No One Knows Like I Do
Chapter 18 - Understanding
Fujin's thoughts made it difficult to peacefully sleep. Angrily, she kicked off her sheets and sat up in a huff. Glancing at the time, she was disappointed to see it was only a little after midnight.
"I'm never gonna get any sleep at this rate," she muttered angrily. She rose and walked down the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. To her surprise, a faint light was already coming from the kitchen. Sitting at the table was none other than Seifer wearing a troubled look on his face.
"Hey," Fujin greeted groggily from the doorway. "Can't sleep either?"
"Nah." Seifer stared at the pine table while he spoke.
"What's wrong?" Fujin asked as she retrieved a glass from the cabinet. "Thoughts keeping you up too?" She frowned when she didn't find any soda in the fridge. Even though the townhouses included a well-stocked fridge in the package, for some reason there was absolutely no soda. Instead she settled for a glass of water.
"Guess you can say that," Seifer replied curtly still searching for something in the table.
Fujin peered at Seifer through her raised glass with an eyebrow raised. "Wanna talk about it? I'm here for you Seifer."
"I don't feel like talking about it down here. Let's go to your room. More comfortable," Seifer muttered.
Fujin simply nodded while finishing her drink, set her glass down in the sink and headed upstairs. Once they arrived to her room, Fujin settled herself on her bed while Seifer opted to sit on the floor.
Fujin would never prod Seifer into talking; she would just wait until he was ready to speak even if it did take him awhile. She patiently waited while Seifer sorted his thoughts.
"Fujin...," he started, "Remember what we talked about at the dance? About you and Raijin being loyal to me. I started thinking about the past...and even though I act like I don't regret anything, truth is I *do*. It would've never happened in the first place if Squall wasn't such an asshole!" Seifer pounded the floor angrily.
Fujin raised an eyebrow in protest. "You honestly believe that?"
"Hell yeah! I wouldn't have tried so hard to prove myself if Squall hadn't been such the perfect hero," Seifer remarked sarcastically. "Squall's always been everyone's favorite. And to top that off, even Rinoa left me for Squall! See that? He just takes everything away from me! I do my best and who gets the kudos? Squall every time!"
Fujin sighed wearily as she stretched out on her stomach to get a better look at Seifer. "So everything you did is Squall's fault?"
"You got that right!"
"Whatever Seifer," Fujin snorted derisively. "You can't keep blaming Squall for *your* shortcomings. I thought you had finally stopped thinking like that." She shook her head pitifully. "I'm sorry to say it, but that's just *sad*."
Seifer whipped around to glare at Fujin. "What do you know about it? Did you ever have to prove yourself to everybody? Were you the one in Squall's shadow? I don't think so!"
"No I wasn't in *Squall's* shadow, but try the countless girls *you* flaunted in front of me! How do you think that made *me* feel?!" Fujin held up a hand as if to stop Seifer from talking. "Oh wait, never mind that! It was all about you...as it had always been and still is!"
Fujin looked at Seifer and to her surprise, he didn't look like he was going to fight her back. She knew what that meant...he was mentally beating himself. She got up from her position on her bed and slid down next to Seifer without making eye contact.
"Seifer...you need to let go of all that now. Instead of trying to be better than Squall, you should just be yourself. I know it's the oldest advice and you're sick of hearing it, but it's the truth."
Seifer raked a hand through his cropped hair sighing irritably. "Why...why Fujin? Nothing I do is good enough. And the people who 'respect' me are ass kissers. I just can't win-"
"I respect you," Fujin said quietly. She faced him and gazed into his eyes. "Stop living in the past and go in the only direction you can...forward. It's not good to dwell in it forever..." She unconsciously reached for her eye patch and touched it lightly. Noticing the gesture, Seifer took her hand away and kissed the back of it lightly.
"Don't do that Fuu...even though I didn't do anything to help you feel better about your eye, I can try now."
Fujin shook her head slightly. "That's okay...I'm trying to get over it. I only go forward, right?" she replied with a sad smile. Seifer thought she looked so small and vulnerable compared to the hard edge she usually possessed, thus he felt a need to protect her from her feelings somehow. He put a comforting arm around her shoulder and she responded by resting her head on his shoulder.
"So is that what you were thinking about that day in the cafeteria?" Seifer asked breaking the silence.
"Hmm."
"Didn't I tell you before? You're fine just the way you are."
Fujin merely grunted in response.
"It's true." He slowly moved so that Fujin would have to raise her head. Then he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a standing position.
