya know?"
"That's all I am to him then. Just family," Fujin answered quietly.
"Well..."
"I know what it is!" Fujin suddenly shouted as she stood to her feet. "It's because of THIS!" She tore off her eye patch to reveal an unsightly scar that ran diagonally down where her eye used to be. "He wants a normal, soft looking and beautiful girl. Not me. I'm hardly any of those things."
"That's not true, ya know!" Raijin exclaimed in frustration. He hated it when she started to put herself down because of her injury. "He cares about ya...more than ya think! I live with the guy; ya think I wouldn't know? I know I'm not the sharpest tack, but it's hard to NOT notice that, ya know."
"Whatever, he's just full of shit! Does he think he can do this to me? I'm so fucking tired of his games! If he wants to play 'em then he can do it with someone else!" Fujin roared. "You know what, fuck it. Fuck him, fuck whatever we had, fuck everything! I don't care if I never speak to him again! He could burn in hell for all I care!"
"...Fujin. I thought ya wanted to talk things through with him-"
Fujin exploded with fury. "WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?!"
"Hey, ya don't haveta yell at me," Raijin protested quietly.
"Sorry," she apologized flatly. Fujin realized that she needed to get her blood pressure back to normal as well as her heart rate, but at the same time she wanted to tear Seifer apart with her bare hands. She slowly took a seat back on the wall and buried her face in her hands. "Why? Why does he have to be that way?"
"I don't know Fuj. I don't know," Raijin answered sadly. "Both of ya really need to talk though, ya know."
"I know, but-"
"No buts."
Fujin sighed agitatedly. "I don't even want to look at him-"
"Be the better person and speak up first. That's all I can say, ya know."
Fujin turned and looked at Raijin curiously. "How did YOU get to be so profound anyway?" she asked accusingly.
"Er, well actually, it's something that Instructor Nomura said all the time for some reason. It just seemed like the best time to say it, ya know?" he answered sheepishly as he scratched his head.
A trace of a smile appeared on Fujin's lips as she shook her head. In his own way, Raijin had a way of making sense and at the same time being idiotic.
"Thanks for the, um...talk," Fujin said awkwardly.
"Sure." Raijin suddenly reached for his sister and pulled her into a smothering bear hug. "Glad I could help, ya know!"
"RAIJIN." That tone of voice was all that it took for him to release her.
"Uh, right. Sorry, ya know."
Fujin nodded and leaned back on the ledge watching the clouds once more. She needed to get what she wanted to say to Seifer together in her mind first before she actually confronted him. The thought of actually having to face him caused her to sigh inwardly. 'Great...'
~*~*~
"Seifer, come on. This has gone on too long, ya know. Ya haveta say something," Raijin explained to an uninterested Seifer.
"Please. If she has something she wants to say, then she can come to me. Simple as that," Seifer answered coolly as he polished his gunblade.
"What did she say to ya anyway? It couldn't have been THAT bad, ya know."
Seifer slowly put his gunblade down. "Oh yeah? She actually accused me of being more interested in 'normal' girls than her."
"Eh, she wouldn't be completely wrong, ya know," Raijin pointed out cautiously.
"Oh and what the hell is that supposed to mean? No, don't tell me, you already sided with her, huh? I KNOW you had a little 'talk' with her and you actually believe everything she tells you, huh? Yeah, well save the bullshit for some other asshole!"
"You don't actually help things ya know, ya make comments about other girls or ya stare at 'em while you're with her...don't ya think she would be pissed at that?" Raijin demanded, outstretching his arms.
Seifer threw his gunblade on his bed and rose to his feet quickly. "It's harmless so I don't know why she even gets that way; it's not like I'm gonna get up and walk away with the girl!"
"Ya just don't get it do ya?" Raijin laughed bitterly. "Well it doesn't take a genius to see that it hurts her when ya act that way! Even I noticed that and you're always saying how dumb I am! I guess I'm not all that dumb, huh?"
"Apparently not since you have SO much to say!"
"Ya know what ya need to do? Ya need to swallow that pride and for once in your life, stop acting like an ass! It's taking its toll on my sister and it's doing it to me!" Raijin hollered and stormed out of Seifer's room going into his own and slamming the door.
Seifer flopped angrily onto his bed knowing that Raijin was right. "I hate to admit it, but the big guy is right," he muttered. "Shit!" He heaved one of his schoolbook out of his room and into the kitchenette where it crashed into a cabinet.
'I really fucked up this time...' Seifer decided that enough was enough and that for once in his life he needed to do something right.
~*~*~
Students nervously chatted in the halls waiting for the announcement of the results of the SeeD exam. Their patience paid off as Headmaster Cid finally came over the loudspeaker. A pleasant chime announced his presence.
"May I have your attention please? Would the following students please report to my office for their diplomas: Rinoa Heartilly, Jonathan Measley, Fujin Kazeno, Samantha Birch, Oliver Walker, Raijin...uh, just Raijin, T.J. Howland, Isazu Tanaka, Wendy Harrington and Seifer Almasy. These are all the graduates. Please congratulate your classmates."
There was a brief pause and then Squall came over the loudspeaker. He still wasn't used to using that thing. "Uh, yeah, good job to the graduates...um yeah. It was a difficult test and you all came out on top, which is good." Squall cleared his throat loudly and laughter was heard in the background as he handed the microphone back to Cid.
"Hahahaha, great speech Squall! My message to those who didn't pass is a little nicer than Xu's. To those who didn't make it, study harder, remember to keep your head up and believe in yourselves. Don't let a bad attitude defeat you. That is all."
At the time of the announcement, Fujin was in her room brooding. Once she heard her name being announced, she suddenly snapped out of her dark thoughts.
"It's about time I became a SeeD," she mumbled to herself. Ordinarily she would've been happier, but considering the circumstances...it would've been better if the whole posse could celebrate together.
"I'd better get going..."
In the boys' block of the residential area, Seifer and Raijin reacted to the news in a much more jovial matter.
"Woooooo! We made it Raijin!" Seifer cried jubilantly as he grabbed Raijin by his shoulders roughly.
"Sure did boss! The whole posse made it, ya know!"
"Come on man, our diplomas are waiting for us," Seifer said arrogantly as he strode towards the door.
"Right behind ya boss!"
Seifer suddenly stopped in his tracks. "So Fujin made it, huh? Fujin." He was filled with relief that she finally became a SeeD. After she lost her eye in a mission a couple of years ago, Fujin was edgy about taking the field test and actually passing it.
"Eh, Seifer, are ya comin'?"
Seifer snapped out of his reverie. "Uh, yeah, let's go."
~*~*~
The small group of graduates anxiously gathered in Headmaster Cid's office. Most resorted to aimlessly looking around the room while they waited for Cid to show up. The students had formed a neat single file line and stood as rigidly as possible. Finally, the headmaster entered the room with their diplomas followed by Xu and Squall.
"At ease." The students took on a more relaxed stance and Cid continued speaking. As he handed out the diplomas, Cid paused at each student and either said words of encouragement or praise. After he finished with his personal speeches he took his place in front of the group and started a more general speech.
"As you all know, the position of a senior SeeD is extremely important. I would like all of you to do your absolute best in upholding the honor and prestige of this title. Remember, as senior SeeDs you no longer have the ordinary responsibilities of a regular student. You may be faced with different responsibilities such as teaching a class, completing flight hours and other special training."
"Excuse me," Isazu politely interrupted, "does this mean that we should all know how to fly the Ragnarok?"
"That is correct." Several "cools" and "yeahs" floated around the room until Cid continued. "The Ragnarok is fairly new technology to the Garden so it is expected that you all know how to operate it. Well then, I believe that is all I wanted to say to you-"
"Don't forget to tell have Squall tell them the bonuses of being a SeeD, sir," Xu cut in.
"Oh right. Squall, why don't you tell them?" Cid asked
'Why me?' Squall wondered, scratching his head. "What? Okay.um, you all get to have single dormitories. Actually, the Garden decided that all SeeDs should get small apartments instead of dormitories. You new room assignments are included with your diplomas. You have three days to move your stuff into your new apartments."
"Hey cool!" "Sweet!" "That's great!"
"Yeah, so um...yeah. That's it," Squall fumbled.
"Wow...you're great at describing things Squall. Really 'informative'," Rinoa remarked sarcastically, laying a hand on his shoulder.
"Whatever."
"Whatever. Ha, I knew you were gonna say that!"
Some students filed out of the room after exchanging goodbye's with Cid, Squall and Xu. The others chose to stay behind and talk excitedly about the possibilities that being a SeeD would bring. Meanwhile, Fujin quietly slipped out of the Headmaster's office and began walking to the elevator.
"Fujin, wait up!" She turned to Seifer running towards her.
"What do you want?" Fujin snarled folding her arms.
"I don't know why you're so mad; I have every right to be pissed too." Fujin pivoted and bolted toward the elevator. Before she could get very far, Seifer grabbed her small, pale wrist and pulled her back toward him. "Look, just hear me out and stop being so difficult."