"What...?"
"Come on Fuu. I wanna show you something."
He led her down the hall and into the small bathroom closing the door behind them. He gently pushed her towards the mirror above the sink standing behind her.
"Honestly, what do you see?"
Fujin peered into the mirror before looking down at the sink. "Why?" She tried to avoid mirrors altogether, especially if they made it to where your upper body was only visible. She didn't want a reminder to what she called a horror. "Honestly?"
"Yeah."
Fujin sighed wearily before answering. Suddenly she snatched off her eye patch revealing an unattractive scar than ran diagonally across where her left eye used to be. "This hideous scar! That's all others see...an albino one-eyed freak! And that's all I see too," she spat angrily.
Seifer laid a firm hand on her shoulder while looking at her through the mirror. "Weren't you the one telling me to let go of what others think of me Fujin? You gotta do it too..."
Fujin stared at her reflection intensely as if she was purging herself of any negative thoughts. "I'll try," she finally answered. "That's all I can do."
Seifer nodded and turned to open the door. Even though he didn't realize it until fairly recently, he thought that Fujin was a beautiful person inside and out. 'She would have to be,' he thought 'there ain't that many that would stick with you even when you do the stupidest thing. I took me awhile to see it, but I did. I just wish she could see it too.' He started towards his room almost sadly. He hated to see someone he loved so much in that much pain. 'Funny...I never felt that way about Rinoa. I *thought* I loved her, but I didn't. Probably don't even know what love is anyhow.'
Fujin followed Seifer out of the bathroom and headed towards her bedroom. Noticing that Seifer was trudging toward his room, she stopped walking and turned around. "Hey..."
"What?"
Fujin began walking toward her room gesturing him to follow. Seifer followed behind her cautiously wondering why she wanted him in her room again.
Fujin perched herself on her bed crossing her legs Indian style and nodded to the spot next to her. Still confused, Seifer flopped down beside her with a strange look on his face.
Fujin made a screwed up face. "Would you get that look off your face? I just wanna talk to you. We were talking before, remember?"
Seifer smirked scratching the back of his head. "Right. So what's up?"
"What were you thinking about?"
"Huh? Oh, it's no big deal."
"Then you shouldn't have a problem telling me."
Seifer shifted uncomfortably. "Well then it's a big deal."
"I think you should tell me."
"I don't think so."
"How's that fair?"
"Life's not fair."
An evil grin slowly crept across her face making her look like the Cheshire cat. "I think you should tell me."
Seifer inched away from Fujin because of that 'look'. He knew what time it was. "I'm going back to my room. Night Fuu!"
"NEGATIVE!" Before he could blink, Fujin attempted to put him in a headlock, but he scrambled out of the way. Seifer ran towards the door, but his effort was useless since Fujin tackled him by his legs causing them both to tumble onto the floor.
"Are you outta your mind?! You probably woke up Raijin!" he exclaimed incredulously as he tried to wrestle out of his grip.
"Yeah, sure. Raijin could sleep through the next Sorceress War," she answered still clutching onto his legs tightly.
Seifer attempted to sit up which caused him to drag the smaller woman as he pulled his legs into a sitting position. "You gonna let go?"
"NEGATIVE."
"Why'd you say it like that?"
"What time is it?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"Oh, it's after 1:00."
"Why do you keep changing the subject?"
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"Fujin!"
"What?"
"My legs are falling asleep! Let go!"
"Why?" she chuckled.
"What's gotten into you all of a sudden? You're acting like Rinoa or that Tilmitt girl!"
Fujin released his legs and let out an exaggerated yawn. "I'm tired."
"Seriously."
"Yeah." Fujin looked up at Seifer as if she was studying his features. "I just wanted to make you laugh..." Satisfied that the anguished look that he wore on his face prior to her attack vanished, she continued. "You still didn't tell me what you were thinking about."
"You," he answered quickly.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Then why'd you look like something was bothering you?"
Seifer turned his head away. 'How can I love you when I don't even know what it is?' he wondered. 'How do I tell that to her?"
"Seifer?"
"Can't put it into words. Listen; don't worry about it right now. I'll tell you when I get it all together."
Fujin simply shrugged. "Fine. Have it your way." She picked herself up off the floor and plopped down on the bed face down.
Seifer stood and walked toward the bed sitting down next to her. "You mad?"
"No."
"You don't act like it."
Fujin turned over on her side and glared at Seifer. "I don't understand it...why won't you tell me? I know you don't have to 'get it all together', you're just being a coward."
"I'm not being a coward," Seifer sneered. He *hated* being called a coward.
"Yes you are. Remember me, I'm Fujin. I *know* you Seifer...better than anyone else does." She turned onto her back staring at the ceiling. "I get it..."
"Get what?"
"We're both learning Seifer."
Seifer was slightly confused about how she knew about his inner struggle with his feelings.
"You told me you loved me with all that confidence before. Why second guess yourself unless you didn't really mean it?" Fujin asked as if it were that simple. "Did you mean it then?"
"I don't say things I don't mean."
"All right then." Fujin propped herself up on her elbow. "Do you think that there's anyone who has all the answers about love? Nobody knows. So whatever you feel, just go with it."
"That simple, eh?"
"Maybe not, but it should be. I can see it that way, but actually doing it...that's another story." Fujin yawned quietly and closed her eye.
"Fuck, you got that right." Seifer rose to his feet. "I'm gonna get some rest. 'Night Fuu." Before he could take another step forward, Fujin gently tugged on his pajama pant leg.
"You don't have to go," she said sleepily as Seifer settled back down.
"You sure...?" Seifer mildly wondered if her sleepiness was affecting her judgment.
"Of course I'm sure. No one's forcing you though," she answered turning on her side with her back to Seifer.
Seifer sighed and climbed onto the bed next to her. He positioned himself as far away as possible, resulting in him being on the edge of the bed. He faced away from Fujin staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to him.
'It doesn't seem like I'm really sleeping with her since neither one of us are under the covers and I don't wanna seem like I'm taking advantage of her by *implying* that I want to sleep with her 'cause who knows how much trouble I'd get into and if we were both under the covers it looks more suspect than sleeping on top...' Seifer rambled on in his mind. He wanted to use extra caution with Fujin since he wasn't like any of the other girls he had been with. 'Last time I think I moved too fast and I probably scared her or some shit like that and I ain't gonna make that mistake again.'
By this time Fujin was facing Seifer looking at his back knowing that he was nowhere near sleep yet. "What's wrong?"
Seifer turned around slightly startled by her voice since he was in deep thought. "Don't worry about it."
Fujin raised her eyebrow immediately registering the tone of his voice. "It's not like we're gonna have sex Seifer. We're just sharing a bed...a bed doesn't always have to mean something sexual; it's a place to sleep too." She chuckled slightly. "Wow Seifer, you completely lose your cool around me. You're definitely *not* yourself."
Her remark got a laugh out of Seifer. "Don't worry Fuj, I'm just making sure I don't make *you* uncomfortable. You know I got more experience between the two of us."
"I trust you Seifer." She turned away from Seifer once more. "If you ever *did* try something, you know who you'll have to answer to," she added in a malicious tone.
"Yeah yeah." Feeling comfortable enough, Seifer inched his way toward Fujin to the point where there was a significant amount of distance between them, but he still wasn't in her personal space. He still preferred to face away from her.
Fujin sighed mentally. 'I appreciate that he's trying to move slowly with me, but he doesn't have to move *that* slow. He doesn't have to be *that* afraid of sleeping next to me...' She also thought of the times before she, Seifer and Raijin returned to Garden, they slept in those low rate hotels and inns. Most of the time, they had enough to get rooms with three beds, but there were the rare occasions when Seifer and Fujin were forced to share a bed since Raijin was too big to share a bed with anyone. Secretly, she liked sharing a bed with Seifer since it meant being close to someone she really cared about and be able to lull herself to sleep with the warmth of his body. Ashamedly, she admitted to herself that she craved that warmth again.
Fujin mentally kicked herself for not doing anything sooner. 'The only way he's gonna know how to handle you is if you show him.' Working up all the courage she could muster, she inched her way toward Seifer and wrapped her arm around his waist.
Surprised by the gestured, Seifer turned his head to find the smaller woman curled up next to him. "Fu-"
"Don't," she simply said. The last thing she wanted was for him to question her. How could she explain why she craved to be next to him? She was trying to follow her own advice and go with her feelings; questioning her would only make her think about what she was doing and the moment would be lost.
With silent understanding, Seifer settled himself and watched Fujin sleep. Noting the peace in which she rested, Seifer made a mental note to himself. He wanted to try to make sure that he didn't add to her restlessness any more than he already had.
'Hyne knows I ain't perfect...but if I wanna do this right. I can't hurt her anymore.'
Seifer's thoughts of redemption found their way into his restless sleep.