Fujin jerked out of his grasp and regarded him incredulously. "I'm the one making things difficult? ME? Oh, so then I guess you were the more reasonable one, huh? If I'm not mistaken, I believe that you're the one who can't accept me the way that I am! Don't you think that makes things more difficult for me? Oh wait, I'm sorry, you're too busy thinking about yourself!"
Seifer started to say something in his defense, but thought better of it. "Fine. FINE. You're right."
Fujin furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "What?"
"I said you're right. Raijin talked to me about this and I've been doing a lot of thinking...and I made some stupid decisions. Hell, I even agreed to let that Madison girl go to the dance with me-"
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Fujin roared. "How could you? You know I hate her.you know, this is just what I meant..." She chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully and then continued. "You were pretty quick to replace me...it was no trouble at all for you, was it?" Fujin's voice trembled slightly as she spoke. "You just couldn't WAIT. I knew it..."
"It-it's not what you think, Fujin."
"No? Then what is it then? What is it dammit?!"
Seifer shamefully looked down at his feet. "I don't know," he answered quietly. "I don't know what I was thinking. Look, we weren't talking or anything and all I could think about was-"
"All you could think about was if you had a date to the dance? That's all you could think about?" Fujin demanded shrilly.
"No! I did it to spite you 'cause I didn't think we'd be talking now...and I'll admit that it wasn't smart, but how would you feel if you were in my shoes?"
"Why should I care about how you feel? Did you care about me? I don't think so," Fujin answered in a dangerous tone.
Seifer sighed in aggravation; he was at a loss as to how he could remedy this situation. 'Raijin told me to talk to her, but this just isn't working...what the fuck am I supposed to do?'
A long and uneasy silence fell between the two. Fujin could only manage to glare at Seifer while he focused his gaze on the floor. Neither one of them chose to speak and they continued to remain in the uncomfortable silence.
For once in his life, Seifer decided to be the better person and speak up. "Fujin."
Silence.
"Look, I don't know what else to say, but.I'm sorry. I know it's not enough, but there isn't much else I can do..."
"You've done enough," Fujin replied coldly.
Seifer flinched slightly. "Point. Fujin...can't we at least start over?"
"Start over? What do you think this is, a game? Oh wait, it must've been 'cause you like playing games-"
Seifer's hand flew up to shush her. "Fujin! All right! I get your point, okay?! Stop trying to make me feel even more guilty! I mean, what else do you want me to do, get down on my knees and beg? Well, I'm not."
Fujin cocked her head to the side. "Why would you do that?" she asked airily, "You're nothing but a prideful son of a bitch anyway!"
"Why did I even bother trying to talk things out with you?" Seifer sighed agitatedly.
"Don't get mad because this isn't going the way you wanted it to!" A nagging thought suddenly occurred to Fujin. 'I'm the one that wanted to talk to him so badly and here I am nearly screwing things up! Enough is enough...'
"Seifer," Fujin sighed wearily, "I know how hard it is to admit you're wrong so I'm not gonna give you a hard time about it anymore...let's just forget everything. It's probably easier this way."
"What do you mean by that?" Seifer asked slowly.
"I mean, let's just let go of whatever we had and just forget it. It's not gonna work."
"So...you're saying it's over...just like that?"
"Well, what else is there to hang on to...?" Fujin's voice trailed off
Seifer took one of Fujin's hands into his. "Don't give up on me yet, Fuj.please. I know I fucked up big time.but I want to try again. If we're gonna give up, let's at least be sure we won't have any regrets."
"I don't know Seifer...I mean, how do I know you won't hurt me?"
"I can't make any promises Fuj, but at least I can try. Can't you just accept that?"
Fujin simply stared at Seifer's chest since that she was nearly a foot shorter than him. 'I don't want to be hurt again.I don't think I could take it.'
After all he's done to you, you shouldn't, Fujin's inner voice chided.
'What?'
Why should you give him another opportunity to hurt you again? Do you think you deserve that?
'No...I'm not listening to you this time. I'm going to do what I think is right.'
Fine. Screw up again if you want, but don't say I didn't tell you so.
'Shut up...'
You're gonna blow it again...
"Seifer," Fujin started weakly, "you win."
"Huh?"
"You can try...one more time. Just this once."
Seifer nodded slowly. "Okay...I'll try not to let you down this time. I can promise you that."
I'm tired so I think I'm gonna end it there. I think this chapter sucks sooooo bad; it could've been better. I'm tired of them being on the outs so let's get some saifuu action back! Till next update!