Chapter 18 - Understanding
Fujin's thoughts made it difficult to peacefully sleep. Angrily, she kicked off her sheets and sat up in a huff. Glancing at the time, she was disappointed to see it was only a little after midnight.
"I'm never gonna get any sleep at this rate," she muttered angrily. She rose and walked down the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. To her surprise, a faint light was already coming from the kitchen. Sitting at the table was none other than Seifer wearing a troubled look on his face.
"Hey," Fujin greeted groggily from the doorway. "Can't sleep either?"
"Nah." Seifer stared at the pine table while he spoke.
"What's wrong?" Fujin asked as she retrieved a glass from the cabinet. "Thoughts keeping you up too?" She frowned when she didn't find any soda in the fridge. Even though the townhouses included a well-stocked fridge in the package, for some reason there was absolutely no soda. Instead she settled for a glass of water.
"Guess you can say that," Seifer replied curtly still searching for something in the table.
Fujin peered at Seifer through her raised glass with an eyebrow raised. "Wanna talk about it? I'm here for you Seifer."
"I don't feel like talking about it down here. Let's go to your room. More comfortable," Seifer muttered.
Fujin simply nodded while finishing her drink, set her glass down in the sink and headed upstairs. Once they arrived to her room, Fujin settled herself on her bed while Seifer opted to sit on the floor.
Fujin would never prod Seifer into talking; she would just wait until he was ready to speak even if it did take him awhile. She patiently waited while Seifer sorted his thoughts.
"Fujin...," he started, "Remember what we talked about at the dance? About you and Raijin being loyal to me. I started thinking about the past...and even though I act like I don't regret anything, truth is I *do*. It would've never happened in the first place if Squall wasn't such an asshole!" Seifer pounded the floor angrily.
Fujin raised an eyebrow in protest. "You honestly believe that?"
"Hell yeah! I wouldn't have tried so hard to prove myself if Squall hadn't been such the perfect hero," Seifer remarked sarcastically. "Squall's always been everyone's favorite. And to top that off, even Rinoa left me for Squall! See that? He just takes everything away from me! I do my best and who gets the kudos? Squall every time!"
Fujin sighed wearily as she stretched out on her stomach to get a better look at Seifer. "So everything you did is Squall's fault?"
"You got that right!"
"Whatever Seifer," Fujin snorted derisively. "You can't keep blaming Squall for *your* shortcomings. I thought you had finally stopped thinking like that." She shook her head pitifully. "I'm sorry to say it, but that's just *sad*."
Seifer whipped around to glare at Fujin. "What do you know about it? Did you ever have to prove yourself to everybody? Were you the one in Squall's shadow? I don't think so!"
"No I wasn't in *Squall's* shadow, but try the countless girls *you* flaunted in front of me! How do you think that made *me* feel?!" Fujin held up a hand as if to stop Seifer from talking. "Oh wait, never mind that! It was all about you...as it had always been and still is!"
Fujin looked at Seifer and to her surprise, he didn't look like he was going to fight her back. She knew what that meant...he was mentally beating himself. She got up from her position on her bed and slid down next to Seifer without making eye contact.
"Seifer...you need to let go of all that now. Instead of trying to be better than Squall, you should just be yourself. I know it's the oldest advice and you're sick of hearing it, but it's the truth."
Seifer raked a hand through his cropped hair sighing irritably. "Why...why Fujin? Nothing I do is good enough. And the people who 'respect' me are ass kissers. I just can't win-"
"I respect you," Fujin said quietly. She faced him and gazed into his eyes. "Stop living in the past and go in the only direction you can...forward. It's not good to dwell in it forever..." She unconsciously reached for her eye patch and touched it lightly. Noticing the gesture, Seifer took her hand away and kissed the back of it lightly.
"Don't do that Fuu...even though I didn't do anything to help you feel better about your eye, I can try now."
Fujin shook her head slightly. "That's okay...I'm trying to get over it. I only go forward, right?" she replied with a sad smile. Seifer thought she looked so small and vulnerable compared to the hard edge she usually possessed, thus he felt a need to protect her from her feelings somehow. He put a comforting arm around her shoulder and she responded by resting her head on his shoulder.
"So is that what you were thinking about that day in the cafeteria?" Seifer asked breaking the silence.
"Hmm."
"Didn't I tell you before? You're fine just the way you are."
Fujin merely grunted in response.
"It's true." He slowly moved so that Fujin would have to raise her head. Then he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into a standing position.
"What...?"
"Come on Fuu. I wanna show you something."
He led her down the hall and into the small bathroom closing the door behind them. He gently pushed her towards the mirror above the sink standing behind her.
"Honestly, what do you see?"
Fujin peered into the mirror before looking down at the sink. "Why?" She tried to avoid mirrors altogether, especially if they made it to where your upper body was only visible. She didn't want a reminder to what she called a horror. "Honestly?"
"Yeah."
Fujin sighed wearily before answering. Suddenly she snatched off her eye patch revealing an unattractive scar than ran diagonally across where her left eye used to be. "This hideous scar! That's all others see...an albino one-eyed freak! And that's all I see too," she spat angrily.
Seifer laid a firm hand on her shoulder while looking at her through the mirror. "Weren't you the one telling me to let go of what others think of me Fujin? You gotta do it too..."
Fujin stared at her reflection intensely as if she was purging herself of any negative thoughts. "I'll try," she finally answered. "That's all I can do."
Seifer nodded and turned to open the door. Even though he didn't realize it until fairly recently, he thought that Fujin was a beautiful person inside and out. 'She would have to be,' he thought 'there ain't that many that would stick with you even when you do the stupidest thing. I took me awhile to see it, but I did. I just wish she could see it too.' He started towards his room almost sadly. He hated to see someone he loved so much in that much pain. 'Funny...I never felt that way about Rinoa. I *thought* I loved her, but I didn't. Probably don't even know what love is anyhow.'
Fujin followed Seifer out of the bathroom and headed towards her bedroom. Noticing that Seifer was trudging toward his room, she stopped walking and turned around. "Hey..."
"What?"
Fujin began walking toward her room gesturing him to follow. Seifer followed behind her cautiously wondering why she wanted him in her room again.
Fujin perched herself on her bed crossing her legs Indian style and nodded to the spot next to her. Still confused, Seifer flopped down beside her with a strange look on his face.
Fujin made a screwed up face. "Would you get that look off your face? I just wanna talk to you. We were talking before, remember?"
Seifer smirked scratching the back of his head. "Right. So what's up?"
"What were you thinking about?"
"Huh? Oh, it's no big deal."
"Then you shouldn't have a problem telling me."
Seifer shifted uncomfortably. "Well then it's a big deal."
"I think you should tell me."
"I don't think so."
"How's that fair?"
"Life's not fair."
An evil grin slowly crept across her face making her look like the Cheshire cat. "I think you should tell me."
Seifer inched away from Fujin because of that 'look'. He knew what time it was. "I'm going back to my room. Night Fuu!"
"NEGATIVE!" Before he could blink, Fujin attempted to put him in a headlock, but he scrambled out of the way. Seifer ran towards the door, but his effort was useless since Fujin tackled him by his legs causing them both to tumble onto the floor.
"Are you outta your mind?! You probably woke up Raijin!" he exclaimed incredulously as he tried to wrestle out of his grip.
"Yeah, sure. Raijin could sleep through the next Sorceress War," she answered still clutching onto his legs tightly.
Seifer attempted to sit up which caused him to drag the smaller woman as he pulled his legs into a sitting position. "You gonna let go?"
"NEGATIVE."
"Why'd you say it like that?"
"What time is it?"
"You didn't answer my question."
"Oh, it's after 1:00."
"Why do you keep changing the subject?"
"I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"Fujin!"
"What?"
"My legs are falling asleep! Let go!"
"Why?" she chuckled.
"What's gotten into you all of a sudden? You're acting like Rinoa or that Tilmitt girl!"
Fujin released his legs and let out an exaggerated yawn. "I'm tired."
"Seriously."
"Yeah." Fujin looked up at Seifer as if she was studying his features. "I just wanted to make you laugh..." Satisfied that the anguished look that he wore on his face prior to her attack vanished, she continued. "You still didn't tell me what you were thinking about."
"You," he answered quickly.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Then why'd you look like something was bothering you?"
Seifer turned his head away. 'How can I love you when I don't even know what it is?' he wondered. 'How do I tell that to her?"
"Seifer?"
"Can't put it into words. Listen; don't worry about it right now. I'll tell you when I get it all together."
Fujin simply shrugged. "Fine. Have it your way." She picked herself up off the floor and plopped down on the bed face down.
Seifer stood and walked toward the bed sitting down next to her. "You mad?"
"No."
"You don't act like it."
Fujin turned over on her side and glared at Seifer. "I don't understand it...why won't you tell me? I know you don't have to 'get it all together', you're just being a coward."
"I'm not being a coward," Seifer sneered. He *hated* being called a coward.
"Yes you are. Remember me, I'm Fujin. I *know* you Seifer...better than anyone else does." She turned onto her back staring at the ceiling. "I get it..."
"Get what?"
"We're both learning Seifer."
Seifer was slightly confused about how she knew about his inner struggle with his feelings.
"You told me you loved me with all that confidence before. Why second guess yourself unless you didn't really mean it?" Fujin asked as if it were that simple. "Did you mean it then?"
"I don't say things I don't mean."
"All right then." Fujin propped herself up on her elbow. "Do you think that there's anyone who has all the answers about love? Nobody knows. So whatever you feel, just go with it."
"That simple, eh?"
"Maybe not, but it should be. I can see it that way, but actually doing it...that's another story." Fujin yawned quietly and closed her eye.
"Fuck, you got that right." Seifer rose to his feet. "I'm gonna get some rest. 'Night Fuu." Before he could take another step forward, Fujin gently tugged on his pajama pant leg.
"You don't have to go," she said sleepily as Seifer settled back down.
"You sure...?" Seifer mildly wondered if her sleepiness was affecting her judgment.
"Of course I'm sure. No one's forcing you though," she answered turning on her side with her back to Seifer.
Seifer sighed and climbed onto the bed next to her. He positioned himself as far away as possible, resulting in him being on the edge of the bed. He faced away from Fujin staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to him.
'It doesn't seem like I'm really sleeping with her since neither one of us are under the covers and I don't wanna seem like I'm taking advantage of her by *implying* that I want to sleep with her 'cause who knows how much trouble I'd get into and if we were both under the covers it looks more suspect than sleeping on top...' Seifer rambled on in his mind. He wanted to use extra caution with Fujin since he wasn't like any of the other girls he had been with. 'Last time I think I moved too fast and I probably scared her or some shit like that and I ain't gonna make that mistake again.'
By this time Fujin was facing Seifer looking at his back knowing that he was nowhere near sleep yet. "What's wrong?"
Seifer turned around slightly startled by her voice since he was in deep thought. "Don't worry about it."
Fujin raised her eyebrow immediately registering the tone of his voice. "It's not like we're gonna have sex Seifer. We're just sharing a bed...a bed doesn't always have to mean something sexual; it's a place to sleep too." She chuckled slightly. "Wow Seifer, you completely lose your cool around me. You're definitely *not* yourself."
Her remark got a laugh out of Seifer. "Don't worry Fuj, I'm just making sure I don't make *you* uncomfortable. You know I got more experience between the two of us."
"I trust you Seifer." She turned away from Seifer once more. "If you ever *did* try something, you know who you'll have to answer to," she added in a malicious tone.
"Yeah yeah." Feeling comfortable enough, Seifer inched his way toward Fujin to the point where there was a significant amount of distance between them, but he still wasn't in her personal space. He still preferred to face away from her.
Fujin sighed mentally. 'I appreciate that he's trying to move slowly with me, but he doesn't have to move *that* slow. He doesn't have to be *that* afraid of sleeping next to me...' She also thought of the times before she, Seifer and Raijin returned to Garden, they slept in those low rate hotels and inns. Most of the time, they had enough to get rooms with three beds, but there were the rare occasions when Seifer and Fujin were forced to share a bed since Raijin was too big to share a bed with anyone. Secretly, she liked sharing a bed with Seifer since it meant being close to someone she really cared about and be able to lull herself to sleep with the warmth of his body. Ashamedly, she admitted to herself that she craved that warmth again.
Fujin mentally kicked herself for not doing anything sooner. 'The only way he's gonna know how to handle you is if you show him.' Working up all the courage she could muster, she inched her way toward Seifer and wrapped her arm around his waist.
Surprised by the gestured, Seifer turned his head to find the smaller woman curled up next to him. "Fu-"
"Don't," she simply said. The last thing she wanted was for him to question her. How could she explain why she craved to be next to him? She was trying to follow her own advice and go with her feelings; questioning her would only make her think about what she was doing and the moment would be lost.
With silent understanding, Seifer settled himself and watched Fujin sleep. Noting the peace in which she rested, Seifer made a mental note to himself. He wanted to try to make sure that he didn't add to her restlessness any more than he already had.
'Hyne knows I ain't perfect...but if I wanna do this right. I can't hurt her anymore.'
Seifer's thoughts of redemption found their way into his restless sleep.